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The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
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The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

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4.27 of 5 stars 4.27  ·  rating details  ·  3,462 ratings  ·  768 reviews
Through an intriguing story of parents struggling with their troubled children and with their own personal problems, The Anatomy of Peace shows how to get past the preconceived ideas and self-justifying reactions that keep us from seeing the world clearly and dealing with it effectively. Yusuf al-Falah, an Arab, and Avi Rozen, a Jew, each lost his father at the hands of th...more
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Published May 6th 2008 by AudioGO (first published January 1st 2006)
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Ann
Three reasons I wanted to hate this book: 1. Not written by a person but by an institute? 2. "Personal Growth" is the genre listed on the back--ugh! and 3. It just had cheesy corny all over it.

And then, when I began reading, and everything felt horribly contrived...ok, WAS horribly contrived, I thought, how am I going to get through this. And then. THEN.

The "teaching" characters in the book tell us this story of a military/political leader from 1187 AD who had remarkable successes and abilities....more
Karey
The Arbinger Institute came out with a book to precede The Anatomy of Peace, called, Leadership and Self-Deception. They both present a paradigm shift in the way we percieve those around us. The Anatomy of Peace has influenced how I interact with others within the walls of my own home more than any other book save the Bible or Book of Mormon.
Wendy
Jan 30, 2008 Wendy rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Wendy by: Jeff Vincent
I'm responsible for my own feelings - CRAP! I hate it when that's true :-)
Rachel
Dec 07, 2008 Rachel rated it 2 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Rachel by: Leslie
Shelves: motivational
The idea that things that we do can feed into problems that we have with others is powerful, especially for people who like control. I really liked the concept that when we perceive others as being wrong, and ourselves as being right, we prevent ourselves from looking at different (and better or more effective) ways of approaching others.

This book has made a difference for good in one of my relationships, and I am grateful for that.

Beyond that, the book is corny. The setting for teaching is a W...more
David
This book was highly recommended by a senior executive in my organization, so I felt compelled to consider it. The Arbinger Institute is a consulting group based in Utah, with a focus of helping "solve the problems created by self-deception." It's largely based on the ideas of C. Terry Warner, a philosophy professor at BYU.

This book presents a more direct application of ideas presented in the Institute's first book "Leadership and Self-Deception." In this second book, the ideas are taught in the...more
Emily
If I could have, I would have given this book 3 1/2 stars. It was good, but it wasn't my favorite book ever. It wasn't even a book that I would go around recommending to everyone.

I thought the message of the book was great. I liked the way they gave a good visual for the inner conflict of everyday choices. It was a great message to tell people who don't "get it."

However, halfway through the book, I was done. Firstly, I was done with the exhaustingly long train of thoughts that Lou goes through...more
Marsha
I read this for my master's program and we had a little mini seminar on it. I have to admit that even though I love to read, I am never very excited to read a self-help book. I dislike introspecting and am not very good at it, so concepts that require examining my motives or my sub-conscious issues don’t resonate with me at all. I find that trying to figure myself out is tiring, confusing, and, frankly, quite boring.

Because of my prejudice against this particular genre, I approached reading The...more
Steve Hemmeke
If you are in a relationship of long-term conflict, read "The Anatomy of Peace." The main purpose of this book is to get the reader who is in conflict to reflect upon his own contributions to the conflict. Since our natural tendency is to blame the one we're fighting, we need to reconsider that our posture toward the situation and our "enemy" is a major factor. The longer we are in conflict, the more strongly we deny this, but it remains true.

We tend to objectify people instead of be at peace wi...more
Jessica
Well, I think this book has an important message. It made me re-think some aspects of my life and offers some very true advice. The diagrams are helpful for the visual learner.

Unfortunately, the book is quite painful to read. It is one of those books that tries to teach concepts via a story. But in my experience, this delivery method comes across contrived and somewhat condescending. If I am going to read a self help book, I would rather have the information set forth in a clear, well-written wa...more
Valerie
I just created a book list called Books That Changed My Life, and this book is on there. It's a powerful book because it took me out of my current perspective of people and opinions and lifted me outside of them a bit--so I can look at my opinions on the people around me and change them if I need to. And don't we all have relationships that need improving?

The powerful points of this book for me:

1. If I'm unhappy, I am the one who needs to change
2. I can choose a heart of war or a heart of peace...more
Alison
I began reading trying to argue with the author because I didn't like the "authors" hiding behind "the institute". Come out and say who wrote it and why! I spent too long investigating that Ferrell mainly, and Warner wrote it. I don't like Ferrel's style of writing, I couldn't finish Peacegiver or Bonds... by Warner either. Too cumbersome!
I was annoyed by the long pretentious list of lds famous people who endorse the book. Why do you need so many endorsements of the book? It's so inbred! The con...more
Michelle
Everyone should read thus book. Periodically.
Bryan
The Anatomy of Peace is all about our relationships with others. This book is to relationships as Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth is to the self. It shows how easy it is to view people as objects rather than human beings. When we categorize some one based on race, religion, or any stereotype we are placing people into the object category, and do not relate to them on an individual bases.

A concept that was great in the book is their idea of collusion. They show that most stereotypes become a se...more
Jon
May 27, 2010 Jon rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Jon by: Loren Drummond
Writing Style: 1-2 stars
Concepts: 3-4 stars

A non fiction novel, full of fictional cardboard prop people, an index, ten times as many pages of endorsements than required (none or one would have been more than sufficient, rather than the several at the front and back), dropped and blatantly abandoned plot points all with the sole purpose to pontificate on philosophical diatribe. If you're going to use fictional characters and scenarios, please do me the courtesy of providing depth, breadth and som...more
Matt
I whole-heartedly recommend The Anatomy of Peace. It is the best book I have read this year.

