The Suicide Index: Putting My Father's Death in Order

The Suicide Index: Putting My Father's Death in Order

3.88 of 5 stars 3.88  ·  rating details  ·  471 ratings  ·  109 reviews
When you kill yourself, you kill every memory everyone has of you. You’re saying “I’m gone and you can’t even be sure who it is that’s gone, because you never knew me.”

Sixteen years ago, Joan Wickersham’s father shot himself in the head. The father she loved would never have killed himself, and yet he had. His death made a mystery of his entire life. Using an index—that m...more
Hardcover, 336 pages
Published August 4th 2008 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
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stephanie
Mar 25, 2009 stephanie rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: everyone.
oh, if i could give one book to people to considering suicide, this might be it. i would also give it to anyone considering writing a memoir. so. beautiful.

so much of this is brilliant - from the questions of how even to write the book, to the difference between a biographer and a memoirist, to the emotions on every page.

set up as an index, literally, the story can't stay chronological. you know her father died, and how, but then she leads us through the painful agony of surviving a suicide, e...more
Nette
I read this immediately after "Blue Cotton Gown," a memoir I found a little too New Age and mooshy, and now I want to reread a chapter of that to dispel the chill that this one has left. I realize the whole point of the book was to coolly examine her father's suicide, but to me it came across as harsh, almost heartless. She'd write, "And then I cried" and it's like, "And then I cut my toenails." I also found it kind of creepy that the suicide occurred in 1991 and she's since milked it for six pu...more
Esme Pie
Can't believe I finished two books today that blew me away. This is the story of the author's quest to make sense of her father's suicide. Great writing--very lyrical and poetic in places, and also very funny with dark humor.
Evanston Public  Library
When Paul Wickersham killed himself in 1991, he not only ended his own life, but also shattered the lives of his wife and two adult daughters, irrevocably altering their futures, as well as their pasts. Every former notion, thought, and memory of the man that they had known and loved so well is called into question by the final act of his life. Now, 16 years after the fact, his daughter Joan, attempts to make sense of the man, and the action that has come to define him. Rather than tackle the me...more
Vicki
What an incredible book! I could go on and on about it, but I won't. I highly recommend it to everyone, though -- the author's insights really moved me and gave me lots to think about. A book that will stick with me for a long time....
Visha Burkart
"A crooked, looping, labyrinthine story" - a memoir of the impact of the writer's father's suicide. Searingly honest and unflinching examination by a mature writer with an original organizational twist (yep, structured by chapter, set like an index). Frank and compelling, both in tone and in subject matter.
Wickersham writes like a writer's writer (reminded me of Richard Yates in that respect). At first, I struggled through the first quarter of the book - not that it wasn't interesting, but it w...more
Kat Shelton
Book Jacket - On a winter morning in 1991, Joan Wickersham's fathet shot himself. The father she loved would never have killed himself and yet he had. His death made a mystery of his entire life. Who was he? Why did he do it? And who was she now? Joan Wickersham has chosen the index format - that most formal and objective of stuctures - to impose order on this chaotic and incomprehensible reality. The form mirrors the mind's attempt to grasp the ungraspable. Every bit of family history, every en...more
rachel
"When you kill yourself, you kill every memory everyone has of you. You’re saying ’I’m gone and you can’t even be sure who it is that’s gone, because you never knew me.’"

Recently, I've become obsessed with missing persons cases, fascinated by the idea that someone could go missing or leave with only small traces of the person they were left behind. When I first picked this book up, I didn't quite grasp the connection between Wickersham's father's confirmed suicide and the concept of the missing...more
Terri Ann
The book was haunting and gripping. I couldn't put it down because the author was so honest and forthright in trying to work through her father's death. About three-quarters through the book though she switched around from being first person, then to third person, and then even to second person, but it was very brief and fleeting enough to not spoil the book. She is easily forgiven when it is seen how desperately and candidly she struggles to make sense of his death and to never gain the answers...more
Catherine
This book caught my interest because of the arrangement in the form of an index. But the narrative turned out to be pretty linear, which made the "index" table of contents appear to be mostly a gimmick, and the narrative itself never got good enough for me to forgive the book for that.

Wickersham is writing about an issue--her father's suicide--that she has only partially worked through. A shorter piece might have been fine for that kind of unfinished emotional work, but a whole book is too long...more
Ellen Keim
Instead of chapters, the author put an index at the front of the book. For instance: Suicide: act of, anger about, attitude toward. Not only is this different, it actually structures the book in a more realistic way than a chronological narrative would have. Reacting to a suicide doesn't happen all at once; it's spread out over years. And Joan Wickersham does an excellent job of showing how it stalks and grabs you when you're least expecting it.

