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137th out of 225 books
—
373 voters
Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of us Have
The Bestselling Classic on Love, Loss, and Letting Go In Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst turns her considerable talents to a serious and far-reaching subject: how we grow and change through the losses that are an inevitable and necessary part of life. She argues persuasively that through the loss of our mothers' protection, the loss of the impossible expectations we bring...more
Paperback, 448 pages
Published
January 5th 1998
by Free Press
(first published 1986)
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359th out of 411 books
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429 voters
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I read most of this a few years ago, and I keep thinking about it. So now I'm delving in again. Judith Viorst of "Alexander" fame is very insightful.
I'm having to return this one before reading as much as I would like, but it's just as illuminating as I remembered. This time around, I got a lot out of the chapter entitled "Convenience Friends and Historical Friends and Crossroads and Cross-Generational Friends and Friends Who Come When You Call at Two in the Morning." It is something of a relie...more
I'm having to return this one before reading as much as I would like, but it's just as illuminating as I remembered. This time around, I got a lot out of the chapter entitled "Convenience Friends and Historical Friends and Crossroads and Cross-Generational Friends and Friends Who Come When You Call at Two in the Morning." It is something of a relie...more
Number 3 on my top ten books that most formed my worldview. Ms. Viorst brought me face to face with the normal (required?) speed bumps in the road of life. It was through this book that the concept of "process" became clear to me. Because we are born to aspire to achievement and recognition we are creatures of hope and when it happens, as it most surely will, that the edifice of our hopes comes crashing in on us we each, in our own time, in our own way and by our own initiative must undertake a...more
May 16, 2013
Jodi
rated it
2 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Not sure
Recommended to Jodi by:
Jorene Ring
Shelves:
non-fiction
A lady at my book club kept referring to this book and so I finally read it. Kind of depressing and at times I didn't like it at all. I understand her point that we need to give some things up so we can grow, but still awful to think about. It was also a tad dry. How could the author who wrote, "Alexander and the No Good Very Bad Day" have written this book too?!?
Quotes I liked:
p. 163 "A normal adolescent describes two major goals in life 1. putting an end to the threat of nuclear holocaust and...more
Quotes I liked:
p. 163 "A normal adolescent describes two major goals in life 1. putting an end to the threat of nuclear holocaust and...more
Viorst is known for her "Alexander" series of children's books ("Alexander Who Used to be Rich Last Sunday," etc). Those books, which beautifully depict complex, everyday family dynamics, didn't just spring from nowhere. Viorst is a trained psychoanalyst who has studied and thought deeply about family interaction. In Necessary Losses, she looks at the expectations and patterns we must give up in order to live happy, fulfilling adult lives. The chapters on attachment, sibling rivalry, friendship...more
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Really great stuff in this book by Judith Viorst. (Yes, she is also the children's author who wrote "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," think that is the title.) If you are suffering a loss, going through a life transition or just trying to understand life, love and relationships give this book a look. You don't have to read it cover to cover. But do read the chapters on friendship and marriage. Some might take issue with her heavy references to Freudian theory--but ev...more
I read this almost 20 years ago and thought it was insightful. It is very psychoanalytical and Fruedian. Very good insights in the illusions, expectations and dependencies we must give up in order to grow up.
One of my favorite quotes in is the chapter I grow old. Florida Scott-Maxwell is quote as saying the following"When a new disability arrives I look aboutme to see if death has come, and I call quietly,'Death, is that you? Are you there?' So far thedisability has answered, 'Don't be silly, it...more
One of my favorite quotes in is the chapter I grow old. Florida Scott-Maxwell is quote as saying the following"When a new disability arrives I look aboutme to see if death has come, and I call quietly,'Death, is that you? Are you there?' So far thedisability has answered, 'Don't be silly, it...more
May 25, 2009
jolszko
added it
I like Judith Viorst as a writer. I found this very helpful as a preview of what happens in life so as not to be shocked or disappointment as the losses came along. All things, all relationships end. I am not being maudlin but it is a grown-up thing we face. It did not make me depressed, it kind of fits in with all of the "be in the now" philosophies. Enjoy the people, things in your life at present but don't waste your energy trying to hold on with a death grip, it won't help. It like meditatio...more
I finally finished this book! It's one of those that you want to read slowly because it's somewhat dense even though it's written for a lay audience -- there's so much to mull over.
Yes, this book is by the same Judith Viorst who wrote children's favorite, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." But this book is definitely for grownups who want to learn more about being grownups. Viorst chronicles the many beliefs we have to let go of in order to become fully mature, respo...more
Yes, this book is by the same Judith Viorst who wrote children's favorite, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." But this book is definitely for grownups who want to learn more about being grownups. Viorst chronicles the many beliefs we have to let go of in order to become fully mature, respo...more
Jun 20, 2008
Stacey
rated it
2 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Dr. Laura?
Recommended to Stacey by:
Jorene Ring
Shelves:
book-club
This book makes me insanely angry. It reminds me of the college days I used to listen to Dr. Laura on the radio and arrive back at our dump of an apartment FIRED UP. While saying that, I agreed with some of what Dr. Laura said, I just hated her delivery. I don't agree with this and find it doesn't line up with my biblical worldview. No, we should not indulge our daydreams and fantasies, to begin with... we should cal sin "sin". In the mean time, don't mention this book to me if you are unprepare...more
NECESSARY LOSSES reads like a textbook but serves as a bible. It took far too long to complete it, yet I had to digest the material bit by bit in order to experience the wealth of material to the fullest. Judith Viorst allowed me to revisit my past, birth to adulthood, where I confronted "demons" and found consolation and truth.From adulthood I revisited the childbearing years with all the confusion and delight those times entailed. Finally I have confronted my twilight with the sensitive suppor...more
This was a book I had to read a chapter at a time and then reflect on it. I survived quite a bit of loss from the time I was a very small child, and this book helped me to understand the impact of that loss. One or two chapters opened up very deep emotions. I spent one weekend in bed sobbing after reading one. nevertheless, I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with loss or abandonment issues. It was wonderfully insightful and helped me deal with issues too long buried.
