Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic

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Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic

3.79 of 5 stars 3.79 · rating details · 605 ratings · 112 reviews

" Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever?
Can we want what we already have?
Why does the transition to parenthood so often spell erotic disaster?
Does good intimacy always make for good sex? "

Ether Perel takes on these tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love c...more

Hardcover, 272 pages

Published September 5th 2006 by HarperCollins Publishers (first published 2006)

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Jul 03, 2011 Taka rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: japan_jul07-aug10, self-help

Interesting, but not very practical--

The main argument of the book is this: intimacy begets comfort and boredom, distance unpredictability and excitement. Pretty commonsensical stuff, but when applied to marriage, it can be a powerful principle.

Most couples experience an increase in boredom as they become intimate and comfortable with each other and they start to yearn for the excitement. This transition is not only emotional but biological: a man's testosterone levels plummet after his wife giv...more

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Jan 21, 2008 John Ryan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: relationship

Do you feel lost, frustrated, confined or disappointed with your sex life? Does sex feel like a chore? Has the rugrats' arrival sucked that sexual impulse out of ya? Or maybe relations has morphed over the years from what seemed spicy and fresh into a short menu of the same ol' sauces and meats? Do you wonder if this is the inevitable result of being married/together with the same person for years? That you just have to "grow-up" and accept it?

Esther Perel, in "mating in captivity: unlocking ero...more Do you feel lost, frustrated, confined or disappointed with your sex life? Does sex feel like a chore? Has the rugrats' arrival sucked that sexual impulse out of ya? Or maybe relations has morphed over the years from what seemed spicy and fresh into a short menu of the same ol' sauces and meats? Do you wonder if this is the inevitable result of being married/together with the same person for years? That you just have to "grow-up" and accept it?

Esther Perel, in "mating in captivity: unlocking erotic intelligence" says, you can have that soulful home-made chicken soup and STILL be pouring that Sriratcha in...or even head out for sushi some nights. How? By awakening your erotic intelligence: your ability to know how to be both serious and playful at sex; be both adult and child-like; be committed and free...

An experienced and articulate psychotherapist, Perel weaves together her specific experiences from her practice and professional observations about the societal forces that impact the bedroom dynamics to help give some structure to understanding what's going on in there.

Perel's core premise is that erotically intelligent people find a way to establish a healthy balance between serious intimacy and sexual play. Taking intimacy seriously means being committed to the relationship: establishing and cultivating communication. Being sexually playful means letting go (in a healthy way) of operating out of a rigid system of beliefs around what is and is not allowed in sex in a committed relationship.

It's not a simple topic: it doesn't lend itself to easy analysis and general prescriptions. Despite that, Perel does an excellent job at drawing out the abstractions out of the specific circumstances. Over the course of the book, she pieces together a small, course-shaped mosaic of the modern couple navigating their way along a path that includes a genuinely satisfying long-term relationship.

For me, personally, Perel sparked whole missing elements of this incredible uniquely-human experience of being erotic. I had my own set of beliefs that held me back from really opening-up and sharing the healing, fun and vital experience of being in sexual desire. She underscored for me how critical being playful is to the whole endeavor. I found that I had a pretty rigid idea of what one can do to another that they love and respect. Turns out, when the two are in agreement and it is physically and psychologically safe, there's not a whole lot that is categorically "bad." Of course, each individual and each couple will negotiate out what they are/are not willing to try.

It's about ferreting out those (sometimes deeply-held) beliefs that create unnecessary limitations. In unlocking those structures, a whole burst of creative energy is released. In the human experience, vitality is creativity, expressed.

It's that vitality that many of us long for five/seven/fifteen years down the road... and the good news is that it never left. It's just that, mostly subconsciously, we unnecessarily stopped cultivating the conditions where our sexual creativity can thrive. Unlocking erotic intelligence is about bringing awareness to those unexamined beliefs and opening up (and acting on) the actual possibilities of what we can share with our beloved in bed (or anywhere else you wanna get it on!).

