Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!” as Want to Read:
HELP!  A Bear is Eating Me!
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!

by
3.53 of 5 stars 3.53  ·  rating details  ·  1,439 ratings  ·  210 reviews
Trapped in a remote Alaskan forest, pinned under his own SUV, gnawed upon by nature's finest predators, Marv Pushkin -- Corporate Warrior, Positive Thinker, Esquire subscriber -- waits impatiently for an ambulance and explains in detail the many reasons why this unfolding tragedy is everyone's fault but his own.
Paperback, 132 pages
Published February 26th 2008 by Eraserhead Press
more details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!

Tagged by Joseph M. ChironHELP!  A Bear is Eating Me! by Mykle HansenThe Road by Cormac McCarthyIt Lives in The Basement by Sahara FoleyThe Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris
Best Books about Being Eaten
2nd out of 83 books — 151 voters
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. DickPride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-SmithSomething Wicked This Way Comes by Ray BradburyThe Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas AdamsI Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley
Best Book Titles
127th out of 2,208 books — 2,020 voters


More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
filter  |  sort: default (?)  |  rating details
Caris
Oct 11, 2010 Caris rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: hunters of all varieties
A few months ago, a snake sneaked into the library. Shifty bastard that he was, he hid beneath a shelving unit and worked hard to avoid detection. Unfortunately for him, there was a fellow in the room he chose, a conscientious fellow who was concerned about the creature potentially biting someone. So he turned away from his work (he was actually working and not looking at any pornography whatsoever) and monitored the snake while he phoned the front desk from his cell.

This is where I come in. Al
...more
karen
Aug 14, 2009 karen rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: people who heart comeuppance
absolutely. lets be honest, this is a book you buy for the cover, initially. but behold: its actually well-written!! this is the most unsympathetic character ive read since dostoevskys the adolescent, but its a hoot, and i didnt want to throw the book even once, which i did with the adolescent. thats a lot of commas to just say - yes - read this book.
this is a p.s. - a customer asked me for a recommendation for someone who liked camus and chuck palahniuk. this is perfectly centered between the
...more
Christen
I read this on the way to the airport and then I read more of it at the airport and then I finished it on the airplane. When I have to deal with the TSA, airline personnel and large numbers of my fellow humans, I often experience deeply felt misanthropy. Reading this book complicated that. You see, the narrator of the book is a smug, entitled, dumb, greedy yuppie douche bag who's deeply irritated by the extent to which this getting-trapped-under-an-SUV-and-eaten-by-a-bear thing has fucked up his ...more
Greg
For years (thousands of them actually) great thinkers have pondered the question, if a total asshole is trapped under something heavy and their legs are being eaten by a bear is that ok, or should we feel sorry for them? Plato in the original manuscripts for his allegory of the cave dealt with his exact problem when the know-it-all shit who had gone out in to the real world came back and got himself trapped under a boulder and a bear started to eat his legs. Plato said it was the danger of leavi ...more
Mykle
Apr 26, 2008 Mykle rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  (Review from the author)
Recommends it for: moist, crunchy humans
Shelves: books-with-bears
Conflict of interest warning: I ate the author of this book.
Dan Schwent
While corporate sleazeball Marv Pushkin is on a bear-killing/team-building trip in Alaska, he becomes trapped under his Range Rover and a bear begins eating him. Hilarity ensues.

HELP! A Bear is Eating Me! reads like Jim Thompson's The Killer Inside Me if it were written by Christopher Moore and Lou Ford was an ad agency executive rather than a small town sheriff. Making the reader care about a douchebag of Pushkin's caliber is a rough job but Mykle Hansen accomplishes just that. Pushkin's dialog
...more
Arthur Graham
Never before has a book done more to discredit the notion that protagonists should be likable. Marv Pushkin is probably about as irredeemable as characters come, and yet... You can't help but feel a little sorry for the guy. Not because he's in the process of dying a slow, gruesome death, but because, over the course of his ordeal, we come to learn much more about him than he's willing to let on. Through a series of flashbacks and hallucinations, we discover a man so awesomely awful that he actu ...more
Mariel
Dec 12, 2010 Mariel rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Smokey
Recommended to Mariel by: thank you beary much, goodreaders
I liked Help! A Bear is eating me! a lot. I loved that Marv had the same two devils on his polar (bear) same shoulders- both with enormous chips on them. He's an asshole in the best way he could've been. He's the kind of asshole that anyone with sense would know to stay far, far away from (like Scarlett O'hara). Like he admits himself, his climb to the top was made easier by smiling faces waiting to get stepped on. He's not harmless in the grand scheme of things, but definitely not in my persona ...more
Madeleine
I have a longstanding marital bias in favor of bears. What started out as affectionate joshing -- that my outwardly imposing and initially intimidating husband is really just a big teddy bear (which I’m sure is exactly the kind of private commentary he wants me spreading around the internets) -- has, over the years, spiraled out of control to the extent that swapping "bear" for any even remotely similar sounds (e.g.: bearriage, libeary, husbearnd, et cetera ad nauseam) is the overriding hallmark ...more
Mark Russell
As a survivor of a horrific bear attack myself, I can vouch for this book's authenticity in its description such a life-changing disaster. First of all, manners, such as not playing with your food, don't appear to be too highly stressed within the bear community. In fact, they love to play with their food. It starts, innocently enough, with a little swat to the ass here, a little nibble on the arm there, but before long, their food-play gets increasingly complex, creative and, dare I say, excruc ...more
Karly *The Vampire Ninja*


JERK WARNING!

