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Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself
by
Amy Richards
For contemporary women, motherhood has become as polarizing a proposition as it is a powerful calling. For some women this tension is manifest in a debate over whether or not to have children. For others it concerns whether to stay at home with their children or stay in the workforce. Still others feel abandoned altogether by the supposedly pro-family and pro-mother social...more
Paperback, 336 pages
Published
April 29th 2008
by Farrar, Straus and Giroux
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When I first started this book I was pissed off and feeling judged. Now that I have finished it. I don't feel judged, but maybe a little inferior. Amy Richards shares details from her own life, and from those it seems like she has it all together. And I don't have it all together. But of course, this is all me projecting.
The book is well-researched and insightful. Basically, Amy Richards highlights some feminist history, shares stories from parents, and explores her own life as woman, daughter...more
The book is well-researched and insightful. Basically, Amy Richards highlights some feminist history, shares stories from parents, and explores her own life as woman, daughter...more
I'd give this a 2.5
Like a lot of feminist writing that comes out of an academic context, there are things about this book that bug me...sweeping statements feel very general without a lot of real statistical data to back them up. And she wrote this book as a response to a NYtimes article that is actually quite well written from my perspective.
Nonetheless, I think it's a worthwhile read for people who believe in egalitarian relationships and who want to have kids. It's a good conversation starter...more
Like a lot of feminist writing that comes out of an academic context, there are things about this book that bug me...sweeping statements feel very general without a lot of real statistical data to back them up. And she wrote this book as a response to a NYtimes article that is actually quite well written from my perspective.
Nonetheless, I think it's a worthwhile read for people who believe in egalitarian relationships and who want to have kids. It's a good conversation starter...more
From the review I read of this book, I expected it to be mostly about managing a work-life balance. It certainly addressed that, but overall was more about the history of feminism as it pertains to motherhood, and how to choose motherhood without abandoning feminist beliefs (and, further, raising children to have those feminist beliefs). So while it wasn't exactly what I'd expected, it was thought-provoking and very interesting. I was particularly interested in the chapter on how motherhood chan...more
well, this book could not possibly have been more disappointing. the subtitle is "having a child without losing yourself," & based on that & the back cover blurb, i guess i was expecting a book about balancing motherhood with one's feminist principles, & trying to create a society that values the contributions of mothers as people as well. amy richards is one of the co-authors of manifesta, a popular third-wave feminist book that i found aggravatingly simplistic, elementary, & wa...more
Ever since I wrote my master's thesis (English) about the way motherhood is portrayed in the media, the topics of women's studies and motherhood/media have interested me.
I've read books and articles about these topics, and I think this book does a good job of referencing past research and thought leadership on women's studies and motherhood/media. "Opting In" has a fresh feel to it and is an easy, engaging read. However, from a stylistic perspective, I feel that the author, Amy Richards, can ra...more
I've read books and articles about these topics, and I think this book does a good job of referencing past research and thought leadership on women's studies and motherhood/media. "Opting In" has a fresh feel to it and is an easy, engaging read. However, from a stylistic perspective, I feel that the author, Amy Richards, can ra...more
i expected a lot more from this book, which i found to be full of generalities and banal speculation. in the end i decided that you could save yourself the trouble of reading it and just read the summary on the back cover instead. or you could take a few moments to think about the issues she raises and come to the same conclusions: ultimately you have to trust yourself and find your own path as a parent.
Read in the fall, so my memory is a little foggy - but what sticks with me is being kind of pissed off as I read. She'd have a sentence about how women can do anything they want, work or stay at home, yadda yadda, and then spend the rest of the chapter contradicting that. I felt like she came down pretty hard on women who don't immediately return to work - i.e. women can have anything they want, but hopefully they don't just want to stay home and raise kids. Meanwhile, she has a fairly unique li...more
Contrary to what some people thought when I added this book to my list - I haven't changed my mind, I'm still not planning to have kids. But, that doesn't mean that a book like this doesn't interest me. As a feminist I try to keep up with issues that affect women and obviously parenting and motherhood are big issues. In Opting In Amy Richards talks about how she feels you can be a feminist AND a mother and how somewhere along the way these two "sides" have been pitted against each other. Richard...more
Amy Richards, Third Wave feminist extraordinaire, presents a compelling and humorous look at young women, feminism and the choice to become a parent. She engages some interesting issues including the whole "Mommy Wars" media creation, the struggle for equality in housework among heterosexual couples, and the pressure to be the 'perfect feminist mom.' All and all a great book for young women contemplating motherhood, but her lack of attention to adoption and issues or race and class demonstrates...more
This book wasn't what I expected based on the title and the few reviews I had read before I got it out of the library. I thought it would have more practical information about literally "having a child without losing yourself." Not so much. This to me read more like a book that would be assigned in a college womens studies class--part academic, part memoir, lots of research involving Ms. magazine. That said, it wasn't entirely unhelpful. I especially appreciated the chapters on egalitarian paren...more
Perhaps one star is a little harsh. But, speaking as a feminist and a mother, here were a couple of my issues with the book (one more substantive, one more stylistic).
1. She believes there's no more need for old-school feminism (much as she pays homage to its relevance in the past), although it's not clear what the "new" feminism is supposed to be. Apparently the patriarchy and systemic male privilege don't exist anymore. Gender oppression either doesn't exist, or it's perpetuated by other women...more
1. She believes there's no more need for old-school feminism (much as she pays homage to its relevance in the past), although it's not clear what the "new" feminism is supposed to be. Apparently the patriarchy and systemic male privilege don't exist anymore. Gender oppression either doesn't exist, or it's perpetuated by other women...more
Thank goodness for this book. I was beginning to despair that there weren't any parenting books written that had anything to say that was worth hearing and talking about. [To be fair, I didn't quite finish the book--it was a new release at the library, which means you can't renew it, so I'll have to check it out again to finish it.] I have been checking out parenting books dutifully for several years and haven't found many that are, in my humble opinion, worthwhile and helpful. This book approac...more
Trying to negotiate being a new mom with feeling guilty for missing work. Thought this book would help me figure it out, but didn't connect the idea of feminism with my feelings and Amy Richards has me convinced I am a feminist (which I never denied, but never ever clearly put on my identity chart either) so far.
