Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

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4.15 of 5 stars 4.15  ·  rating details  ·  1,258 ratings  ·  181 reviews
Are you looking to enrich a healthy relationship, revitalize a tired one, or rescue one gone awry? We all want a lifetime of love, support, and companionship. But sometimes we need a little help.



Enter Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and �the best couple therapist in the world,� according to bestselling relationship expert Dr. John Gottman....more
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Published April 8th 2008 by Brilliance Audio (first published January 1st 2008)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Janet
The application of attachment theory to adult romantic relationships is genius. According to Johnson, the need for attachment underlies the conflict involved in the pursue-withdraw dance that couples often get locked into, a dance she aptly metaphorizes as the Polka. Her work provides tools for couples who want to stop dancing the Polka and start doing a Tango, her language for a relationship that allows for deep connection.
Matt Evans
Dr. Johnson's book easily wins the "World's Worst Title Ever" award. "Hold Me Tight" qua self-help book title evokes, in this reader, all the wrong associations. Much as does the scent of patchouli oil and as does the sound of gauzy-eyed adults whispering for their inner child to come on out for a good old back rub, "Hold Me Tight" evokes (again, for this reader) scary New Agey associations. For example, "Hold Me Tight" made me recall against my will that Kenny Loggins dumped his first wife in o...more
Londonmabel Mabel
Hands down the best relationship book I have ever read. A paradigm changer--it felt intuitively right from the first chapter, yet I also see the world in a different way. It took the core values I held about life, and showed me how to really live them better. Of course, starting with the relationships closest to me.

There are no complicated rules here, what you need to do doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, and what Johnson says makes so much sense it's not hard to remember. By chap...more
Terri R
This is the best book on relationships that I have ever read. The writer is clear and non-judgmental and stays away from too much psychological analyses and language. Hold Me Tight is designed to help partners gain insight about themselves and one another and to enhance their communication, whether or not it is broken. The writing style creates topics that are easily discussed between partners and the book is filled with exercises that allow one to practice better communication and understanding...more
Deborah
This was much better than the kitschy title led me to believe. The premise is that a love relationship is an "attachment-based" relationship and has all the same hallmarks as that of a parent/child attachment relationship, with additional complexities. In the end, you need the security of knowing that no matter what happens, you can rely on your spouse for comfort and support. Most relationship issues arise because of miscommunications regarding how the need for that comfort is shown and respond...more
Olivia Kienzel
amazingly barfy language used to convey truly fascinating and revelatory concepts regarding interpersonal relationships and the dynamics you find within them. i was able to get past the awful self-help style and diction and get to the heart of what she's saying--basically applying bowles' attachment theory to adult partnerships, and putting forth the idea that it is not only normal to need other people (esp your partner), but it is actually healthy. the book actually helped me understand every r...more
Jennifer Chin
wish I had read this book years ago... everyone should read it to learn how to be more compassionate to the people who care about you.
Janet Ferguson
Best book about human relationships EVER. In a relationship? Read it. Not in a relationship? Read it. It's written for everyone. And you don't need to be a psychology student to "get it." Dr. Sue Johnson will go down in history alongside Freud and Jung as a pioneer. Her approach, Emotionally Focused Therapy, has been proven to help 86 percent of couples become happier in their relationships. This is compared to most other forms of couple therapy that achieve a 35 percent success rate. Endorsed b...more
Austin S.
Mar 19, 2009 Austin S. rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone in an intimate relationship
This has replaced all the other books on relationships as the number one must-read book. It delves below the more superficial layers of content and process addressed by other authors (e.g., Gottman, Hendricks, Hendrix) and finally gets to the heart of the matter: attachment, safety, and emotional presence/engagement
Austen to Zafón
Why: Because a friend of mine said about it: This book is FABULOUS! The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. We long for that same closeness, the opportunity to be who we are completely, permission to be needy and longing for affection from our spouse (as we had from our parents). Once we understand this and can allow for it (and can show/speak to our spouse w...more
Kim Winters
This book will give you a helpful overview of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I only gave three stars because while I love the theory (since it reflects and helps couples move toward what God desires and designs for humans to have with regard to intimacy), it is not a Christian theory per se, so Jesus is of course absent. I believe a model of EFT that has Jesus Christ in the center (where He is welcomed to do things like heal deep wounds, confront ongoing temptations to unloving behavior, pro...more
Tamra
Aug 22, 2013 Tamra rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: everyone in a committed relationship
Recommended to Tamra by: Kim Blackham
Great book. It puts love in a whole new light, but that newness is somehow familiar and common sense as well.