Marv Pushkin, our MC, is a DICK, straight up.... not a nice person, AT ALL!!

...but does he deserve to be eaten by a bear?

I loved this story! Recommended and provided by the wonderful karen, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me! is a wonderful exploration of the limits of compassion -- mine for Marv -- and the answer to the age old question, If a jerk is being eaten by a bear in the woods of Alaska does anyone give a shit?!



Dangerously funny and deranged :)
Lance
HELP! A Bear is Eating Me! Great title! Great book! Wow, look at that! The period key on my keyboard keeps producing exclamation marks instead of periods! WTF* My question mark key makes that asterisk thingy that looks like a puckered asshole! Speaking of assholes, Marv Pushkin, the narrator/protagonist of Bear, is an asshole! But that’s information that’s given on the back of the book, so there’s no need to repeat it here, is there* Marv’s narrative is misanthropic, misogynistic, condescending, ...more
David
Normally I'm not beguiled by first-person narratives, especially when the voice is that of an obnoxious boorish narcissist. Mykle Hansen's HELP! A Bear is Eating Me! is an honorable exception. Despite having a protagonist of unparalleled loathsomeness, unblemished by even a hint of concern for others or a scintilla of self-awareness, this book charmed the pants off me. The title is sheer genius, and completely accurate. As the story opens, its truly despicable antihero, Marv Pushkin lies pinne ...more
Tressa
4.5 stars
Very funny little book about an elitist Yuppie named Marv Pushkin who gets trapped under his SUV while bear hunting in Alaska with his fat wife, his mistress, and some of his yes-men employees.

Almost every page is lough out loud funny as Marv dopes himself up to handle the pain of being chewed on by Mr. Bear. To keep boredom at bay he goes inside his mind and opens up about his love for his Rover; his love of things and his hatred of nature; the Mexican and his illegal kids who don't d
...more
Jasmine
I have to say that this is the purest sociopath that I have ever read. I actually like the main character in a non-commital way. I want to hit him, but I understand why he is the way he is. Also, I hate all the people who he hates.

I enjoy the conspiracy theory.
David Barbee
I can’t even describe what a scumbag Marv Pushkin is. He is the product of everything wrong with modern civilized human beings. His life is defined by corporate wealth, mind-numbing pharmaceuticals, and chauvinistic douchebaggery. He is the epitome of consumerist arrogance. He’s built himself a colossal ego decorated with material possessions, each more vulgar and expensive than the last. Marv Pushkin is an arrogant, self-absorbed, self-righteous, and downright horrible man.

But does he deserve t
...more
Steve Lowe
This is very funny book, filled with a slew of excellent one-liners that made me chortle. Because it made me laugh, I wanted to like this book more, but there were a couple things that bugged me about it.

1. As the back cover tells me, the main characer, Marv Pushkin, is an asshole of the highest order. A drug-abusing, selfish, vain, rude, philandering asshole. I have no problem with that at all, but I was expecting something to change by the end. To set up such a character, and stick him in a si
...more
Kathryn
This book is a wonderful example of Karma at work. Payback can be fun, if you are at least a little sick in the head. I happen to love revenge movies. They can be extremely fulfilling, kind of rewarding. Maybe because real life does not work like that. This book gives me a similar feeling.

Some of my recent reads have been classified as humorous and I have griped in a few reviews that I did not connect with the authors in terms of what is funny and what is annoying. This book is funny. For other
...more
Lea
Brilliant. Honestly, one of the funniest books I've ever read. I know Marv Pushkin is a total jackass, but OMG is he funny. I was about 3/4 of the way through the book when I started thinking "What do you know, a bizarro book that isn't going to make me feel sort of lost and sad", then BAM! Mykle Hansen did what these guys do best, and ripped my heart right out of my chest. I absolutely loved this book, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Camille
A very silly and entertaining novella that asks the question, does an asshole deserve to be eaten by a bear? After reading this book, I'm thinking yes, yes he does.
Jeff
Marv Pushkin is an asshole. He is a greedy, drug-addicted, nature-hating, member of middle-management who cheats on his wife. He is also pinned beneath his SUV, loaded up with pain-killers, while a bear is eating him alive. So begins Mykle Hansen’s comedic bizarro novel, “Help! A Bear is Eating Me!”

