Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block

Dec 18, 2008 Krystin rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed this book, but I have to get something off my chest - SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT with whoever edited the book. I don't know if it was just the version I had from the library or what, but every time it should have said "matter" (as in, "It didn't help the matter" or "It didn't seem to matter to her") it said "Timer" instead (yes, as in, "It didn't help the Timer" or "It didn't seem to Timer to her"). Unless this is some word that I've never heard in this context, something was up with the...more

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Mar 30, 2012 Ashley E rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

First, let me start off this review with a disclaimer: I am a young, heterosexual female, a virgin, and could be happily described as a "romantic". Take what preconceptions you will from this and go ahead and run with them.

I signed up for this book on First Reads and forgot about, then was greatly surprised when I opened my inbox and discovered I had won. I like to think of myself as an open-minded person, and while I personally believe in monogamy, I can see how an open marriage could be right...more First, let me start off this review with a disclaimer: I am a young, heterosexual female, a virgin, and could be happily described as a "romantic". Take what preconceptions you will from this and go ahead and run with them.

I signed up for this book on First Reads and forgot about, then was greatly surprised when I opened my inbox and discovered I had won. I like to think of myself as an open-minded person, and while I personally believe in monogamy, I can see how an open marriage could be right for some people. I typically like fiction, but this book had sounded interesting and I was curious, so I was determined to give it a fair try. Well, I did. And here's what I think.

I found the memoirs aspect of this book fascinating. Seeing Jenny (and Christopher) grow and develop their relationship into what it is today was an intriguing process, not without hurts, but still with ultimate purpose. Other parts of the book felt... "preachy".

The author is a feminist, and sometimes that comes across too strongly in her descriptions of why sexual freedom is so important. Not that I don't agree with that in general; it's just that some of her points could be made about men just as fairly. The main reason I find myself disliking feminist attitudes in general is that idea exactly. It seems as if sometimes, they point at a problem and say, "It's because she's a woman," without stopping to consider if a man in that situation might have the same or a similar problem. But I digress.

I found myself frustrated while reading this book when it came to Block's views on monogamy. Though she repeatedly says that she thinks it can work for some couples, it doesn't really come across as if she believes it. She makes the point that monogamy is not natural to human (or more accurately, I think, animal) biology. We aren't meant to be monogamous. Though I don't think the author intended this, to me this sounds high-handed of her. Personally I don't think I could function happily in any kind of relationship other than a monogamous one. Partially, yes, this has to do with how I was raised (societal reasons), but also with my personality, attitude toward casual physical touch, and my personal beliefs, which over the last few years have been tried and developed. As someone who believes in monogamy, personally, many of her arguments for open marriage seemed to imply that a "closed" traditional marriage wasn't really viable, and couldn't be open in the sense of honest communication and trust. I was left feeling a little vilified.

For someone interested in learning more about how an open marriage could potentially work for them, and understanding some of the problems they might face, as well as ideas for dealing with them, I think this would be a wonderful book. But it just wasn't for me. I would've enjoyed it a lot more without the philosophy of open vs. traditional marriages that she incorporated.

[I received this book for free through First Reads and was not required to write a positive or any other type of review. All opinions stated herein are solely my own.](less)

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Jun 06, 2008 Paige rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people without boundaries

Shelves: pleasuresneverguilty

Thank you, thank you, thank you Jenny! Unlike another infamous married and questioning Jenny (for all you L Word fans), this Jenny has her head on straight, though her heart may not be so....well....straight. Or narrow. She is a breath of fresh air for anyone who has ever thought, "I really love my partner....but I really want more, more, more!" And it is OK to want more. We are human! We are mammals! We can find love and lust and interest and friendship and desire in so many ways. And through J...more

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Jan 31, 2012 Cortney rated it 1 of 5 stars

I thought this might be an interesting memoir about an alternative lifestyle, maybe one that is funny and/or thought provoking. What I got was pages and pages... and pages and PAGES... of navel gazing pontification about sex and marriage and culture and some weird blame thrown on Disney moves and blah blah blah flimsy feminist arguments sprinkled in for no apparent reason other than to seem academic. There was an intro about her childhood and her parents' marriage that was entirely too long and...more

