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Grunts

3.5 of 5 stars 3.50 · rating details · 597 ratings · 53 reviews

The usual last battle of Good against Evil is about to begin?and Orc Captain Ashnak and his war-band know exactly what to expect. The forces of Light are outnumbered, full of headstrong heroes devoid of tactics, but the Light?s still going to win. Orcs will die by the thousands, and no one cares. No even the Nameless Necromancer who hired them.

Mass Market Paperback, 464 pages

Published August 1st 1995 by Roc (first published July 16th 1992)

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May 08, 2013 Indy Kochte rated it 4 of 5 stars

Grunts – A fantasy novel with a modern twist. Imagine a world with orcs and elves and goblins and dwarves and trolls and halflings and humans and undead and dragons and wizards and Dark Lords – then throw in a bit of contemporary modern weaponry, training, and U.S. Marine philosophy. Stir until well blended. And tell the tale from the POV of the *orcs*!

Overall I liked the story. It was a definitive change of pace (and point of view!) from your otherwise ‘everyday’ fantasy novel. I found myself a...more

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Oct 15, 2012 1.1 rated it 3 of 5 stars

I don't usually read trade paperbacks of the fantasy variety, but I recall the comforting smell of this class of books from my mid-to-late childhood, when I would lurk around idly reading Star Wars and Redwall books like any socially successful, well-adjusted boy. They smell comfortably bland, and they don't weigh much, but there's lots of pages to escape into. This book smells basically exactly like a trade paperback, but it doesn't look particularly like a reeking tome of fantasy nonsense, and...more I don't usually read trade paperbacks of the fantasy variety, but I recall the comforting smell of this class of books from my mid-to-late childhood, when I would lurk around idly reading Star Wars and Redwall books like any socially successful, well-adjusted boy. They smell comfortably bland, and they don't weigh much, but there's lots of pages to escape into. This book smells basically exactly like a trade paperback, but it doesn't look particularly like a reeking tome of fantasy nonsense, and my friends had recommended it with words of praise.

So I read it, chafing a bit at first, because it seemed like the kind of fantasy pablum I can't cope with and can't justify reading. But: friends, I had to know what they had seen in this book. Then it began to get silly, violent, and tolerable. It didn't happen all at once, but I became interested in what would happen. I won't say the writing is top notch, but it doesn't have to be, because of the content of the book. This isn't a masterpiece: it's unrelentingly pulp. There are errors, poor and/or trite phrasings, cliches abound - all existing merely to get torn apart in a wild frenzy of joyous chaos.

Ashnak, urban camouflage. Ashnak, Urban Camouflage. ASHNAK WITH THE URBAN CAMOUFLAGE. I get it, Mary, he's a stylish orc. Get ready for that and for delightful exposition such as: BOOOOOOM! and Aaaaarrgh! Things got to explode and die. But you've got to feel some sympathy for the fantasy race that is most often mindless evil battlefield fodder. Oh, I've read some of the bigger fantasy titles (and given up on others, but that's not for this review) and know the exact conventions this book plays with. It does a good job. More or less, this book is a handful of books and movies (of the sci-fi/fantasy genres) thrown into a pulping device and rendered into a paste of a rather amusing consistency. You'll find a number of references and allusions to things you know, and some of them may even surprise or delight you. This is no good starting point if you're looking at getting into fantasy, though.

I'd like to thank the incomparably named author, Mary Gentle, for keeping this book lively, putting the odd chuckle in it, for being goofy and juvenile. Your prose isn't great, but I admire your spirit and forgive you for the parts of the books that made me cringe. It can't be easy to write a book for the crowded fantasy humor genre, let alone a passable one.(less)

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Apr 12, 2012 Jason rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is fantastic! It was hilarious from start to finish. I'm reading some of the other reviews and all I can think of is..you know it's told from the greenskins/evil/darkside perspective right? It's supposed to be disgusting, and crude and vulgar they're orcs. Pick up about 98-99% of any fantasy/sci-fi book and it's always about the hero(s) and their struggles and good blah blah, but what about the other side? The plot is outright ludicrous and it's like a science fiction fantasy inside a...more

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Dec 19, 2011 David Sarkies rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Nobody

