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Dec 17, 2009

Rachel rated it:

I dare you to read this book and not be changed. There were a few points I disagreed with- such as his unique views on abuser/abused forgiveness. However, that is a small flaw in a very insightful book.

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Jan 30, 2008

Megan rated it:

For me, this book was fantastic, perhaps even life changing. It's a psychological discussion based on LDS principles, and it really does show a way to improve relationships in all circumstances. The basic premise of the book is that WE are usually the source of any problem situation we're having with people, because we choose to take offense or hold a grudge. Warner postulates that when we betray our inner sense of right and wrong, our compass is then mixed up, and sometimes we think we're doing More...

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Nov 07, 2011

Analisa rated it:

I completely agree with the things shared in this book. I want to teach it to my children. The bottom line is that we are responsible for our happiness and our relationships. The first half gives examples of problems in relationships and the second half tells what those people did and what we can do to help our relationships.

Some of my favorite quotes (I typed up almost two pages of them!):

• We should be warned that the adage, “Let your conscience be your guide!” is sound More...

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Jun 29, 2011

Alan is currently reading it

Authored by the same man who founded the Arbinger Institute, the pages are drenched with emotionally wrenching truths. In his words, you find lenses that slowly correct the our distorted view of ourselves, and those around us.

If you intend on getting anything at all from this book, it will first ask you to lay on the table all of your habits, behaviors and perceptions, and re-examine them under a magnifying glass held by the author. Having done so, you will likely find what you see More...

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Mar 25, 2009

Tom the Mesa Engineer rated it:

This is the clinical sibling on the Arbinger shelf that I resolved to read through in 2008. Rather than a fictional story, this was in more traditional self-help format with explanations and case studies, as well as a preface explaining the breakthroughs in the author's development of the material. Those breakthroughs happened as he and his colleagues realized that the problem in their research was themselves. They couldn't discover the solution to the problem they were studying because they More...

1 comment like (1 person liked it)

May 18, 2010

Valerie rated it:

Life Changing Book. I've read it twice and as soon as I get my lent copy back, I'm going to read it again. It's a book that peels the blinders off our eyes so we see our true motivations for what they really are--in order to be better afterward. A bit of a painful read (I'm attached to some of my delusions about myself :) ), but it's been life changing and very rewarding in my relations, familial and friend. Read it!

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Aug 09, 2007

Gina rated it:

The best ever for understanding relationships, your feelings, how you react to situations, and how you should be treating every person you come in contact with. It has honestly changed me! I never realized just how much I reacted to other people instead of acting on my own.
This book has the potential to make the world a better place if everyone who read this would take it to heart.

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Jul 07, 2008

Julie rated it:

WOW! I'm not much of a self-help book reader, but this is really a life-changing one. I have always been bugged by the "you have to fill your own bucket before you can fill others" concept that is popular today, and this book totally debunks that whole theory. It's a WONDERFUL book on forgiving and seeing things as they really are. Totally recommend it to everyone.

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Mar 17, 2009

Emma rated it:

This book has significantly impacted my interaction with anger, and in taking greater responsibility for myself and the direction my life is taking.

It was truly a transformational experience reading it. It sits in my favourite books category on my shelf. I find that I think on it's principles almost daily.

One of the things I found deficient was the very fuzzy suggestion regarding Jesus Christ in the end pages. I find that the actual processes advocated in the book ar More...

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Mar 28, 2009

Tricia rated it:

Can I give this book six stars? Seven? Hands down, the best self-help book I have ever read. I hate to even put it in the "self-help" category, because it sounds entirely too trite for what this this book is really about. At the very least, I would say it's more like a "how-to" manual for life.
My friend Stephanie gave it to me years ago, and while I started it, I never finished. I just wasn't in a place that I 'got' it. But now I am reading it for the second tim More...

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Mar 06, 2009

Abby rated it:

this book taught me so much about myself and how to be happy. i want to read it again.

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Feb 21, 2010

James rated it:

Why only 2 stars? It was an easy read and worth the time. However, it was not super original. The main point is about "self deception." When you do not get along with another person, you are deceiving yourself [etc...:]. You can feel better if you treat people with love, and others will respond well. The book can be summed up with, forgive others and think of them positively (especially when you are cheezed off or hurt because of them). [Additionally it gives some advice that I More...

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Dec 17, 2009

Shelly rated it:

If you want to change the way you view yourself and others, and discover how the stories you are telling yourself about yourself and others is affecting your life, read this book. I recommend reading a few pages and pondering what it says because it gives you a lot of information in a short space. Its Excellent!