If the flame in your marriage has died down and you are keen to understand why that might have happened (in hopes of changing how you do relationship to make it different/better), I recommend you pick this book up, open your mind and let your fantasies fly!(less)

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May 15, 2008 kareem rated it 5 of 5 stars

If you're in a long-term relationship, or ever want to be in one, you must read this book.

It tells you how to have the security, stability, comfort, etc that are requirements for a healthy a LT relationship while at the same time creating the uncertainty, mystery, and risk that are requirements for passion.

The author is a therapist in NY and draws on cases to illustrate her points. It's engaging, the topic is fascinating, and Perel has some refreshingly smart suggestions for maintaining or rec...more

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Mar 09, 2013 Mike Smith rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

This book challenges the assumption that sexual desire and eroticism inevitably decline in a long-term committed relationship. Author Esther Perel is a couples therapist with over 20 years of experience. Raised in Belgium and trained in Israel before moving to the U.S., Perel brings an outsider's perspective to the strange mix of attitudes and behaviours that characterize American (and, by almost certain extension, Canadian) relationships.

Her basic premise is that we crave both the security and...more This book challenges the assumption that sexual desire and eroticism inevitably decline in a long-term committed relationship. Author Esther Perel is a couples therapist with over 20 years of experience. Raised in Belgium and trained in Israel before moving to the U.S., Perel brings an outsider's perspective to the strange mix of attitudes and behaviours that characterize American (and, by almost certain extension, Canadian) relationships.

Her basic premise is that we crave both the security and reliability of loving long-term relationships and the thrill, excitement and heightened eroticism of new relationships. She believes that to sustain the thrill over the long-term, we must refrain from too much intimacy with our partners. We, and our partners, should maintain certain parts of ourselves and our identities that are separate from and unknown to our partners. That preserves some of the mystery. We must never forget that we don't "own" our partners. They are separate, distinct people from us and we can never be entirely sure what they think or want. See them with fresh eyes and remember what excited us about them in the first place.

In an easy-to-read yet almost poetic style, Perel lays out her thesis over the first few chapters. Then she discusses how American attitudes treat sex as something to be measured, analyzed, and cured instead of something to be experienced and felt. The strange North American view that sex is "dirty" and shameful is covered, as is how your adult views of sex are seen through the lens of your childhood experiences. She discusses the role of fantasy and the thrill of the "other", or "the third", as she calls it, and how the things that make them exciting and erotic can be harnessed to re-energize your relationship. Throughout the book, Perel uses case studies from her practice to illustrate her points in the context of real couples (with names changed, of course).

She doesn't exactly offer concrete suggestions for what any one couple can do. If anything, she implies that seeing a therapist is a good idea. But there is enough here to make you think more closely about how you approach sex and how to have both security and excitement in the same relationship.(less)

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Jan 28, 2013 E.C. McCarthy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: great-women

This book is so much more erotically charged than the "50 Shades" fictional nonsense. Perel offers great insight into human desire -- for love, sex, connection, space -- and how we tend to thwart the very intimacy we crave by applying judgement to our desires. I haven't read a better reason to be hopeful that long term relationships can maintain, even increase, passion and desire than this --

"The counterargument to the law of diminishing returns is the principle that consistent investment leads...more

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Apr 09, 2011 Jeffrey Otto rated it 3 of 5 stars

Reconciling Cliche and Popular Sociology

On a crowded bus last week, my eight year old son couldn't help but inquire about the title of Esther Perel's debut book, "Mating in Captivity : Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic." What's "mating" mean, dad? And "cap-tiv-i-ty?"� With numerous ears besides his own eager to hear my reply, I resorted to cheap humor that passed by him as surely as hot sex passes by Perel's patients throughout this book. "Mating."� I told him, "is finding someone to love...more

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May 24, 2009 Emily Jane rated it 1 of 5 stars

I wanted this to be the answer to the last couple of fights I've had with my partner. The subtitle is "Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic", and so I'd hoped that this would help me understand why it is we fight with the one we love most, and how to prevent real problems before they happen. This is, after all, what the book promises to do.

But, unfortunately, it really falls short. Because while the author gives numerous anecdotal accounts of how this couple or that was able to reignite the f...more I wanted this to be the answer to the last couple of fights I've had with my partner. The subtitle is "Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic", and so I'd hoped that this would help me understand why it is we fight with the one we love most, and how to prevent real problems before they happen. This is, after all, what the book promises to do.

