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Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents
by
Jane Isay
On giving advice:
They Don’t Want It.
They Don’t Hear It.
They Resent It.
Don’t Give It.
We raise our children to be independent and lead fulfilling lives, but when they finally do, staying close becomes more complicated than ever. And for every bewildered mother who wonders why her children don’t call, there is a frustrated son or daughter who just wants to be treated like a g...more
They Don’t Want It.
They Don’t Hear It.
They Resent It.
Don’t Give It.
We raise our children to be independent and lead fulfilling lives, but when they finally do, staying close becomes more complicated than ever. And for every bewildered mother who wonders why her children don’t call, there is a frustrated son or daughter who just wants to be treated like a g...more
Paperback, 256 pages
Published
April 8th 2008
by Flying Dolphin Press
(first published March 27th 2007)
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The author aims this book toward baby-boomer parents, yet I originally thought that the title applied to me, the "Adult Child" in the equation. Overall, I found the book mildly helpful, too depressing to read in one sitting (reading about all those dysfunctional families really wears a person down!), and a mite repetitive while leaving out some important elements of an adult child's perspective.
The best nugget from this book is what makes a parent / adult child relationsh...more
The best nugget from this book is what makes a parent / adult child relationsh...more
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If you are parenting an infant, a child, or a teen, you can unearth a plethora of books advising you on every conceivable aspect of the job. But once the little darling turns 18, you are on your own. And when you are like me, and have five adult children, each with his/her own complicating factors, you see yourself in the midst of a delicate minefield with no map in sight. Thus the title Walking on Eggshells, and Jane Isay, the author, makes a mighty effort to roadmap the challenges of dealing w...more
There is definately a lack of literature about a parents' relationship with their adult children, and this book certainly begins to fill that gap. Embedded in the many real-life experiences and stories is sage advice and help. Many of us, can find bits of ourselves and our children in these stories. It's comforting to know that we are not alone in our pain, guilt and confusion. Also, Isay identifies the period in a young adult's life between college graduation and becoming independent emotio...more
I don't have a shelf for self-help, given that I almost never read it. This book was recommended to me by a counselor, and I actually did find it helpful. It is written from the perspective of parent wanting to improve their relationship with adult children. At first I thought that perspective might make it hard for me to get into, but it was quite the opposite. I have no way of imagining what is going on in a parent's head when thinking of adult children (given that my child is only 2) and it w...more
Fairly commonsense advice, but a necessary book. A good companion read to Judith Viorst's NECESSARY LOSSES. To me, this is beautiful [a comment from a mother interviewed for the book:]: "As a mother...there's always going to be a crisis. My happiest moments are when all my children are okay. That's just how life is. We've all been through it ourselves. It is hard, because you are so bone of their bone, skin of their skin. You feel things so strongly, if you are truly a loving parent."...more
Just the ticket for parents of adult children and adult children of "disfunctional - or not" parents. Vignettes outlining various scenarios in keeping communication alive among the various generations. Gave me insight about the developmental stages of maturing young adults - 20's and 30's... and helped to understand various attitudes, how they play out and how to make peace. Fast read.
Because this book contained story after story of relationship, by midpoint, it was very boring to me. It didn't offer many solutions, though there were a few examples of successful relationships between adult children and their elders. The successes seemed to be when the parent treated the grown child as an adult and respected boundaries and decisions made by the adult child, allowing them to have control of their own life. It did make me realize how distance is such a powerful tool of contro...more
I wish I would have known 10 years ago that the twenties would be soo hard. I'll take a teenager over a twenties any day. This book was very incitful. It is full of real life stories and examples. I think I mught survive adult children knowing that I'm not the only on who finds is overwhelming.
This book was a lot of sharing stories about dealing with adult children and not so much how to deal with them. It was reassuring though reading about families and all of the issues they deal with. Certainly made my issues seem not so bad.
As a parent of grown children, I was comforted with Ms. Isay's interviews which indicated that children want relationships with their parents. Healthy relationships are difficult. Some of these stories were frustrating and depressing to read but overall I felt the book gave me perspective and hope. The number one lesson she passed on to me was that grown children do not want advice from their parents.