I loved it. My husband and I have a great marriage, so we don't need much "advice." Plus, we've been married long enough now that when we hear advice we think either, "Duh," or, "Whatever." This book was less about advice giving and more about explaining why we do the things we do so we can figure out a better way. Rob and I instinctively found that better way, for the most part, so it w...more
Adam
Presents an attachment-based view of adult romantic love and relationships, based on the author's own Emotionally Focused Therapy... a lot of great info on working with emotions in your relationship, and not getting caught up in the same patterns up conflict that plague pretty much all of us. However, I think that the attempt at putting the highly interactive and experiential (not to mention effective!) therapy into book form was not a complete success, if it is even possible. Read the book, see...more
Denise Young
I have always read books on how to improve my marriage and relationships but I really liked this one as it really helps you examine your bad habits that could be causing problems.
I do think it is easiest to do this kind of work on your relationship when there is not big obstacles. I felt it was easy to bring things up with my husband and follow the book.
I do know a couple that was having big issues and went to a counsellor using these principles and they managed to turn things around so I do b...more
Jessica Woodbury
Wow, I want to give this book out now as wedding gifts! I had to read it for my internship, and loved just about every minute of it. Now that I have seen the principles from this book used in couples counseling, used them myself, and helped clients to use them, I love it even more! An easy-to-read book that will greatly enhance the relationship of anyone who reads it and truly does the activities and follows the principles.
Brigitte
It was hard to get through, some chapters I skimmed through them. I can see how it could help some couples who are in serious trouble but I'm not sure just reading this book could help them. I think the details and suggestions she offers here would best be served in a counselor's office where the counselor could be a mediator and guide the couple through the rough spots.
Brenda
This is such a great book for almost any relationship. It gave me a whole new perspective about being emotionally available and compassionate with those I love and care about. A must read for anyone who has been or is in a relationship regardless of how healthy the relationship is. Great book!
Lindsey
Sue Johnson explains why attachment and past experiences shape who we are with our romantic partners today. She helps individuals understand themselves and their partners in a new way and offers enlightening conversations to have with one another that will help strengthen intimate bonds. I would highly recommend this book to all couples who are dedicated to understanding their partner more and improving all relationships in their life. I read it out loud with my partner and it took us a long tim...more
Jeff
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is primarily focused on helping couples who are going through a rough patch, but it is so much more. Not only can it help a relationship between two people (be it a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or other love relationship) but it can help a person individually when they're associating with people on a deep relational level.

Sue Johnson has cred in that she actually practiced what she is preaching in this book. Granted, it's from the other s...more
Nick
This brief but perceptive book gave me new insights into my own history and personality and helped me understand the dynamics of our marriage more cllearly.
Lisa
Jan 04, 2009 Lisa is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
Great book for couples. Explains how attachment challenges from childhood may affect your marriage conversations/struggles today.
Sara
This book focused on the technique of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, which helps develop more secure relationships. In this book, we focus on seven types of conversations that define moments in which you can create bonds instead of pulling away. There were many examples from couples of arguments and strides that had lasted for years, leading up to possible divorce. This book showed how to break some very common patterns that these couples had and help build a secure attachment, something th...more
Deborah Day
I have read more marital books than I can count and this was refreshingly different. The author identifies important aspects of relationships that often are not addressed in other marital books. She addresses the deep wound that is being hurt and how to identify it and heal it in your relationships. It is a book that requires some thought and commitment to the process. Attachment needs are normal and she attempts to help couples unravel what is getting in the way of them having healthy attachmen...more
Morgan Blackledge
I love EFT. But Johnson's over use of alliteration (e.g. Daemon Dialog, Solis Sex, Sealed Off Sex, Synchronized Sex and much more) nearly killed me! Im no literary critic. But geez! Enough already! I know it sounds like a petty gripe, or trivial thing to focus on given the uplifting nature of the subject matter, and perhaps it is. But like I said, this book is loaded with corn dork phrases and it really disrupted my engagement with this book.

