Why Men Hate Going to Church

Dec 26, 2008 Peter rated it 5 of 5 stars

Why Men Hate Going to Church

David Murrow
Nelson Books
ISBN 0-7852-6038-2

Almost any church you walk into, any Sunday service, any church committee, you will notice the gender gap. There are more women than men. Is this just the way of things? Are women just naturally more religious than men? If you think that's unlikely, but don't understand why and want to know mote, then this is the book for you. David starts by looking at Masculinity, and then at some more detailed categories of people who are n...more

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Dec 26, 2012 Linda Walters rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

As a woman reading this book, I was astounded by the sheer numbers of men absent from church. Several statements in the book grabbed my attention as truth. “ There are two kinds of people in the church; the pillars and the caterpillars. the pillars uphold the church with their prayers; their work and their donations. they build the kingdom of God by the sweat of their brows. The caterpillars crawl in Sunday morning, sing a few songs, listen to a sermon and crawl out again , not to be seen for a...more

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Aug 09, 2012 Gregory Soderberg rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ministry, practical-theology

David Murrow has written an important book that churches can only ignore to their great peril. The statistics are frightening ... mainline churches are increasingly feminine in their membership, even as they decline in overall membership. Churches that are growing and thriving are self-consciously targeting men and involving the men. More importantly, they are doing things that men want to be a part of. Men want to be on a mission--they feel uncomfortable around lots of talk of an "intimate rela...more David Murrow has written an important book that churches can only ignore to their great peril. The statistics are frightening ... mainline churches are increasingly feminine in their membership, even as they decline in overall membership. Churches that are growing and thriving are self-consciously targeting men and involving the men. More importantly, they are doing things that men want to be a part of. Men want to be on a mission--they feel uncomfortable around lots of talk of an "intimate relationship with Jesus." Murrow makes some splendid points, especially in ch. 12 ("Twelve Things Men Fear About Church"). My personal favorites: "I'll Get Stuck with Some Weirdo" (think Ned Flanders), "Is He Gay?", "Church is Tough on Single Guys," "Christians Don't Get Much Sex," "Church is Full of Hypocrites," "All They Want Is My Money," "I'm Jealous," (Murrow quotes a country song--"She left me for Jesus/ And that just ain't fair/ She says that he's perfect/ How could I compare?").

Murrow delivers a fair amount of Biblical exegesis, along with statistical realities. He shows how we have lost sight of the Lion of Judah in our emphasis on "Jesus meek and mild," the Lamb of God. Both pictures are Biblical, but most people have downplayed the rugged and confrontational Jesus. We think of him as a bit of a effeminate hippies (just think of the atrocious Protestant "icons" that abound in older churches). But it's not all bad news. Murrow also profiles some churches that successfully engage and retain men. Interestingly, the last church he profiles is pastored by a woman, but she is a woman who knows that men are different.

Murrow's discussion of "Men and Contemporary Worship" begs for more development. He presents some great points. For instance, how many guys would be comfortable singing the words of many "praise songs" to other guys? Murrow gives us the hilarious image of two hunters sitting in a duck blind, with one of them suddenly telling his friend: "Your love is extravagant/ Your friendship, it is intimate/ I feel like I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace/ Your fragrance is intoxicating in this secret place." While there is much to be said about some of the language of the Psalms, the Song of Solomon, and of David's love for Jonathan (though Jonathan was probably old enough to be David's father), Murrow's basic point sticks. Contemporary worship does play to the strengths of women, as does church culture overall. We have constructed a culture where our core practices reward a woman's typical gifting (speaking abilities, ability to empathize with others, emotionalism). This is a culture where more bookish types like me can excel. Men of action, or men who work with their hands, feel somewhat out of place.

We need to remember that Jesus called his disciples to come and do life with him. They didn't sign up for a class, and didn't go attend a church conference. They went on a mission with him. He taught them continually with stories and with plenty of visual illustrations. He challenged them, and gave them near-impossible tasks to carry out. He let them fail, but them spent time with them and taught them how to do it better. Murrow (and many others) are calling us to do the same for the men among us. With so many other things competing for man's time, the Church needs to re-think its entire approach. How many more men will we lose in the meantime?(less)

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May 18, 2012 Heidi rated it 4 of 5 stars

I think I'm a little unqualified to review this book, but here goes. Author David Murrow asserts that the rapid loss of men in the protestant faith over the last 50 years is due to the unintentional feminization of the church. I would have to say he's probably right - most of the time. From the decor (quilts, doilies, flowers, etc.) to the ministries that thrive (women's events, children's ministries, choir) church is tailor made for females and gives men the impression that they are not needed....more

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Feb 10, 2012 Robert Stump rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Homo Homini Lupus
http://manisawolftomen.blogspot.com/

Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow is a refreshing look inside the holy gates. With a sniper's precision Murrow hones in all the many facets of the family of God that have sent the warriors of the Kingdom out alone into the fields. Three points stand above the rest in his analysis: the Church preaches the lamb to the exclusion of the lion, that is, churches are nice; they like hugging and potlucks; the Church is effeminate, that is,...more Homo Homini Lupus
http://manisawolftomen.blogspot.com/

Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow is a refreshing look inside the holy gates. With a sniper's precision Murrow hones in all the many facets of the family of God that have sent the warriors of the Kingdom out alone into the fields. Three points stand above the rest in his analysis: the Church preaches the lamb to the exclusion of the lion, that is, churches are nice; they like hugging and potlucks; the Church is effeminate, that is, it is filled with women and so it is to women that it caters; we refer to the Kingdom of God, as the family of God, or our relationship with Christ, but not our mission from him; ministries, sermons, music tend more and more to focus on the needs of women and sensitive touchy-feely wet rag men, and not the risk takers and the adventures; the Church is safe and secure and wants to stay that way; we take no risks, we offer no challenges, we never ever, ever worry about floggings, betrayals, or death in Church--and since this is exactly what Christ promises those who follow him, I wonder who it is we're following?

Fear not, Murrow, does not tells the reader he is in the fox-hole and then abandon him; No. The last third of the work is dedicated to the ways to reengage men in the Church, and without having to kick out the ladies none the less. He gives practical advice to church leaders about the many things that will bring back the men: timely services, less amorous man-love songs, less hugging (especially with strangers), more challenge, more risk, less lamb, more lion. Talk about the Kingdom, the mission, the difficulty and the reward. Then give them something to take with them as a reminder (ask our wives, it is a rare bird that remembers what all we've been told) like Joshua setting the stones across the Jordan as a reminder to the people from whence they'd come, or the scars that Shakespeare has King Henry extols when he calls for his band of brothers to rise and fight on Crispian's day. So gives us a message that relates to a piece of water pipe, or a rock, or how about a knife. Men love knives.

Murrow is just all practicality either. The work is well written, and even after chapters and chapters interspersed with statistics and demographic studies I was not worn by the work--I didn't realize anyone would be until I saw another review that mentioned this--but I was not tired of the information. I wanted more fact more evidence: if I am going to present this as a needed change at my home church I need to back it with some heavy firepower. Moreover it is chocked full of humor whether Murrow is comparing the gospel to an action film and church to a chick-flick, or the best reason ever to pray with your wife (I won't spoil it, you'll have to read it; trust me, you want too) he hits the message home again and again.

Just a short warning for the ladies. If you read this book be prepared for your rationalization hamster to spin his little wheel like a madman, your defenses will go up, you will be offended, but if you have ever in your life wondered why you couldn't find a good man, this is why. Take heed.

5/5

Propter Sanguinem Agni,
RS

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own; I was not expected to enjoy this book nearly half as much as I did. I bet if they knew how much I was going to enjoy it they would have wanted me to pay for it still. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255. (less)

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Jan 14, 2012 Dale rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Powerful and dead on.

Published 2011 by Thomas Nelson
237 pages, including end notes.

David Murrow has put a lot of thought into why men do not go to church. I am in my mid-40s and have gone to church all of my life, with the exception of 2 or 3 years right after college where my wife and I went every once in a while at best. We have been at the same church for 18 years.

We have a great church but we do have wives that come to church without their husbands week in and week out - not many, but after...more

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Dec 29, 2011 Brian rated it 5 of 5 stars

YES! He’s right! David Murrow begins by calling out specific peeves that turn off men in contemporary churches. But he doesn’t stop there. He backs up his observations with solid data and supports his assertions directly from scripture. At first, his often humorous commentary felt very validating by asserting the same concerns and dislikes that I’ve felt for many years. It seems I’m not the only guy who’s uncomfortable with overly sentimental praise songs. But the tone changed away from what cou...more

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Dec 17, 2011 Matt Bianco rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: theology

I really enjoyed this book.

There are three main points Murrow makes through the book. First, he sets to prove that there is a divide in the church, more women attend church than men. Second, he tries to dissect the reasons why this may be true. Third, he offers solutions to the problem.

The points are not necessarily neatly divided into three sections of the book--although that is somewhat the case.

To his first point, Murrow offers statistics and anecdotes exposing the attendance of men versus...more I really enjoyed this book.

There are three main points Murrow makes through the book. First, he sets to prove that there is a divide in the church, more women attend church than men. Second, he tries to dissect the reasons why this may be true. Third, he offers solutions to the problem.

The points are not necessarily neatly divided into three sections of the book--although that is somewhat the case.

To his first point, Murrow offers statistics and anecdotes exposing the attendance of men versus women in the church. Unfortunately, his statistics and anecdotes bear witness to this divide being true in all Protestant denominations and the Catholic church. He intimates that it may not be true of the Orthodox church (especially overseas), but that it is true of all other churches, especially in America.

Second, Murrow offers insight into the different ways men and women think. He offers examples of masculine versus feminine presentations, such as the way Gillette markets the exact same razor, one designed like a weapon and packaged as such for men, and the other dressed up in pink and curves and marketed to women. The evidence indicates that presentations along these lines do in fact attract men or women, respectively. He then takes this principle to the church and finds communion tables covered with doilies, windows decorated with lace, walls painted in soft pinks and peaches, and hymns or songs laden with feminine ways of speaking about love and protection. Then asks the question of why men would want to go to church.

Third, he offers simple, practical solutions to de-feminize the church so that it will be more comfortable for me.

