On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep (On Becoming. . .) by Gary Ezzo

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Anyone try these steps with an older baby?	6	36	02/24/2009 06:52PM

01/07/08

Jaime rated it:

Read in November, 2007

I was going to borrow this book, but mysteriously, everyone I know who used to own a copy chucked it into their trashcan and had nothing to let me borrow. I decided to read the library's copy and find out if it was as useless as I had heard.
As a general review: BabyWise inspires extremism. You either assume they are crazy and you do whatever you darn well want to or you assume they are geniuses and you believe every word. These are both dangerous schools of thought. The book starts out wit...more I was going to borrow this book, but mysteriously, everyone I know who used to own a copy chucked it into their trashcan and had nothing to let me borrow. I decided to read the library's copy and find out if it was as useless as I had heard.
As a general review: BabyWise inspires extremism. You either assume they are crazy and you do whatever you darn well want to or you assume they are geniuses and you believe every word. These are both dangerous schools of thought. The book starts out with some genuinely useful principles for new parents: 1) Babies function best within the workings of a family, not as the center of the universe. 2) New parents could easily overlook their marriage with a new baby in the house, and that’s not cool because children need the stability of knowing that their parents love each other and value their relationship as a top priority. These principles are generally reasonable and a good reminder for new parents. But then the book offers advice on how to put the principles into practice and the advice has nothing to do with the principles.
BabyWise purports its program as a happy medium between the 2 extremes of parenting philosophies. Extreme #1 is reported as Attachment Theory, which they describe as follows: your baby is completely in charge. Parents have no ability to make decisions… that new baby rules the home. They must be held every single second they want to be held and fed every time they want to eat. It actually says more than once that this theory expects parents to feed their kids as often as every 20 minutes… you get the idea. This is a completely distorted and extremist view of Attachment Theory, which really just states that babies are trustworthy to know what they need and that especially when they are very young, if they seem upset, there is something upsetting them and it’s worth looking into instead of blowing off your child’s needs and assuming they are just being controlling and ruining your life.
Extreme #2 was clock-ruled parenting and is presented by the BabyWise book as follows: schedule, schedule… RIGID schedule. If your kid ate at 8am and was put down for a nap, they can’t possibly need anything from you until 11am, so don’t touch them, talk to them, or help them AT ALL. The clock is in charge, and you must be available again at 11am.
The BabyWise program describes itself as a happy medium between these extremes that puts the parent (not the baby or the clock) in the driver's seat. You use a schedule, but instead of being ruled by the clock, you assess your baby’s needs and take them into consideration. It sounds good until the major rub occurs: BabyWise claims that ALL babies should be sleeping through the night by such-and-such an age (defined as 7-8 hours of sleep) or you are parenting them badly. Talk about pressure on new parents! It really just becomes a third extreme. Forcing my child to sleep all night before they are ready (by ignoring them when they cry) makes sleep the most important priority of parenting, and doesn't even do it well!
If you ignore the “make your child sleep and ignore them if they cry during the night” fiasco, there was a small bit of decent information in the rest of the book, especially the multiples chapter (I have twins) which was written by a invited author, a pediatrician and mother of triplets, twins, and 4 singleton children) not the BabyWise authors.

Bottom line: BabyWise could be useful if you have enough confidence in yourself to know where they are full of crap (the research listed is only sometimes actual research and is sketchily presented… they only report studies that support what they have to say, so they only have a few studies to report from. It’s rather shady). I don’t recommend it for brand new parents because it adds too much stress in areas that your kids might not “perform” up to the designated standards. However, I recommend the multiples chapter to every new parent of multiples!(less)

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06/04/08

Franziska rated it:

bookshelves: family-literature

Seems like everyone loves this book. Here's what I thought(good stuff first):
- I liked that they emphasized the importance of a stable and well nurtured relationship between spouses as a healthy environment and support for the children
- I liked their idea of trying to establish a routine of eat/wake/nap time (mainly because that's how I do it at day care, and it flatters my ego to think people write books about the very thing I figured out on my own. Ha!)
- I liked their mention...more Seems like everyone loves this book. Here's what I thought(good stuff first):
- I liked that they emphasized the importance of a stable and well nurtured relationship between spouses as a healthy environment and support for the children
- I liked their idea of trying to establish a routine of eat/wake/nap time (mainly because that's how I do it at day care, and it flatters my ego to think people write books about the very thing I figured out on my own. Ha!)
- I liked their mentioning of trying to push for/establish a good/full meal at each feeding and proper growth charts

