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Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall

3.95  ·  Rating Details ·  1,266 Ratings  ·  221 Reviews
A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated

In this revised and updated edition of his best-selling guide to raising adolescents, Dr. Anthony E. Wolf tackles the changes of the past decade with the same wit and compassion of the original. Today's teenagers navigate a faster, less clearly anchored world, and Dr. Wolf's revisions include a new chapter about the

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Paperback, 240 pages
Published August 21st 2002 by Farrar, Straus and Giroux (first published 1991)
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Hashi
Sep 04, 2007 Hashi rated it liked it
I'm currently raising my fourth teenager, so you'd think I'd have it figured out by now. Well, I don't ... and I found this book really helpful. There's a pretty simple message running through every chapter. State your rules and values, stay firm, and accept that you can't fully control them. Your voice will eventually become part of their conscience, and they'll probably turn out all right.
Nancy
Sep 10, 2009 Nancy rated it it was amazing
Perfect! When I finish this I'll know alllll about raising a pre-teen daughter and son! I think it should come with a subscription to the Wine of the Month club or something equally helpful.
Bob
Sep 03, 2008 Bob rated it really liked it
Shelves: owned
This book reminded me of Rilke: master of simultaneous attraction and repulsion. For Rilke, it was women. For teenagers, it's their parents. The mouthing is almost a kind of teething: at the same time they mouth off to signal their independence, they do it obnoxiously as a way to maintain their childish status. They both do and do not want their independence (this translates to wanting freedom with only the responsibilities they recognize.) They want their parents' unconditional love and they ar ...more
Robyn
Jan 15, 2009 Robyn marked it as to-read
Obviously, I need help with parenting so I keep trying to read books such as these which continues to offend my children.
Joie
May 27, 2013 Joie rated it really liked it
I found this short book incredibly helpful. Wolf pulls no punches on what it's like to live with the contemporary American teenager. This quote perfectly sums up what it is like to live with my 13-year old son: "For those who have never raised a teenage child, it is hard to imagine the day-to-day swings between crazed frenzy and genuine tranquility. Some of the time things are calm, even beautiful. You love your kid and he or she seems just fine. But at other times, perhaps five minutes later, y ...more
Ali Murphy
Jun 16, 2016 Ali Murphy rated it it was amazing
This book was recommended to me by a friend after I expressed my frustration with my young teen. I am so glad that she did. I found this book tremendously helpful for several reasons:

1. The behaviour of my kids is completely normal, albeit frustrating. This was an enormous relief. Wolf spent a lot of time explaining the normal development of both boys and girls and it was like a light went on for me. It helped make me more understanding and less annoyed and helped me choose how to react.
2. Our l
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Lectus
Jan 15, 2016 Lectus rated it it was amazing
This book is old, but so good! I can't believe how accurate it is in depicting teens. It talks about how, at home, teen boys become reclusive and teen girls turn into fighters. Very good to help parents understand their teen's behavior. Perhaps there's something more updated. I have to check.
Marie
Jun 26, 2015 Marie rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
The author focuses on a very stereotypical teen-adult dynamic (parent lays down the law about homework, curfew, etc and the teen reacts with a stream of angry profanity). I assume that's because that's what he sees in his counseling practice. The advice is mostly in the form of reassurance and encouragement to stay firm and not despair. I think many families maintain a more multi-dimensional and connected relationship through the teen years. But the explanations he gives of the psychology behind ...more
Lenny Husen
Feb 10, 2013 Lenny Husen rated it it was amazing
This was excellent. A must-read for any parent of a difficult teenager (which is pretty much every teenager). How anyone could give this less than 5 stars, I don't know, except that this book doesn't offer any pat solutions to the problem of being a good parent to someone who treats you with disrespect and who is irrational. If you are expecting any solutions to the situation other than time, this book might disappoint you. But it is one of the few good "self-help" books I have ever come across.
Judie Holliday
Feb 07, 2016 Judie Holliday rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
I really appreciated this book, especially right now when I have two daughters in their early teens. A lot of what Wolf says makes sense and he isn't preachy or didactic. Instead, he's funny, realistic and convincing. These years are a mine field and I feel better equipped to tip-toe through them now, more aware of what I can expect and what I can realistically effect.
Jaclyn
Aug 10, 2010 Jaclyn rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Jaclyn by: Rosalind Englander-Calo
Our family counselor loaned this book to my husband & I. I have mixed thoughts on it overall. I liked it because the anectdotes were humourous and relatable. I also liked that basically the message of this book is "relax, you can't really screw your kid up that badly and even if they are revealing a worrying trend now, as long as you continue to show you care, they'll likely turn out ok in a few years." It's a book that I'm convinced our couselor suggested we read for reassurance; and as a g ...more
Latiffany
May 12, 2015 Latiffany rated it really liked it
I recently ran into a former professor/friend of mine and after saying hello, I launched into an "All Teenagers are Evil," rant. When I slowed down to take a breath, she suggested that I read this book and I am glad that I did. Overall, the book has some really interested tidbits. I learned:

Nothing good will come of arguing with a teen. State your position, stick with it and move on
I already knew this one, but spanking adolescents is not a good idea for many reasons
Teens are resilient and can us
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Lisa
May 06, 2010 Lisa rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting
The main idea in this book is that adolescents are in a constant, dramatic struggle between their "baby self" that wants to snuggle and play games at home, and their "independent self" that wants to be far away from home on their own. The result is regular conflict so that engagement with parents comes in the emotionally safer form of conflict and arguing. Parents need to just stick to their clearly laid out rules, understand that they won't be adhered to 100%, and that they can't be enforced, j ...more
Meryl Evans
Feb 02, 2010 Meryl Evans rated it really liked it
Recommended reading for parents of teens and tweens. Most parents will discover the arguments they have with their teens are typical and the author gives suggestions on what works and what won't work. A lot of it is common sense advice, but at least you know for sure what things to keep on doing and what things will be a waste of time.