This was the most important book of my life. I is so pleasent to read it that I can say this book is a masterpiece. You can always identify the influences of most known psychoanalysts, but it is far from dogmatic. We can feel this book very close to us because reveals how all of us suffer a succession of separations and losses from which we grow and how is possible to refuse the losses, committing our common mistakes just for the fear of pain.
I wish I had discovered this book 30 years ago, (even though it wasn't written that many years ago!). It could have saved me a lot of heartache and anger.
But better late than never. A very illuminating book, helping me understand both the losses anybody endures as well as the specific losses that shaped me.
The chapter on marriage (Chapter 13) will be one I turn to time and again to remind myself of all the wisdom there.
But better late than never. A very illuminating book, helping me understand both the losses anybody endures as well as the specific losses that shaped me.
The chapter on marriage (Chapter 13) will be one I turn to time and again to remind myself of all the wisdom there.
Judith Viorst’s book starts with a quote from Collette: “It is the image in the mind that binds us to our lost treasures, but it is the loss that shapes the image.” It is a fitting quote to describe the message of this book, which is based on Freudian theory and suggests that it is only by experiencing loss, and working through it, that we truly grow. A sober but ultimately redemptive look at life’s losses and inevitable sadness.
Read this book over 10years ago in Hebrew. I read it several times in the past 5years. In simple words, Viorst slaps us with reality. For me this book was a ticket to the deep world of self awareness. I carry this book with me every where I go. One of my top favorites.
By the author of Alexander and the No Good Horrible Day...in later years she trained as an analyst at Washington Center for Psychoanalysis, and began writing for adults. Beautifully written, many parts of it read like prose instead of psych-text.
A look at psychological/emotional changes throughout the human lifespan--womb to tomb. Viorst approaches this from a psychoanalytic angle, looking at the origins of our very human needs within our unconscious and how they drive and affect us throughout our lives. She focuses on the beliefs and ideals we must shed at each stage in order eventually to become better functioning adults. Very readable, although in parts I felt like she got carried away with writing "poetically", and some notions were...more
Brilliant. Another book I frequently recommend to clients who are experiencing loss (which covers just about everyone). Wrote a paper on this book in graduate school and it is one of the few books I re-read regularly.
This book was a GREAT look at developmental losses throughout life and the subtle (or not so subtle) grieving processes that accompany them. Some of the early life losses are based on Freudian psychodynamic theory, so that may not connect well with everyone. Later on, however, the losses Viorst discusses are easy to connect to one's own life, and she treats them with an expert and gentle hand. Fascinating. Invites you to process your own life and how you feel about the stage you're in. Gave me s...more
I first read this book in nursing school and remember thinking it was quite poignant. It's a cheesy book about stages of personal growth and how we have to grow, change and mature to really reach our potential (I'm glossing over here because I just got up - it's 4 pm.). When I re-read it, I kind of skimmed it - granted, I was at work - but I the book had lost its magic for me. Maybe it's that I'm so focused on growing as a parent and having the kids grow socially that I can't focus on self-grow...more
I actually read this book quite a few years ago and still remember it...in fact held on to it. Great book about the things we need to learn to let go of in our lives in order to move on, to grow!
I read this about 20 years ago. Viorst writes so realistically but with her ever-present tongue-in-cheek humor that keeps you engaged. Loved the book.
A classic in popular psychology. Viorst moves through all the steps and changes in life as we age. Lots of reprintings and millions of copies.
This is the same review I wrote for Imperfect Control, also by Judith Viorst. If you appreciate her books for children, you will appreciate her ability to reach deeper into the meaning - and importance - of loss, as it pertains to adults.
"This is a dense book, not summer beach reading. It's important material that can be difficult to absorb, but Viorst breaks it down so the reader can manage the concepts. Even so, this is a book that I read for a while and then set down so I could think about w...more
"This is a dense book, not summer beach reading. It's important material that can be difficult to absorb, but Viorst breaks it down so the reader can manage the concepts. Even so, this is a book that I read for a while and then set down so I could think about w...more
I thought it would be less psycho jumble and more readable. She has written some entertaining and thoughtful fiction and nonfiction.
I discovered this book in graduate school. I liked how this book addresses the fears that we have and provides a sense of hope
Wow. This is really a terribly depressing book. The author describes all of the "necessary losses" we must endure in life but doesn't offer any insight about how to deal with it. She basically just says, "Loss is the nature of life. Suck it up." Ke-rist. If I'm going to read 327 pages about the things that I will have to lose in life, could you at least offer up a little hope?
Also, she bases her ideas on Freudian philosophy. If you ask me, Freud was a KOOK.
I did however learn that I tend towar...more
Also, she bases her ideas on Freudian philosophy. If you ask me, Freud was a KOOK.
I did however learn that I tend towar...more
this is such an important book ...good information that helps you make sense of the world
Wordy but has some very sound advice and quotes to forward to others.
May 27, 2012
Liv
is currently reading it
The first chapter alone has made a HUGE impact on my whole being!!!
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Judith Viorst is the author of several works of fiction and non-fiction for children as well as adults. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, her most famous children's book, was first published in 1972 and has since sold over two million copies. Ms. Viorst received a B.A. in History from Rutgers University, and she is also a graduate of the Washington Psychoanalytic Institu...more
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