Here's what I don't like:
- very little solid research/professional evidence of their theories besides the loud opinions of the writers. They declare all kinds of things as fact without any proof. Not professional AT ALL!!!
- the simplistic and uneducated tone of the book as if they write to an audience they consider a little dumb
- the assumption that baby needs to fit into the family as it is, and the family shouldn't have to change because of baby. Well, I believe in sacrifices and selflessness, and just as adjustments have to be made when entering a marriage from single life, some sacrifices and adjustments have to be made when a child is invited into the family. That's the real "give and take" to me, though clearly rules and boundaries have to be established depending on the maturity and understanding of all parties involved. A newborn baby is hardly at fault for coming into the world and having needs.
- contradictory statements - and quite a few of them.
- pathetic fictional case scenarios (Chelsea and Marisa)
- presenting themselves as the great alternative, while showing that they are the opposite of attachment-theory parenting (which would put them on the other end of extreme if they are the opposite of one extreme...)
- their constant dissing of attachment-theory, which they didn't even prove AT ALL in the book as inefficient.Instead they just made up a fictional scenario where this theory fails. I've seen it applied and succeed as much as I've seen kids on routines (with methods from their book) fail in being happy, content, independent and secure. I'd rather see some proof how this theory is specifically failing.
- the assumption that any approach that differs from their's is no good, that anyone who doesn't push for independence is doing their child a complete disfavor, and claiming (more or less) that other nations in less developed countries are handling things no different, and if they do only because they must (not because it's maybe possible to be extremely nurturing and STILL raise a functional, happy, secure, content child).
- While they do mention that you should respond to hunger cues of your child, and figure out if something is wrong if your child is hungry every 20 minutes, this point is not very clearly made, and rather nebulous amongst their routine feeding suggestions. For the brain-dead parent, this could lead to a malnourished baby if someone doesn't realize that no matter what they have to respond to a hungry baby
- Lastly, I also found the set-up of the book pretty disorderly.

Overall, I'd say it had a few good ideas, but all in all not a very professional or credible source to me. (less)

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08/31/08

Kate rated it:

Read in January, 2007

I know some people don't like the author or his ideas, but I found them lifesaving with our first baby. I saw how effective these methods were for my best friend, so I was very interested in reading this book for myself.

We started Babywise with Lily when she was two weeks old--basically, we started giving her life a consistent pattern of feeding, having waketime, then napping. The big difference between this and the way that most babies naturally operate is that babies like to fal...more

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10/09/07

Meg rated it:

(review of isbn 1576734587)

bookshelves: favorite-mom-books, nonfiction

recommends it for: breastfeeding moms who need some sleep

Ok. I have TOTALLY held off on reviewing this book because of the stone throwing that might ensue. People either love this book or they hate it. But call me a glutton for punishment...I'm going to tell you that this book saved me! And I mean really! I honestly wish someone would have tackled me and made me read it when I was a mom with only one child. Although, honestly, I'm not sure it would have solved the sleep issues and colic that my first son had. But I read this book before I had m...more Ok. I have TOTALLY held off on reviewing this book because of the stone throwing that might ensue. People either love this book or they hate it. But call me a glutton for punishment...I'm going to tell you that this book saved me! And I mean really! I honestly wish someone would have tackled me and made me read it when I was a mom with only one child. Although, honestly, I'm not sure it would have solved the sleep issues and colic that my first son had. But I read this book before I had my third child and it made a HUGE difference! Now I don't think that only one way will work for every child because I've learned the hard way that just isn't so. Nor do I like extreme techniques. But taking it all in moderation...the thing I learned (and still remember from the book) and used with my 3rd & 4th child are these:

The first thing you teach your child is how to eat and sleep. Many people (and I know I didn't think like this before) don't consider that those skills are taught because they are so innate. But the sleep patterns we teach our baby is what they get used to. What's the pattern? It is that they eat, stay awake, and then sleep. They never eat to go to sleep or they will always need eating to go to sleep (if that works for you then of course keep doing it...but it didn't work for me). I worked really hard (especially once they were two months old) to teach my children to stay awake. I'd change their diaper midway through so they would wake up and finish eating a full meal. The benefit of them staying awake is that they don't wake up hungry an hour later. Eventually, they never fell asleep as they were eating.

