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If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path

4.03  ·  Rating Details ·  433 Ratings  ·  40 Reviews
If the Buddha Married is filled with the same highly practical, spiritually sound guidance that so clearly touched a chord with readers of If the Buddha Dated. Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., is renowned for her ability to speak with depth, wisdom, and humor on important matters of the heart.

In this new book, Kasl inspires us to create fulfilling and vibrant relationships through a
Paperback, 272 pages
Published May 1st 2001 by Penguin Books (first published 2001)
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Dec 12, 2008 Andrea rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Those new to relationships or with surface-level issues that can be solved pretty easily
I have mixed feelings about this book. Some of the information was useful - particularly the actual Buddhist thoughts/beliefs and tips on putting these ideas into action in your life and relationships. But the book seriously faltered (for me) with some of the case studies and personal accounts of other couples. Very surface level issues, folks! And pretty cheeseball ways of communicating, IMO.

I was hoping for something richer and deeper, a la Pema Chodron or Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. What I got
Sep 21, 2007 Naomi rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: those interested in applying spirituality into their daily reality in a useful manner
I'm loving the principles in this book and though it took me a little bit of perseverence to get into it I really feel as though I'm learning something from it that I can immediately apply into my daily life - and not just into my significant other's and my relationship, but EVERY relationship.

I especially appreciate the idea of living in this moment, and now this moment, and now this moment, and not comparing our partner to how he used to be last week or a year ago, but who he is right now. And
Caits Meissner
Mar 14, 2012 Caits Meissner rated it really liked it
My Aunt bought me this book, sweetly, and gifted me it at a recent bridal shower. What she didn't know is that I read the book, similarly titled, by the same author a few years ago, "If the Buddha Dated" and it absolutely shifted my entire paradigm around love and relationships and dating. A very straight-forward, easy to read, beautiful exploration of healthy relationships. Naturally, the marriage version was just the same. The difference? This time around I was supremely affirmed. I learned fr ...more
Jan 15, 2013 Renate rated it liked it
Only 3* for a useful book, that I might read again in a few months time. Why???
I like the concepts and find useful stuff in Kasls books, but her style gets a bit in the way for me. All those examples of loving and understanding couples who had problems, but have seen the light... I think I would have got the picture with less examples. Nevertheless some practical eyeopeners!
Kim Gonzalez
Mar 16, 2013 Kim Gonzalez rated it liked it
"Think so a love within you so rich and flowing that it can dissolve whatever is hard or knotted or afraid in your heart. Imagine a free-flowing energy so vast it spills out of you and into the heart of your beloved..."
Apr 06, 2013 Elizabeth marked it as to-read
Shelves: women, bought-2012

Table of Contents
Introduction xvii
PART I The Spiritual Path to Love

Buddhism for Lovers and Partners
3 (12)

Say Hello to Your Beloved: Sufism
15 (2)

Learn to Trust Yourself: The Society of Friends
17 (2)

Explore the Source of an Enduring Bond
19 (10)

Discover the Freedom of Beginner's Mind
29 (5)

Tune In to Yourself, Tune In to Your Lover
34 (5)
PART II I, You, and Us: A Dance in Three Parts

Experience the ``Us'' Place of Relationship: Becoming More Than We Could Be Alone
39 (3)
Too much of a mishmash of ideas that doesn't treat them within their context -- an approach that can mislead. I would not recommend this book as an accurate representation of Buddhist ideas.
Jan 02, 2015 Charmin rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: spiritual
1. The marriage is the anchor, the home base, the center of the wheel of life. We find sustenance in it, value it, and are fed by it. Our desire to protect this special union helps still our criticism, own up to our insensitivity, apologize, and forgive. It helps us stretch ourselves to give and be honest. In doing so, both members of the union become more of who they are, and thus bring more vitality to the relationship.
2. Successful couples are skillful at reflecting the best parts
Britt Doughty-godchaux
This book was given to me by one of my best friends as she has been reading/carrying around the dating version of this book by the same author, and she performs wedding ceremonies and wondered if it would be a good gift for a couple getting married. Much of this book, I felt, was kinda obvious, but then with all the marriages constantly exploding in our society and how little room we are given to process things consciously as individuals or as couples, maybe it is not so obvious. This book is fu ...more
Jul 16, 2014 Elisa rated it liked it
I have very mixed feelings about this book. There is so much wisdom here, but also so much that is trite and cliched. It almost feels like two different books sometimes. The "case studies" don't add much, and some of them are very odd, like the husband who spends money on hunting dogs, and the wife who cries every time he buys a new dog because she wants to give all their money to charity (and this is "resolved" by their never discussing it) . . . . The chapters on sex read as if they were writt ...more
Jun 28, 2007 Laura rated it liked it
Recommends it for: people in serious relationships
Shelves: didntfinish
Carolyn loaned me this book. This was a very interesting guide to relationships, but sadly, I didn't finish it. Like most self-help books, it can be read in installments and not necessarily in chronological order, so that makes it hard to get into and makes me easily distracted (sorry honey). Anyway, based on what I did read, it was filled with lots of common-sense wisdom about how to accept your partner's uniquness, and how being in a successful relationship doesn't mean you have to be together ...more
Dec 28, 2012 Emily rated it liked it
It took me forever to finish this book because, like most self-help books, it wasn't exactly riveting. But there were some good take-aways, ranging from conflict resolution tips to good communication habits to navigating changes in sexual chemistry. I could have done without the "case studies" involving "real" married couples, but overall, it was a worthwhile read, and one I'll keep around for referring back to, whenever I need a kick in the proverbial pants to step outside myself and get back t ...more
Feb 02, 2010 Karen rated it liked it
I liked this book because it gives very practical and simple ways to improve marriage and other types of relationships. It's not deep, but I don't think it was meant to be. It's easy to read in small snatches of time. In fact, I read a chapter every day or two and just let the ideas percolate in my unconscious. It's a book I will refer to from time to time when I am too attached to how I think things should be. I recommend it.
Dec 11, 2007 flybrarian rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: everyone in a serious relationship
Shelves: buddhism
i'm not married, not even close, but i enjoyed if the buddha dated so much that i wanted to check this out. i found that this book isn't just for married couples. while it is geared toward those that are in long term serious relationships there is much that anyone can take away from it. i would definitely recommend reading this along with if the buddha dated to get the most out of both of them.
Jul 04, 2015 Sara rated it did not like it
Can someone please explain to me how someone could write a whole book on a topic and give it such a stupid name? According to all accounts, the Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama) was married to a woman named Rahula and they had a son together. The traditional story is that he left his young wife and baby to start a personal spiritual journey. How is this the model for "enduring relationships on a spiritual path"?