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Sep 12, 2011 Kater Cheek rated it 3 of 5 stars

Dan Savage had an interesting article the other day about monogamy, speaking out against it, actually, saying (to paraphrase) that insisting on monogamy is basically dooming people to an impossible, unnatural, and not really pleasurable state. Jenny Block has done more than talk the talk, she's walked the walk, and in this memoir, she talks about why she is in an open marriage, how she came to decide that that was the best path to take, and what it's done for her relationship with her husband.

I...more Dan Savage had an interesting article the other day about monogamy, speaking out against it, actually, saying (to paraphrase) that insisting on monogamy is basically dooming people to an impossible, unnatural, and not really pleasurable state. Jenny Block has done more than talk the talk, she's walked the walk, and in this memoir, she talks about why she is in an open marriage, how she came to decide that that was the best path to take, and what it's done for her relationship with her husband.

I have to say, I admire her frank honesty. She manages to make having lovers on the side seem about as freaky as having a side business of selling kitchenware through hostess parties. Block, like many (some could say all) spouses, has a sex drive different from her spouse. In this case, Block wants (she implies it is closer to needs) to have sex much more often than her husband wants to. She also wants to have sex with women on occasion. She, like Savage, believe that being open and honest about your sexual needs is far superior to the adultery-getting caught-getting divorced cycle that most people go through.

Coming from a feminist angle, Block's arguments really hit home. She decries the antifeminist surrender-to-your-man and submit-to-your-slave-like-lot-in-life that was popular in the 1950s and even today in some creepy right-wing circles. There's a lot of restrictive gender-specific baggage that comes with marriage, and most people* would agree that it's not fair that the one with the uterus does all the work and the one with the penis makes all the decisions.

Block also talks about our culture's uneasy relationship with women's sexuality. She touches on the weird madonna-whore complex of the whole bride thing. A virgin before she's married, and then a sex kitten afterwards, but not too much, and only at the right times. For example, she talked about a man who married a girl from the "marrying" sorority (as opposed to the "dating" sorority), who was very virginal and not terribly passionate. After he married her, he complained that she wasn't very interested in sex. Block's attitude was on the lines of "what did you expect?"

Since Block is also bisexual, she also briefly touches about gender politics, and what it means to identify as straight or queer. She talks a little about what she wants in a female lover (as opposed to a male lover) and how the gender of her lovers affect the dynamics of her marriage. Maybe I'm a bit liberal, because I found very little of this weird or fringe.

Block also presents the argument that having a second (or third, or fourth) lover does not detract from her love for her husband, but enhances it. She says that jealousy stems from insecurity, from a desire to own another human being, and is a pure cultural construct. I suppose it's a similar argument I present to my kids, that just because I love one kid doesn't mean I don't love the other, and that my love for them is infinite and without measure. Loving one doesn't mean not-loving another.

I called this a memoir, but in a way, it's more of an argument as to why she opened her marriage, and why an open marriage is not as weird as you think, and why it might be right for a lot more marriages if people just thought about it. If you took out the "have sex with people other than her spouse" idea and substituted "watch monster truck rallys" or "eat ice cream" or any other leisure-time activitiy, it would make complete sense. Why should a woman not go to monster truck rally's just because women aren't supposed to do it? Why follow narrow gender roles? Why shouldn't a woman eat ice cream now and again? What's so awful about having a little dairy-pleasure?

Here's where my own gender bias comes in. Because if this book had been written by a man, I would have rolled my eyes and thought "what a douche bag," figuring he just wanted to have the benefits of marriage without paying the price. If it had been written from the point of view of a woman whose husband was the one who wanted to have affairs (and she was the one who wasn't as interested in sex) I would look askance at her arguing in favor of this relationship, because I'd wonder if she wasn't one of those creepy right-wing "God wants a wife to submit to her husband" people. Because Block is female, and taking the "male" (desiring more sex than her partner) stereotype, it made me think about it in a different way.