The other thing I learned is that babies can learn to go to sleep on their own without any props (being fed, rocking, bouncing, etc.) A baby can learn to comfort his/herself and learn to go to sleep on their own. I can't tell you how many times I would bounce my first child to sleep and try to carefully move him to his crib only to have him wake up and refuse to sleep again. Then I would carry them for the whole day and feel like a failure because I couldn't get anything else done. With my 3rd child, I would lay her down in her bed when she was tired but still awake. And she slowly learned to go to sleep on her own. I didn't let her scream and scream. I would walk back in to comfort her but not pick her up. And it did pay off. Eventually, I could lay her down and walk away and she would go to sleep. And it was heavenly. And it was easy for my husband and babysitters to do this too. It doesn't seem to work the first two months but if you keep trying the general pattern it does work eventually.

The last thing I learned is this. Feed your child regularly in the day. If you feed them every 2 or 3 hours (depending on what their needs are) in the day, they will not need to eat as much at night. They will be too full from eating in the daytime. I didn't let them sleep through their next feeding in the day because I wanted them to be able to sleep at night. And for me it totally worked. She was sleeping 8 hours at night very quickly. Since I was breastfeeding exclusively, the benefit of the schedule was that I could count when she was on a 3 hour schedule, when I would be feeding her and know what time I could take a break that night. I'd count 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm ...and know that at 7:20pm I could go out with my husband and not need to be back till 10pm. That was comforting for me because I knew that if she started crying...it probably wasn't because she was hungry.

Anyway, it helped me in those ways. And I share it in case it may be helpful for you. :-) But use your mom instincts they will tell you what is best for you and your baby! (less)

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09/24/07

Sarah rated it:

(review of isbn 1934384011)

Read in June, 2002

recommends it for: no one

I used this with my first two, before I knew about their previous editions or the other books in the series that go into more depth with their system. I basically picked and chose the principles that I liked, and discarded everything else. Which is good, since they advocate what, to me, amounts to child abuse. Corporal punishment, manipulation, adults are superior, all these ways of getting your child to be obedient to you just because you're the parent.

Their credentials are questio...more

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08/29/07

polly rated it:

(review of isbn 0880707755)

Read in June, 2007

Babywise was recommended by a friend of mine who had a baby a couple of years ago and swore by the 'scheduling' in the book (though the book would probably call it putting baby on a 'routine'--I think it is scheduling!) Whether or not you like the book or find it useful will probably depend on your style of parenting, temperament, and expectations. I read it at first before my son was born, then refreshed by reading some parts of it again after he arrived.

The more parenting I do,...more Babywise was recommended by a friend of mine who had a baby a couple of years ago and swore by the 'scheduling' in the book (though the book would probably call it putting baby on a 'routine'--I think it is scheduling!) Whether or not you like the book or find it useful will probably depend on your style of parenting, temperament, and expectations. I read it at first before my son was born, then refreshed by reading some parts of it again after he arrived.

The more parenting I do, the less I like this book. I originally gave it 2 or 3 stars, but as I get more experience I like it less.

The biggest things that bother me:

1. Making a moral point out of getting your baby to adapt to YOUR schedule so that down the road s/he will be obedient. I think what makes an obedient child is what we learned in my Sunday school class: a full tank...lots of love attention and care....not rigidity in scheduling. Sets up parent v. child, a dichotomy that does not need to exist.

2. This book does not address the fact that babies are different. some babies will take to a schedule easily. some will not. if yours does not, I'm afraid this book will make the baby sound like s/he is defective in some way and needs to be 'trained' to be easier. I simply don't agree. BABIES ARE DIFFERENT...I think the babywise style is a little too cookie-cutter. So take heart, not all babies are 'by the book.' (Also milk/dairy allergies are VERY common and can cause a baby to be very NOT by the book--that's what we've got and if I'd given up on 'why' my son was crying, his health would have suffered.) Listen to YOUR individual baby.

3. Not taking into account different parenting styles.

4. the notion that a baby should sleep in his/her own room from the get-go. Dr. james mckenna has some words of wisdom on that subject, but I think the baby should sleep where the family is happiest--and this varies from family to family.

