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In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want

4.17  ·  Rating Details ·  6,748 Ratings  ·  265 Reviews
In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want
Paperback, 326 pages
Published September 14th 1999 by Touchstone (first published 1998)
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Jun 26, 2009 Grete rated it it was amazing
Don't let the title fool you--whether you have the love you want, are looking, or don't have any interest, the focus is on learning how to love yourself. I have read and re-read this book many, many times. It is hi-lighted and rabbit eared to the point that I would never be able to lend anyone my copy but it is one of the best self-help books I have ever encountered (and I have read a TON of them, believe me). I find Iyanla's voice very real and she seems to "walk the talk"-very genuine. I also ...more
Dec 25, 2015 Kimberly rated it really liked it
The truth is that love is buried in your soul, and no relationship with anyone can unearth it or activate it in your life.

I was no longer angry about what i could not and did not have in a relationship. In the meantime, I learned how to mind my own business. The business of loving myself and being excited about me.

The interference from my relationship channel was creating static on every other channel of my life.

In the meantime, if we can remain loving of ourselves and toward other people by s
Phoenix Brown
Feb 01, 2012 Phoenix Brown rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
This book saved my life! I am not saying that to be dramatic...this is my truth! I was in an abusive relationship (verbal, mental & physical) when I came across this book. It was a GODsend! This book taught me that my inner peace was more important than pretending to be a family. My sanity was more important then my son having a father in the house because if I stayed he may not have had either one of us. If you are in the meantime...This book is definitely for you! The love and appreciation ...more
Jul 30, 2007 Leslie rated it it was amazing
This book is very helpful, especially if you are having relationship trouble. The author helps you to look at your life from an interesting perspective. She uses the metaphor of moving up through the floors of a house, needing to take care of each level before moving on to the next. The basement is where you are miserable and hopefully realize that things need to change. As you move up the floors, you need more self-love and appreciation, more spiritality, more honesty, etc. I found this book to ...more
Mar 04, 2009 Darci rated it it was amazing
The title really says it all, but Vanzant gets to the heart of the matter by using personal experience and the trials of others to show that loving yourself enough to make difficult personal choices is where love and joy abound. I often found myself in a myriad of emotions reading this book, and abandoned it for some time before picking it up again. I recommend this read to anyone looking to discover real change through learning the secret of truly loving yourself and others.
Cece Henry-lewis
Jan 26, 2015 Cece Henry-lewis rated it it was amazing
As I read this book I cried and cried as I realized I didn't love myself at all. And by not loving me I was not equipped to love anyone or receive love. This book has helped me to realize that the best love there is, is self love. I am ready to work on me.
Aug 31, 2010 Orishaz rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Another phenomenal read from Ms. Vanzant. I love her writing style and for me this is one of my favorite self-help books. In a nutshell it really is about loving yourself. When you love yourself everything else falls into place. When you love yourself you become open to the abundance that the Universe has to give. I love it, love it, love it! As with most of her writings I can never say that I've finished reading the book because my personal growth journey leads me to different places at ...more
Yvonne Riggs
Nov 30, 2012 Yvonne Riggs rated it it was amazing
Must read for women ages 22 & Up. If you are in the reflecting stages of you life wondering where your relationships went wrong, this is for you. Never give up on love. Your meantime is for a reason.

I bought ever copy at a local bookstore and gave it out to friends to read. I highly recommend reading this.
Apr 18, 2015 Angie rated it it was amazing
I have upgraded my rating from four to five stars. Not because of the book itself, but because of how I feel about myself after having read the book, which I suppose is a comment on the book itself. I feel bigger, brighter, more centered, having found myself first, but then read the book like someone wandering a slightly overgrown path, discovering the truth in the words and trampling the grasses to make the truth more permanent, more prominent in my life.