Recommended to David by: Michael Driver

Shelves: fantasy

The first I heard of this book was when I was young and unemployed. A friend of mine didn't necessarily recommend it to me, but was rather laughing about it with some other friends of mine. Apparently their favourite line was 'pass me another elf, this one's broken'. Another friend lent it to me and I read it. In conclusion, it was one of the most painful, disqusting, disturbing, and horrible books that I have ever read. To put it lightly, I hated it.
The setting is your average fantasy setting...more The first I heard of this book was when I was young and unemployed. A friend of mine didn't necessarily recommend it to me, but was rather laughing about it with some other friends of mine. Apparently their favourite line was 'pass me another elf, this one's broken'. Another friend lent it to me and I read it. In conclusion, it was one of the most painful, disqusting, disturbing, and horrible books that I have ever read. To put it lightly, I hated it.
The setting is your average fantasy setting where the great battle between good and evil is about to begin. The heroes of the book are the orcs. They are not nice, nor are they good, but they are orcs. In this book we get a rare behind the scenes look at the life of the fantasy cannon-fodder. In many books orcs are simply created to be killed by the heroes. Further, since orcs are not human nobody can accuse the author of racism. It is not that they are different, it is that they are very different. They are ugly, barbaric, and of course, evil. There is no difference to this stereotype in this book.
I won't go into detail on how in the books the orcs discover a cache of modern weapons and begin to train like marines to give them a fighting chance. While that may be a part of this book, it is not necessarily what I am going to get at here. Further, this is not like a Shakespearian story, told through the eyes of the villain, no, the is nothing about this book that would even compare it as such.
However, orcs, I was writing about how orcs are the stereotypical cannon-fodder of the fantasy world. While it is true that orcs do not exist, I would suggest that there is the subtle idea of superiority resting here. The idea is that the beautiful and the intelligent are good while the ugly and the stupid are bad. If you are ugly then ergo, you are bad. If you are stupid, ergo, you are barbaric. In a way we all try to hide our prejudices (or most of us do, many of us are very blatant and outspoken regarding our prejudices, but that is beside the point), and while charges of racism are hardly going to stick to an author because the author writes a book wherein orcs are bad, I am suggesting that the idea still does lurk below the surface.(less)

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Mar 17, 2010 John rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: fantasy, drek

I can probably count the times on one hand where a book was so awful I couldn't finish it.

Sloppy narrative. Changing tense mid paragraph - which was done to the point of distraction (I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one, deciding that she was doing it in certain places for emphasis - but after the fifteenth time or so, I couldn't reconcile it anymore). Encounters that didn't finish, were just sort of left floating on the breeze only to find the same characters later on in a d...more

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Feb 18, 2012 Alytha rated it 3 of 5 stars

Slightly spoilery review!

Plot in a nutshell (more on it later): This book is set in a parallel world of Middle-Earth, where something went terribly wrong, and the forces of darkness are pretty strong, whereas the goodies are pretty dumb. The orcs killed a dragon for their dark Lord, and find a huge stash of allkinds of American marines' weapons in the dragon's hoard. As there is a curse on the hoard, which makes you become what you steal, the orcs soon start behaving like your very stereotypical...more Slightly spoilery review!

Plot in a nutshell (more on it later): This book is set in a parallel world of Middle-Earth, where something went terribly wrong, and the forces of darkness are pretty strong, whereas the goodies are pretty dumb. The orcs killed a dragon for their dark Lord, and find a huge stash of allkinds of American marines' weapons in the dragon's hoard. As there is a curse on the hoard, which makes you become what you steal, the orcs soon start behaving like your very stereotypical Army jarheads. The forcesof evil lose the Last Battle, but their Dark Lord comes back. Right in the middle of the final conflict between Light and Dark, another, much more powerful foe appears...

In general, I liked it, as about 90% of it are a pretty good and funny, but very dark parody of both the classical, goody-centered epic fantasy, and the marines. The problem are the other 10%, where the dark comedy crosses the line into disturbing. I have a really high tolerance for evil black humour, but I do draw the line at children being raped to death and then eaten, as well as psychopathic Dutch halflings. Those moments just completely derailed the mood of the book. The parts with the orcs are pretty bloody and violent too, but the violence is so exagerated that you can find it funny. Or maybe violence between soldiers in war is easier to accept than violence against innocent civilians.

The plot also meanders a bit too much. First, there's the Last Battle, which is over pretty quickly for the dark forces, because most of their wizards just turned tail and fled. Left on their own, the orc marines continue training recruits, and start branching out into selling weapons and training all kinds of people, from goblins to elves as marines. In between, there's the story of the halflings, Ned and Will, who are really disturbingly psychopathic, and quite infantile at the same time, and their mother Magda, who marries the General of the orcs, Ashnak. They have half a dozen orc/halfling hybrid babies. At the same time. I don't even want to imagine that birth.
In the middle of that all, the Dark Lord returns, and decides, for reasons known only to her (she's inhabiting a female body), to have an election for the Throne of the World. And, finally, a race of aliens who are definetely related to H.R. Giger's xenomorphs shows up and starts kicking everybody's arses...
It looks a bit as if the author was trying to come up with yet another idea to keep the book going. Some parts also drag a bit, especially the bits with the halflings. (their last name is von Nassau, like a certain grand-ducal family, but at least ours are neither halflings nor overy psychopathic.)