It is worth noting that I attend a reformed, presbyterian church. Murrow's solutions don't all apply to me. There are things he offers that would not work in a more liturgical church. The principles he sets forth, however, will. I may not be able to accept all of the specifics of his solutions, but I can accept the principles behind them. Additionally, Murrow is not saying that we need to make the gospel or worship more masculine than the Bible does for the sake of men. He is arguing that we have been making it more feminine than the Bible does for years (and years and years), and that we now need to de-feminize it and make it as masculine as it was intended.

He closes with the story of a female pastor from a mainline church (the hardest churches, especially when they have a female pastor) and how she had read his earlier books on this topic and implemented some of the changes in her church. She has remained the pastor, but with the implementation of some of his solutions, she now has more men than women in her church. And, she pastors a church that has retained much of its liturgical worship and traditional hymn-singing.

I think this is a book all pastors and elders should read, especially if they see more women in their pews than men.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”(less)

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Nov 09, 2011 James rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In this updated edition of his 2005 book Why Men Hate Going to Church David Murrow has addressed a real, verifiable problem. Men don’t go to church, at least not in the numbers that women do. Why is this? Are Women more spiritual than men? Less fallen? No, but among the various factors that keep men out of the pews, Murrow finds that the church have soft-pedaled parts of the gospel painting Jesus as the gentle lamb of God without also showing us that He is the Lion of Judah, ferocious and wild....more In this updated edition of his 2005 book Why Men Hate Going to Church David Murrow has addressed a real, verifiable problem. Men don’t go to church, at least not in the numbers that women do. Why is this? Are Women more spiritual than men? Less fallen? No, but among the various factors that keep men out of the pews, Murrow finds that the church have soft-pedaled parts of the gospel painting Jesus as the gentle lamb of God without also showing us that He is the Lion of Judah, ferocious and wild. He asserts that if the church is to recapture the culture, grow, fulfill its mission, take risks, do something significant, be more orthodox, cultivate commitment among the youth, then we need to retool how we do church in ways that appeal more to men and make them feel like church is worthwhile.

What Murrow attempts to do in these pages is point out the lack of men in church, identify some of the ways that church culture has excluded men, and offer some practical advice on how to make church more man friendly. I applaud this goal. The issues he speaks of are real and if men are to be encouraged to pursue a real and vibrant faith, clearly this means doing ministry in ways that speak to men. A promise keeper’s male hug-fest doesn’t translate to more men in the church. Murrow tries to put his finger on the pulse of what does. For this I applaud him. And so, what is the problem? Several in fact:

1. Murrow bases his analysis on unhelpful gender stereotypes garnered from pop-psychology. In chapter one, Murrow makes the case that the church displays feminine values because Christian values. Murrow utilizes Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus to make his point that culturally, the Church is seen as feminine. Women value things like communication, connection, beauty, whereas men are all about power, efficiency, proving oneself and skills. While I think John Gray makes important distinctions in the way men and women are socialized, I think it is a mistake to absolutize his claims. If men are to thrive in life, the so-called feminine characteristics he describes are what will enable it. Without the ability to empathize, and relate to others (feminine traits), a man demonstrates a low E.Q. and will not succeed in business or life. This is what a number of popular business books are telling us guys. Men are not simply task master automatons; they are also relational beings. I have a problem with a book about men which begins with an assumption which denies their full humanity.

2. While Feminization is a problem in the church, Murrow fails to see that it is actually a broad cultural problem, not a simple ecclesial problem. At one point, he does acknowledge that women are starting to be a significant portion of the academic world is also excluding men. This is a societal problem. Men are withdrawing from business, from academic institutions and the church. This book addresses the problem in the church in isolation from culture. Therefore Murrow’s analysis is flawed from the get-go.

3. Murrow’s use of statistics is irresponsible. Well, at least he is inconsistent. Some of his stats are good; sometimes he relies on non-scientific polls to make his point. Other times he draws conclusions from stats that are not judicious. For example, when 11 out of 95 men leaving a sportsman show think that church is not masculine, this is hardly compelling evidence of how feminine the church is. Let me be clear, I agree the feminization of the church is a real problem; yet most of the data Murrow sites is more anecdotal than empirical.

4. Sometimes Murrow fails to accurately name the reasons for the problems he sees. For example, he rightly points out that the biggest gender disparity he sees, is in African-American churches. What is the reason? Gay pastors, the formal and traditional dress of African-American churches, and the length of their services are Murrow’s answer(91, 109, 159). While there may be some truth to his answers, this fails to account for the wider societal issue of the absence of the African-American male. African-American males are under educated, under represented in the workforce, do not have the political clout of African-American women. They are the highest representative demographic of men in prison. Murrow’s analysis doesn’t account for any of this. It makes me think that much of what he says is more conjecture than actually helpful.