5. the notion that a baby should sleep through the night so early. Although I don't think a baby should be waking up every hour, I think we have to be reasonable. babies' tummies are tiny and their needs are different...they have immature nervous systems and brains. some babies sleep through the night soon, some do not. (teething, developmental milestones, etc all throw a wrench in sleeping, too.)

This will work for some parents. but I believe babies, like adults, are unique. trust your instincts. I did, and I'm better rested now (with a baby who does NOT sleep through the night) than ever.

as for sleep books, the no cry sleep solution is useful, the happiest baby on the block is great for babies under 4 months (the DVD is the best!). (less)

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07/22/07

Millie rated it:

(review of isbn 1576734587)

bookshelves: appalling

Utterly appalling. The American Academy of Paediatrics has called for this book to be banned. If you are thinking of reading this book or using Ezzo's methods, please go here first:

http://www.ezzo.info/

I found this book in a secondhand shop and after hearing so many things online about it (ranging from "it is wonderful and I converted to Christianity because of it" to "Gary Ezzo should be locked up") I bought it for, I think $1. It is a "parenting...more

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03/21/08

Laura rated it:

(review of isbn 0880707755)

Read in January, 2001

recommends it for: firestarters everywhere

I've heard this author referred to as a "milk-Nazi", and having read the book, I understand the reference. "The natural way"? Hardly. I've had two tongue-tied boys (that makes for inefficient eaters, unhappy tummies, and frequent feedings). The advice in this book is harsh and without compassion for children. I think his response to baby's hunger is in effect answering the cry for food with, "Here: eat this stone, kid." Jesus had compassion on hungry adults. God the...more

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01/28/08

Lynde alvarez rated it:

(review of isbn 1934384011)

bookshelves: parenting

Read in January, 2002

scariest book ever created. the authors are not professionals, doctors, have experience...they are just pulling out this advice from their nether-regions and testing to see who is gullible enough to listen. if you want to estrange your children, read this book. if you want to create a fearful environment for your child, read this book. this book has also been linked to thousands of deaths due to dehydration and malnutrition. it is pure danger and should be removed from all shelves and burne...more

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07/31/07

Darcy rated it:

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in July, 2007

Some good ideas, but too harsh for my tastes.

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09/15/08

Jessica rated it:

Read in September, 1998

Who wants their baby to sleep through the night and go to sleep without any fuss? Then you should read this book! I first read it when a family I nannied for wanted me to get on board with what they were doing with their daughter. It worked like magic! David and I decided to apply this same program to all of our children. I have 5 kids and they all slept through the night between the ages of 6 weeks and 3 months. The basic principal is getting them on a feeding schedule so that their metab...more

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07/25/08

Christine rated it:

Read in July, 2008

recommended to Christine by: Sara Richards

I just finished reading this book after it was recommended by two of my good friends. I wish that I had read it before I had my first child. The scenarios it described about "demand feeding" fit my experience feeding Rebekah so perfectly, it was embarrassing:).

It was nice to read a book that I could not only see the benefit of, but that I actually found myself agreeing with the author on most parenting philosophies. It was obvious that the author had a great respect for ...more

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03/07/08

Michelle Rowe rated it:

(review of isbn 1934384011)

This book seemed like a great idea. I was set on using this method until I actually gave birth, and I think in a different situation this book would have been wonderful. We did use the feeding schedule as suggested, but the sleep schedule/method was entirely unsuccessful.
I didn't like that it didn't give me any excuses, it made me feel like I was a failure for not being able to adhere to their method. They said to expect some crying in the beginning, or if you are implementing it late...more

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02/12/08

Jen rated it:

(review of isbn 1934384011)

I don't know - I have such a hard time with this book. Before my first baby I read it probably 5 times - certain that my child would come out of the womb and be on a schedule exactly how this book described it. And I read nothing else, so I had no backups. This book says there's no such thing as luck when it comes to having a good sleeping baby. I disagree. I guess the thing is this - if you're one of the 80% of parents who have a normal to easy baby, I think this book will work for you. I ...more

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02/04/08

Raelene rated it:

(review of isbn 1934384011)

bookshelves: on-my-bookshelf, parenting

Read in September, 2007

If taken with a grain of salt, this can be a really helpful resource. I believe in routine and schedule and sleeping at night. Some parents don't - bonding and closeness are more important to them - and that's fine. But for me, this book was a great help in training my little one to sleep through the night (while carefully monitoring his eating habits and growth). However, I think you have to have a certain degree of detachment and know that this is not going to work perfectly in order to fe...more

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11/13/07

Diana rated it:

(review of isbn 1934384011)

Read in June, 2002

recommends it for: anyone with kids!!!