In general, it's an interesting an funny different take on epic fantasy, altough with some rather disturbing parts.
6.5/10

Recommended to people with a very high tolerance for darkness in comedy.(less)

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Mar 24, 2010 Terry rated it 4 of 5 stars

Fierce, cruel, dim-witted and as likely to attack each other as they are the enemy, orcs are cannon fodder, even in fantasy franchises without cannons. But what if things were different? What if, instead of attacking as a ragtag mob, they were organized -- using strategy instead of brute strength? What if they fought like Marines?

Mary Gentle's Grunts gives us a fantasy world approaching the Final Battle. It's standard Good vs Evil stuff, except the reader's sympathies are aligned with Evil. Good...more

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Feb 29, 2012 James Pratt rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A twisted take on fantasy cliches, Evil's foot-soldiers take center stage in this novel. Empowered by modern weapons found in a dragon's treasure horde, a band of orcs set about taking down both their old enemies and erstwhile masters. It's very imaginative and entertaining (not to mention very violent) though the characters are...well, whatever the opposite of nuanced is. No tortured anti-heroes here, just semi-generic good guys (who don't last very long) and bad guys who gleefully lay waste to...more

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Feb 20, 2012 Dom rated it 1 of 5 stars

I dont remember a book I've enjoyed less, it was such a chore to finish it. I can not rate it any lower, if you like fantasy, orcs, war, comedy, then read any other book than this one. Seriously its painful reading it. I've never given up reading a book no matter how long it takes me, but I kept on leaving this book places hoping it might get stolen, alas no so I had to finish it.

Good points...I liked the idea of orcs with modern weapons but she didnt pull that off, it was clunky, cliched and po...more

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Oct 12, 2009 Kaoru rated it 2 of 5 stars

It took me a while to get through this book, but now that I am, I'm not sure what the point of it was.

Yes, I get the rather obvious ways in which the author transferred marine behavior to a fantasy setting. Sometimes those ways were somewhat amusing, but often they were simply incongruous. The addition of other worlds and the like sort of made the interesting aspects of that transfer feel even more forced.

The author mostly skips over things she finds inconvenient to solve, and the book moves sim...more

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Dec 26, 2012 Brad rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: a masochist

Shelves: forty-for-2012-personal-challenge, paused, annoying, fantasy, ugh, unfinished

I give up. I can't go on. I couldn't even make it to page one hundred. I slogged through the first 85 pages, which should have been a stand-alone novella (had it been a novella, it would have been a vast improvement, and I may have sped through it had I not been daunted and confused by the presence of the 300+ pages that were still to come). For years I've been longing for a book from the Orc perspective. I wanted a story that actually gave us a hint of Orc culture, Orc life, maybe a story about...more I give up. I can't go on. I couldn't even make it to page one hundred. I slogged through the first 85 pages, which should have been a stand-alone novella (had it been a novella, it would have been a vast improvement, and I may have sped through it had I not been daunted and confused by the presence of the 300+ pages that were still to come). For years I've been longing for a book from the Orc perspective. I wanted a story that actually gave us a hint of Orc culture, Orc life, maybe a story about a humble Orc farmer, just trying to make it while providing grain for the Orc army and living in fear of the nasty humans encroaching on his land. Or perhaps the tale of an Orc warrior, living in squalor and fear because he's part of an underfunded army, and a culture that prizes death over anything else. Or the story of an Orc actor, part of a travelling show, moving through the armies of the Orcs, trying to boost morale. Anything original that told us who Orcs are, even if it wasn't my idea of what Orcs can be, would have been appreciated. Thus I went into Grunts with an open mind, ready to love it (bolstered by the fact that I really enjoyed Mary Gentle's Rats and Gargoyles). But there was no hint of that book I'd been hoping for. Instead, it was just a bunch of idiotic, cannibalistic, hyper-violent degenerates. Just more of Orcs being unrepentantly evil and nasty. But wait, Grunts did provide us with a pair of seriously pyschopathic Halflings, a pair of serial killers if truth be told, and that made me excited for a while, but just when that thread would get interesting, the Halflings would disappear. Which reminds me, the pacing in this book was awful, all over the place, I'd get interested, then she'd move onto something else and drain me of interest. But then Grunts had something else I could get behind: (view spoiler) And then I was just pissed off again, and wishing this book was over. So I put the book down, and I tried to muster the interest to come back, but I've given up on that idea. I can see no reason for the book to continue, I can see no reason for me to read on, so I have stopped and given Gentle two stars. The book is okay at best. I hate it because it didn't live up to its amazing potential, but I will say it's okay because I can't comment on the finished product. I'll say it's okay despite my hate. (you're feeling how disjointed and strange this review is, aren't you? how disruptive the pacing? that's what Gentle did in her book. Seriously). Yep, I hate this book. But maybe you won't, though you probably will. (less)

