In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want
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In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want

4.14 of 5 stars 4.14  ·  rating details  ·  4,562 ratings  ·  212 reviews
The #1 national bestseller from the host of IYANLA: Fix My Life that answers the question: What’s love got to do with it in the meantime

You know where you want to be, but you have no clue how to get there. You know exactly what you want in life, but what you want is nowhere in sight. Perhaps your vision is unclear, your purpose still undefined. On top of it all,...more
Paperback, 336 pages
Published September 14th 1999 by Touchstone (first published 1998)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Grete
Don't let the title fool you--whether you have the love you want, are looking, or don't have any interest, the focus is on learning how to love yourself. I have read and re-read this book many, many times. It is hi-lighted and rabbit eared to the point that I would never be able to lend anyone my copy but it is one of the best self-help books I have ever encountered (and I have read a TON of them, believe me). I find Iyanla's voice very real and she seems to "walk the talk"-very genuine. I also...more
Phoenix Brown
This book saved my life! I am not saying that to be dramatic...this is my truth! I was in an abusive relationship (verbal, mental & physical) when I came across this book. It was a GODsend! This book taught me that my inner peace was more important than pretending to be a family. My sanity was more important then my son having a father in the house because if I stayed he may not have had either one of us. If you are in the meantime...This book is definitely for you! The love and appreciation...more
Kimberly
"Accept the fact that in a relationship the only person you are dealing with is yourself. Your partner does nothing more than reveal your stuff to you."

"What you believe about yourself is reflected in the people with whom you choose to align yourself."

"Our relationships and the people in them are the tools God uses to give us a soul lift. God, the creator of our life, wants you to elevate the way you view yourself and treat yourself, and ultimately the way you treat others and allow them to trea...more
Leslie
This book is very helpful, especially if you are having relationship trouble. The author helps you to look at your life from an interesting perspective. She uses the metaphor of moving up through the floors of a house, needing to take care of each level before moving on to the next. The basement is where you are miserable and hopefully realize that things need to change. As you move up the floors, you need more self-love and appreciation, more spiritality, more honesty, etc. I found this book to...more
Darci
The title really says it all, but Vanzant gets to the heart of the matter by using personal experience and the trials of others to show that loving yourself enough to make difficult personal choices is where love and joy abound. I often found myself in a myriad of emotions reading this book, and abandoned it for some time before picking it up again. I recommend this read to anyone looking to discover real change through learning the secret of truly loving yourself and others.
Vonda Roark-martinez
I read this book the first time in 1998, I'd taken a self prescribed sabbatical from dating to embark on a journey of self discovery. In The Meantime, became my doctrine my handbook to learning who I was, what I needed/deserved and how to stop sacrificing myself for the sake of others.

Four years after I had turned the last page and closed the book from a second read, I met and married the love of my life, my truest life partner, my husband.

This book taught me about me that I needed to be seilfi...more
Yvonne Riggs
Must read for women ages 22 & Up. If you are in the reflecting stages of you life wondering where your relationships went wrong, this is for you. Never give up on love. Your meantime is for a reason.

I bought ever copy at a local bookstore and gave it out to friends to read. I highly recommend reading this.
Orishaz
Another phenomenal read from Ms. Vanzant. I love her writing style and for me this is one of my favorite self-help books. In a nutshell it really is about loving yourself. When you love yourself everything else falls into place. When you love yourself you become open to the abundance that the Universe has to give. I love it, love it, love it! As with most of her writings I can never say that I've finished reading the book because my personal growth journey leads me to different places at differe...more
Ana
I love this book! I felt like she was my mentor speaking to me in a spunky yet compassionate manner (just like I need- a soul sister!) She painted a mental picture for me, that helped me to visualize and recognize the different levels I am going to have to work through and acknowledge; in order to fully love my self and my past. This book helped me go lighter on myself in terms of feeling like, I need to change all at once, or that I am bad for my behavior in relationships at times. I felt suppo...more
Amelia Wise
This is a book I can see myself picking up again and again when I'm unclear or unsure of life's trials and tribulations. While I think that Vanzant has a great process of getting yourself to a better place in life, I think I might cast aside some of the advice she gives for the "little things" in life. The way in which she compares cleaning yourself up spiritually and emotionally to cleaning out your "house" is brilliant. So simple, yet so true. I don't think there's a one size fits all approach...more
Milestone Jazz
I would recommend this book to anyone that feels like they can't start over. I would definately recommend this book to someone who is trying to find there place in this world. It's a must read...

Blanca Rodriguez
In The Meantime is one of the few self help books I have ever read. Honestly, the first time around I didn't even finish it when I began it roughly four years ago. I liked the message well enough but at one point I just felt like there were other things out there that I preferred reading to this.

Last Sunday, I saw it on my book shelf as I was taking out the book I was going to start to head towards my 75 book goal and thought it may be a good thing to pick up again. What I didn't anticipate is t...more
Tammy
I re-read this book whenever I'm going through a major life transition. It reminds me of who I am and more importantly who I am not. The journal is a must have especially when ending or entering a relationship.
Vanessa Thompson
This is a self help book, which you can never finish the read. It is always used as a guide. I enjoyed the book, cd and other writing material by this writer.
Feather Snowglitter
Read this book, I must say a few things about what she said it's true, and you can learn from it if you want to.
And there are some good tips you can add into your life. I read it not because I have relationship troubles, yes I'm a divorcee, but my divorce was loooong way back before I even know about this book. Could this book help me in my relationship if I read it back then? I think it will give me some peace of mind that the decision that I've made it's the right one.
Back then I have to strug...more
Ariana
Excellent! Describes the different levels of life and your happiness, using the metaphor of a house. Basement right up to the top floor of happiness - in order to move up to being happy on that floor, you must start in the basement, and clean house floor by floor, before you can be on that happy floor. Each floor represents what stage of healing you are on. The book is geared for "love relationships" but I found it was so easy to interpret the help for any problem you are facing...it feels like...more
Renee Cascone
This book was such an easy read and I could really relate to the stories. It's about finding the love you want from within. It's pretty basic knowledge that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. This just reinforces the idea that we need to love ourselves unconditionally and that wherever we are in life, is where we are supposed to be in order to further our personal growth and enlightenment. To sum it up, love yourself unconditionally and trust in the flow of life.