This is a book about her father's suicide, the act...more
Hannah Hughes
The Suicide Index by Joan Wickersham carries a theme of recovering and dealing with a traumatic experience. Joan Wickersham, an award winning author This book, The Suicide Index is a series of notes, organized in index format of occurrences, feelings and memories surrounding her fathers death. The thesis of the book is that Joan's father was possibly murdered, and could never have committed suicide. In reality, it was only Joan’s resistance to accept her father’s hidden depression that suggests...more
Gabby
The Suicide Index by Joan Wickersham is a novel about a daughter facing the cold truth of her father’s suicide and who he really was, why he would commit suicide. Joan the narrator describes and plays out her father’s death and everything leading up to it. Joan explores the reality of why her father the man she has known since she was born who she never suspected to be suicidal would do such a thing. When Paul Wickersham ends his own life he not only kills himself but he also ruins the lives of...more
Randy Susan

“In the airport, coming home from vacation, he stops at a kiosk and buys grapefruits, which he arranges to have sent to his daughters. They will stumble over the crates waiting on their porches, when they get home from his funeral.”

Thus opens this stark and haunting memoir, written in prose that surrounded me like clear clean water.

If the best books tell truth the best, then this memoir climbs to the top of the pile SUICIDE INDEX doesn’t necessarily tell universal truths, or even grand lofty tr...more
Pamela
A very powerful book about the author's father's suicide seventeen years ago. There were no obvious signs her father was considering such an act, and he left no explanatory note. Wickersham has hit on a unique and perfectly apt form for this narrative--an alphabetized index with entries such as, "Suicide: act of: attempt to imagine." There is nothing gimmicky about this choice; it is completely true to the author's inability to create any rational order or sense out of her father's death. The be...more
Sarah
Jul 31, 2011 Sarah added it
I found this book hard to read at times because the subject matter hits very close to home. Having a father that tried to commit suicide is one of the hardest things i have had to deal with in my entire life (all 26 years). I felt really sorry and lots of emotion for the dad since nothing he did was good enough for his wife. She goes so far as to say "Your father was such a failure, he couldn't even kill himself right," and how he has left her with her unable to take care of herself. Really capt...more
Sibyl
There are an alarming number of suicides each year, and the most urgent question among survivors is probably "Why." Wickersham's father committed suicide and her memoir looks at the event, her father's childhood, his relationships with others, including his wife and business partners, and the effects of the act on others. The book is arranged in index form: Suicide, Explaining to child about; Suicide, Childhood, cause of; etc. It's interesting, but eventually wears thin. Besides, she ultimately...more
Lynn Tolson
Sep 21, 2010 Lynn Tolson rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: memoir readers, those affected by suicide
How does a daughter make sense of her father’s suicide? Joan Wickersham tries to explain by using an objective system: the index. It is a unique format for a tough topic.

The book begins in an orderly outline with the main category of Suicide, with sub-headings in alphabetical order. For example, it begins: “Suicide: act of, attempt to imagine.” It appears as though the author explores the chaos and confusion of her father’s suicide by using a logical process. But she is dealing with emotion, and...more
Katherine
A truly remarkable memoir. The organization of the stories - as an index - enables the author to explore deeply a huge range of emotions, experiences, and mysteries. I stumbled upon this book when I read that Joan Wickersham was teaching a course at the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown where I go to write each summer. I immediately ordered the book from my home library to pick up when I returned. I'm normally an appallingly slow reader, but I could not wait to pick the book up in the mornin...more
Joanie Hornby Lippincott
This was really good and I really related to it. My father just did the same thing and it was exactly what I needed. I feel very fortunate to have been able to read it right after his death.
Alison Kenney
You'd think that a book detailing, and I mean detailing, a reaction to a loved one's suicide would be severely depressing. But the opposite is true and this is a wonderful book. The book spans about 15 years during which the author considers her father's suicide -- why he did it, what his life was like, how it impacted her/her marriage/her family, what he was thinking in conversations leading up to his suicide, etc -- from every angle. She "indexes" these thoughts in chapters. The writing is so...more
Linda K.
I'm about half-way through Joan Wickersham's memoir about her father's suicide and simply cannot put it down. It's riveting, horrific, poignant, and beautiful. I recently attended a workshop Joan taught about breaking the rules of writing. She certainly broke so many rules in her memoir - and her book is all the better for it.