When Block talks about how much happier and more fulfilled she's been since she and her husband opened her marriage, she made a great sales pitch, as if she was talking about how much fun it is to go to monster truck rallys or eat ice cream or do something else pleasurable that you've been denied because of silly societal mores. And yet...and yet, she glosses over what is really the giant elephant in the room. Going to monster truck rallys and eating ice cream doesn't stick an ice pick in the heart of the one you promised to love and honor and respect until death. That's a pretty big oversight. She says that jealousy is a social construct, and stems from insecurity, yada yada, but anyone who's been cheated on knows this. IT HURTS. Not just a little, like being passed over for the school play, or having a stranger flip you off, it hurts A LOT. It hurts like a dagger in the back.

What I really wanted was her husband's point of view, or another spouse in his position. How does he cope with knowing that his wife is in the arms of another? He has a brief afterward in the back, where he says that he loves his wife, and that he's happy with his marriage, but I wanted to know more about how his feelings. Was he bullied into this? Was this a regretful compromise that he accepted to avoid divorce, or does he really feel that this was a better decision? Didn't he feel belittled, or slighted, and if not, why not? Does it take a zen-like stoicism, or just a little getting used to? Because marriage is an ancient institution, and if it's been tweaked once, it can be tweaked again. Clearly, many people find monogamy an intolerable burden, and if this is a viable alternative for normal people, it might prevent a lot of divorces. (Nobody is a big fan of divorce). If Block really has a better way here, I feel like it behooves her to tell the rest of us out, as if she were in a farming community and found an ingenious way to harvest soybeans. Wouldn't you want to share your great technique? And yet we only have half the story. We have the sales pitch without the instruction manual. Either she's hit upon a better way of making a marriage work, or she's browbeaten some poor guy into putting up with her infidelities. There's not enough information here. I found the concept interesting, but with so much of the other side of the story (her husband's) lacking, I felt as though I'd read only half a book.

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Jul 28, 2011 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memior, nonfiction, politics, womens-studies

A well-written and fascinating look at open (heterosexual) marriage. Part memior, part instruction manual, and part manifesto, this book looks at Block's life and marriage with sharp and almost uncomfortable clarity. She manages to succeed in this piece by truly making the personal political and blending scientific studies with her own feelings and experiences. Her writing style is accessible, quick, and fun to read.

As someone who is in an open relationship, she did an accurate job of portrayin...more

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May 15, 2010 Vanessa Fox rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: human-behavior

I agree with many of the other reviewers that the book brought in a lot of interesting stats and info, but seemed a bit superficial. The book was ostensibly about the author's own journey, but she didn't talk much about the details, and this seemed to be because she was a bit defensive about how those outside perceived her decision to be in an open marriage.

The details she left out seemed to be the ones around any less-than-positive emotions, potentially because she didn't want to give the naysa...more

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Nov 29, 2009 Sondra Santos rated it 5 of 5 stars

“It is estimated that 50-65% of husbands and 40-45% of wives cheat.”

Open relationships do not always start out that way, as Jenny Block explains. I first read Jenny’s article on Your Tango and discovered that she’s the author of Open, her memoir which focuses on the evolution of her open marriage and includes extensive research and resources regarding the history of marriage, extra-marital affairs and divorce.

“I began to think it was unfair – ludicrous, really – to expect my husband to fulfill...more “It is estimated that 50-65% of husbands and 40-45% of wives cheat.”

Open relationships do not always start out that way, as Jenny Block explains. I first read Jenny’s article on Your Tango and discovered that she’s the author of Open, her memoir which focuses on the evolution of her open marriage and includes extensive research and resources regarding the history of marriage, extra-marital affairs and divorce.

“I began to think it was unfair – ludicrous, really – to expect my husband to fulfill me on every level. Outside of the bedroom, I don’t have those standards for him.”