I loved the analogy of moving through a
Amelia Wise
Feb 27, 2013 Amelia Wise rated it really liked it
This is a book I can see myself picking up again and again when I'm unclear or unsure of life's trials and tribulations. While I think that Vanzant has a great process of getting yourself to a better place in life, I think I might cast aside some of the advice she gives for the "little things" in life. The way in which she compares cleaning yourself up spiritually and emotionally to cleaning out your "house" is brilliant. So simple, yet so true. I don't think there's a one size fits all approach ...more
Dec 03, 2010 Ana rated it really liked it
I love this book! I felt like she was my mentor speaking to me in a spunky yet compassionate manner (just like I need- a soul sister!) She painted a mental picture for me, that helped me to visualize and recognize the different levels I am going to have to work through and acknowledge; in order to fully love my self and my past. This book helped me go lighter on myself in terms of feeling like, I need to change all at once, or that I am bad for my behavior in relationships at times. I felt ...more
Milestone Jazz
Dec 09, 2008 Milestone Jazz rated it it was amazing
I would recommend this book to anyone that feels like they can't start over. I would definately recommend this book to someone who is trying to find there place in this world. It's a must read...

Erika Nerdypants
Aug 04, 2011 Erika Nerdypants rated it really liked it
Very helpful
Maureen Kwilasa
Oct 31, 2016 Maureen Kwilasa rated it it was amazing
For that moment you are so stuck you cannot tell the roof from the floor... Took me 2 years to finish but it was an insightful 2 years.
Claudia Yahany
Sep 18, 2016 Claudia Yahany rated it liked it
No soy fan de los self-help books, vi una recomendación de quién ha recomendado otros buenísimos libros de psicología, teorías de personalidad, estereotipos sociales, etc y lo compré sin leer el título completo (mi culpa).

Aunque es bueno saber que el camino personal ha sido también recorrido por otras personas (y al final deja tarea).
Jenee M.
Sep 18, 2016 Jenee M. rated it it was amazing
She gave me a better sense of what it is we are going through and what it means for us moving forward in life. She is powerful inspirational and would love to continue with her books.
Blanca Hindle
Feb 26, 2012 Blanca Hindle rated it really liked it
In The Meantime is one of the few self help books I have ever read. Honestly, the first time around I didn't even finish it when I began it roughly four years ago. I liked the message well enough but at one point I just felt like there were other things out there that I preferred reading to this.

Last Sunday, I saw it on my book shelf as I was taking out the book I was going to start to head towards my 75 book goal and thought it may be a good thing to pick up again. What I didn't anticipate is t
Susan Burke
Jul 09, 2014 Susan Burke rated it really liked it
Sometimes we come to a time which may just be the "meantime" of our lives. Iyanla in all her brilliance paints a clear and undeniable picture of just what being "In the Meantime" looks and feels like. She is poignant yet stern in her no-nonsense approach, leaving no stone unturned right down to the actually birthing of our lives having some sort of impact or meaning. Yes, how we actually entered the world, what kind of birth did we endure and how were we taught for the first crucial years of our ...more
Vonda Roark-martinez
Sep 01, 2012 Vonda Roark-martinez rated it it was amazing
I read this book the first time in 1998, I'd taken a self prescribed sabbatical from dating to embark on a journey of self discovery. In The Meantime, became my doctrine my handbook to learning who I was, what I needed/deserved and how to stop sacrificing myself for the sake of others.

Four years after I had turned the last page and closed the book from a second read, I met and married the love of my life, my truest life partner, my husband.

This book taught me about me that I needed to be seilfi
Michelle Wood
Apr 26, 2015 Michelle Wood rated it it was amazing
This is one of my ALL time favorite books. That is saying something because I read quite a few books! I read this back in the 90s when I was in my 20s and I absolutely loved it. It was one of the first books that made me go into myself and be more self-aware. It was also written so simply that I felt any1 at any reading level could understand the concepts at what she was trying to get across. It also helped me to know that while I am single there is always plenty of self-work that I can do ...more
Feather Snowglitter
Feb 01, 2009 Feather Snowglitter rated it really liked it
Read this book, I must say a few things about what she said it's true, and you can learn from it if you want to.
And there are some good tips you can add into your life. I read it not because I have relationship troubles, yes I'm a divorcee, but my divorce was loooong way back before I even know about this book. Could this book help me in my relationship if I read it back then? I think it will give me some peace of mind that the decision that I've made it's the right one.
Back then I have to strug
May 08, 2016 Angel rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I like Iyanla's work it seems no matter what. Though to be fair this is only the second book of hers that I've read... I love the concepts and how you end up with so many things to think about and ponder about yourself and how you see the world. The idea of your 'birth story' and what you learn and carry from that alone! Then think of all the times your mother or father (or both!) have told their variations of that story and what you've learned just from that... That ONE story about your life. ...more
Renee Cascone
Jul 14, 2009 Renee Cascone rated it really liked it
This book was such an easy read and I could really relate to the stories. It's about finding the love you want from within. It's pretty basic knowledge that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. This just reinforces the idea that we need to love ourselves unconditionally and that wherever we are in life, is where we are supposed to be in order to further our personal growth and enlightenment. To sum it up, love yourself unconditionally and trust in the flow of life.