The ambicious premise of the book is that it takes place totally in the mind of Marv Pushkin while he is being eaten. There is very little action that takes place during the story but the character
...more
Kate
This book is rawr!

More comedy than tragedy, the main character Marv Pushkin is the biggest douche nozzle this side of the apocalypse has ever seen and he totally gets his just desserts.

I guarantee that you will hate, abhor, and want to take your hostilites out on this character, while laughing at his stupidity all the while. But don't take my word for it, check this book out (and the audio files on Mykle's website) and enjoy the carnage. Trust me you'll be glad you did!
Rusty Thelin
Holy crap, what a politically incorrect, downright disgusting, and thoroughly enjoyable read! We all know people like the narrator of this story, one Marv Pushkin, a deeply despicable human being who deserves to be eaten by a bear... this is a fun, quick read which you will remember for a long, long time... I loved it!
Esteban del Mal
What do you do with a messed up jerk who refuses to sit for psychoanalysis?

Why, you pin him under the weight of his SUV in the wilds of Alaska while a bear gnaws off his legs, and you watch the hilarity ensue!
Kirsten Alene
When I began reading “Help! A Bear is Eating Me!” I was so frustrated with the narrator that I almost wanted to stop reading it, just out of spite. Who would create such a terrible person? There was no way I was ever going to sympathize with this douchebag. But, try as I might, I could not stop reading this book. I tried everything. But the writing was so engaging, and so amusing, and the story kept getting better and better.

For a novel in which 90% of the story takes place under the carriage of
...more
Valetta
Help!A bear is eating me!, Aiuto!Un orso mi sta mangiando!, è il titolo originale di questo bizzarro romanzo che credo renda molto meglio lo spirito dell'opera rispetto all'anonimo Missione in Alaska scelto per l'edizione italiana.
Missione in Alaska è infatti un romanzo ai limiti dell'inverosimile, con qualche tocco pulp, in cui tutto, personaggi, vicende e toni, viene esasperato. Marv Pushkin è l'archetipo del manager rampante, arrogante a dismisura, maschilista, sessista, prepotente e inquinat
...more
Marvin
When I was twelve, a ranger at Yellowstone National Park asked me if I knew how to tell a black bear from a grizzly. I didn't. The ranger replied, "You kick him in the butt and climb up a tree. If he follows you up the tree, it's a black bear."

Now to the review...

First the bad news. The protagonist of this novel is an greedy misogynist asshole who loathes humanity and hates the environment. He embodies every evil facet of the corporate type you can think of. He is totally unlikable and undeservi
...more
Marc-Antoine
Hilarious, this guy knows how to rant!
Constance
Question: What's worse than a complete asshole with zero self-awareness? Answer: A complete asshole with plenty of self-awareness who thinks he has a right to be an asshole because he is Entitled. And so we have Marv Pushkin, who is now doused with bear bait (you'll have to read the book to find out why) and trapped under his SUV in the Alaskan wilderness while a bear makes very friendly with his feet. I wondered whether this book could sustain its premise, essentially a monologue of Marv's inne ...more
Sheldon
Help! A bear is eating Marv Pushkin!

And, uh, that's pretty much it. That was the easiest review I've ever written.

Well, okay, maybe that's not all of it.

What happens when you have a complete narcissist stuck in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness (insert Sarah Palin joke here) underneath his SUV getting eaten by a bear? You have Help! A Bear is Eating Me! by Mykle Hansen.

It's been said that there are three basic plots: Man vs. man, man vs. nature, and man vs. himself. While this book at first s
...more
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 99 100 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
  • House of Houses
  • Piecemeal June
  • Starfish Girl
  • Zerostrata
  • Shatnerquake
  • Love in the Time of Dinosaurs
  • The Egg Said Nothing
  • Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy
  • Bucket of Face
  • Ass Goblins of Auschwitz
  • Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed
  • Muscle Memory
  • The Bizarro Starter Kit (Orange)
  • Uncle Sam’s Carnival of Copulating Inanimals
  • The Bizarro Starter Kit  (blue)
  • Rotten Little Animals
916703
Mykle Hansen's inability to have a normal reaction is key to the popularity of his surreal fiction and neo-gonzo journalism. He is the author of the acclaimed short-story collection EYEHEART EVERYTHING, several dozen 'zines, a religious self-help column in the Portland Mercury, and over fifty thousand lines of Perl. HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! is his first novel. RAMPAGING FUCKERS OF EVERYTHING ON ...more
More about Mykle Hansen...
Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere The Cannibal's Guide to Ethical Living Eyeheart Everything Hooray for Death! I, Slutbot

Share This Book

“If I was a worrier I'd worry, but not being a worrier I'm just sort of confused and pissed off.” 11 likes
“Some managers hire people they're excited to work with. I prefer to hire people I'm excited to dominate.” 8 likes
More quotes…