While I don’t justify or excuse lying, cheating or betrayal of any kind, I can relate to the idea that having a sexual relationship with more than one person can create a more fulfilling marriage. I wouldn’t have been able to say that prior to reading this book and even though I can’t see myself being open to an open marriage, I do understand that Block’s experience and the journey she and her husband took is one that works for them, and many other couples.

“Polyamorists refuse to take marriage at face value, and instead accept only what actually works, rather than what ’s supposed to work.”

With nearly seventeen pages of footnotes, lists of works consulted and resources that she mentions, Jenny not only did research in the bedroom, but in the library as well. She took copious notes and shares intimate details of her experience with creating an open marriage that has led her to a stronger relationship with her husband, a more fulfilling sex life and an inspiration to those who can not quite understand why it is that marriage and monogamy do not fit with what they envision for themselves.

“It’s always fascinating to me that people are more disturbed by the idea of an open marriage than they are by cheating.”

Open is a thought-provoking look at marriage, sexuality and what it means to be in an intimate relationship. With confidence and honesty, Block shares her story and defends the dynamic of her marriage since it is certainly not something that is accepted in mainstream America, just yet.

“What if the problem is not with wanting what we want, but rather the way we are made to feel for wanting it?”

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Jun 06, 2011 Sara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-biography, psych-womens-studies

This was a really interesting read. The reason I ended up with this book was it was on uber-sale (kindle version) on amazon and looked interesting. I wasn't disappointed.

Now I am 100% monogamous, and heterosexual. The author is in an open marriage with her husband and her girlfriend. We obviously have very different lifestyles, and yet I found her arguments for the benefits of her arrangement were sound - statistics show as many of 80% of people cheat on their partners. Her argument is that mono...more This was a really interesting read. The reason I ended up with this book was it was on uber-sale (kindle version) on amazon and looked interesting. I wasn't disappointed.

Now I am 100% monogamous, and heterosexual. The author is in an open marriage with her husband and her girlfriend. We obviously have very different lifestyles, and yet I found her arguments for the benefits of her arrangement were sound - statistics show as many of 80% of people cheat on their partners. Her argument is that monogamy isn't natural, which I agree with. (Monogamy is DAMN hard - I just think its worth it!) We are biologically programmed to diversify our genes as much as possible. Basically, why cheat? The lying hurts more than the actual sex in infidelity, and if everyone is cheating anyway, maybe the monogamy arrangement is to blame? Yeah, I can buy that.

She also argues that most people's sexuality is more fluid than atatic - another argument I can agree with.

I have always been of the viewpoint of "why get married if you want to cheat?" I still struggle emotionally with the concept of "open marriage" as to me marriage means choosing one over anyone else - but at the same time, it WORKS for her and her husband and her girlfriend - and her daughter has no idea of the sexual arrangement - and if everyone is honest, and everyone is happy, then who I am to tell them or anyone else that they shouldn't be married? Just because my concept of marriage doesn't jive with this, that doesn't mean her marriage is invalid. Thinking of gay marriage for example - I am 100% supportive of that right! To me it is valid, to someone more conservative it's not - she brings that up as an example of how everyone should have the right to have a marriage how they want, to whom they want, and call it whatever they want. I can respect that, even if I don't understany why someone would want to enter an arrangement like that.

I have zero desire to be in an open relationship - I am happily married to a man who is as into being my "one and only" as I am into being his. While I am a passionate feminist, and he and I have a relationship of equality (chores/cooking are split evenly) I have no desire to be with anyone else. I don't feel like I'm missing anything, which the author desperately felt like - she wasn't being true to her own needs. This doesn't mean that my marriage is more "real" or "better" than hers - it's just different.

I love how the author doesn't rip on people that want to have a traditional marriage - she just says it doesn't work for her, and obviously doesn't work with all the spouses that are heartbroken over infidelity. I am lucky that it works for me!