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Feb 22, 2011 Martin rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: g-fantasy, g-humor, g-sword-and-sorcery, g-techno, favorites, 2014-tbr

This is one of my favorite books, and the best parody I've read. As a parody it's beats both The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as well as the dynamic duo of The Colour of Magic & The Light Fantastic, as it forces the reader to face his/her prejudices, in this case the fantasy genre itself.

The story is told from the perspective of a gang of Orchs, which are the canon-fodder of evil and are usually just there for the blonde and bright eyed hero to slay on his way conquer evil. Ever consider...more

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Oct 21, 2008 Stavros Tsiakalos rated it 4 of 5 stars

I believe it is important to say one thing right at the beginning of this review:
This is a Mary Gentle book. What this means is that it is graphic in its depiction of violence and sex. The book includes very explicit language. Most importantly, not all sexual encounters described in it are consensual or heterosexual. These things might offend some readers and for those people not just this, but most books by the author would be a waste of time.

That said, personally I enjoyed Mrs. Gentle’s book....more I believe it is important to say one thing right at the beginning of this review:
This is a Mary Gentle book. What this means is that it is graphic in its depiction of violence and sex. The book includes very explicit language. Most importantly, not all sexual encounters described in it are consensual or heterosexual. These things might offend some readers and for those people not just this, but most books by the author would be a waste of time.

That said, personally I enjoyed Mrs. Gentle’s book. We are used to modern fantasy that has magic and fantasy creatures appear in the mundane world, in Grunts! The opposite happens.

Personally, the “fantasy from the bad guy’s point of view” aspect of the book left me cold. Not because it wasn’t executed well, but because antiheroes or villains as protagonists are not that rare as to call every book that has them a refreshing change from the norm. What did thrill me though was the diligence that characterizes Mary Gentle’s research for all her books. The author knows what she is writing about and thus both the world and the characters inhabiting it are very much alive and believably so.

I have read reviews commenting on the lack of a story. Perhaps these reviews are right and the story is not as strong as it could be. What these reviews fail to point out though is that, this book is following a different way of writing and thus storytelling. This is not a book that really follows a set plot, but more of an experiment: take a closed system, in this case a fantasy world, which by definition has heavily outnumbered heroes that will win the day, and add a new agent to the mix, for example 20th century weaponry, tactics and military training. What the book does is sit back and observe. This is what for me made this an amazing read.

The book contains fabulous black humour and over the top black humour. It includes scenes that really do border on tasteless and could have been left out. But what it really provides is what Mary Gentle is best at: an alternate history, just this time to a fiction reality.
(less)

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Mar 04, 2013 Christopher rated it 5 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Dec 28, 2012 Jaid rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: must-read, fantasy, humor

I remember when I read this book several years back. I laughed so damn hard I think I peed myself a little bit. This is a great "Alternate Fantasy" title. Rather than being written from the point of view of the reluctant boy-hero, it's seen through the eyes of relatively nasty Orcs. You have all the classic stuff, swords, sorcery, and dragons. But then you have totally off the wall things like modern day Marines, alien invasions, and sexual coercion by hobbits. Best part, it's wrapped up in a ni...more

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Feb 11, 2011 John rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: disappointment

I admit, I didn't make it all the way through this. But the thought of returning to it to soldier on fills me with dismay, so I'm dumping it. It's not really a book about orcs, it's a book about Americans, as if there weren't enough of those. I don't find it funny, I find it tacky. Finally, the story seemed to be wandering in many directions, none of which were interesting, and many of which I expect would vanish without a trace. I don't need to find out.