I gave...more
Jessica
I love this book and have recommended it to so many people over the years. It has been over 5 years since I read it but I believe it changed my life. If I read it again, I don't know if I would feel that I have outgrown it. I am not sure. I may learn even more from it. It is truly a book for self reflection and ideal for those unsure of where their life is taking them and who are living "in the meantime" while waiting for life to happen. A perfect book for reflecting on relationships and past ba...more
Tru Royalty
Loves house this book has made me face a lot of choices I have made in life, it has shown me that of all the qualities I thought I possess I didn't possess the most important and only quality to have a successful life LOVE. I will constantly refer back to this book I moved through the book without "mastering" each of the floor levels but as long as I received the principle of Love I'm going to make it. This has given tremendous insight and hope. I recommend it to everyone regardless of the level...more
LaKay
I remember giving this book to my mom when she and my dad split up. The funny thing to me looking back now is that I am still "in my meantime" ... which kind of makes me want to read the book again and see if I missed something - or makes me feel like a lot of Spiritual Self Help books aren't really worth much...

However, I do think that Iyanla was one of the first authors I accessed that gave me the freedom to be me and to be where I was and to just try to grow - even if I didn't realize it at t...more
Katherine
Jul 26, 2009 Katherine rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: all girls who went through recent breakups
Recommended to Katherine by: Justine Miley
I read this book when I went through a big break up in 2005 when I thought my world was turning upside down. This book got me through!

I just reread this book now in 2009 and it still as relevant and helpful as when I read it 4 years ago - it's a great reminder of focusing on yourself when you're "in the meantime" periods of your life and that instead of spending your time freaking out or not knowing where you are, just know that these are times when you learn most about yourself and spend time l...more
Simone
In The Meantime is an excellent book for a brokenhearted man or woman. Self-help guru, Iyanla Vanzant uses housecleaning as her central analogy. She tells us how we can avoid the same romantic relationship mistakes by doing a mental housekeeping, cleaning the windows, closets, floor, doors and corners of our minds in order to overcome past pains and hurts, past memories and disappointments. Vanzant says we must clean out our heads and souls if we want to one day find true love and happiness.
Sarah
Vanzant had a lot of really solid advice about learning how to love and respect yourself.
I have a hard time, however, believing people who say that it's all about you and learning to take responsibility for your actions, and then in the next breath, they say to trust in God and leave it all up to him. That seems a bit redundant.
Also, she used a lot of examples, sometimes overlapping three at a time, so that it was hard to follow each person's story and get the message from each one.
Christa
Very inspirational. Takes an open mind to truly understand her teachings and how to overcome the stresses in life that bring you down.
Kate
This book is not for everyone. It contains an analogy that is a stretch some times (life is a house and we start in the basement, sorting through crap, working our way up to the light, spare, and clean attic), some flowery prose and a whole lot of illustrative stories of people who are trying to figure out who they are in and what they need from their relationships. And each time I read it I gain something new. The most recent truism is: "True love can only exist between equals."
Sandra
An excellent book. Never could get into Iyanla before this. Now I'm interested in reading more of her books. I'm so glad I am not in the basement as this books paints and live mostly in the attic or even the rooftop. Those who are on the bottom floors will definitely see life differently once they get to the top. This is an absolute. And those whom they may have disguarded due to their poor perspective from the bottom will be seen in the light they deserve.
P
The author suggests an interesting way of getting out of one's ruts and staying out.
Joyce
Starting Over, the TV program was fun for me.
I read Iyanla's book, hoping she would share
stories from her own life. Ended up,
I loved her concept of living at different floor levels.
I went so far as to make a box collage of the different floors.
I needed to SEE the progression. Living in the basement, it is normal to lie, cheat, and steal. 1st floor you become aware that you are doing things not in your/others best interest, and so forth.

Jen Fumarolo
My mom told me she picked up a book for me to read when I got home for Christmas... a self-help book. Is she trying to tell me something here? Well I read it while snowed in and I have to say it was very interesting. It's nothing you didn't already know logically - it makes a lot of sense - but it was good to hear put in Starting-Over-Iyanla's own words. Read it and redefine your screwed up baggage so you can love yourself a little better.
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In Peace From Broken Pieces New York Times best-selling author Iyanla Vanzant she recounts the last decade of her life and the spiritual lessons learnedfrom the price of success during her meteoric rise as a TV celebrity on Oprah, the Iyanla TV show (produced by Barbara Walters), to the dissolution of her marriage and her daughters 15 months of illness and death on Christmas day. Like a phoenix ri...more
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“You have set standards for how you want to be treated and what you expect from yourself and for yourself.” 147 likes
“You can never love anyone to your own detriment. That is not love, that is possession, control, fear, or a combination of them all.” 134 likes
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