5. Murrow operates on the assumption that because something is cultural feminine, it excludes men and therefore we need to do something different for them. I agree up to a point. But he makes the case that men are uncomfortable with physical affection, talking about their ‘relationship’ with God or being in intimate settings with other people. He suggests mega-churches attract men because they feel unthreatened and can be anonymous. Okay. But is this good for men? Personally, opening up relationally and talking about uncomfortable things has been my biggest growth edge in my ‘relationship’ with God. I get that some of relational language can be seen by macho-men as a little bit ‘candy-ass,’ but honestly relational language captures the experiential reality of what it means to walk with God. Murrow would argue that we should abandon the unbiblical language of ‘personal relationship’ which sounds icky to men and anyway is not biblical, to the harder more challenging language of discipleship. I agree that to be a Christian is to come to grips to what it means to be a disciple, but this does not fully encompass our life with God. Jesus himself said to his disciples, “I no longer call you disciples but I call you friends (John 15:15).” There is a personal relationship at the core of how we relate to Jesus. If men object to the language of ‘personal relationship,’ they still need to contend with Biblical language which commends intimacy and friendship. If this is problematic for the would be disciple, maybe they need to let go of some of their gender stereotyping. Man up! Having a personal relationship with Jesus doesn’t make you less of a man, or overtly feminine. It makes you a member of the new humanity. You want to be a man, have a personal relationship with Jesus. You don’t want to do that? Then die in your impotent idea of manhood with its antiquated appropriation of gender stereotypes.

6. As long as I am mentioning language, another place where Murrow gets this wrong is when he eschews the language of ‘family of God.’ He rightly, if woodenly literal, points out that Jesus never used the term ‘family of God; instead he talked about the Kingdom of God. I personally have no issue using Kingdom language, but to dismiss family of God as simply something that appeals to the feminine, fails to emphasis our relationality to one another. To be in the church, is to be connected to other Christians in ways more profound than our marriages or family of origin. The fact that Jesus never says, “family of God” doesn’t illegitimatize the term. Jesus does say, “Those who do the will of the Father are my brother, sister and mother. (Matthew 12:50)” My guess that this statement is more offensive to women than men. Paul, Peter, James and John all use the term ‘brothers’ to refer to those in the church. When you think of the church. this is your family. It is a theological truth for Christians, not gendered language aimed to draw women into the church and exclude men. It is a fact for those who would call Christ their Lord and want to be his disciples.

7. On a personal note, I like church. I am bummed if I miss church. According to Murrow’s analysis, the fact that I like church, thrive in church, have good verbal skills and am relational is because I am feminine. My schmaltzy talk-about-your-feelings-pastoral nature fits well in church and its girly. Well Murrow here is a newsflash. I am all man. I am so manly that other men cower when I walk to a room. If you are a man reading this now, I know you are intimidated. I’m just saying.

This isn’t to say all the advice that Murrow gives on how to reach men is bad. Some of it is pretty helpful. He talks about providing places where men feel like they are offering something significant and are taking leadership. He also offers some helpful tips on teaching that connects with men. Occasionally he overstates his advice like when he says don’t allow churches to display flowers because it’s too feminine and men feel uncomfortable. If your church doesn’t look like a bed and breakfast probably most men can handle a few bouquets. I find the inherent sexism in his analysis problematic, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get some things right.

Thanks to Thomas Nelson (via Booksneeze) for giving me this review copy in exchange for my review. I was not asked to write a positive review of this book. So I didn’t.(less)

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Oct 25, 2011 Cafelilybookreviews rated it 2 of 5 stars

David Murrow makes some interesting points in his book Why Men Hate Going To Church.

I’m sure that he has possibly irritated many readers with his suggestions that the overall “feminization” of the church has contributed to a mass exodus of men. But whether you agree or disagree with Murrow’s book, you cannot deny the proof that men are attending church less and less.

While we may not all agree on the why – it certainly is an issue. The author writes that “the missing men are looking for adventu...more

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Jul 27, 2011 James added it

Every American male should read this book. So should every Christian female interested in the topic of Church growth.

Murrow's book is a jarring, prescient and seminal analysis of the church. It shines forth a fresh, compelling mixture of Eldredge's outstanding books Wild at Heart and Waking the Dead. Its primary topics are masculinity, and the statistics and sociology of Church decline.

It is an outstanding synthesis of the service-oriented focus of liberal churches and the discipleship-oriente...more

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Oct 24, 2011 David Santos rated it 5 of 5 stars

Before I get into the actual review. I'd like to remind people that there are other Christian religions such as the 7th Day Adventist, that do NOT worship on Sundays, but on Saturday mornings. The author researched many other religions and mentions them in the book except the SDA's. Now, as I said I am an unbiased reviewer so I will not lower the rating of this book because of that, but I thought I should point that out. We do exist people.

For years I have asked myself that very question "Why do...more Before I get into the actual review. I'd like to remind people that there are other Christian religions such as the 7th Day Adventist, that do NOT worship on Sundays, but on Saturday mornings. The author researched many other religions and mentions them in the book except the SDA's. Now, as I said I am an unbiased reviewer so I will not lower the rating of this book because of that, but I thought I should point that out. We do exist people.

For years I have asked myself that very question "Why do men refuse to go to church"? And I have had many answers, from lack of faith to their just plain lazy, but this book made me realize how far off I was. Being a guy myself I can relate to alot of the things David mentions. Like men disliking holding hands with other men in a prayer circle or the dress code. Let me tell you, there have been times where I did not go to church because I didn't know what to wear. If the church wasn't so obsessed with suit and ties, I would go in jeans and t-shirt anytime. As David mentioned in some church soon as they dropped the suit and tie gimmick, male attendance nearly tripled! Which is insulting to us guys when you think about it. Girls take 7 hours to get ready for church and guys can't even take 10 to get fancied up? Now that is sad.