Apr 21, 2008 Rosanna rated it really liked it
OK I didn't want to admit reading this book. But you should read it too. It could really help anyone with any relationship. If you think it couldn't, then you REALLY should because you're a little too smug. Never be smug. Whether you know it or not, you are on a spiritual path and this little book helps you realize that there is nothing so great as the here and now. It's simple but not simplistic.
May 12, 2013 Josh rated it it was amazing
I've had the pleasure of reading both 'if the Buddha got stuck' and 'if the Buddha dated'. In if the Buddha married, Dr. Kasl does a wonderful job blending Eastern philosophy with modern day relationship issues. I can't give this book enough praise and rated it a 5 out of 5 stars. If you are seeking enlightenment on how to create an enduring relationship--this is your book!
Hu Di
Nov 03, 2013 Hu Di rated it it was amazing
No matter where you are in a relationship, dating, engaged, newly wed, celebrating 25 anniversary, there is a great deal for everyone to learn in the book. I listened to the audio book at audible. It is especially a great way to read this book, because it was read, I felt it was like a counselor talking to me, invisible, nonjudgmental but wise and powerful.
Lidia Viktorova
Nov 06, 2015 Lidia Viktorova rated it really liked it
This book is designed for people who have more spiritual approach towards the world in general, who are looking to transform their relationship to the 'us world' instead of what is right for me and what is right for you and to project love and kindness not only towards themselves but to the Universe as a whole.
Matt Twyman
Jul 22, 2007 Matt Twyman rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: any couple who is open to growth
this book really helped me in my relationship of 5 years to continue indefinitely. great reminders to continue the search to see someone you love for themselves and to not tire of striving to learn more about them. not so much of a self-help or relationship saver as a conscious-raising route to compassion and reconnection. small short read that's easy to digest.
Mar 26, 2012 Megan rated it liked it
Shelves: therapy-healing
Though I find the title somewhat cheesy, I thought it was a really read-able, useful book about being in intimate relationship with another person or others, and about taking responsibility for our own selves. I actually thought it was more relevant (albeit not as in-depth) than much of what I learned in school about couples therapy?!
Feb 14, 2008 Beth rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2007-adult
Sometimes I wish the for the ideal to happen and even if we think we are prepared by knowledge it sometimes doesn't work out. I admire Kasl's ideals and would love to find someone who was as interested in practicing them as me. But alas, who?
Eliz Palma
Apr 22, 2012 Eliz Palma rated it really liked it
This book had a lot of good suggestions, and gave me a different perspective on problems in my relationship. I think it could greatly help us to communicate if my husband would read it too.
Mar 10, 2010 Jana rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Many, many excellent words of advice. Lovingkindness. Living in the present. Good stuff! I'm keeping my copy.
Oct 19, 2007 Carrie rated it liked it
I'm reading this now (it's in the bathroom), but I think that marriage is like any other discipline: something to be studied and reflected on in order to improve one's understanding and practice.
Aug 22, 2010 Summer rated it really liked it
I have a great relationship with my husband and this book gave me ways to make it even better. The advice in the book can work for all relationships too.
Dec 27, 2007 Beth rated it liked it
This was more a skim than an actual read for me. I read the sections that interested me and leafed through the others.
Oct 30, 2014 Bruce rated it it was amazing
I do appreciate the way Dr Kasl,brought our natures source as the importance of energetic foundation. And in so knowing WE all can establish harmonic relationships,in what love is.
Aug 10, 2012 Laura rated it it was ok
Might be helpful if your marriage is struggling. I didn't really find it useful, it was a little more interesting when I started thinking of how some aspects would apply to other couples.
Monica Pawlan
Jan 22, 2011 Monica Pawlan rated it it was amazing
This books provides practical and spiritually sound advice for anyone who wants to strengthen a relationship. The book is an easy read with plenty of depth, wisdom and humor.
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Charlotte Sophia Kasl, PhD, is a U.S. psychologist and author.

She pioneered the 16-Steps for Discovery and Empowerment as an alternative to the Twelve-step program for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.

She wrote several books based on some aspects of Sufi, Quaker, and Buddhist spiritual beliefs and traditions.

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