There is literally 0% chance I would ever use that typ...more
Elizabeth
Sep 17, 2011 Elizabeth marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
from the library lots of pressure on this book ten holds at the moment
ordered the unabridged cd set from worldcat





Table of Contents

Introduction 3 (8)
PART ONE A New Light on Love
11 (52)
Love---A Revolutionary New View
13 (15)
Where Did Our Love Go? Losing Connection
28 (12)
Emotional Responsiveness---The Key to a Lifetime of Love
40 (23)
PART TWO Seven Transforming Conversations
63 (168)
Conversation 1: Recognizing the Demon Dialogues
65 (33)
Conversation 2: Finding the Raw Spots
...more
Jennie
I am going to start this review with two contradictory statements: this is an amazing book for laypeople and therapists alike, a total revolution in how we look at romantic partnerships, and very engaging and readable. And I did not finish it.

When I added this book to my "to read" shelf, it was primarily with the hope of being able to help counseling clients to understand their romantic attachments, but when I finally picked it up to read, it was in the hopes of improving my own rocky relations...more
Angela
Apr 12, 2011 Angela rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Angela by: Ideas podcast (CBC radio 1)
I find myself wanting to justify that this book is less "self-helpy" than it looks. But it's clearly a self-help book. About that cootie-infested subject of relationships, no less. And yet, somehow it was a lot less "icky" than the title and description make it sound.

Maybe it's the extensive references to scientific studies and further information. Or the description of how this therapy approach was developed - the years of work, the endless viewing and reviewing of taped therapy sessions, the...more
Jaime
Well, normally I avoid any book that includes the title "Dr." in the author's name, on the assumption that so-called "self-help" books are a waste of reading time. However, a friend recommended this one, so I gave it a shot. Verdict: not bad, and I was primed to feel that this one included food for thought--although most books, fiction or non, give me food for thought--but I don't think I'd really recommend it as a read to many people. The good parts center around finding the words that might he...more
Jackie G
I've been happily married for 25 years and yet this book was really helpful in shining a light on communications patterns and behaviors that aren't exactly what I'd like them to be as I look forward to many more happy years. I really liked the positive focus on the individuals in the relationships described, and the non-scripted approach it takes to fostering really meaningful conversations. The only thing I found a bit off-putting is labeling behaviors and the using the labels throughout the bo...more
Leah
This book got rave reviews on Amazon and it was recommended to my boyfriend and I. He hates reading, so I knew that would be a challenge. I on the other hand love reading and especially love reading books on relationships and how men and women interact. I was bored. I had a hard time getting into this. The beginning of the book outlines how EFT therapy/counseling came into being, and while I think the concepts in the book are great, it moves slowly.

The chapters about the different types of argum...more
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Dr. Sue Johnson is a world-renowned expert in the field of couples therapy. She is a clinical psychologist,researcher, professor, best-selling author. Topics Dr. Johnson addresses include: attachment and bonding, the science of love, interventions to repair relationships, and forgiveness. Dr. Johnson is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a highly effective, research-backed...more
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“When love doesn’t work, we hurt. Indeed, “hurt feelings” is a precisely accurate phrase, according to psychologist Naomi Eisenberger of the University of California. Her brain imaging studies show that rejection and exclusion trigger the same circuits in the same part of the brain, the anterior cingulate, as physical pain.” 2 likes
“In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us.” 1 likes
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