I finished the book and my view holds. It is a wonderful read. The story is so sad and honest. Joan is a frank writer who is willing to point out her own foibles. It is a b...more
Jamie
I was worried this would be morbid, depressing, and difficult to read. It's not. First of all, it's arranged as an index, which is kind of bizarre, creative, and a form that happens to work really well here. It's told in a very straight-forward, simple manner. It's an organizer's attempt at organizing what happened, and all the speculation, the history, and effect it had on her family. It is very sad, and it's also very thoughtful and beautiful. It's an exploration of grief and a process of heal...more
Abby Frucht
In its opening sections, the stylized writing and the rawness of the emotions worked beautifully together....but as the book went on I felt that the prose began to trump the emotion rather than the other way around. Maybe it just went on a little longer than it should have. I was reminded of a wise remark made by the writer Chris Noel in his bereavement memoir, In the Unlikely Event of a Water Landing, saying that some of the ways in which he experienced his grief over the loss of his fiancee we...more
Jill
Oct 31, 2011 Jill rated it 1 of 5 stars
Shelves: memoir
I didn't even finish this book. Which NEVER happens for me. I try and keep going, try to find the redeeming quality, even if it's not my favorite. But for this book, there seemed to be a disconnect. The author is 'indexing' her father's suicide. So, it reads almost like an encyclopedia, each entry looking at the event with a slight twist. I imagine that her grief reaction was difficult, as it usually is with suicide, and perhaps the distance I felt in reading was her way of distancing herself fr...more
Pamela
How do you review a book on suicide? It's grim, it's sad, it's confusing . . . much like suicide. But having just experienced the death of a loved one by suicide, I found it comforting to read about someone else who understands the grief and all the other emotions that are associated with suicide. The author's idea to do an "index" is unique, but really works for this book. I found it comforting that trying to mentally reenact the person's last moments isn't some exercise in morbidity but a way...more
Hol
Jul 09, 2012 Hol added it
I picked this up because Joan Wickersham led a House of Mirth discussion group I attended a few weeks ago, and she was so lovely and thoughtful that I wanted to read her own work. This book is about her father’s suicide, and I imagine it would be a balm for people who have suffered a similar tragedy. (On a totally different note, but apropos of Wharton, one thing I gleaned about the author is that she has experience with a similarly baffling level of affluence: at one point in the book, she inhe...more
Peacegal
One morning, the author’s father woke up, got dressed, shaved, and shot himself. This is the story of the mess he left behind.

While The Suicide Index is not the transcendent work others have made it out to be, kernels of brilliance shine through the rough. The author is at her best when she steps away from the hand wringing stress of daily life and actually puts herself into the mind of her father—or more generally, a suicidal person. All of the talk of “How could he do this to us?”…well, he’s n...more
Lisa
"Suicide isn't just a death, it's an accusation. It's a violent, public declaration of loneliness. It's a repudiation of connection. It says, 'You weren't enough to keep me here.' It sets up unresolvable dilemmas of culpability and fault: were we to blame for being insufficient, or was he to blame for finding us so? Someone has been weighed and found wanting, but who?" As a friend of one who took his own life, these words rocked me and comforted me. Having shuttled between guilt, sadness and rag...more
Mara
This was an emotional yet wholistic attempt to understand the tragedy of losing a father from suicide, adding layers of stigma and mystery upon the already devestating process of losing a loved one. Suicide is such a taboo topic, forbidden from most religious standpoints as unforgivable yet philosophically considered by some the greatest form of personal freedom. Pyschologically the act is typically associated with despair and a temporary state of mental instability.

The humanistic and personal...more
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Suicide Index Putting my Father s Death in Order
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Joan Wickersham was born in New York City. She is the author of two previous books, most recently The Suicide Index, a National Book Award finalist. Her fiction has appeared in The Best American Short Stories and The Best American Nonrequired Reading. Her op-ed column appears regularly in The Boston Globe; she has published essays and reviews in the Los Angeles Times and the International Herald T...more
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“And while some healing does happen, it isn't a healing of redemption or epiphany. It's more like the slow absorption of a bruise.” 10 people liked it
“The word "miss" is so wistful. As is the word "wistful," for that matter. They both have sighs embedded in them, that "iss" sound. Which also sounds like if.” 5 people liked it
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