But, unfortunately, it really falls short. Because while the author gives numerous anecdotal accounts of how this couple or that was able to reignite the flame of passion in their relationship, she fails to lay out any sort of plan for the reader to follow. For instance, she offers up the tale of how attending a yearly swingers' weekend in Vegas has permitted one couple to cheat on each other within a specific context and parameters, which for them puts an end to their desires to cheat in real life the rest of the year. It's lovely that this couple has harnessed the power of infidelity, but what about those of us who value monogamy and, um, our dignity?

She encourages the reader to consider that there is always a third party in a monogamous relationship: the one who is not there. That is to say, by choosing your partner you are implicitly rejecting everyone else. Yet having the same old spouse night after night - and balancing a busy life with a career, a home, and possibly children to look after - can get old, Perel claims, and make the Other, the Third, seem more and more appealing. Harness that interest, she recommends, and use it to infuse a sense of newness into the marriage: don a blond wig and meet your husband for lunch; give in and fantasize about your desires without the guilt; try a swingers' club and flirt with another woman - or do more than flirt.

Furthermore, Perel asserts that the very act of living together and growing in intimacy actually locks out the possibility for the erotic. Not unlike the concept of the Third, she discusses the effect that knowing too much about one person can decrease the thrill of knowing more and increase the excitement level of getting to know another.

She recommends that the reader take time to evaluate one's marriage and one's own personal needs to decide what might be a way to spice up the marriage. She even has a brief exercise for doing so, but offers little in the way of real guided introspection. In the end, I was left with many of the same questions I went in with. No revelation, no cultural insight on monogamy, and very little help at all.(less)

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Mar 19, 2013 Mo Tipton rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: psych-sociology-creativity

I'm still not entirely sure what I think about this book. On one hand, it's incredibly fascinating. Perel offers page after page of marvelous insights as to why it can be so hard to sustain passion in a long-term monogamous relationship, and so much of what she said seemed original in comparison to other books I've read on the topic.

On the other hand, I found it difficult to take the information presented in the book and figure out how to apply it in my own relationship. Perel's solutions invol...more

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May 09, 2008 Crystal rated it 5 of 5 stars

I read this for school and it was awesome! Perel’s ideas transcend modern thinking and give a fresh approach to methodologies and a different lens for viewing relationships. This book challenges ideas about sex and sexual attitudes. The author was not born in the U.S. so it is not surprising she has some new ideas to bring to the table. I guess my review doesn't tell you much so just read this book, I think anyone could get something out of it.

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Jan 28, 2013 Paolo Gianoglio rated it 4 of 5 stars

Ho letto questo libro nella sua edizione italiana, che per pigrizia non inserisco in GR. Premetto che non lo avrei mai letto se non fossi stato consigliato da un'amica terapeuta. Ciò anche a causa del titolo italiano (l'intelligenza erotica), che sebbene concettualmente non errato, ricalca la serie delle "intelligenze" tanto di moda dopo Goleman, e fa quindi pensare all'ennesimo espediente di marketing per vendere un volume in più. In realtà il titolo originale è (per l'appunto) più originale: M...more

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Feb 20, 2008 Julie Flynn Badal rated it 3 of 5 stars

Perel's main thesis is well-taken: Increased intimacy in healthy relationships does not always lead to increased passion. In fact, intimacy can hinder passionate exchanges between partners. But I stopped reading this book in the third chapter because of its redundant nature. I didn't have the patience to read yet another case study that proves Perel's point but resolves very little.