Now having finished the book, I agree with other reviewers with the book not being exactly what you think it's going to be about. It's basically a history of feminism mixed in with balan...more
Now having finished the book, I agree with other reviewers with the book not being exactly what you think it's going to be about. It's basically a history of feminism mixed in with balan...more
Although this book was not always what I hoped it would be, it did get me thinking about some really interesting things. It included a whole chapter on the author's thoughts/beliefs on stay at home parenting vs. working while parenting, which was what I was originally interested in reading. I thought the author often focused on her own personal experiences, rather than discuss the "status quo" or highlight different types of parenting, and her "facts", seemed more like self-confirmed opinions.
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I liked this book ok, it was a quick read. It Richards didn't really touch on too much on issues that mothers of varying socioeconomic status deal with (let alone mothers of color). I thought her life were interesting I guess, but I think I was hoping this be a book about more than just her experiences as an upper class, white, educated woman in a committed relationship.
If anything, this book makes me less afraid to have children. My biggest fear, apart from actual childbirth is the judge-y mommy thing. Moms, you are all pretty. Stop it. All of our parents raised us in a number of different ways, and so far we have survived. Hopefully I take my own advice to heart once I actually have kids...and then I'll just re-read this book.
Really interesting topic - the author lost me though about half way through. The subtitle is totally misleading. This book is about the author struggle with her identity as a feminist and a mom - and how to be both. Unless you strongly identify yourself as a feminist - you won't find this book addressing how to hold onto yourself - it's mostly a tangental person rant.
This is a really thought-provoking and thorough book on the subject of feminist motherhood. In fact, I wrote a 6-part series on The Tired Feminist. So, just check that out if you want to know more of my thoughts on this book. (Hint, it's worth the read.)
http://tiredfeminist.wordpress.com/20...
http://tiredfeminist.wordpress.com/20...
I just finished Opting In by Amy Richards (the co-author of Manifesta) and I highly recommend it. I had been searching for a book written from a feminist perspective that addressed issues facing working mothers, and this is the best one I've found. The book was written in response to an article published in the NY Times a few years ago that looked at female Yale Law School graduates who were opting out of working after having children. The book does a good job of articulating a lot of the confli...more
Usually, I eat up these types of feminist theory books; they're preaching to the choir, but I don't care. This one, though, sort of meandered about. And, in the end, I didn't feel I'd learned much about "having a child without losing [my:]self," so I cannot give it more than a lukewarm review.
While I didn't feel that I learned as much about not 'losing myself' while being a mom, I did feel like I learned a lot about the experience of mothering, about the intersection between feminism and mothering, about activism while mothering. Good food for thought.
So well research and thoughtout. I am amazed at how much I agree and don't agree with this author. But the point isn't to argue but to do something to make the world a better place. Very inspirational. If I ever wrote I book I would want it to be like this one.
I thought this book would offer an insightful look at mothering and womanhood from a feminist perspective. In short, it didn't.
It's really more like a dry feminist manifesto, with some stories thrown in for good measure. The author comes across as dull, talking on and on about the history of feminism without delving into the complexities faced by women today. In the right hands, this could be an illuminating book; instead, it simply falls flat.
Most annoying is how she keeps generalizing, witho...more
It's really more like a dry feminist manifesto, with some stories thrown in for good measure. The author comes across as dull, talking on and on about the history of feminism without delving into the complexities faced by women today. In the right hands, this could be an illuminating book; instead, it simply falls flat.
Most annoying is how she keeps generalizing, witho...more
I really didn't know what I was getting into. The book was much more of a brief history of the feminist movement in relation to parenting, than I expected. It was interesting as I am not well versed in that topic, but I can't say it really provided any eye opening concepts.
I wanted to give this book two stars because I so little identified with the author and her perspective, but really, it was a better book than that. I'm glad that there are books around feminism and parenting (or mothering, if you prefer), but this one just didn't speak to me. And I was surprised by how little lesbian/bisexual women's perspectives or experiences were discussed.
I think it'd be much more informative to read an anthology of essays from a variety of women on feminism and parenting....more
I think it'd be much more informative to read an anthology of essays from a variety of women on feminism and parenting....more
I AM NOT PREGNANT AND DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.
Aug 17, 2009
Jacqueline
added it
Nearly finished...misplaced the book for a bit.
I think I'm not the right audience for this book; it was a perfectly fine read, well-written, and a nice mix of personal story and cultural analysis. But for me, it didn't shine any new light on issues (work/family balance; shared parenting; mother/daughter relationships, etc) I've been thinking about for a long time. But for a new parent, or someone thinking about becoming a parent, this would make a good addition to the reading list.
I grabbed this off the shelf at the library, as it was near other books I was looking at. I had no idea it was mostly about being a working mother, and touting what a cool feminist you are, but thus far some of the sections are useful/interesting. After finishing I liked some of the points about how some women feel judged for going back to work, and others judged for staying home. Made it more balanced.
So far a good overview of the typical feminist arguments such as: 1) SAHM vs. working mothers, why the grass is always greener and why can't we all just get along 2) why we should all move to Sweden or somewhere else where parenthood is valued not just in personal appreciation but in actual dollars for paid leave, etc. I'm about 1/2 through now, but there really isn't anything new under the sun.
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Nov 07, 2008 04:09pm