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The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Millers wide and profound book about childhood trauma has provided thousands of readers with guidance and hope, and is essential reading for those interested in psychology, psychotherapy, and more.
Hardcover, 144 pages
Published
July 22nd 2008
by Basic Books
(first published 1979)
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for the people who seem to have it all yet hunger for so much.
this is not the psychopop of twelve-step, i-got-in-touch-with-my-anger-today, neurosis-no-more books. "gifted" here has nothing to do with what your school counselor/teacher told was gifted or talented. rather, the original german word refers to the ability to empathize and meet the needs of a parent figure--at the loss of your true self. while this gift might enable one to survive his/her childhood, the gifted...more
this is not the psychopop of twelve-step, i-got-in-touch-with-my-anger-today, neurosis-no-more books. "gifted" here has nothing to do with what your school counselor/teacher told was gifted or talented. rather, the original german word refers to the ability to empathize and meet the needs of a parent figure--at the loss of your true self. while this gift might enable one to survive his/her childhood, the gifted...more
I've read a lot a really helpful books that my therapist has recommended to me in the past six months or so. This book is amazing and straight to the point. I would recommend it for anyone that has issues w their parents that they want some perspective on or anyone concerned about possibly passing on the legacy of their own difficulties to their children, however inadvertently. I will read all of Alice Miller's books after reading this one.
Miller presents a solid theory with some difficult truths, but at time the narrowness of her idea turns into a sort of tunnel vision with sweeping generalizations that are far too much. She gets carried away with herself and disregards other influences, other options. I always bristle at any theory that attempts to explain everything with a single reason or cause, especially in the complicated matters of psychology or human emotion. Regardless, the clarity of her presentation makes this an ea...more
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Just finished this quick little read. This is a specific kind of book for a specific type of person at a specific point in their specific lives. If the time or the person isn't a great fit, you might hate this book and think it is useless, but if the timing is right, then you might love it. It's about learning about yourself and where you came from. To a certain extent we are all trying to better understand who we are and where we came from. Some people do it more obviously then others. Ev...more
This is an excellent book for learning more about yourself, how you became the way you are, and also as a possible source of help regarding the causes and cure of any emotional difficulties you may have. It will also help you better understand the people around you and how they came to be the way they are. It is a good source of psychological knowledge. Alice Miller shows very clearly how the way our parents raised us when we are children formed us psychologically.
Alice Miller wro...more
Alice Miller wro...more
I liked this book better than I expected to. I had read good things about it; apparently the author's insights on childhood were important in developing psychological understanding in the 70's and later. But I was afraid it was going to be a sort of polemic against parents. Rather, it was more a warning for therapists -- she makes the point that therapists often go into the field because of unresolved issues in their own past and if they are not careful, ie, if they don't have therapy to wor...more
This book is both brilliant and full of schlock. I know people with the problems she described, people who were never going to be loved for who they were, so either buried themselves in achievement or cut off important parts of themselves. These childhood traumas have crippled them in adulthood. The thing about these people, though, is that their parents were fundamentally flawed and repeated these actions over and over again. Unlike in Miller's book, these were not one-off events.
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Ignore the title. This is a book for anyone struggling with their childhood. And not only those who were abused or not, it's basically anyone that had tough things happen in their childhood that weren't dealed with appropriately. I would think everyone would fall into this category. The book was written for therapists, but a lot of patients end up reading it.
The author believes that depression really comes from the separation of your real self with yourself...in other words, ki...more
The author believes that depression really comes from the separation of your real self with yourself...in other words, ki...more
This is the best book I have ever read. Do not be fooled by the title--the original title of the book was "Prisoners of Childhood," and I believe the publisher talked the author into changing the title so that proud parents would want to buy the book. As a marketing ploy, it worked. But it's really not about "gifted children" in the contemporary sense, which is often about ratings and education. It is about the most important issue of our time: raising children.
I've been hearing about this book for a while (mostly from Bill!) and wanted to give it a try. Some parts I liked a lot; I thought her points about how emotionally insecure and unstable parents raise children who are unable to fully access their emotions because their emotions have been blocked in order to accommodate their parents' needs were pretty insightful. I also thought she got it right when she wrote about how people's needs for achievement often stem from the feeling that their parent...more
"The only defense we have against mental illness is the discovery of the truth of our childhood."
Should be required reading for every psychologist. I liked it even more when, in the third section of the book, the author used Hermann Hesse as an example! I learned something about my favorite author--and, more importantly, gained some highly valuable insights that I hope I can put into practice in integrating my own self.