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Apr 20, 2012 Dr. Ben rated it 3 of 5 stars

Mating in Captivity is simultaneously a self-help sort of book and an analysis of U.S. culture, particularly with regards to long-term relationships and their relationship (or lack thereof) with the erotic. Perel brings up interesting points, particularly with regards to how people tend to desexualize their long-term committed partners by seeing them as totally known, unmysterious entities (she words it better than I do). That said, there are other points about the book that bugged me: Perel goe...more

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Feb 23, 2009 The Book Maven rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, sexy_time, self_improvement

There were a lot of good tips and insights in this book. The author explores the question of why committed romantic partners often lose their sexual attraction for each other. The author's basic premise is that the security, stability, comfort, and familiarity that we seek out in romantic partnerships are actually the elements which kill off our erotic desires. For eroticism to thrive, the author contends, there needs to be mystery, separateness, other-ness; intimacy and familiarity are the comp...more

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Feb 26, 2013 Laurel rated it 4 of 5 stars

my feelings about this book are all over the map. at times I fervently agreed and at others I had a knee-jerk feeling of dissent which I had difficulty articulating. I guess I don't buy fully into the premise that eroticism and passion are diminished by intimacy, but I'm humble enough to admit that my thoughts on this may change over the years. anyway for the thoughtful analysis and for the good suggestions contained within, I'm comfortable giving Mating in Captivity 4 stars while reserving the...more

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Nov 18, 2012 Giorgos rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Giorgos by: Heather

After setting a framework that emphasises the balance between closeness and distance in sexually intimate relationships, much of the book's message rests on the premise that predictability and familiarity - engendered by excessive emphasis on bonding - kill passion. The solution? Individuals in relationships should ruthlessly preserve their individuality, in spite of the separation anxiety that might cause, and allow enough distance to preserve the "otherness" that attracted them in the first pl...more After setting a framework that emphasises the balance between closeness and distance in sexually intimate relationships, much of the book's message rests on the premise that predictability and familiarity - engendered by excessive emphasis on bonding - kill passion. The solution? Individuals in relationships should ruthlessly preserve their individuality, in spite of the separation anxiety that might cause, and allow enough distance to preserve the "otherness" that attracted them in the first place.

Although rich in case studies, this isn't a book with practical prescriptions; instead, it lays down principles and examples of their application, prompting the reader to consider how these may apply in their situation. A common theme, however, is the poignant realisation that passionate relationships need conscious effort to make them work (especially considering people's often differing communication styles - eg verbal vs physical), while taking it easy is also necessary for passion to be expressed.

Refreshingly, the author doesn't shy away from tackling topics on the fringes of 'mainstream' sexuality. A take on the role of sexual fantasies as an essential expression of what makes individuals tick sexually evolves into a discussion of kink - even if not shared by all partners - and encouragement to accept it as part of that expression. The analysis of the conditions for successful monogamy, and their relative scarcity for many people, is both thoughtful and though-provoking, especially within largely monogamous societies where ethical non-monogamy is nevertheless present.

On the other hand, the book has a very US-centric perspective at times, with only occasional examples from the rest of the world presented for contrast (but not explored in as much depth). In particular, topics such as kink, work/goal oriented mindsets, and carnality in puritanism/hedonism dichotomy would have benefited from a more global view.

The closing thoughts on the importance of deliberate investment in making committed relationships sexually fulfilling, and keeping them as such, are probably the most practical take-away: oft-vilified planning is more often helpful than not, because it forces intentionality that brings passion to life. It is the lack of intentionality, and going through the motions, that kills passion.(less)

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Jun 10, 2012 The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health added it

Shelves: science, psychology, guide, dating-and-relationships

Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic has been translated into 24 different languages and examines issues of intimacy and sex in married and/or long-term couples. Perel is a practicing AASECT certified sex therapist in New York City and a well-known voice on couples and sexuality across cultures. She has been a guest on numerous television shows as well as featured in The Washington Post, The New Yorker, and Vogue, among others.

The book opens with a poem by D.H. Lawrence e...more Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic has been translated into 24 different languages and examines issues of intimacy and sex in married and/or long-term couples. Perel is a practicing AASECT certified sex therapist in New York City and a well-known voice on couples and sexuality across cultures. She has been a guest on numerous television shows as well as featured in The Washington Post, The New Yorker, and Vogue, among others.