A very thought-provoking, eye-opening book that made me really examine my beliefs on marriage and what commitment means. (less)

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Jan 19, 2012 Jennie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiography, sex-and-gender-books

Reading this book was an interesting experience because I too was an English major and a women's studies minor. I also have a vested interest in all things related to nonmonogamy. I have read almost every single book and article that Block references and I've gone down many of the same intellectual paths she explores in her memoir. And yet - while I am so glad to hear someone else speak up on this topic, this book reads too much like a long experiential essay written for WST 101. Gender is a per...more Reading this book was an interesting experience because I too was an English major and a women's studies minor. I also have a vested interest in all things related to nonmonogamy. I have read almost every single book and article that Block references and I've gone down many of the same intellectual paths she explores in her memoir. And yet - while I am so glad to hear someone else speak up on this topic, this book reads too much like a long experiential essay written for WST 101. Gender is a performance! Compulsory Heterosexuality! The Male Gaze! Butch/Femme Dichotomies! The Personal is the Political! Yes Jenny, we get it.

The problem is there's not enough detail to make Block's sexual history really interesting and there's not enough reliance on critical theory to make this an actual textbook. I wanted more out of it, I kept thinking..."I could write a better book on this subject." Perhaps I should try.

Also I feel Block talks out of her ass on more than one occasion - her ideas about the Clinton's relationship, her impression that lesbian butch/femme dynamics are more inherently egalitarian than heterosexual gender roles. Or perhaps even just this line: "No matter how sensitive or capable a man might be, when he comes, the party is pretty much over. Not so with another woman." Ugh, seriously? Do I even need to point out what's wrong here?

She is also highly defensive about her lifestyle, an attitude I understand to the tips of my toes, but for me she comes off as far too victimized. Yes I know, social brainwashing has destroyed us all, but really can we, as empowered women, just collectively get over the idea of ourselves as casualties of the gender wars?

But! All of this being said, Block is VERY courageous for laying this all out for public consumption, I applaud her for muddling through everything and finding a way to live authentically. And for sharing her story. As someone who has already reached all of the same conclusions this book didn't hit the mark for me - but maybe it will sink in for someone else.

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Feb 25, 2012 Arja Salafranca rated it 4 of 5 stars

I read Jenny Block’s memoir of polyamory, called Open, and it really opened up my eyes to the motivations and reasons as to why someone would choose this type of lifestyle. Born in 1971, Block married in her late twenties, had a daughter, and yet felt stifled and unhappy in her monogamous marriage. Yet she loved her husband, they were compatible, and were good parents to their child. His sex drive just didn’t match hers; sex was an occasional need for Christopher, while Jenny wanted more and wan...more I read Jenny Block’s memoir of polyamory, called Open, and it really opened up my eyes to the motivations and reasons as to why someone would choose this type of lifestyle. Born in 1971, Block married in her late twenties, had a daughter, and yet felt stifled and unhappy in her monogamous marriage. Yet she loved her husband, they were compatible, and were good parents to their child. His sex drive just didn’t match hers; sex was an occasional need for Christopher, while Jenny wanted more and wanted to return to sleeping with women as well. The other option was divorce and that option, in the face of a marriage still filled with love, seemed absurd. So, at Jenny’s prompting they opened up their marriage, choosing to have a threesome with a friend of Jenny’s who was open to such a relationship. Eventually just the friend and Christopher were sleeping together. That ended; Christopher is happy with sleep just with Jenny. Meanwhile Jenny has had affairs, and sex with others, and now has a long-term girlfriend about ten years younger than herself. The girlfriend lives in a condominium near Jenny and Christopher, and is happy with this arrangement. Jenny is aware that this might not continue indefinitely and the girlfriend might want a more committed relationship with someone else in the future, but for now it works. Her daughter knows nothing of the relationship; only that mommy has a “best” friend and she sometimes sleeps at this best friend’s home. I know this kind of relationship wouldn’t and couldn’t work for everyone, and Block says polyamory won’t work if you’re jealous or have attachment/rejection issues, but from afar, this seems like such an ideal situation. And it works for them; they are happy within this arrangement. I’m beginning to see that polyamory isn’t the dirty, almost slutty arrangement we all assume it to be at first, but a way to “share” the love, to have many loves, and that it can be quite a reasonable, workable model for some. It does take constant re-negotiation and a constant examination of the boundaries, but, as Block points out, marriage as it stands isn’t working: over 50% of marriages fail, and partners cheat; perhaps it is time for a new model. (less)

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Sep 29, 2011 Shaun rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is basically a memoir of Ms. Block starting from a monogamous marriage to an open marriage. She defies the conventionality of what a "normal" relationship is supposed to be, but she doesn't go full-blown polyamory either. She doesn't really consider herself polyamorus, but simply says that she's "open" when it comes to relationships.