As I read this book I thought about my church and other churches I've visited. I realized that all Christian religions have two things in common: Worship the same God and we have the same type of people. A Church dominated by women and men who hate being there. I could pull 5 sermons out of this book and preach it in several churches. or even at a Men's Ministry retreat which no one goes to for the reasons David mentions in this book!

A Book filled with lots of facts and figures. I didn't even need to read his sources, because I can see the facts in my life. For example: 7 out of 10 boys raised in church will leave as adults. I believe it, because I'm one of the 3 that stayed. I like how he took his time and did research for the book and didn't just use common sense (as we know common sense doesn't fly anymore these days)he had facts to back up the obvious.

It takes 223 pages to answer the question, but it answered it well, showing people the truth on why many men hate going to church and showing how women have "owned" us in church leadership. A really good read in my opinion.(less)

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Sep 22, 2012 Steve rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: booksneeze, kindle

NB: my review is of the revised second edition - not this one. The revised edition doesn't seem to be available on Goodreads.

Christianity is not attractive to men at the moment. In fact, men hate going to church, according to David Murrow, the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow argues that Christianity has become feminized since the industrial revolution to such an extent that men are leaving in droves or avoiding church like they avoid housework (my example - not his!). The men who...more NB: my review is of the revised second edition - not this one. The revised edition doesn't seem to be available on Goodreads.

Christianity is not attractive to men at the moment. In fact, men hate going to church, according to David Murrow, the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow argues that Christianity has become feminized since the industrial revolution to such an extent that men are leaving in droves or avoiding church like they avoid housework (my example - not his!). The men who do dominate the leadership positions in churches are actually feminized men who feel comfortable with, and demonstrate the characteristics of, women - intimacy, verbal communication, emotions, caring, touching etc.

The entire thesis of this book is premised on the assumption that men and women are completely different in their natures. (The author draws on the popular Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.) Murrow believes that most people conceive of Jesus Christ as living out the values ’that come naturally to women.’ The way that church is structured (in most Christian churches) appeals to women because of this belief about Christ and, therefore, men are left out in the cold. Christianity is seen as a "soft" faith and, if men are attracted to Christianity it is because they are ’highly verbal, sensitive, and relational.’ ”Real” men are into power, competition, achievement, practical skills, results, setting goals, etc. All of this is not deliberate, of course. But it's a very real problem.

How do we get men back into the church? Reverse the feminization of Christianity and bring masculine elements back into church worship and life. If the Church is to reverse the declining membership of its congregations (in the West, in particular) it needs to get men back into the pews. Women, it turns out, like churches with lots of men so the focus needs to shift to making the faith more masculine - and the women and children will follow.

Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate, fast paced read. It's powerful and persuasive. A lot of the material sounds reasonable and some of Murrow's assertions are backed up with empirical evidence. The idea of “masculinising” aspects of Christian belief and worship is certainly needed? For example, images of Jesus need to become more real than the effeminate versions of much Christian art. And the praise songs that have men singing to Jesus as his lovers definitely need to go!

But I experienced a degree of discomfort as I read this book. Firstly, the differences between men and women seems overly stereotypical. Very little is discussed in the book about the commonalities between men and women. The simplistic distinctions between men and women as described by, for example, John Gray have been criticized as excessively reductionistic and not reflecting how similar men and women are in so many respects. The picture drawn by Murrow seems to "black and white".

Secondly, Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for making his point sometimes borders on sexism. While the feminine is occasionally affirmed it would be easy to infer that the bad aspects of Christian worship and life are the product of female nature. I've only read the book once, but I can't recall any occasion where the author has remotely suggested that “masculine” Christianity may have its problems or any hint at the historical abuse of women by men who have suffered at the hands of men in power. I don't believe this is intentional but Murrow needs to be more careful about this aspect of his views.

In summary, Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate plea for the reconsideration of men's needs in our churches. It's a plea also being made outside the church in areas such as education. Men and boys do need healthy masculine role models in the church. Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for the concerns of men is great to see. For me, though, I would have liked to see a more substantial, objective argument presented for rejuvenating Christian worship for all. But then, maybe I'm not a “real” man!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”(less)