The book opens with a poem by D.H. Lawrence entitled “Wild Things in Captivity,” which states, “Sex is a state of grace – In a cage it can’t take place – Break the cage then, start in and try.” In each chapter, Perel eloquently challenges a reader to reconsider traditional definitions, expectations, and norms of committed relationships and marriage. One major problem she addresses is the absence or dwindling amount of sex between couples who still love each other but have become too busy, too tired, or too involved in other things to have sex. Offering insight into why intimacy and desire are difficult to maintain over time and ways that partners can rediscover their sexual relationships, Perel supports her theories and advice with personal case studies from her experiences as a therapist.

Throughout the book, Perel emphasizes the importance of keeping one’s own individuality within a long-term, committed relationship. She states, “[I]n the course of establishing security, many couples confuse love with merging. To sustain an élan (vigor and liveliness) toward the other, there must be a synapse to cross.” Perel mentions a couple, John and Beatrice, who meet, fall in love, begin a passionate and satisfying sex life, move in together, learn everything about each other, commit to each other, and then essentially stop having sex. Using John and Beatrice’s story as an example of how increased emotional intimacy is often accompanied by decreased sexual desire, Perel claims that the sexual health of a couple stands on its own as a parallel narrative to the couple’s relationship. Sexual pleasure requires a sense of freedom and autonomy that is difficult to reconcile with what is required to maintain emotional intimacy.

Perel challenges couples to embrace their desires and fantasies, even if it feels uncomfortable. In a chapter entitled “Democracy Versus Hot Sex,” she discusses American society’s general unease with kink and bondage, especially in the context of marriage and families with kids. In addition to mentioning how gradual changes in sexual preference or practices are often seen as a result of a pathology or problem within the relationship, she challenges couples to embrace sexual urges that, while always consensual, may not be planned or part of a normal routine.

An important distinction between Perel’s approach to rekindling the sex lives of long-term couples and the mountain of self-help books that claim to have “the secret to great sex,” is that Perel does not offer set advice or simple steps to follow. Instead of consulting a manual to spice up one’s sex life, Perel believes that people should act on their own impulses, whether that is leaving a dirty note for one’s partner to find when they get home or planning an evening alone free of technology. The overriding messages that Mating in Captivity delivers is that good sex does not have to end or dwindle because of time or experience and that lust does not have to devolve into companionship.

This is a great read for anyone searching for ways to create a more fulfilling, liberating, and connected sex life and a must have for anyone working in the realm of sexuality and relationships. For more information about Esther Perel, visit her website.(less)

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Jul 30, 2012 Lynda rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: sexuality

The author is a European, kink-and-alternative-lifestyle-friendly relationship therapist. It was quite refreshing to have her non-judgmental viewpoint on most issues of sexuality. She maintains throughout the book that in order to develop intimacy between two people, there needs to be some separateness. Which is a problem in this American society where our mate is supposed to be everything to us. There's a struggle in finding another person erotic and sexy when there's too much comfort and secur...more

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May 08, 2012 Joni rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: family-parenting, sociology, reading-group, purchase, 2012

I read this several years ago and remember it being a paradigm shifter for me. The main thing I took away from it is that we expect too much from our spouse, who is, after all, only one person. He/she cannot be our "best friend," confidant, protector, object of our frustration, safety net, and also passionate lover.

I am now going back to re-read because I've been reminded of it while I am reading "Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships."

In that book,...more

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May 16, 2010 Michelle rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a good book for anyone who:
1. would like to be in a successful romantic relationship.
2. is in a successful romantic relationship.
3. would like to remain single forever.

My therapist recommended I read this book, I believe, because I am a little one-sided on the idea that "romantic relationships" and "true happiness" do not co-exist. I'm not sure reading this changed my mind, but the author, a NYC psychologist, definitely has many an interesting thing to say about relationships, why they...more

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Oct 24, 2008 Shirley rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: spirituality-philosophy

This was gift from Helene so we could read it together, and because she knows I believe in women's empowerment to be able to talk about sex and love.

Perel focuses on maintaining desire in a relationship, using the lens of the balance of security and autonomy - people often sacrifice all their autonomy and sense of self in a relationship, which is related to freedom and desire, thinking they must, in order to support the secure, intimate, love of the relationship, but actually, the freedom / des...more

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Mar 23, 2008 Tim Pendry rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Anyone not entirely happy with their lot

Shelves: sexuality-erotica, psychology

Now this really could be a life-changing book if it hit the right person at the right time. The thesis is simple and powerful and the only problem with the book is that the personal stories pad out a simple message.