It's a page-turner and it's a fascinating look on her life, but I kept asking myself, "why are you saying this?" What I mean is is she trying to offer advice t...more

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Jul 05, 2011 Melissa rated it 3 of 5 stars

Someone told me they'd read it and weren't impressed. I can see why. I love autobiographies. I like books about relationships. But everything in this book, even the stuff that is her own story, is burdened down with statistics and citations. I can appreciate those might be necessary for someone who really wanted to do some thorough reading on marriage or, specifically open marriage. But I found it just made the book tedious to read. I would much rather have read her story without all the statist...more

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Nov 29, 2011 Brenda rated it 5 of 5 stars

I could not put this book down. I went into it expecting to gain some insight into open marriages. The author's amazing maturity and insight into relationships - whatever form they take - was such a wonderful surprise. She definitely paints a picture of what truly open and honest relationships can look like - really putting most monogamous relationships to shame.

I'll be thinking about the ideas in this book for a long time to come. I can't help feeling that she's right - that monogamy isn't wor...more

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Mar 29, 2012 Izzy Rey rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: meh

Not the work of a writer. The author gets redundant (how many times did I read the word "confused"? in the first hundred pages?). She uses the tone of a collegial liberal arts major writing mini-essays on every aspect of how she got into the marital arrangement she finds herself in. It isn't poorly written, but it is no Paglia. The argumentation is convincing enough without the integration of every source cited. Really, this isn't to be taken seriously. Mostly I wanted to know how the open marri...more

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Jan 06, 2009 lola rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: curious norms and polyamorists alike

Liked this a lot (a lot, lot) except for some bio-essentialist bits--even if you're saying that women aren't innately programmed to want monogamy, you're still saying that women are innately programmed, so no points awarded. Where are my intersectionality moon-sisters?* She addresses every point of contention I've encountered against my open relationships and has a nice thorough answer to each. Hooray!

The Ethical Slut - People Who Believe That Crystals Can Heal = Open by Jenny Block.

*pizza hut,...more

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Jan 31, 2011 DeAnna rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: polyamory-related

I had a love/hate reaction to Open. Jenny Block's writing style was infuriating and the book often read like a long Cosmo article and the early chapters were infuriating, where she was determined to establish the ways in which she is totally average and normal in every way, from her lace a bows childhood, to her first boyfriend who taught her to acknowledge and communicate her sexual desires. The first half of the book I couldn't relate to, but the detailed description of the evolution of her ma...more

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Mar 03, 2013 The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health added it

Shelves: dating-and-relationships, memoirs-and-interviews

In a society where the comfort and security of a monogamous relationship reigns, the thought of an open marriage intimidates many people due to the confusion and hurt that they assume would be inherently part of such a relationship. Thus, these individuals continue to shame and pass judgment on those who engage in such behaviors in both conscious and subconscious ways. However, in this book, we meet Jenny Block. An author, essayist, and advocate for open marriages, Block writes for a variety of...more In a society where the comfort and security of a monogamous relationship reigns, the thought of an open marriage intimidates many people due to the confusion and hurt that they assume would be inherently part of such a relationship. Thus, these individuals continue to shame and pass judgment on those who engage in such behaviors in both conscious and subconscious ways. However, in this book, we meet Jenny Block. An author, essayist, and advocate for open marriages, Block writes for a variety of websites and has appeared on many television shows to discuss relationships. Her book has been reviewed both nationally and internationally in a number of different publications, and received the Lambda Literary Award in 2008.