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Nov 18, 2011 Coyle rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Hmm, another book where it's tough to know where to begin. I guess with a summary:
This book is about why men hate going to church. Specifically, it walks through some historical and psychological reasons men don't go to church, and then through some possible solutions.
This book is well written, so it gets three stars (my rock-solid rule of book rating is that if you can string two sentences together in a way that keeps me reading, you get the average- it's a rare enough skill that it ought to b...more Hmm, another book where it's tough to know where to begin. I guess with a summary:
This book is about why men hate going to church. Specifically, it walks through some historical and psychological reasons men don't go to church, and then through some possible solutions.
This book is well written, so it gets three stars (my rock-solid rule of book rating is that if you can string two sentences together in a way that keeps me reading, you get the average- it's a rare enough skill that it ought to be praised when encountered).
Having said that, I do not actually recommend any of the content of this book. Let me just suggest three reasons why:
1) Ultimately the theme of the book is that men don't go to church... because they are men. Which wouldn't be a problem, other than that Murrow believes that the church since the Victorian Era has been in a steady process of feminizing. He points out that the vast majority of church programs and institutions in the 20th century are either geared towards women or require more feminine virtues to implement. This drives men away, or at best makes them grudging attendees. What Murrow fails to point out is that most of these men wouldn't go anyway not because their biggest problem is their gender, but because they are sinners. It is not our masculinity that keeps us from God, it's our rebellion against him. We don't go to church because by nature we hate God and don't want anything to do with him.
2)The bulk of the statistics he quotes are from mainline Protestant churches, as are the majority of his solutions. The fact that he focuses on theologically liberal churches is in itself enough to skew the book to the point where it essentially has no value for a Christian. If churches where the Gospel is being regularly and faithfully preached are having problems keeping men in the seats (and they might very well be), that's a very different issue than a bunch of social clubs who gave Christianity the boot a hundred years ago (and hence really lost the right to be called "churches") having trouble keeping men interested.
3) There is no Gospel in this book. Not only in the sense that it is not shared, it does not work its way into Murrow's writings even by implication, nor is it part of his proposed solution. In one sense, Christians should be like Sunday School kids who know that the answer to every question is the atoning work of Jesus. Murrow thinks that t he solution to the lack of attendance at churchon the part of men is making church more attractive to them. He never once points out that the problem might be with the men. Maybe we don't go to church because we're lazy, or because we're proud, or because we're simply distracted by other good things that we think are more important. To any of these problems, the solution that Christianity has to offer (and has always had to offer, it's not like this is a radically new thing) is the Good News that our sin has been paid for on the cross. Our laziness, our pride, our distraction, all of our sin in wanting to forsake the church has been completely paid for, and not by us. That, and that alone, is the message that we should be relying on to bring men back into the church. Of course there are other things that we can do better, but if the Gospel is left out we might as well lock the doors now, because we're not doing anyone any good, men or women. Without that, this can't even be classified as a "Christian" book in any sense of the term that would have any meaning.

I have to confess, this is a somewhat difficult review to write, since I agree with the bulk of Murrow's points. More men should go to church; praise bands do kind-of suck; I don't like being put on the spot to pray; lots of functions in the church are more geared towards women than men; and so on. Nevertheless, I can't recommend this as anything other than a well-written book. Hence: 3 stars.

Personal Disclaimer: I intend no comment one way or the other on the state of David Murrow's own relationship with God. Saying this is not a Christian book is not the same thing as saying he is not a Christian personally. That is not information to which I am privy.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” (less)

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Oct 26, 2011 Daniel Butcher rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

David Murrow has updated Why Men Hate Going to Church, his renowned book with new information and text previously published by him in other books. Murrow in this text uncovers the gender gap in churches, asking the question where are the men? Murrow shows his readers that today’s churches are dominated numerically by women and that men are largely absent. He explores the culture of the church noting that church vocabulary and words like love and relationship are tied to feminine culture and not...more David Murrow has updated Why Men Hate Going to Church, his renowned book with new information and text previously published by him in other books. Murrow in this text uncovers the gender gap in churches, asking the question where are the men? Murrow shows his readers that today’s churches are dominated numerically by women and that men are largely absent. He explores the culture of the church noting that church vocabulary and words like love and relationship are tied to feminine culture and not masculine images. For example, churches typically use pictures of Jesus as a lamb or dove while generally ignoring the word pictures of Jesus as a lion. He also shows how church programs, largely academic and feelings based provide boys and men discomfort leading to a male exodus from the church. In general, churches rely on volunteer positions that are better suited to female preferences instead of male. And church programming generally also follows this trend. Finally, he provides suggestions and practical examples of how to return men to church. Murrow advocates that the greatest way to grow the modern church is call men back by changing our culture. By bringing back men Murrow argues that men, women and children will all benefit.

This book creates a lot of conflict in me in my ministry and my personal life. My ministry has been within one that stereotypically is a women’s ministry, working with families and children. Part of my personal call has been to have manly guys working within that ministry so kids can see both the masculine and caring side of men demonstrating balance. But I see exactly what Murrow describes with curriculum that are largely intellectual in nature and put boys at a disadvantage with girls in the “competition” of Sunday school. And I think that this realization is what has led me to also seek non-traditional curriculum and curriculum that relies on movement and diversity to help keep boys engaged in learning about Christ. Honestly, one of my best days of ministry was spending a day with a predominantly boy youth group scooping horse manure. There were no complaints as these boys completed a manly task in God’s name. As a man I often found myself chaffing at his description of academic pursuits as womanly. I personally excel in this area while my skills in car maintenance are completely lacking. But with this prejudice aside I definitely see and have felt the issues he points out about language, frilly decorations and relationships. My academic training is history, which warns that generalizations are not absolute. So, there are exceptions to what Murrow describes, but the generalizations are widespread enough that leaders should take notice of this book and assess how their ministries are attracting or repelling men and boys.