(on loan: K. B.)
Should be required reading for every psychologist. I liked it even more when, in the third section of the book, the author used Hermann Hesse as an example! I learned something about my favorite author--and, more importantly, gained some highly valuable insights that I hope I can put into practice in integrating my own self.
(on loan: K. B.)
"It's a seminal work in my field," Dr. Paul Weston (HBO's "In Treatment") said in response to Frances, the daughter-diagnosed-narcissist, when Frances asked her therapist, Paul (the brooding Gabriel Byrne), if he's ever heard of, "The Drama of the Gifted Child."
Naturally, I downloaded the book the next day.
Self-help it is not. Well, not exactly; and I mean that in a good way. But it is a quick read, and only $5 on Kindle!
If you're even...more
Naturally, I downloaded the book the next day.
Self-help it is not. Well, not exactly; and I mean that in a good way. But it is a quick read, and only $5 on Kindle!
If you're even...more
Okay, so technically I didn't read this book. I couldn't get past the first chapter. I'm sure it holds very valuable information for some, but for me it was just way too psychoanalytic. (it's a personal limitation of mine that I start to tune out and drift off when authors command me to escape my inner prison...)
Another self-help book that I read in my early-20s, and it was instrumental in helping me understand many of my problems. It didn't "heal" me or change me, but it was a major step in self-recognition.
This was a good start, but I need more guidance! I feel like the book could have been shorter, she spends way too much time making her case: depression and other psychological problems stem from having been mistreated as children, and as a result we're repressing our true feelings and it's manifesting as depression or grandiosity, etc. It also means that we're likely to mistreat our children in the same way, even if we make a conscious effort not to. She says that we need to discover the hidd...more
This book is highly controversial for me as the author seems to say that those who love unconditionally have serious mental issues.
Personally I find that it is not only children that need to be loved unconditional, but the child in all of us seeking to be understood and loved that needs to know that unconditional love is always there even if a person in authority doesn't neccessarily agree with a childs feeling states or actions.
In my experience to think that the love fro...more
Personally I find that it is not only children that need to be loved unconditional, but the child in all of us seeking to be understood and loved that needs to know that unconditional love is always there even if a person in authority doesn't neccessarily agree with a childs feeling states or actions.
In my experience to think that the love fro...more
So I was talking to my psychiatrist during supervision, and he recommended me this book. Its opening statement goes: "Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery of the truth about the unique history of our childhood." And it goes on to talk about how our childhood makes us who we are today. Certainly got me thinking about my own childhood, and there were indeed examples which I identify with. Makes me w...more
perfect for those looking to blame mommy & daddy for all those nastly little bits of self-spewage. just kidding!! It moved me to tears at times (though not too hard a thing to do!). miller's study points to the growing problem of living through our children due to unresolved issues with our own upbringing & how therapists may in fact be detrimental to our psycological health if they themselves be still enraptured by their "mothers" (read "caregivers").
this book is ...more
this book is ...more
I read this a few years ago, and it didn't resonate very much for me. After more time and a lot greater understanding of narcissism and how it has shaped my family, going back to this book was a revelation. From the other Alice Miller books I've read, it seems safe to say this is her core, classic work, expanded upon in all her others, but put forth here in a pure and straightforward way. For anyone plagued with perfectionism, who swings between feeling on top of the world and worthless, this...more
Unfortunately, I think that this book could be read by many, many people who see their lives played out in Alice Miller's words and psychological analysis. It offers up a better understanding of the actions of those that raise us and how that effects the ways we think about ourselves. Not your typical "I'm messed up because of my mother" book. This book might just leave you feeling more understanding, acknowledged and ready to move past that inner conflict between the life you want and...more
This is a new edition of a book first published many years ago and this is probably why many of the ideas about the impact of early experiences do not seem especially novel perspectives. It never uses the term recovered memories but some of the territory covered looks at least superficially as though it may be the same (we cannot become free until we acknowledge the bad things done to us as children). It could be seen as a book boiling down to "Blame it on the parents, and then the parents'...more
To be fair, I'm going to start with the caveat that I'm not a huge fan of Freud, on whose theories of psychoanalysis Alice Miller seems to rely quite heavily in constructing her own. But while I admit my personal bias against the foundation for her psychological theory, I still believe the construction of her general arguments to be weak as well. She seems to depend far too heavily on isolated instances as evidence of the childhood "abuses" that have crippled her patients in their adul...more
This was a bit heavy on psychoanalysis for my taste, although I've read that Miller eventually distanced herself from psychoanalysis (as opposed to psychotherapy) as a viable method of treating mental illness. Miller seems to believe that most forms of mental illness result from childhood trauma, a view I'm not particularly comfortable with, as I believe most if not all mental illness has a biological component. Still, there are positives here, as well; Miller's exhortation to both parents and...more
jenna
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
therapists and introspective folks
Shelves:
2008,
my-personal-geek-out-shelf
I am really enjoying this book. Miller has some pretty bold ideas and holds no punches in clearly asserting them; the confidence of which is compelling and stimulating. For example, she clearly states that those professionals who cite "grace" or "god" as part of the healing process in mental health have issues to work out on themselves (this topic is only tangential and not indicative of the book topically, btw).
