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26th out of 104 books
—
11 voters
Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
Featuring a new preface by the author on how parents can make a difference.
With author appearances on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20 /20 and NPR's Fresh Air, and featuring articles in Newsweek, Time, and The New York Times, Real Boys is one of the most talked-about and influential books published this year.
Based on William Pollack's groundbreaking research at Har
...more
With author appearances on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20 /20 and NPR's Fresh Air, and featuring articles in Newsweek, Time, and The New York Times, Real Boys is one of the most talked-about and influential books published this year.
Based on William Pollack's groundbreaking research at Har
Paperback, 480 pages
Published
May 10th 1999
by Holt Paperbacks
(first published 1998)
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Crappy. Seriously, this came highly recommended, but I was totally unimpressed. At the same time as he pushes the obvious (don't tell your son to "act like a man" when he cries, take his feelings seriously, &etc.) the author is also doing whole chapters on the special (and different!) relationships between mothers and sons and fathers and sons. In other words, there's no attempt to repudiate the gender divide, only to ameliorate its negative effects on boys. He's perpetuating the mother/fath...more
We are doing a great disservice to our sons with some of the cultural expectations we place on them. This book compassionately explains many of the problems boys face in our society and what we can do to help. I grew up with all sisters and didn't have a lot of experience with boys and men until I married. This book has helped me understand my husband and son better. I especially liked the explanation of active love and how boys and girls express closeness differently at times. I hope it's helpe...more
I'm only about a third of the way through this, but I'm finding it such a slog. Last night I picked up "The Tao of Pooh", because I'd left my copy of "Real Boys" downstairs and I couldn't be bothered going to get it, and I was so relieved to read something enjoyable. Not sure whether I'm going to be able to come back to "Real Boys". Because of:
1. It is in serious need of editing: I don't expect a psychologist to be a brilliant writer, but I do expect a published book to be in better shape than t...more
1. It is in serious need of editing: I don't expect a psychologist to be a brilliant writer, but I do expect a published book to be in better shape than t...more
I ended up giving up on this book, mostly because of time issues and it was due back at the library. I may check it out again sometime. It had some good ideas in it and a lot of things I kind of already knew or do anyway. I described it already a little in the comment section. I guess what I took from it was just to be more aware in general of my boys' emotional needs, to try to talk to them more about feelings. One thing mentioned was how even from babyhood when boys are sad or upset we try to...more
I read this book YEARS ago when my son was going into the tween stage. Since we homeschool, I couldn't identify much with what the author said, but....I could really identify with his points from a former public school teacher's perspective. When Columbine happened...my first thought was, "I bet those boys were bullied unmercifully growing up." Not condoning what they did, but acknowledging their pain, also. Then this book came out. I thought it had some really good points. I do believe we need...more
Pollack adamantly challenged the idealized tough love, suck up the pain, distant approach to raising boys that has been predominant in the United States for generations. In contrast, Pollack advocated for a new approach to raising boys characterized by compassion, empathy, intimacy, support, and engagement. He offers useful tips, but they must be applied with a artful hand. They seem to be a good step for the development of boys across the country but they are not the silver bullet. Pollack’s wo...more
This is a sort of psychology textbook, along the lines of Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher, except for boys. There are sixteen chapters including the epilogue. The book discusses gender-straightjacketing, shaming a boy into wearing a hardened mask so that we don't know a real boy and what he is truly thinking. It discusses the various things boys need to develop emotionally in a proper way. It discusses how society often confuses boys, telling them to be sensitive and open up, yet at the same tim...more
This was an incredibly thoughtful baby gift, and it's totally fascinating. Basically the thesis is, boys can never be too bonded with both parents, especially mother, contrary to society's stereotypes which promote independence at such an early age as 5 or 6 years old for boys. Also explores how we unknowingly "harden" our little boys to become "little men" leading to all kinds of problems later on. Explores the two (and, with divorce or loss of a parent, sometimes three) traumas of boyhood that...more
My ex-husbabnd and I decided to wait for birth to know the gender of our child. If I were to have given birth to a girl, I figured I would know how to raise an enlightened daughter. And when I gave birth to a son, I most definately knew I was not prepared.