What Perel does is undermine the more dumb-ass aspects of the Anglo-Saxon approach to psychological fidelity and relationships in favour of a more European view that permits play, calculated deceit and fantasy in a way that is really quite shocking to contemporary femino-liberalism....more

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Oct 21, 2011 Shannon rated it 2 of 5 stars

I saw this on a friend's facebook status when she asked for opinions on good books to read. Maybe this one was a joke...but I ripped off her list and read this one. It actually came to me at a great time in my life, considering I hadn't "mated" in quite some time since my boofriend was out of the country. It gave me a perspective on my relationship that I was able to relate to the relationships in the book. The things discussed in the book aren't the norm of conversation with friends, especially...more

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Mar 02, 2012 Miller Sherling rated it 4 of 5 stars

Very interesting to get a non-American's view of Americans' marital sex/erotic lives. Gave me great perspective on just how much what I think of as personal is actually cultural. By this I do not deny that culture is a part of me, rather, it's good to be reminded just how much of me is from and of my culture. She writes well, & tells good stories. It's not science-based, rather it's anecdotally based, but every bit as useful because it provokes thought & taking a step back from issues th...more

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Apr 14, 2010 Rosanne rated it 4 of 5 stars

Finally a book that aims to help but doesn't aim to tell you what to do. Perel explains why the fire sometimes (often) dies out in committed relationships, and offers examples of how some couples keep the fire alive, or stoke it every once in a while. The writing wasn't preachy. The book wasn't earth-shattering, but it was insightful. A good, quick read overall.

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Sep 03, 2012 Luba Moshcovich rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Interesting point of view on modern relationships. I particularly appreciated the discussion about presence of fantasies in sexual life of individuals and the issue related to monogamy in the society were we are constantly solicited into freedom of sex.
" erotism is a sexuality transformed by imagination..... It is the cultivation of excitement , a purposeful quest for pleasure" I think this quote resumes very well the whole idea of the book.

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Jan 02, 2013 Rebecca rated it 4 of 5 stars

I think that this book offers some interesting insight on why things fall apart in relationships, and how people can get them back on track. Perel talks about how different couples she has meet with have dealt with different issues, what works, what doesn't, and how our desires are all different.

I found the chapter on dealing with the US's puritanical views on the erotic to ring true. I felt like it's important to recognize the way we were raised, and move forward. We need to find supportive lo...more

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Apr 18, 2012 Emma rated it 5 of 5 stars

One of my favorite books. No to erudite to get through, Ms. Perel is a talented scholar and writer. A forerunner of the female sexuality movement with a lot of credentials she writes with aplomb about the melding of the erotic self with our every day self and illustrates that doing this is not only healthy but natural.

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Apr 11, 2012 Eli Nunez rated it 5 of 5 stars

Enlightening. This is one of those books that make you better, educated, happier, confident and much more if you read this with a very very open mind. Doesn't give you advise nor tell you what's better, it just sets you free... I love it! Finished it in two days. Couldn't stop reading. Totally influencing my life right now.

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Mar 19, 2012 Shane Moore rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Reading this book I soon found myself questioning every aspect of my marriage. Apparently, I should be keeping my wife at a distance or we'll get bored with each other. Maybe I rely too much on verbal communication to express my feelings? Sure, things are great now, but am I setting the stage for an unhappy 2nd act? Would my wife be happier married to someone who doesn't speak English?

I quit. I don't need a book to make me second-guess and doubt the happiest aspect of my life.

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Feb 12, 2009 Carrie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Super interesting analysis of married relationships and how difficult it can be to reconcile (or maintain simultaneously) friendship, parenthood and domesticity, on the one hand and passion and desire, on the other. Not your typical relationship book. I really recommend it.

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Quotes from Mating in Captivity: R...

“Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.” — 5 people liked it

“Our partner's sexuality does not belong to us. It isn't just for and about us, and we should not assume that it rightfully falls within our jurisdiction.” — 4 people liked it

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