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Aug 27, 2008

Heidi rated it:

This books was awesome! It was a little bit of a slow read but overall it was an awesome tool of changing your perspective and realizing some of the bonds that you put on yourself to keep you from happiness. Just keep reading...it all comes together in the end!

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Feb 17, 2008

Kim rated it:

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here

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Feb 11, 2012

Heather is currently reading it

love love love so far... amazing how we all "self betray" ourselves...I am guilty of being a perfectionist which is exhausting and you never feel satisfied and get overworked and drained, and don't see people for people...It is helping me a TON and now will have work on some of weaknesses and become a better wholesome person and drop the other emotional things I carry in my heart.

Love his style, research, and can't wait to finish.. yeah for library books that force you to r More...

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Aug 01, 2007

Tanya rated it:

this philosphy - - being real - - when put into practice completly changes people... i have witnessed many families who have entered this world of seeing people as people.... and it has changed them.

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Apr 01, 2008

Mehrsa rated it:

I recommend this book to anyone who has ever been in any relationship. It will change the way you view the world, yourself, and every one of your relationships. It's genius.

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Sep 30, 2011

Colleen rated it:

I have to give this book 5 stars for information. The philosophy and ideas presented in the book have the power to help us take a completely different look at our relationships and how we interact with others and find peace within and peace with others. It is a recipe for happiness and can help us even in our most difficult and painful relationships. I think this is a book anyone and everyone should read, parents, siblings, managers, friends. But if I was being really picky I would knock it More...

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Nov 17, 2008

Julie rated it:

I enjoyed this book and learned a lot about myself and how I behave. I didn't give it 5 stars because it was a little hard to read, but worth the effort.

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Apr 04, 2009

Sara rated it:

I read this in a time of turmoil, and I can see from the reviews that it comforted other people, but it really did nothing for me. I didn't connect with it and just thought it was too cerebral when it needed to be more down to earth. The best book I've read for anyone going through any sort of loss - a death, a divorce, a breakup, or anything traumatic - was Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be by Lama Surya Das. It was filled with so much wisdom and I felt as if it spoke to me directly, and More...

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Oct 21, 2007

Heather rated it:

Read this as assigned reading in a college course. It gave me a lot of understanding as far as relationships go. Hightly recomended.

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Feb 14, 2010

travelgirlut rated it:

This book describes so many things about the way I am and how to fix them, I was so glad it was recommended to me. My biggest complaint, though, was while the author has amazing knowledge and insight to share with the world. he buries it so deep in overly wordy sentences and descriptions that I had a hard time digging out those nuggets of knowledge I was looking for. I feel like I missed a lot of what he had to say solely because of the way he said it. I feel I need to reread it to really get More...

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Nov 24, 2008

Wendy rated it:

Reading this again as I see that I have forgotten some of the most important lessons. This is a great book.

2 comments like (1 person liked it)

Jan 01, 2009

Nicole rated it:

This was my first introduction to self-deception and thus a very big wake-up. My personal copy is highlighted throughout--as I have tried to make these truths a part of me.

Honestly, without this book, and others by the Arbinger group, such as 'Leadership and Self-deception' and 'Anatomy of Peace', I would very well be a very good 'Scribe or Pharisee'--"...ye hypocrites..."

This book, and the others taught me how to better live the gospel of Jesus Christ--because More...

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Sep 05, 2007

Kaila rated it:

This book literally opened my eyes and may have even changed my marriage and mothering for the better.

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Feb 25, 2011

Erin rated it:

Very interesting premise - studying how people get in cycles where they end up putting each other on the defensive, and essentially provoke the other person to treat them poorly. Warner argues that you can break this cycle by fixing the way you think about the other person, and by acting on that charitable mindset, they will no longer need to act defensively toward you.

My biggest beef was that Warner peppered the first two thirds of the book with anecdotes where the individual broke More...

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Oct 13, 2008

Susan rated it:

My all-time most life changing self-help book.

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Mar 21, 2007

Stephanie rated it:

A gift I loved from one I loved.

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Apr 06, 2009

Mark rated it:

I first became familiar with Terry Warner's unpublished manuscript, "Bonds of Anguish, Bonds of Love" as a Family Science student at BYU. This manuscript served as the base for this book, and the work of the Arbinger Institute which has published Leadership and Self-Deception, among other books. The principles found is this book have been some of the most useful in my life in terms of understanding and strengthening my own relationships, as well as supporting others in their relationsh More...

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