The Friend Who Got Away: Twenty Women's True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or Faded Away

by Jenny Offill, Elissa Schappell
The Friend Who Got Away: Twenty Women's True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or Faded Away  
published 2006 by Broadway
binding Paperback
isbn 0767917197   (isbn13: 9780767917193)
pages 320
description

Losing a friend can be as painful and as agonizing as a divorce or the end of a love affair, yet it is rarely written about or even discussed. THE FRIEND WHO GOT AWAY is the first book to address this near-universal experience, bringing together the brave, eloquent voices of writers like Francine Prose, Katie Roiphe, Dorothy Allison, Elizabeth Strout, Ann Hood, Diana Abu Jabar, Vivian Gornick, Helen Schulman, and many others. Some write of friends who have drifted away, others of sudden breakups that took them by surprise. Some even celebrate their liberation from unhealthy or destructive relationships. Yet at the heart of each story is the recognition of a loss that will never be forgotten.

From stories about friendships that dissolved when one person revealed a hidden self or moved into a different world, to tales of relationships sabotaged by competition, personal ambition, or careless indifference, THE FRIEND WHO GOT AWAY casts new light on the meaning and nature of women’s friendships. Katie Roiphe writes with regret about the period in her life when even close friends seemed expendable compared to men and sex. Mary Morris reveals how a loan led to the unraveling of a lifelong friendship. Vivian Gornick explores how intellectual differences eroded the bond between once inseparable companions. And two contributors, once best friends, tell both sides of the story that led to their painful breakup.

Written especially for this anthology and touched with humor, sadness, and sometimes anger, these extraordinary pieces simultaneously evoke the uniqueness of each situation and illuminate the universal emotions evoked by the loss of a friend.

...more
date added
03-06-07



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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 165)



Bobbi
Bobbi rated it: 3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars
02/13/08

First, let me say that these stories are uniformly interesting and the writing in this collection of essays ranges from unbelievably talented to dazzling.

The editors were brilliant to include back-to-back essays by Heather Abel and Emily Chenoweth about the demise of their friendship. These two pieces, smack in the center of the book, tell of the unraveling of their bond while ne...more
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Kirsti
Kirsti rated it: 4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars
04/07/08

bookshelves: essays, memoir, nonfiction
Read in March, 2008
recommended to Kirsti by: Jen
I knew that Jen was reading this book, and I decided to get a copy for myself. I love the idea behind this book and nearly all the essays in it.

I'm a little confused about why the editors put the weakest and most polarizing essay first, though. Based on "Torch Song," I understand why so many people hate Katie Roiphe. Her essay is about stealing a friend's boyfriend, but it's the way she tells it that made my lip curl. Here's someone who compliments her ex-friend and then im...more
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Gina
Gina rated it: 5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
01/12/08

Read in December, 2007
when i first came across my book, i thought who would want to read a book like that? why would someone want to read a book about broken friendships that never get resolved? how inspiring could that be? but the more i kept reading the book jacket and the intro, the more i found myself interested. i've been in similar situations before. i was curious to hear another's experience.
i found this topic to be different-- something that was very common, yet rarely ever written. it's compiled of short...more
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Jen
Jen rated it: 3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars
04/01/08

bookshelves: 2008-read, lives-of-people, non-fiction
Read in March, 2008
Have you ever gotten those chain emails that say, "Friends are in our life for a reason or a season or a lifetime"? Well, this book contains stories about those "reason" and "season" friends. These tales made me feel less bad about the friends I've left behind or have been left behind by--it's a very universal experience, a part of being human. But also, by the book's end, I was getting pretty bummed out because it was just one sad story after another. However, it w...more
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Librarian Wonder
Librarian Wonder rated it: 4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars
04/18/08

bookshelves: adultnonfiction
Ever heard of the "Friendcut?"

http://librarianwonder.blogspo...

Probably not, since its a cultural term used by my homies in Fiji to describe the act of breaking up with a friend. The concept is hard to explain to those in this country, who give lots of epistemological credence to romantic breakups but hardly any to friendcutting heartbreak. So when I saw this book, I had to read it, to see ...more
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Katie
Katie rated it: 4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars
05/08/08