Review Copy Provided by Thomas Nelson (less)

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Dec 01, 2011 Kj rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian

I have a love-hate relationship with this book.

On the one hand, I was annoyed with the way he portrayed women - I know, it was a stereotype to highlight the differences between men and women, but as a woman it annoyed me. I felt judged whilst reading it, and that my feminine qualities were somehow the reason men couldn't worship alongside me.

I'm probably being oversensitive about that. Maybe it's that time of the month.

I also really didn't like the way he separated Jesus into two separate charac...more

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Nov 03, 2011 Bobby Catt rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

this book seeks to answer some of the reasons why modern churches have a higher percentage of women in attendance, participation, and leadership.

the author takes a "this is how it is" not "this is how it should be" approach which he admits includes a lot of generalizations and non politically correct language when it comes to trying to characterize genders. i am sure that the writing will at times offend those active in church leadership, women, and those with a more moderate or liberal viewpoi...more

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Sep 30, 2011 Nathan Good rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is one of those books that I think I will try to go back and read once every 5 years or so because it addresses things so ingrained within the Christian culture, and therefore within my psyche, that it will require repeated exposure and reminders to work them out of my general interactions. Having said all of that, there are things within this book that I highly disagree with; the book is very reactionary (although the author repeats over and over that this reactionary position should never...more

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Jun 08, 2012 Corey rated it 4 of 5 stars

Overall, this was a very honest and much-needed book. Although the book is full of black and white categories and over-generalizations, the author has done his homework and as someone who has been intimately involved with church my entire life, there's just no questioning some of his observations and conclusions. In this book, David Murrow, a lay parishioner who is a producer by trade, sets out to show how essentially everything about church - its design, make-up, practices, and norms - are all...more

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Jan 22, 2012 Lee Harmon rated it 5 of 5 stars

I have a confession to make. I accepted this book for review thinking it might be good for a few laughs. Get a guy through the church doors? What are you gonna do, turn it into a sports bar?

I was wrong about David’s book. Oh, I laughed alright—a lot!—but all the time I was chuckling, I was nodding. David has nailed it.

Funny thing is, speaking as a guy, we don’t know why we hate church. We just know it’s uncomfortable. The awkwardness has to be explained to us … and when it is, we finally nod kno...more

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Nov 17, 2011 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Why Men Hate Going to Church isn't the type of book I'd normally pick up -- it was actually sent to me accidentally, but once I paged through it I'll admit I was intrigued. Murrow posits that the church is woefully empty of young men (he does admit that older men attend church in much greater proportion). Why? He goes through many things that are common in church that a lot of men just aren't "into": singing. Reading aloud. Praying aloud. He is big into ranting on the church's emphasis on a "per...more

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Jun 22, 2012 Mark rated it 5 of 5 stars

This may turn out to be one of the most important books I will ever read for my ministry. So many of the points made by the author seemed so obvious to me once he made them. I, like most other people in 21st Century evangelicalism, had gotten so accustomed to church ministry (and even modern Christianity outside the walls of the church, as well) that is (intentionally or unintentionally) designed to be more appealing to women than to men that I could not see what was right in front of my own nos...more

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Dec 31, 2011 Derek rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is awesome. This dude nails it, and he had the data to prove his points. I would encourage every Christian to read this book, and then begin to act on the truths and the hard realities contained within. This book isn't sexist, or misogynistic. It is true, funny, and well researched. The author was able to put words to many of the things that had been rumbling around in my head for years.

It sounds like it might be a negative book, but actually it's very upbeat, humorous and positive. H...more

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Jul 21, 2012 O Stephen Peart rated it 5 of 5 stars

David is passionate about this subject to the point he has a site called churchformen.com. He has done extensive research on the subject and was able to answer numerous questions I've had over the years about men, church and really why do I go. He addresses the subject with practicality and radical thinking that for today's church would be too hard to handle. David helps us to understand a subject that most of us aren't willing to accept, because we rather remain in a pretty world. If you really...more

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Sep 11, 2011 Donald McKinnon rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: church-leadership-and-development

Great book, Murrow tells it like it is, women are attracted to the Church because we've made it too feminized. The majority of volunteering people within churches today are women, why? Men are not connecting with other men in ways that we would outside the church walls. We fool ourselves if we don't see it, because while one church has a good men's ministry, many others don't. He points out how many of the worship songs are no different from love songs, and that the Church has turned men away by...more

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Apr 05, 2011 Dave Johnson rated it 5 of 5 stars

WOW. great book! and such an eye-opener. i have to say, i think this book may have shifted my perspective on ministry. in my heart i've known that i would eventually father other men, but this book really pointed that out even more and watered the seed in my heart.

the idea of the book is simple. men hate going to church because church in general is more of a feminine place. if you think about this, i think you'd agree. he has a lot of research to back this up, citing stats of church attendance...more WOW. great book! and such an eye-opener. i have to say, i think this book may have shifted my perspective on ministry. in my heart i've known that i would eventually father other men, but this book really pointed that out even more and watered the seed in my heart.

