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Nasty People

3.78  ·  Rating Details  ·  417 Ratings  ·  64 Reviews
Self-help
Hardcover, 87 pages
Published January 1st 1989 by Barnes & Noble
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(showing 1-30 of 916)
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Sue
Jan 29, 2010 Sue rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: not-owned, read-2010
Fascinating book; the title is an exaggeration since it's about all of us, in a way. The topic is 'invalidating' - putting people down, seeing ourselves as superior. The author claims that there is 1% of the population who are truly nasty and do this kind of thing deliberately. It's hard to believe the number is really that high. But he also points out that there are many people who do this kind of thing regularly - albeit not deliberately wanting to hurt anyone - and that probably everyone does ...more
Lucy Wightman
Feb 23, 2013 Lucy Wightman rated it really liked it
A friend for over 30 years gave me this book and I almost threw it out after a cursory read. I steer away from “self-help” books, since most of them are boring, regurgitated versions of what we already know, and, for me, what I am often too lazy to implement.

On second glance, I liked four things about this small book, and the first was its size. The second was the author’s bold disagreement with fixed labels, more specifically, his refusal to subscribe to things like “personality disorders.” Th
...more
Ahmed
Sep 19, 2015 Ahmed rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
الكتاب صغير الحجم جدا وفي رأيي هذا اهم ما يميزه،تستطيع إنهائه في جلسة واحدة.
افكار مركزة جدا وامثلة بسيطة بدون اي حشو او إطالة،حتي ان لم تكن من هواة القراءة فأنت تستطيع قراءة هذا الكتاب.
الاشخاص سيئو الطباع،كيف يمكنك التعامل معهم دون ان تكون واحدا منهم؟
لدينا جميعا هذه النوعية من الاشخاص،زميل عمل او جار او قريب،جميعنا لديه هذه المشكلة،من هنا تأتي اهمية هذا الكتاب.
Aliya
Jan 17, 2014 Aliya rated it really liked it
I bought this book a few hours ago and finished reading it in about two hours.

This book was penned as a cathartic exercise. Carter states that he was a victim first and then when he studied psychology, he realized what was happening to him. He later put his findings in book form, to help people. This is probably true of any pop-psychology book, since humans are primarily emotionally motivated. This fact makes the book very readable, and very true to life. One can relate to the facts and situati
...more
Leslie
May 26, 2015 Leslie rated it really liked it
Shelves: psych
Explains why people bully, invalidate, and are mean...gave tips on how to respond to such people.
Car
Aug 18, 2013 Car rated it did not like it
He lost me in the foreword at "Besides God, the captain of your soul should be you".
Tara
Oct 23, 2014 Tara rated it did not like it
I have read a number of self-help books, specifically on how to change my behaviors when dealing with people who engage in unhealthy behaviors routinely. I found this book to be okay and share similar insight as other books in this category. The point I struggled with was the reasons he gave for unhealthy behaviors - a point he could not have addressed as many other books don't go into the 'why' people engage in unhealthy behaviors. The reasons he gave negate much of psychology and our understan ...more
Cristina
Mar 25, 2016 Cristina rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Invalid book about Invalidators.

I can't believe that a psychologist wrote this book because it is based almost entirely on anecdotal evidence. He goes to great lengths in the beginninng to talk about how he did all this research on "invalidators" (aka the "nasty people") and became such an expert in identifying then and their techniques and later how to deal with them but I saw little of that in this book.

More than half is just talking about their technique -- but not even in context it's just s
...more
Georgia1263
Oct 04, 2012 Georgia1263 rated it it was amazing
The only thing the author needed to mention is how to deal with nasty
people who think they're literary critics. You know, those people who give shitty reviews on book cuz they're insanely jealous of the author's success? Yeesh.

*cough* too many of those types on GR *cough, hack*
Paulette
Jun 13, 2010 Paulette rated it it was amazing
Be careful, once you learn how to define the sick behavior that surrounds you, you may not like anyone! But, there is redemption in learning that the Invalidator is a personality not a person and you gain tools to learn how to deal with them.
Becky Norman
A very quick read and something I wish I'd had 20 years ago when I was starting out in the work world. Although these tips on handling "invalidators" (those who feel compelled to cut you down in order to build themselves up) seem to focus more on personal relationships, there is still beneficial information for readers in a work environment, as well. While it won't give you sure-fire guidelines on how to succeed with (or against?) "little Hitlers" (because there is no one sure-fire way for every ...more
رائد الغامدي
كتاب خفيف ولطيف
وأستطيع تلخيصه في قوله تعالى: (ولاتستوي الحسنة ولا السيئة ادفع بالتي هي أحسن). وذلك إن الدفع بنفس الأسلوب السيئ يرجع تأثيره على من يريد الدفاع عن نفسه، فتصبح نفسه تغلي، ويفكر في الموقف ربما لأيام، ما يجعل صفو فكره متعكر، ومزاجه متكدر؛ في حين أن تجاهل الموقف، أو مقابلته بما هو أحسن أول ما ينعكس على المدافع عن نفسه في مقابل امرئ سيء الطباع، فيتخلص من الشعور السيئ في حينه.