I gave
Blair Hodgkinson
I listened to the abridged audio book version from Simon and Schuster/Audible. Like many such self-improvement books, there's much here that is true, if a little obvious, but when you are taking the time to put yourself together in a time of transition, sometimes it's good to review some of these ideas. The book was recommended to me and was worth my time, even if I found the book's concentration on finding a lasting and healthy love relationship a little off target for my needs right now. ...more
Jan 20, 2009 Ariana rated it it was amazing
Excellent! Describes the different levels of life and your happiness, using the metaphor of a house. Basement right up to the top floor of happiness - in order to move up to being happy on that floor, you must start in the basement, and clean house floor by floor, before you can be on that happy floor. Each floor represents what stage of healing you are on. The book is geared for "love relationships" but I found it was so easy to interpret the help for any problem you are feels like ...more
Apr 25, 2016 Erin rated it really liked it
I love Iyanla even though her writing style is hard to follow at times. This book is full of gems that have accumulated to enrich my purse of wise pursuit. My favorite part was her idea to forgive ourselves for ever even THINKING that we made mistakes. We don't have to be forgiven for having made these "mistakes" becausce they have all formed us into the people we are today. We had to know what was wrong, didn't feel right, and didn't fit into our lives in order to find the pathways that felt ...more
Cristina Oliveras
Jun 23, 2014 Cristina Oliveras rated it it was amazing
This book saved my relationship and it saved me. Regardless where you are in life and love, this book brings you to the depths of understanding and grasping self love. It revealed so many things about myself that I needed to face. It helps you understand that it is you that is responsible for how you feel. Your emotions are neutral and it is you and your experience that gives a name to how you feel. Relationships are a mirror of what you give out to your external energy. My children will learn ...more
Aug 30, 2011 LaKay rated it it was amazing
I remember giving this book to my mom when she and my dad split up. The funny thing to me looking back now is that I am still "in my meantime" ... which kind of makes me want to read the book again and see if I missed something - or makes me feel like a lot of Spiritual Self Help books aren't really worth much...

However, I do think that Iyanla was one of the first authors I accessed that gave me the freedom to be me and to be where I was and to just try to grow - even if I didn't realize it at t
Jul 26, 2009 Katherine rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: all girls who went through recent breakups
Recommended to Katherine by: Justine Miley
I read this book when I went through a big break up in 2005 when I thought my world was turning upside down. This book got me through!

I just reread this book now in 2009 and it still as relevant and helpful as when I read it 4 years ago - it's a great reminder of focusing on yourself when you're "in the meantime" periods of your life and that instead of spending your time freaking out or not knowing where you are, just know that these are times when you learn most about yourself and spend time l
Tru Royalty
Apr 29, 2014 Tru Royalty rated it it was amazing
Loves house this book has made me face a lot of choices I have made in life, it has shown me that of all the qualities I thought I possess I didn't possess the most important and only quality to have a successful life LOVE. I will constantly refer back to this book I moved through the book without "mastering" each of the floor levels but as long as I received the principle of Love I'm going to make it. This has given tremendous insight and hope. I recommend it to everyone regardless of the level ...more
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In Peace From Broken Pieces New York Times best-selling author Iyanla Vanzant she recounts the last decade of her life and the spiritual lessons learnedfrom the price of success during her meteoric rise as a TV celebrity on Oprah, the Iyanla TV show (produced by Barbara Walters), to the dissolution of her marriage and her daughters 15 months of illness and death on Christmas day. Like a phoenix ...more
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“You have set standards for how you want to be treated and what you expect from yourself and for yourself.” 178 likes
“You can never love anyone to your own detriment. That is not love, that is possession, control, fear, or a combination of them all.” 163 likes
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