the idea of the book is simple. men hate going to church because church in general is more of a feminine place. if you think about this, i think you'd agree. he has a lot of research to back this up, citing stats of church attendance in various denominations and even delving into science to explain why men's brains are different. his findings are very alarming for the church. his suggestions to fix these are, for the most part, fantastic. his writing style is accessible yet scholarly. sometimes i really wish he got a little more authoritative with what he says, and there were times when i really wish he went into a teaching vein, but that's really not the purpose of his book. i also like that he doesnt really write this to bring men back to church; rather, he wrote it to bring the church back to men. and if the church listens and takes his advice to prayer, i believe that we will bring the church back to men.

i do have a couple of quibbles that, although i understand his emphasis, i wish he explained it a little more. in some ways i dont fully understand how certain values or beliefs associated with Christianity are more feminine or masculine. and trying to explain this to my friends had them raise their eyebrows at me, not knowing what i meant. i understand his point, but im not sure i follow his conclusions. granted, i havent read much on the subject yet. my other quibble is that he almost seems to advocate a seeker-sensitive posture toward outreach; namely, make church as palatable as possible to get the seats filled. now, i'm not against that per se, because there is importance in just having men in the church to start with. and he does go on to say that men need relationships with God, and not just warm a seat. but as i read the book, it was hard to envision changing the thermostat, as he suggests, from comfort (feminine) to challenge (masculine) is by making the man comfortable in church with more visual aids, changing the pace of service, and even changing the decor. it doesnt really make sense. i also think that although he repeats his stance that we need both masculine and feminine in church, that many will still perceive this book as chauvinistic.

granted, all those are really minor things. the overwhelming message i took from this book is that men are vital to God's plans and purposes. and if we want to change the world, we need men. i have a suspicion that because i choose to focus more on men, that people will label me as a "specialist" of sorts in ministry, but from what i gather, i'm really still just a generalist. because as Murrow points out, if we want the world, we need the men. and when we have the men, the women--as proven through his research--will undoubtedly follow. (less)

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Mar 25, 2013 Noah W rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

This book does a good job addressing the need for men to be involved with and leading the church. Murrow focuses how the "thermostat" of most modern churches is set to accommodate women more than men.

Murrow makes some good points. I do feel that he took a hyperbolic, reactionary approach to the problem of churches that exclude men. His arguments are good, but if taken to the extreme or logical conclusion could cause some problems.

Overall, this book should serve more as catalyst for a serious dia...more

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Nov 28, 2011 Andrew rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow exposed the truth to the gender gaps in churches around the world. Men are rapidly disappearing from the congregation. Men have decided to do different things on Sunday. Women have become the main people running and going to church. Men are leaving churches because they have fear losing their masculinity. Many churches are using feminine language to describe a personal relationship with Christ. Murrow feels like men associate the word relationship wi...more In Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow exposed the truth to the gender gaps in churches around the world. Men are rapidly disappearing from the congregation. Men have decided to do different things on Sunday. Women have become the main people running and going to church. Men are leaving churches because they have fear losing their masculinity. Many churches are using feminine language to describe a personal relationship with Christ. Murrow feels like men associate the word relationship with male and female. Some men will get turned off by thinking about being close to another man. Hugging and hand holding also seem to scare some new visitors away. Dress codes are a big problem in the church everyone is expected to dress in their Sunday best in many churches.

David Murrow gives pastors, women, and men advice to draw men back into the church. Churches must keep messages real with examples of everyday life. Challenge men to become their very best they can be. Young men need to move around and take risks. We have to teach the messages with more adventure. Young men tend to not enjoy reading aloud and we don't need to force them to do so. We also need male teachers teaching young men. Women are needed for teaching young women. We need the same gender role models especially when we are younger. Murrow believes that churches need to work on changing the trend. We have to bring men back to the churches.

I would recommend this book to pastors, deacons, men, and women. Everyone can benefit from bring men back into the church. We need both genders to reach and spread the Gospel of Christ. I have personally seen young men and older men leave the church. It's always been a mystery to me as to why some men just disappear and they never attend church again. Sometimes it's not because they don't believe in God. They just can't get into going to church for a variety of reasons. This book will help readers understand where all the men are going. It will guide churches into how to bring back the men and how to keep them. David Murrow has revised and updated Why Men Hate Going to Church. It is completely up to date with the latest finding in data about men leaving the church. It is a worthwhile read if you are curious about how to get more men into your churches!

“I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program.”(less)

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May 14, 2010 Randy rated it 5 of 5 stars

A fabulous book. An absolute MUST READ for all clergy. Murrow hits the nail squarely on the head so often and so truly. Unfortunately, the feminization of Christianity and most churches has gone so far that it is questionable whether it can ever be moved back to a balance. Jesus was NOT the meek and mild, quiet, contemplative, child-hugging person that he is portrayed to be in churches and modern culture. He actually got ANGRY at people, chastised people, destroyed their stands and threw the mon...more

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Mar 13, 2012 Zach rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was asked to read and report on this book by my church's small group leader to determine if it is appropriate for a men's group bible study. The title sure is attention-grabbing!

This book provides a nice snapshot of the current makeup of the typical U.S. congregation and explains, in detail, why men are not being engaged in church worship services and ministries in general. The real answer to this problem lies in how we have chosen to focus on the worship service on Sunday morning and not on w...more

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