The witty writing makes this a breezy read that only helps you better absorb and understand the content. Wolf shares dialogue that many parents will wonder if he w
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Lisa
Apr 02, 2015 Lisa rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audio
This book was recommended from a few different people. I could only locate the abridged version but I felt the advice portions were soft. I guess I am more strict or at least hope to be when my kids reach the teen years. It provided a good view of what teens are going through mentally and emotionally during these years and how they view adults in their lives. I found this part helpful. Loved the title but I think a recent read, "Boundaries with Teens", is much better.
Alina Fisher
Jan 28, 2015 Alina Fisher rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is so actual talking about internet safety, drugs, sex, binge drinking, you name it and you'll find an answer in there. Quite a few good examples and not patronising in any way.

If you have a teenager and wish to understand his world more, or even if you don't have a teenager just yet but want to get an insight into what the future may hold, this book is for you.

It actually improved my relationship with my son as I feel I can now understand him better.

Enjoy!
Margaret
Dec 24, 2012 Margaret rated it really liked it
Humorous, insightful, helpful but a little dated. If written today there would be more neuroscience and brain development discussion. Best part of my copy was marginalia and underlined phrases by previous readers. E.g. "Lectures do very little," "Parents must not allow themselves to get sucked into ongoing battles."
Liz
Jan 26, 2010 Liz rated it it was amazing
I read this book when my son hit puberty (he's now 25) and have since raised three teens. I recommend it to ANYONE who even mentions they deal with teens! I used to read "Your One Year Old", "Your Two Year Old", etc and this does the same thing - shows you what is perfectly normal for your teen (son or daughter) to be doing and what to do about it!
Gerry
Jan 01, 2016 Gerry rated it it was amazing
A book recommended to me by two people - neither of which knows the other. A fabulous book for any person, parent, or guardian that has a pre-teen or current teen in their care.

Dr. Wolf is simply a practical father, counselor, and author! I cannot think of a better way to begin 2016. I have a better understanding and maybe learned a couple of things about myself in the process.
Mandy
Aug 22, 2011 Mandy rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2010
This is an amusing look at Teenagers. I cannot remember getting any specific advice from this book, but I did gain a sense of peace - a feeling of "this is normal" and a reminder to laugh about it, not let it get to me.
Linda
May 31, 2015 Linda rated it really liked it
This book was exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it.

Not much has changed, except my perspective. I feel much more mentally prepared for the rollercoaster I just started riding. I suspect I will be re-reading portions of it over the next few years.
Calm LykaBomb
Feb 24, 2012 Calm LykaBomb rated it it was amazing
One of the few "How To Raise a Teenager" books that has really reached me. On par with the "What to Expect..." series, but with a wry, accurate and earthy sense of humor that is essential to surviving your darling child's adolescence without incurring a felony record.
Colleen
Sep 06, 2013 Colleen rated it it was ok
This author seems to hate teenagers and advocates a level of condescension that I can't support. The book was uplifting in one sense-- the author gives case studies and examples of teens who were so poorly socialized that I felt cheered that my son is just a little moody and reticent.
Kressel Housman
Dec 07, 2009 Kressel Housman rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An excellent explanation as to why teenagers act the way they do. I found the girls' explanation close to my experience, so I trust the author's word on the boys'. But I could have done without all the curse words. Yeah, many teenagers talk like that, but how much do I need to read it?
Janna Huyler collins
Jan 17, 2016 Janna Huyler collins rated it really liked it
I picked this up to help me understand my 17 year old daughter who is driving me crazy. Gave me lots of great insight. Surprisingly, I also learned a great deal about the motivations behind my 15 year old son's behavior. I strongly recommend to anyone parenting teenagers!
Ahf
Oct 31, 2011 Ahf rated it it was amazing
This is a terrific parenting book about parenting teens. Ultimately optimistic, it doesn't pull any punches about what we are all in for in the next few years. A wise mom recomended it to me as her key to sanitity during those rough years.
Diana
Jun 10, 2009 Diana rated it really liked it
I was impressed by how extremely realistic this author is about teenagers, and the best ways to influence their behavior.
Eileen
Apr 12, 2011 Eileen rated it it was amazing
Excellent resource in dealing with teens. I highly recommend this to parents of teens (especially girl teens)
Cheryl M
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
JM Dinkeldein
Oct 25, 2016 JM Dinkeldein rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Excellent

This book really makes you think about how to deal with certain situations that may arise. May well read again in the future when when my son actually is a teenager.
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New teenager, new reason to REREAD this book. 3 25 Apr 10, 2009 05:30AM  
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Published in the UK as Tony Wolf
More about Anthony E. Wolf...

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“Much of this book is funny. That’s because I think much that goes on between teenagers and their parents is funny—if we can step back far enough from our lives to view our daily travails for what they are, instead of as deadly serious issues. Finally, if this book achieves its goal, you may notice a strange transformation in those scenes that used to drag you down. With a new understanding of your teenager’s psychological development and state of mind, you may find that those scenes are never quite the same again. They look different, less desperate, more like the inevitable interaction between a normally developing teenager and a caring parent. You may also discover that, seeing differently, you act differently as well.” 0 likes
“What is it to be the parent of a teenager? It is to do what you think best—when really you have no idea what is best. It is to ride out the storms and be back again the next day. It is to give love to a child who does not seem to want it, to a child who five minutes ago seemed to deserve a punch more than anything else.” 0 likes
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