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Beyond Time-Out: From Chaos to Calm
The covers of such magazines as Time and Newsweek have described parents as living in �mayhem” and �madness” with their children. TV’s Supernanny regularly captures kids wildly, unbelievably out of control. How did our families get to such a state? Child psychologist Dr. Beth Grosshans has the answer. And mothers and fathers everywhere are listening. In what is sure to bec...more
Hardcover, 336 pages
Published
June 3rd 2008
by Sterling
(first published 2008)
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I don't read many self help or parenting book, not because I think I have it all figured it out, but because I tend to doubt that any of us do. After dealing with a two year old who won't stay in bed for too long, this title caught my eye. I read the first chapter where the author describes various errant parenting profiles, the pleaser, the pushover, etc. I recognized some of my own parenting habits in a few of the profiles and duly proceeded to making a mental list of changes I needed to make....more
This was the perfect parenting book for me at this stage in my kids' development. I found her approach to discipline to be exactly what I was looking for. No more democratic parenting, explaining yourself to your kids, seeking their approval or agreement on things (often times unwittingly), but at the same time being strict with your kids and disciplining them does not entail anger or harshness or being punitive. In fact, it reminds you that it is essential to be loving and calm. The premise of...more
This book came to me when I needed it most! I was at my wits end and blowing up all the time at my 3 year old and feeling guilty all the time about my over reactions to the constant power struggle with my wonderful daughter. I could go on and on but I will keep it short and say that it worked for me the day I cracked it (I skipped ahead to the Ladder chapter as I was so desperate for guidance then went back and started at the beginning). It is still working a week later and I have a long way to...more
I have tried several times to explain to husband/friends why I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked this parenting book and what it comes down to is this: the author gives GREAT common sense logical parenting techniques that help you as the parent feel like you are in control and it gives you confidence in doing so! The author gives practical techniques (and the theory behind them) to help you parent your children with love and respect. I'd read some other parenting books like Love and Logic but thought t...more
I really liked this book. I agreed mostly with what Grosshans had to say, it all made a lot of sense to me. It is full of practical advice that is easy to follow. She is writing about children ages 3-10, my oldest is almost 4, so some didn't apply directly, but was still helpful. I do wish she had included a section on preventing the problems discussed, but that's just because I have an 18 month old who gets into stuff all day long. :) I am applying the principles of her "ladder" to a smaller sc...more
For the new parent struggling with toddler issues that may not come as common sense for you. There were a few helpful hints in this book, but as a whole there are better suggestions out there in chat rooms or advice boards on the web. No one knows your kid like you. And as this book suggests, kissing your kid at the end of the night and walking away may not do it for you. I personally need to gate my little one in his room and hide in the basement until he passes out on the floor. The only thing...more
This was a nice approach to a more effective way to use time-out. It doesn't go into much detail as far as other forms of discipline, as the main focus is getting your child to obey by being consistent and following through with everything you ask/require of them. Even if your child is usually well-behaved, this is a good way to "fine tune" your interaction to help things go more smoothly. The main focus is definitely on how to change your parenting style to be more effective, rather than how to...more
I have a one year old and was hoping to get a leg up on maintaining our calm and peaceful family home as he gets older. I don't want to get into a pattern of constant power struggles.
I chose this book because the author is a child psychologist with 15 years of clinical experience. I don't read any parenting books written by people without really good credentials anymore.
She coined the term Imbalance of Family Power (IFP) to label what she's come across most often in her 15 years working with tr...more
I chose this book because the author is a child psychologist with 15 years of clinical experience. I don't read any parenting books written by people without really good credentials anymore.
She coined the term Imbalance of Family Power (IFP) to label what she's come across most often in her 15 years working with tr...more
I am giving this five stars even though I don't fully agree with Grosshans' approach to one of the main topics in the book: time out. Grosshans recommends doing something called a "parental hold" during time out, which seems to negate some of the point of time out to me, though it could be useful at other times. Regardless, the rest of the book is so good that I still recommend it enthusiastically. In diagnosing many modern families with what she calls "imbalance of family power (IFP)," she has...more
As with most parenting books, I didn't agree with everything that was said in this book, but I understood her point. I implemented her "Ladder Strategy" and have already noticed an improvement in the overall stress-level of our household. No longer do I find myself yelling, pleading and begging with my children. It didn't really address what to do about more "severe" situations such as biting and hitting. I didn't find her "Toileting" section very helpful at all. As with most parenting books, yo...more
I'll tell you what I'll tell my bookstore customers, after I order in a pile of these and handsell the shit out of it: If you have a kid in the terrible twos, or even worse threes (and, oh yes, the threes are much, much worse), you read this book. Then make your spouse read it. Then do what it says. It's like a magic trick, it works and you're astonished.