This book brought up so many good points about the challenges facing boys growing up in the USA. I had no idea of the tests and travails that awaited me in trying to raise a son with a full emotion vocabulary, and the ability to express these...more
This book brought up so many good points about the challenges facing boys growing up in the USA. I had no idea of the tests and travails that awaited me in trying to raise a son with a full emotion vocabulary, and the ability to express these...more
Another mind-blowing parenting book, that I hope to read a second time! A must for all parents of boys, and all teachers. Such a succinctly written, in-depth analysis and exlanation of how our culture creates dysfunction in our boys, and exactly how we can counteract it.
After reading this book, I really understand the male experience like I never could have before. If as a woman, you've ever been frustrated by a male in your life, read this book and you will no longer feel frustrated, but empath...more
After reading this book, I really understand the male experience like I never could have before. If as a woman, you've ever been frustrated by a male in your life, read this book and you will no longer feel frustrated, but empath...more
As the father of two young sons, I was told that I should read this. I think the most memorable thing I take away from it is how times have changed in the 14 years since its initial publication. It assumes that the first day in kindergarten marks the initial separation from a mother and her son and is a traumatic event, whereas preschool is now so ubiquitous as to make this concern either obsolete, or at the least folded into much earlier trauma. It regards stay at home dads as a rare (albeit we...more
I really wanted to like this book, and maybe I will when my boys are older (they are currently 1 and 3), but I felt like it was unproductively guilt-inducing, repetitive, and unnecessarily long. The basic gist is that boys disconnect emotionally from parents, teachers, etc. because they are forced to separate from their mothers when they are not ready, are forced to take on responsibility before they are ready, and are never allowed to voice deep emotion. I can agree with all of those things, bu...more
Aug 22, 2007
Vickie
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone who knows a boy
Shelves:
peoplefamilypsychologytypestuff
I have six brothers and I thought I knew about boys. Nope. I learned a lot. I've heard some complain about this book because boys have had it a lot easier (in terms of not being oppressed in society) than girls. So I'll wield my title as the girl voted biggest feminist in high school when I argue that Pollack makes needed points about boys. All of our kids need help in todays world. Girls and boys.
I am still in the process of reading. most of the books i read about are the struggle of women and their relationship with men. but, in teaching little boys and watching them strggle to communicate or embarrassed to express themselves, i became curious as to what we are teaching our youth and young men. i know society has certainly done a number on young women.....but what about the boys???
For so long, Doctors have examined the interworkings and complexitites of women in an attempt to describe their behaviors within society. While such documentation has proven to be indightful, "Real Boys" takes a rare (and rather in-depth) inventory into the innate social, phisiological and behavioral dispositions of young men. Very interesting and entirely relevant.
A must read for all Mothers of pre-pubescent boys.....
I decided to read this because my son is having a hard time emotionally right now, and I wanted to better understand the pressures we put on boys in our culture. I really liked this book (other than it being a little repetitive and long winded)and ,it did a great job of putting voice to those niggling worries that there is something off in the way we as a culture treat our boys, and clearly lays out all the pressures boys feel to perform their boyness (he calls it the boy code) in very specific...more
Although the style of the book is academic, the writing was rather approachable.
Being into reading lots of gender-related literature, this book didn't provide me with a great deal of new information. However, to anyone less well-read on the topic, I'd say this book provides a great wealth of information about how boys (and men) are enculturated in western society, often to their detriment, and provides practical advice regarding how to counteract the damaging aspects of our culture.
Even with the...more
Being into reading lots of gender-related literature, this book didn't provide me with a great deal of new information. However, to anyone less well-read on the topic, I'd say this book provides a great wealth of information about how boys (and men) are enculturated in western society, often to their detriment, and provides practical advice regarding how to counteract the damaging aspects of our culture.