The Arbinger Institute has now written two books. The first was quite good. When I started this book I was afraid it was just going to be a re-hashing of that book: “Leadership and Self-Deception.” What I found fascinating is that IT IS the same material; they cover the same topics and teach the same lessons. But they do it so well, and teach it with such REAL LIFE examples, that I couldn’t stop reading t...more
Peggy
I highly recommend this book... I found it in my quest to find current ideas related to the book I am currently revising -- Peace and Power. There are lots of very similar ideas in this book to mine, but it is presented in a story-like fashion. It is the story of a group of parents who are enrolling their delinquent teen-agers in an intensive program to turn their lives around, and the parents are required to attend a 2-day intensive workshop themselves at the time they drop their kids off. In...more
Greg Frucci
A friend gave me a copy of "The Anatomy of Peace" recently and I just finished it...could not put it down once I started. I suppose he saw in me through my way of being, a need to read it...he was correct, for now I am the way I once thought I had transformed into...Peaceful. Life contains within it many challenges...every day. From one on one personal relationships all the way to dealing with how we look at Religion, Governments, Culture, Races and even finances, we struggle with conflict on ma...more
Angie Vallejo
I rated this book lower only because it was not a fit for me. I appreciate the telling in a story form, only because it helped to digest the information better. There is a wide variety of characters in this story, coming together in a situation where they end up in a discussion/help group to get to the root of their problem.

That said, this book is much longer than I think it needed to be in order to state its intended goal: that we need to look at people as people, not objects. It is when we lo...more
Emily
Another RS book club recommendation. This book was surprising, even after reading the inside cover, it didn't proceed the way I was expecting, but I came to appreciate the fictional story approach that was taken. It is based in the same principles that Bonds that Make us Free is written about (that author is involved in Arbinger) and it amazes me how these princples seem so easy once explained, yet we all struggle with them. This book was easier to read than Bonds That Make us Free, and so I fee...more
Jonathan
I loved this book. It is very readable and the simple insights are profound and moving. A follow-up to the also brilliant leadership and self-deception.
Kayla Ellingson
As a person who works with teenagers in treatment, this is a book that hit very close to home. I have been eyeing this book for a long time and when I started my job I knew I needed to dive into it.

Not only does the book bring classic ideas to light in a new way, but it does it in a relatable way. A lot of the concepts and theories of the book are familiar ones that have been discussed for decades, but for me the setting of the book made it seem more real. Maybe it's because I work with teenage...more
Shawn
The premise of The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute is that individuals, families, communities, and nations would benefit from exploring the deeper reasons for conflict and taking action to eradicate the tendency to justify harmful behavior, blame others, create enemies, and undermine objectives such as peace.

It argues that betraying one's instincts to make good choices and treat other people as equals results in the need to account for the wrong doing by dehumanizing others and treati...more
Krin
This book showed how easily we can categorize the people we interact with on a daily basis. When we do so, we start to think about them more as an object and not as a person. When we view others as objects, we invite conflict into our lives. It gave me a slighty new way to look at how I can change my thoughts & opinions and view others more compassionately so that I can treat everyone around me better and be more at peace with myself even when there may be others around me making life hard....more
Angela
This book for me was life changing and one that I need to read several times to fully grasp and apply in my life. I recommend this book to all friends and family. It is set up as a story but teaches principles of how to find peace in your heart in all situations instead of having your heart "at war." Because of the story it is a page turner and because of the principles taught it left me wanting to make huge changes in the way I view others, myself and situations. I highly recommend!
Jessica
I'm a better person because of this book. I'm not a self-help book person but I'm so glad I read this. It's told in allegory/fictional story form, which I felt was a perfect way to introduce the concepts. (it's a little cheesy at times, but just accept it and move on). I'm relating better to my kids, everyone really, and understanding some of the reasons I struggle with anger, selfishness, compulsion, etc. Everyone should read, and apply the principles in, this book.
Rachel
One of those that while I didn't love it, I sure learned a lot from it. So, while a 3 star read as far as enjoyment, it should be a 5 star read when it comes to required reading for life. Rob read it as well and felt as I. He actually went and purchased Leadership and Self-Deception, which continues on where The Ananomy of Peace leaves off but I don't think he has gotten around to reading it yet.
Jary Welker
Great start in the first few chapters .....and ending powerfully as well. The precepts of this and "Leadership & Self-Deception" are life changing for anyone who applies them. These both are books that you need to read and digest, and then apply - even reading them again and again - for them to be of their greatest value but I plan on doing so and recommend the same to others.
Anna
This book is framed in a fictional story about an adolescent retreat for troubled youth run by a Palestinian and a Jew. It explores what lies at the heart of every conflict, and I learned a lot about myself and how I can be a better parent as a result. It is a fast read and well worth the time to have your eyes opened to a new perspective to interpersonal relationships.
Paul
One of the most profound simple books I've ever read. The insights are eye–opening to the unconscious ways we deceive ourself into dysfunctional relationships by self–justification patterns.

This should be required reading for the top brass of the US military.
Michelle
I loved how this book is a great philosophical/self-help book that is written in story form. It was very engaging and easy to read. It gave me a whole new take on trying to resolve conflicts in my life.
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Combining the results of four decades of groundbreaking scholarly work on the phenomenon known as self deception, Arbinger has built a simple yet profoundly effective framework for improving the influence of every leader and individ...more
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“There is a question I have learned to ask myself when I am feeling bothered about others: am I holding myself to the same standard I am demanding of them?” 21 likes
“Most wars between individuals are of the 'cold' rather than the 'hot' variety---lingering resentment, for example, grudges long held, resources clutched rather than shared, help not offered. These are the acts of war that most threaten our homes and workplaces.” 16 likes
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