This book aided me by confirming for me that even though our children become young adults, the relationship between us doesn't automatically become a mature relationship. I didn't finish the book because the examples that were sited became repetitious, in my view; as a result, I started to loose focus while reading this book.
However, I felt what I read was worthwhile and am grateful to the author for focusing on this topic. I found some tips on how to enrich my relationship with my...more
However, I felt what I read was worthwhile and am grateful to the author for focusing on this topic. I found some tips on how to enrich my relationship with my...more
I am enjoying reading this book. It is full of short stories and advice on dealing with adult children/growing children. I relate more with the book as the adult child and how my parents dealt with me. I will need to read this book again in 10 years.
This book addressed some interesting issues, but failed to use any innovation in finding solutions for some of the challenges adult children and their parents face. I also found it interesting that the children were generally the disfunctional parties rather than the parents. Probably a worthwhile read, but moreso for parents of adult children than the children. It may help some cut those too tight apron strings.
Laura
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
all parents of adult children
Recommended to Laura by:
Peg
Every parent of adult children should read this! It's very interesting, as it is told in various stories about how parents/adult children have come to terms with their relationships.
Lots of examples, no solutions.
I did find it helpful to know that many parents
share the feeling of the book title.
Walking on eggshells loves company.
I did find it helpful to know that many parents
share the feeling of the book title.
Walking on eggshells loves company.
I was really excited about this book when I heard about it on a parenting blog. I've seen the challenges of navigating relationships between adult children, in my life and in the lives of friends. I was hopeful for a book that would help me be a better adult child to my parents and my in-laws.
Unfortunately, this book is written primarily for the parents in the adult child/parent relationship. Most of the advice is for how to strengthen relationship with the child from the parents poi...more
Unfortunately, this book is written primarily for the parents in the adult child/parent relationship. Most of the advice is for how to strengthen relationship with the child from the parents poi...more
Excellent book to understand and improve your relationships with your adult children!
Helped, but with BPD you always circle around to the same end result!
Good book but tedious reading to me after a while.
A good read for both parents AND adult children!
This book gave me a lot to think about.
Not very helpful. More for parents...
Important read
Elaine
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
mothers of adult children
Recommended to Elaine by:
a patient
The author said what I expected. Don't say too much. She described a mother-daughter interaction, and then she interpreted both sides. I liked it, but her material wasn't a revelation to me. Once again I thought my daughters and I are doing well.
The author interviewed parents of adult children & uses their experiences to highlight success stories and pitfalls of parents' relationships with their adult children. It is okay, but I'm not real far into it & I think it is a little depressing. Many kids seem to only want to be around their parents when they need something. Very sad.
I bought this to give to my parents when I move. I definitely think there are good things in this book, and I really hope my parents take the advice of the author. However, I didn't really like the way the book was arranged, and I thought the author could talk more about the parent/adult child relationship and how to improve it instead of just offering stories of other families.
I didn't really care for the author's style of writing and most scenarios didn't relate to me. There was some good advice in the book, however. And perhaps after some more years some of the advice might apply.
Being the parent of 19 & 21 year olds, this is an appropriate book for this stage of our lives. Appears to be concerned with slighly older children, but, hey, I'll take whatever pointers I can.
Well, obviously not progressing much in the book, but life marches on & am progressing with the parent-child relationships... Now using as a reference...
Well, obviously not progressing much in the book, but life marches on & am progressing with the parent-child relationships... Now using as a reference...
Ladytinker
rated it
·
review of another edition
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review of another edition
Recommends it for:
parents with adult children
Shelves:
booksihaveread
It is a good book for baby boomers who have adult children. It helps better explain why "our" children are different then we were when we started out on our own. The author interviews several "babyboomers" and their adult children. Helps us deal better with the different aspects of our children as "adults"
It is a delicate balancing act when interacting with one's adult children, especially if the parent is trying to maintain comfortableness, a sense of equality and unconditional love. The scenarios in the book are "real", but it's tough getting it (relationships) to all work out!
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