Anyone could gain a great deal from this book; eit...more
Anyone could gain a great deal from this book; eit...more
Let me start off by saying that reading this was an assignment, not something I did out of pleasure or interest or anything. My therapist recommended I read this book. This is a tough read, and one you need to be prepared for. I wouldn't recommend anyone pick up reading it unless you're already into psychology.
The book deals with how children adapt to survive when they do not receive unconditional love from their parents. In some cases, these children were raised by parents who had t...more
The book deals with how children adapt to survive when they do not receive unconditional love from their parents. In some cases, these children were raised by parents who had t...more
If one accepts a tragic view of life determined by the family drama, how is it possible to ever call therapy successful? Is the making of the unconscious conscious enough to radically change a person's fate? These unanswered questions make me uneasy about psychoanalysis in praxis but fascinated with it as an (open) system ...
It is a commonplace that psychoanalysis is a strand of pessimism emerging from Schopenhauer and Nietzsche. Alice Miller openly addresses the more pessimistic...more
It is a commonplace that psychoanalysis is a strand of pessimism emerging from Schopenhauer and Nietzsche. Alice Miller openly addresses the more pessimistic...more
Melissa Sinner
rated it
Recommends it for:
Anyone who had a fairly rough childhood
Recommended to Melissa by:
A Counselor
This book isn't about having a gifted child... The gifted child is the reader and how they got beyond some crummy life experiences in their past. It's definitely written from a counselor's point of view, but it still resonates with anyone who has a history of childhood abuse, neglect or abandonment. The "gift" is all of the behaviors a child learns to cope with and survive situations that might otherwise have "done them in" - this sounds very dramatic and in some ways it is, ...more
Was recommended to me to read. It's a great read about psychology and how childhood experiences affect many people in the present. The forward that Alice writes indicates that she writes this book out of her own experiences and her own story. However, the book reads between a story and a technical handbook. It's definitely accessible to people who aren't used to psychology terms, but it's not purely just her story. This doesn't reduce the message of the book, it's still great and thought provoki...more
I was on fire to discuss this book with people and I had so many place saving stickers all over it I realized I simply wanted to talk about every sentence! I read it 20 years ago and I felt like I finally found explanations that made sense! Since then I've read many other good books discussing the same issues which also were excellent so the fire became a little light. It's an excellent book of possible truth, and definitely should be near the top of that book list if you have an interest in t...more
Ich hatte das Buch zu Schulzeiten (vor mehr als 20 Jahren) schon mal in der ersten Auflage gelesen. Ich fand es damals auf abstrakte Weise interessant, habe es aber meiner Erinnerung nach nicht im Mindesten auf mich selbst bezogen. Ich erinnere mich, dass meine Mutter es auch gelesen hat und nicht so gut fand, allerdings weiß ich die Details nicht mehr, also was sie gestört hat. Jetzt habe ich auf eine Empfehlung hin die aktualisierte Fassung gelesen und fühle mich extrem angesprochen. Vieles wa...more
| topics | posts | views | last activity | |
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| Drama of the Gifted Child | 9 | 21 | Sep 07, 2011 09:02pm |
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Alice Miller was a psychologist and world renowned author, who is noted for her books on child abuse, translated in several languages. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies, which she described in For Your Own Good.
Miller was born in Poland and as young woman lived in Warshaw where she survived World War II. In 1953 sh...more
More about Alice Miller...
Miller was born in Poland and as young woman lived in Warshaw where she survived World War II. In 1953 sh...more
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“The grandiose person is never really free; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail.”
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10 people liked it
“Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in the individual and unique history of our childhood.”
—
8 people liked it
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