Read in May, 2008
recommended to Katie by: Librarian Girl
I've never been a huge fan of collections of essays but I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked this book. It took me a while to get into it (the first three essays didn't seem all that compelling) but once I finally did, I really enjoyed all of the essays, particularly the back to back stories by Emily and Heather, former friends who each contributed the story of their lost friendship. When I got to Emily's essay and realized that I was about to read the other side of the story, I'm pr...more
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Nicole
Nicole rated it: 5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
05/27/07

recommends it for: women
This is one of those books I am reading slowly, on purpose, because it is that compelling. It's a bunch of essays detailing why/how different frienships ended. It's not just the stories that grip you, but the feelings behind the events, and how ending a friendship can be just as painful as a broken heart. This book is especially poignent for me right now, as evaluate a certain 20-year friendship and what place it holds in my life right now.
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Laura
Laura rated it: 5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
11/15/07

Read in September, 2007
Excellent anthology. I'm so inspired by the candidness of the writers to not only talk about their former friendships but also to be so upfront about their own transgressions. It is sad and moving and unfair and sweet and made me want to write my own story of the friendships in my life that have gone awry--if not to disclose and reveal and describe, then to discover what it is that actually happened. Highly recommend this.
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Melody
Melody rated it: 3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars
09/12/07

Read in May, 2006
Wrenching stories of failed friendships. This book brought back some unpleasant memories for me, as well as some that have become bittersweet with time. There are several famous writers sprinkled throughout, including Dorothy Allison and Diana Abu Jaber. Two essays are about the same friendship, told from each woman's side. Uncomfortable and compelling at the same time.
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Meghan
Meghan rated it: 3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars
09/11/07

Read in August, 2007
recommends it for: Anyone who has has friendships in the past end badly
This book is written for women about women relationships that went awry. I enjoyed all of the short stories and it brought some healing and understanding for my own life. It reminded me that we are human and sometimes we just do not know what other people need at a certian time and place and sometimes we just cannot be the person that our friend needs.
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Ronni
Ronni rated it: 5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
08/29/07

Read in May, 2005
recommends it for: women
I love reading creative non-fiction essays and this book is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, since I often ponder the meaning of friendship and why certain friendships last and others don't. Not all the essays are of equal strength or interest, but I really plowed through this looking for myself in the various entries.
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Jessica
Jessica rated it: 4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars
09/04/07

bookshelves: essays
Read in August, 2007
This was a really interesting and heartening book of essays by women about friendships that have come and gone. I'd highly recommend for friends who are amazed by the unique love of friends and about the unique experience of loving and moving on - for better or worse.
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Lauren
Lauren added it
12/15/07

Read in January, 2007
recommends it for: women
A collection of essays on friendships that went wrong.Some essays are better than others. The editors were able to get both sides of one story--very revealing and interesting. This book got me to thinking about friendships I have had. Very perceptive look at women.
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Tatiana
Tatiana rated it: 4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars
11/13/07

recommended to Tatiana by: robin
my friend recommended this book because dorothy allison has a piece in it. unfortunately all she could remember was that the cover was yellow and it had the word 'friend' in the title. it took a decent chunk of time to track it down, but i'm glad i did.
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Grey
Grey rated it: 3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars
03/23/08

recommends it for: anyone who feels their friendships transforming
Nobody should expect this to be a happy book, but many of the essays are memorable and all are descriptive of what happens through the loss of friendship, whether that loss occurs because of conflict, death, or the inevitability of change.
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Catherine
Catherine rated it: 3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars
05/10/07

Read in September, 2006
I usually find compilations a bit jarring because you're switching between so many different authors' voices. Most of the stories were interesting. They certainly point out how complex and complicated women's relationships can be.
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MB
MB rated it: 4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars
02/22/08

Heather Abel's essay in this book is excellent and sad. She writes about her friend Emily Chenowith, who also writes a good essay about Heather. Very interesting pairing. It's worth buying the book to read the two together.
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heather
heather rated it: 5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
08/30/07

Read in August, 2007
heartbreaking and close to the bone. a topic which is often glossed over, but hurts more than breakups with lovers. this goes beyond the frenemy phenomenon. plus, i adore elissa schappell.
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Ako31
Ako31 rated it: 5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
04/15/08

bookshelves: currently-reading
EVERY story here was interesting and so well written including two stories told by two girlfriends in college now both published authors - from each of their sides of the story
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Erin
Erin rated it: 2 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars
11/05/07

Read in January, 2007
recommends it for: friends who've lost friends
Some of the stories were good, others not so much. Reads like a Chicken Soup for the Soul of our long lost friendships, deep and fickle.
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book data (includes all editions)

avg rating (all editions): 3.81 (80 ratings)
avg rating (this edition): 3.86 (76 ratings)
number of reviews: 23






other editions

The Friend Who Got Away: Twenty Women's True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or Faded Away (Hardcover)