لم أقيم خمسة نجوم كاملة، وانقصتها واحدة؛ وذلك لأن الأفكار في بعض أجزاء الكتاب غير مرتبة بشكل متسلسل يسمح للقارئ ب
...more
Elena Latici
Jun 17, 2016 Elena Latici rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Hardly worth commenting on

Probably the most unhelpful book I have ever read in terms of helping me to confront a bully. Ironically, I found the book to be......well.....rather invalidating. If you are looking for practical ways to handle a bully, to stand up for yourself in an assertive but not aggressive way, you're not going to find it here. Contrary to the many glowing 5 star reviews and the more than 3,000 letters of appreciation the author has received I found this book to be vague, repetit
...more
Sandy
Jul 05, 2010 Sandy rated it really liked it
Short, clear and helpful in creative ways of dealing with people who are just not nice.
Patrick Gibson
May 27, 2015 Patrick Gibson rated it it was amazing
this book is really good it defines clearly poor human communication and those who employ it; uncertainty projection,generalization, judgment , manipulation, and sneak attack.double messages, cutting communication eg "SHUT UP! building up cutting down,double bind, it gives many hints on how to break negative cycles of communicating/invalidating through humor , respect , and affinity. it by no means offers simple solutions to situations but does give a rough road map to improving tense office wor ...more
White
Aug 26, 2009 White rated it really liked it
I read this book during a time in my life when a ruthless invalidator gathered a bunch of false accusations and criticisms, even wrote letters to my friends and my fiance with degradations about me. In order to make it through the gossip and smut, I began to pick up books off the shelf that might empower me through. This was one of them. It is an easy read, another purse packing one that I read pretty fast. This book didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.

The thing that stands out the mo
...more
Teresa Austin
Oct 27, 2013 Teresa Austin rated it liked it
The title of this book is really just an attention-grabber. It got my attention! The beginning of the book talks about the Invalidator, the person who belittles others to make himself look big. It describes the effect of this person's behavior on the victim. Invalidation tends to "introvert" the victim, which compounds the problem. The second half of the book puts a little different twist on it. The message goes along with the Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without y ...more
Cathie
Aug 12, 2015 Cathie rated it liked it
A quick read, but with some useful suggestions. People who are "invalidators" have usually been the victims of "invalidators" themselves -- it is contagious. People use it because it works. He gives examples on how you can handle this behavior to break the cycle. Recognizing it is obviously the first step.
Geraldine
It was ok as a quick read. I came away thinking that every time I act strong, even in the face of oppression or bullying, that makes me an Invalidator. The word is over used in the book. It means someone who puts someone down.
He has some good tips for how to react in certain specific situations. It has some insight into how people become like that. But it wasn't really what I was looking for.0 And it was a bit alarming to find him using 'God' 'soul' 'evil' etc in his narrative. I'm not sure why
...more
sylvia jacobs
Jun 14, 2015 sylvia jacobs rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Making aware

This book brings something that most of us have done but didn't know the damage it did to others. I for one am going to change as I have been made more aware of my own behavior. Very smart guy and right on target.
AlmieMeg
Jan 26, 2015 AlmieMeg rated it liked it
This is a quick and easy read with several humorous passages. It has some interesting advice on handling people that we've probably all come across or will come across in our lives, as well as some probable explanations for their behavior.
Cagne
Informative, specially the part about avoiding succumbing to introspection, defining what's 'taking it personally'.

Gender is a distraction in this book, most of the examples of invalidators are women, it could use genderless pronouns. The author seems to try to mix it up eventually, switching from she to he, from bad wives to bad husbands, but still sometimes there is a combo of women examples that stands out. Or maybe I'm complaining that I can't concentrate enough on that guy I hate if he ke
...more
Karen Beck Walborn
Jan 25, 2016 Karen Beck Walborn rated it really liked it
This was a quick read with big insights. I learned a great deal about invalidation, giving and receiving it, and the enormous destruction of relationships due to it. I found it helpful and interesting.
Brenda
Jul 09, 2014 Brenda rated it it was amazing
It's an easy read and does not overwhelm with so much information that eventually leads to not finishing it. Made me more conscious of this behavior in people and myself.
Jess
Mar 29, 2015 Jess rated it it was amazing
This book literally changed my life when I was a teenager. I wish all kids could read it!
Mai Ngoc
Mar 13, 2014 Mai Ngoc rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
A randomly-picked book at the library turned out to be a really good book. :")
Oma Eagle
Feb 04, 2016 Oma Eagle rated it liked it
I have the 1985 edition from Jay Carter's workshop.
Amanda
May 24, 2015 Amanda rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Discussion of "invalidators" in one's life
Roxy
Apr 14, 2011 Roxy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
It's a very interesting read and gives people like me, people that take every nasty behavior as if they did something, and gives us the perspective that 'hey, more than likely it's not something we did' and this is how we can fix/deal with that behavior. I really recommend it for people with horrible bosses or friends that are manipulative. I think kids in middle school and high school should be required to read this book...it might help with the bully situation as well as the bossy nasty friend ...more
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Dr. Carter has made over 100 appearances on national television and radio in the USA, Canada, Australia, and United Kingdom (BBC-TV in London), including the "Larry King Show", and the "Montel Williams Show". He consulted with Reader's Digest for an article on "Mean People", and has consulted with the Oprah Winfrey Show. He has appeared in Oprah magazine and Cosmopolitan several times. He was a ta ...more
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“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. —LEO BUSCAGLIA” 2 likes
“Every time you meet a situation, though you think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you were before. —ELEANOR ROOSEVELT” 0 likes
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