I absolutley love what these books have to offer, and find them to be right on. I studied infancy and early childhood development, so I didn't go into these books blindly, but found them to work really well, and to be on track with the long terms goals were are trying to help our children accomplish. And if you read the sites for their study work, it's amazing. I can't stress how helpful these were. Especially with my daughter who had GERD. Without this, I don't think any of us would have made i...more

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07/09/07

Deanna rated it:

bookshelves: personalmedical

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in January, 2004

There is an amusing amount of controversy over this book, considering it is pretty limited and practical. It is not a comprehensive parenting book, but it does give a good starting place for the mother bringing home a newborn. It gives a nice general structure for feeding, sleeping and playtime and is not as rigid as critics imply. There is no reason to take it overboard as some fear. The one downside of this book is that it says that if you maintain a structure as they recommend, your baby ...more

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03/06/09

Brittany rated it:

Read in June, 2008

I’m not ashamed to say that I was an absolute mess the first few weeks after Abby was born. I usually pride myself in being a relatively prepared person, but for prepared for infant, I was not.
My sister recommended I read Baby Wise. The theory behind Baby Wise is basically to let your baby ‘cry-it-out,’ pretty much from day one. My implementation of this technique lasted for about…two nights.
In my continued desperateness, I had a couple of people recommend The Baby Whisp...more I’m not ashamed to say that I was an absolute mess the first few weeks after Abby was born. I usually pride myself in being a relatively prepared person, but for prepared for infant, I was not.
My sister recommended I read Baby Wise. The theory behind Baby Wise is basically to let your baby ‘cry-it-out,’ pretty much from day one. My implementation of this technique lasted for about…two nights.
In my continued desperateness, I had a couple of people recommend The Baby Whisperer. The theory behind Baby Whisperer is basically, almost always respond to your baby’s cry, with a few techniques on different ways to respond and calm. My implementation of this technique lasted for about…four nights.
Six days later and complete post-partum depression/zombie-ness, I was nearly suicidal. I can remember on several occasions while implementing Baby Wise and Baby Whisperer techniques thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding, have these people ever really had their own children and implemented their own techniques?”
In the end, what resulted was a successful combination of the two theories. I didn’t let Abby just completely cry-it-out, but I also didn’t respond to her every single cry by picking her up and doing the, ‘shush-pat’ for 45 minutes. And when I was letting Abby cry-it-out, I usually sat in chair next to her crib with my hand on her tummy, comforting her, but also letting her know it was time to sleep.
It required a lot of persistence and there were many a difficult night, but about eight weeks after Abby arrived, she was sleeping for relatively long stretches during the night.
Abby’s sleep patterns still have their ebbs and flow. As she’s gotten older and her patterns have changed, I’ve sought more advice from, The Happiest Baby on the Block and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. The bottom line for me has been that I don’t think all the answers can be found in just one book. It has taken a lot of reading different opinions about sleep habits, then considering Abby’s wellbeing as well as my own, to find the best fit for us. However, I definitely have to say, my success with Abby’s sleeping has only been helped by my being disciplined, persistent, and letting her have the occasional, ‘cry-it-out’ session. Happy parenting to all and to all lots of sleep!
(less)

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02/11/09

melissa/missy rated it:

bookshelves: birth-and-parenting

Can I give it zero stars? Or negative two? After reading that the American Academy of Pediatrics has criticized this book (and even linked it to specific cases of babies' deaths and malnutrition/dehydration cases), I picked it up just to take a look. (Couldn't bring myself to read very much of it.) But I read enough to notice plenty of errors on a basic biological level; did we forget that feeding schedules have been proven to be the absolute worst thing for breastfeeding babies?? Babies ne...more

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01/07/09

Shelley rated it:

Read in January, 2000

What a lifesaver this book was for me. I highly recommend this book to all new parents. If the hippie drippy co-sleeping based on the misconcieved birth trauma theory isn't working for ya, try this! To me this book is sanity in a world gone child-centered mad. The proof is in the pudding and both of my very different children were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old (5 or more hours). At 2 years old my son was so familiar with the feeling of being tired and what to do that if he got c...more

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