In Open, Block takes the opportunity to put everything on the table—such as her college experiences, her previous partners, her marriage, her girlfriend, etc.—enabling readers to explore her happiness and learn how she traveled this path. Expertly recalling and describing her thoughts and emotions throughout different moments of her life, she grapples with society’s definition of happiness and marriage, despite knowing her own sexual needs and how she wanted them to be met. Was she weird, or is society weird? As she describes her life, Block takes tremendous care to address the majority of society’s concerns against open marriage, such as those that pertain to jealousy and the safety of her daughter. She vehemently asserts that the public should consider an open marriage as viable of an option as a monogamous marriage, because, ultimately, there are many forms of “happily ever after.”

Nevertheless, despite her ability to present arguments and provide numerous rebuttals, the style of her writing becomes overdone as the book progresses. In many ways, reading this book is like chatting with a friend—a friend that, even though you love her to death, will not shut up and give you a second to talk or breathe. While you’re fascinated at the beginning, being completely enthralled in a new subject, by the end, it’s getting late and you want to go home. Block’s approach of rationalizing her open marriage by taking us through her life seems plausible; however, she spends more time making an argument than giving the audience time to soak everything in and think on their own.

In many ways, this book is a good choice if the reader is new to the subject of open marriages because Block’s example proves to be an exemplary one, a relationship where she considers her own needs, desires, and happiness. It’s empowering to be able to read about someone taking control of her life and creating a life that she enjoys, despite what society thinks. However, I would suggest taking this book slowly. Read one chapter a day. Give yourself a chance to reflect and make up your own mind, just like she did.(less)

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Mar 15, 2012 Greg rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book surprised me. It made me question my own judgmental nature without judging me in return or calling me a bigot or anything like that. In other words, it approaches the topic relatively gently. Some readers may not agree, but that's just because many people will feel persecuted or otherwise annoyed ANYTIME they read something with which they disagree. Mrs. Block could've done much worse -- hitting the reader over the head with the subject or being excessively explicit. Instead she was ne...more

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Jun 03, 2011 Dimity rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs-biographies, reviewed, 2009, feminism, read-women-nonfiction

I have quite a lot to say about this book. Despite enjoying it, I found it somewhat problematic. First, some of her methodology was way off; statistics about infidelity are notoriously unpredictable but using statistics from an online poll given at a website catered towards women who fear/know their partner is cheating to illustrate shockingly high rates of cheating is a pretty big misstep in her methodology.

Also, if I had to read another sentence about humans not being "biologically programmed"...more I have quite a lot to say about this book. Despite enjoying it, I found it somewhat problematic. First, some of her methodology was way off; statistics about infidelity are notoriously unpredictable but using statistics from an online poll given at a website catered towards women who fear/know their partner is cheating to illustrate shockingly high rates of cheating is a pretty big misstep in her methodology.

Also, if I had to read another sentence about humans not being "biologically programmed" for monogamy, I was going to throw the book across the room. I am definitely not going to dismiss the importance of biology but one could argue humans aren't biologically programmed for wearing pants but hey, as someone who lives well above the equator I am not about to revert to my "natural" state. I think it is perhaps possible to make that particular argument but it needs more sophistication than she brings to the discussion.

Additionally, I was disappointed that despite her feminist views, Ms. Block pretty much glossed over marriage's history and presented the past as a time when people were free to participate in polyandrous relationships. It's actually a lot more complicated and it's impossible to deny that in most cases it was men who were allowed to participate in these sort of arrangements as part of a crushing patriarchy, not men and women participating equally in relationships of their own free will.