1 like · like · see review

Feb 05, 2009 Kate rated it 2 of 5 stars

I really wanted to like this book. It had a cool premise, I mean come on, who wouldn't like AK wielding orcs and sadistic halflings. I just found it boring. It is divided into 3 books, and I read book one and started book two, I just couldn't get into it. So, if you are a gamer nerd who likes military tactics, this book is for you (my hubby loved it). I just wish there were more scenes with the sadist halflings, they were more entertaining than the orcs.

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Jul 10, 2012 M Scott rated it 2 of 5 stars

Mary Gentle's GRUNTS is neither here nor there. A pity, there's a kernel of a good book here. Maybe more than one.

There is an important idea if played straight - conscripted orcs lead terrible lives as do conscripts in conflicts in our world. There's something deep about realizing we are the orcs, born to suffer and die because of forces beyond our control and because of our own tragic flaws.

There is a funny satire of the conventions of medieval-esque fantasies possible too. Something along the...more

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Sep 05, 2011 Steve rated it 1 of 5 stars

I gave this a one star review only because there isn't a lower one. Poorly written, with no likable characters, with no sense of continuity. I picked it up by accident because it was next to the book I wanted, so I decided to read it because the plot synopsis on the back interested me. Big mistake on my part. I will never again read anything by this person. I can't bring my self to call someone who produced such drek an author.
o

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Feb 13, 2013 Matt De rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: nobody

Shelves: awful-books-never-to-read

There are very few books I have just given up on. This is one of them. My friend recommended it to me, and based on past advice I took his word for it. After a death march to page 250, I tossed it in the recycling bin. Literally. I asked my friend why he though this steaming pile was worth reading, at which point he admitted to never finishing it either, and since htat day all his recommendations are filed as suspect, to be confirmed by alternative source.

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Feb 07, 2013 D.L. Morrese rated it 1 of 5 stars

This is not a review because I could not force myself to finish it. It was not funny. The characters had zero appeal, and there wasn't much plot. I found the thing so distasteful I threw it in the trash rather than risk some other poor sod (who I never met and have nothing against) picking it up at a used book store.

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Apr 17, 2013 Tim Koszyk rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is crude, rude, gory, and vulgar. I almost died laughing at times. In the great battle between Dark and Light, everyone KNOWS Light is going to win. So how does it feel to be a lowly Orc in the forces of Darkness? And what if you were suddenly given a chance to do something about it?

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Oct 31, 2009 Robert Keogh rated it 2 of 5 stars

Loved the concept but the execution was really poor. By the end it was sheer willpower that kept me turning the pages, refusing to be defeated. Disjointed narrative with some interesting characters and episodes. Definitely skip this one unless you're on a plane or some other area with low partial oxygen pressure.

1 like · like · see review

Mar 27, 2011 Dave rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: all-time-favourites, weird-fantasy

Imagine the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, a copy of Full Metal Jacket and some really potent psychotropic drugs being placed in a blender and pureed.

It's thirty to forty thousand times better than it sounds.

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Jan 14, 2010 Feyfire rated it 2 of 5 stars

I really couldn't get too into this book. It had it's quirks where it was entertaining but it jumped topic to topic, didn't give a timeline and it had a lot of military stuff in it that I couldn't follow.

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Aug 09, 2009 Kevin Swanson rated it 3 of 5 stars

Overall a moderate book with some flaws. An interesting story about a fantasy world told from an orcs point of view. I found myself rooting agaisnt the main characters at several points.

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Jul 14, 2012 Brandon Schroeder rated it 4 of 5 stars

Parts of this comedy went places you never expected it to go, in the end it wasn't quite up to par with Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams but it was still a fun read.

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Jan 23, 2012 Soo rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: did-not-finish, reviewed

I tried my best to finish this book on several occasions. I just couldn't get into the story. The writing isn't bad but the story just annoyed the crap out of me.

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Mar 08, 2012 Tyler Ferson rated it 5 of 5 stars

AMAZING!!!!!! my dad told me about this book, so i got the book and couldn't stop reading!!!!!, don't understand why so many people be hating on it?

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Mar 27, 2013 Gareth rated it 3 of 5 stars

Not what I'd refer to as literature by any stretch of the imagination but some hilarious quotes! Look out for the one about field rations!

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About Mary Gentle

Writes erotica under the pseudonym Roxanne Morgan.

Excerpted from Wikipedia:
Mary Gentle's first published novel was Hawk in Silver (1977), a young-adult fantasy. She came to prominence with the Orthe duology, which consists of Golden Witchbreed (1983) and Ancient Light (1987).

The novels Rats and Gargoyles (1990), The Architecture of Desire (1991), and Left to His Own Devices (1994), together with s...more

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