Grosshans' concept can seem stringent, and some of her phrasing is clunky, but you can't argue with results. Do it just like she says, and it w...more
Grosshans' concept can seem stringent, and some of her phrasing is clunky, but you can't argue with results. Do it just like she says, and it w...more
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Highly recommend this one. So practical, I really needed to read it after finding myself yelling at my six year old the other day - he wasn't the one out of control! So the bottom line is family hierarchy's are getting a bit shot by ideas of democracy - good for countries, not so for little kids who don't really have the skills for making decisions for the family/mum's wellbeing. Have implemented a little bit and liking the results.
Really, I didn't like it much. I do have to admit, I skimmed most of the book. I agree that parents need to be the leaders of the family and hold most of the power, but I felt that she had a condescending attitude toward children. I did like the parent-hold technique suggested to help calm your child down in a major fit, but have not tried it yet.
Despite the promising title, this book really doesn't get much beyond time out...
And it's written in a style I found both overly antagonistic and pedantic.
When she told me how I should hold my finger up in the air, cocked at a slight angle, to show I meant business, I switched to skimming, rather than reading.
And it's written in a style I found both overly antagonistic and pedantic.
When she told me how I should hold my finger up in the air, cocked at a slight angle, to show I meant business, I switched to skimming, rather than reading.
This is a very refreshing take on parenting and the parental role as leader. I very much appreciate the departure from "democrating parenting" in which parents are encouraged to explain everything, give choices, and basically treat their preschooler like a mini-adult that requires kid-glove treatment. We've already started to implement, and so far, so good.
This is my favorite parenting book yet...a healthy approach to discipline wherein she turns timeout into a 5-step ladder process (timeout is one of the steps) and promises "obedient, cooperative, and loving children." So far, it's been great for us.
Truly love this book! I want to give it to everyone with kids. And everyone who will have kids.
Absolutely crucial for when the kiddos get "too smart" for time-out. Practical advice, well written, and if you follow it, results within 24 hours. Seriously!
Absolutely crucial for when the kiddos get "too smart" for time-out. Practical advice, well written, and if you follow it, results within 24 hours. Seriously!
One of the best parenting books on discipline I have ever read. It changed things in our household in 3 days--I am Sooo happy with he step by step directions that this book gives . I learned a lot about parenting and have been recommending it non stop!
I liked this book and agreed with a lot of what it had to say. I think I would use a lot of the stuff suggested here with a combination of 1-2-3 magic. Some of it was a little over the top for me, but over all a good guide.
I'm not in to touchy feely stuff & this had a bit too much sap than I like; however, the whole point was being consistent & following through on discipline. Again, why isn't as easy as the book says it is?
Fantastic, productive techniques to keep the balance of power where it needs to be - with the parents. Tough, but effective, and far better tips (for our family) than time-outs, talking it out, etc. etc.
A very matter-of-fact book to help with positive discipline within the home so that parents can take back control of their children.
Didn't tell me a whole lot I didn't already know, but I definitely agree with most of her parenting philosophy.
I'm convinced: time out doesn't work. :)
Update: I am actually USING stuff from this book with my power-hungry 3 year old and I have to say: WOW! Thank you!!!
Update: I am actually USING stuff from this book with my power-hungry 3 year old and I have to say: WOW! Thank you!!!
This book is focused on 3-10 yr. olds, but I'm trying to be preemptive.
Apr 07, 2009
Jenny
added it
This really helped me when I was trying to deal with Alex. read in 2008
We are implementing much of the information in this book with a lot of success. I think at this stage though we just need to be consistent and always follow through. I'm still in a heavy parenting book phase. What can I say, it's my life/job! :)
Oct 06, 2012
Ricardo
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Parents
Recommended to Ricardo by:
Lisa Oswald
The author provides useful tips for dealing with children's misbehavior using a technique she calls "the ladder". It is a variation of the well known time-out, but basically the idea is for parents to act more as an authority than a negotiator. Whereas I get the idea behind this technique, I believe it should be used in combination with other techniques, and probably more so in situations that require a corrective action more and not so much a minor disagreement with children.
Best part: permission to send a misbehaving child to his room. Our pediatrician had told us not to do this - too many distractions in a child's room for it really to be punishment. But timeouts where ever we are never seem to work - the whole time is spend saying "Don't talk," "Don't put your feet on the wall," "Face the wall," "Don't touch the shelves." I suppose I could rearrange the house, but sending a misbehaving child to his room also gives the stressed parent a chance to calm down as well...more
I mostly agree with the author of this book and the techniques seem to work. At the end when they got to talking about sleep habits and potty training and picky eaters I wasn't as thrilled with what was written, but the book was worth reading for what I got out of it.
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Apr 06, 2011 10:41am