This book has a very defensive tone, which is quite understandable given the negative attention surrounding her choices Ms. Block has to deal with. I certainly support her right to navigate her relationships in the way she sees fit. Her writing forced me into my uncomfortable zone and I appreciate that because it definitely gave me food for thought. I don't think an open marriage is in my future but it was an interesting read and I appreciate the courage it took to write it and be so unflinchingly honest. I was particularly intrigued by the discussion of how she approaches her open marriage in regards to her daughter and she makes some spot-on points in that regard. I can envision that particular road getting rockier as her child becomes a teenager, though.(less)

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Apr 19, 2009 Lola Wallace rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: gender-sexuality, memoirsetc, nonfiction, bisexuality

I enjoyed this book, but I wanted more memoir and less polemic. Yeah, yeah, humans aren't monogamous, marriage oppresses women, our preconceived notions of the relationship between sex and love are whack.... Jenny's the preacher, I'm the choir. But what about the sordid goings-on in her Stepfordesque planned community? And on a more sober note, more detail would flesh out the practical details of the arrangement, although we've got other books for that. For example, Block often makes oblique ref...more

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Jul 15, 2008 Jen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Before reading this book I knew very little about open relationships. And my view of it was mostly one of disbelief, because how could you let your partner have relationships based on sexual attraction, even love, in addition to your relationship with them?? I honestly have never been able to wrap my head around the concept of an open relationship. After reading Block's book, though, I find that I respect open relationships - even open marriages - as just as valid as anyone's monogamous relation...more

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Oct 08, 2009 Angela marked it as to-read

This book was suggested to me to gain an understanding about people who are married and who by nature are also sexually interested and engaged with others. The key to this book is the honesty involved. I've been told without the honesty, the open marriage dissolves into the same petty disputes as a traditional marriage with a closeted sexual life, whether that be pornography and masturbation, chatting dirty with the opposite gender online or in person, or outright affairs.

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Nov 17, 2011 Erika rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: gay-lesbian, lesbian-writing, non-fiction, read-2011, relationships, polyamory

Part memoir, part essay on open marriage/relationships, based on the premise that monogamy is not natural to humans. Much of her point of view is based on feminist theory, which I appreciate, because too often women are told that others happiness should come before their own. Thought provoking for certain, although I'm not sure that I could personally live this kind of relationship style, but then the author readily admits that it is not for everyone.

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Aug 28, 2012 Calvin Carey rated it 1 of 5 stars

I can appreciate the feelings and struggles Jen and Steve have gone and are going through. I wish them the best success possible. I say let them live the life they choose. God bless them for having the courage to do so.

When the narrative turned from her events and feeling to lashing out at others the book become a real struggle for me. I should know better than to pay to read someones political propaganda.

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Aug 08, 2012 Susan rated it 1 of 5 stars

One star for writing about a touchy and controversial subject. I didn't care for the book overall. I got bored, but forced myself to finish. I was half way through the book before I figured out why I wasn't liking it. The author feels snobbish and obsessed with age and looks. Basically her personality turned me off. It felt like a lot of blah, blah, blah. A lot of "I deserve this, and I'll tell you why!"

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Sep 25, 2012 Shana rated it 3 of 5 stars

Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block is a window into one woman’s experience with open marriage. The background information on history of marriage, social constructs, gender roles, and more helped flesh out her story. Regardless of whether you agree with it or not, I think Block states her case well and gives us all something to think about.

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Jul 13, 2009 Katlet rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: activism, library, memoir, queer

I thought this book was fairly decent, a bit superficial in its handling of the subject. Sometimes I thought that Block was trying to hard to prove to us (and herself) that having an open marriage is okay.

I enjoyed the 'I'm not alone' component of another bi woman married to a man. I'm not sure I always agree with her reasoning, but it's an interesting read.

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May 11, 2013 Kris Mehigan rated it 2 of 5 stars

Since I currently reside near the fictitiously named "Triple Oaks" neighborhood, I was hoping for more of an expose of the darker circles in my residential area. I was a bit disappointed that the book was more of a rationale for the author's open-marriage lifestyle. All-in-all I felt sorry for her daughter and husband.

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Mar 10, 2009 Cj rated it 3 of 5 stars

News blast: Open Marriages are mainstream! Even pretty moms and their normal, successful husbands are doing it!
I felt 'duh' when she tried to be didactic, but as a memoir it's a lovely account of how communication and embracing desires can enhance a marriage. It's an excellent gateway book.

Go Jenny.

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