Even with the...more
I'm not really sure how to rate this book. It was recommended to me by several people, and I did think there was a lot of good stuff in it. Happily, in my little corner of the world (my neighborhood and school) a lot has changed since 1998. I think that the Myths of Boyhood that he describes are less pernicious than they were then. I do think this probably varies widely, and so the book is definitely still relevant. It is a very long book, and I ended up skimming big parts of it. A big chunk is...more
I didn't read this all the way through, because much of it concerned teens. I was more interested in advice for raising younger boys. It is well written and based on good research. There was good information in the portion I read, especially about how damaging it can be for very young boys to be separated from their mothers too early, how the "boy code" inhibits healthy emotional growth and expression, and how our schools are failing our boys. I'll probably read it again when my grandson is near...more
A thoughtful book on the problems faced by boys in a culture that praises them on one hand while chastising them on the other. The author reminds us that we need to provide youth the time and space to grow into men, not force then before their time into that state.
Chapter 6 was really great. It detailed how a strong and compassionate father makes for a balanced son, who will grow up with tools to be whole, not fractured by the challenges of modern life and pervasive stereotypes.
Chapter 6 was really great. It detailed how a strong and compassionate father makes for a balanced son, who will grow up with tools to be whole, not fractured by the challenges of modern life and pervasive stereotypes.
One of the best parenting books I've read. I was disenchanted by the redundancy in the beginning, but after a couple of chapters it was a wealth of information about boys. Pollack attempts to break down stereotypes surrounding why boys are so "closed off" with emotions, how they get that way, how society perpetrates the problem, and what we can do as parents to counteract it. He tackles important subjects such as the "mask" of masculinity, shame and the trauma of separation from the mother, how...more
Thoughtful but tends just slightly toward too touchy-feely and too much toward the exceptional cases. About half of the content would relate to the average boy in a two-parent family. It's worth reading once if you parent boys. There are some good points about the inequality in the treatment of boys vs. girls -- girls receive a disproportionate share of the attention and much more leniency in certain matters.
Anyone who is interested in the physical, psychological, or educational progress of young men in our society needs to read this book. Dr. Pollack very expertly explores the "myths of boyhood" in a way that makes men look back on their own lives, examining their own childhoods in the process; and allows women a glimpse in to what it means to grow up as an American male.
I don't know if I would blanket "recommend" this book to anyone who has boys, but I think it definitely opens your eyes to how we as a society in general unwittingly stereotype our boys, and by doing so run the risk of hindering their growth and development. Even though I couldn't help feeling like I was reading a medical journal article the whole time (ok, maybe it wasn't quite that bad), I did come away with some pretty important learnings and some very useful information. The author's researc...more
I read this book back when I was going to school at the U. It was required reading for one of the classes I was enrolled in. I loved it! I never thought I would enjoy a book like this as much as I did. But I decided I need to read it over again now that I have experience with my own "real boys" and see if I think the same.
I'm not sure... maybe my expectations were just too high. I was expecting this to be "Reviving Ophelia" (which I loved) but for boys... But as one who was once a boy myself, I just couldn't relate to any of the stories... it didn't feel authentic or "real" to me.
This is a fabulous book on adolescent boys, parenting, american culture and how these all interact to create generations of emotionally straight-jacketed boys, who turn into angry men, unable to express the full range of human emotion. I highly recommend it!
Interesting. I am now the "Bonus Mom" of two "boys." I appreciated the author's insights to the situation our boys and young men face dealing with society pressure to be sensitive and tough simultaneously. Glad I read it.
Feb 01, 2010
Janet
is currently reading it
I LOVE this book. I've read it before and I'm reading it again so I can absorb new lessons about my growing son. It's the best perspective on "boy world" I've ever read (learned a few things about my husband, too!)
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You read to fast!!! I get all your updates and I t...more
Oct 08, 2008 11:13am