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How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years
"You never listen to anything I say!"
Yesterday, your child was a sweet, well-adjusted eight-year-old. Today, a moody, disrespectful twelve-year-old. What happened? And more important, how do you handle it? How you respond to these whirlwind changes will not only affect your child's behavior now but will determine how he or she turns out later. Julie A. Ross, executive dire...more
Yesterday, your child was a sweet, well-adjusted eight-year-old. Today, a moody, disrespectful twelve-year-old. What happened? And more important, how do you handle it? How you respond to these whirlwind changes will not only affect your child's behavior now but will determine how he or she turns out later. Julie A. Ross, executive dire...more
Paperback, 210 pages
Published
July 2nd 2008
by McGraw-Hill
(first published 2008)
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I bought this book on recommendation of a friend. When I first got the book in the mail, I was intrigued by the claims on the back cover:
* Find out how other parents survived nightmarish tween behavior — and still raised great kids
* Break the "nagging cycle," give your kids the right balance of responsibilities, and get results
* Talk about sex, drugs, and alcohol so your kid will listen
* Discover the secret that will help your child disregard peer pressure and make smart choices — for life
I foun...more
* Find out how other parents survived nightmarish tween behavior — and still raised great kids
* Break the "nagging cycle," give your kids the right balance of responsibilities, and get results
* Talk about sex, drugs, and alcohol so your kid will listen
* Discover the secret that will help your child disregard peer pressure and make smart choices — for life
I foun...more
I haven't cried this hard while reading a book in a long time! I cried for two reasons, one is that everything I'm currently experiencing with Sierra was written about in this book and it was such a relief that if it's written down, it's because other people have experienced the same thing which means there will be help for me to know what to do! The second reason I cried is because it really was a confirmation that my little girl is no longer little. She's growing up and most of our problems ar...more
I accidentally got this book from the library (meant to check out the How to Hug a Porcupine original book) but I thought I'd read a few chapters because one of my dd's is approaching the tween years. I was pleasantly surprised to find this book was so well written with lots of great ideas about how to communicate with your children (spouse too, I think). There were a few major lightbulb moments for me that have changed the way I think about some important things. Chapters on a lot of the things...more
If all you did was read the chapter titles, you'd quickly be reassured that your child's behavior is "normal". After that reassurance, you'll have to admit that your child is indeed a porcupine and learn to look beyond the behavior to what find out what exactly is going on with your child. Ross's suggestions are wise and I wish I had read this book when my own children were in their tween years. Neverthless, several of the points are still applicable for my teens. As parents we need to remember...more
I used to read parenting books when my kids were little.m I picked this book up at the library because the title looked interesting. It is very easy to read and broken down into easy to manage topics. It makes you realize your kids are normal. Also, so far, my kids are easier than the problems that arise in this book. The book's strength is its reminder that the goal is to have a respectful relationship with your kids, rather than total control. I am up to the "Computer addiction" chapter. This...more
This is a great book for parents of tweens. Ross has advice on talking and listening so conversations are productive and not turned into raging arguments. Advice and ideas on how to get close to your tween and understand their need for distance as they go through this time in their life makes this book a recommended read!
I probably read about 45% of it because I skimmed alot. I don't know what prevented me from reading it cover to cover. I felt it was very wordy. It used a lot of examples to help you understand or follow along. I'm sure the examples and wordiness were important to get to the idea she was explaining but I couldn't appreciate it. Maybe I couldn't "get into it" because I'm optimisitc that I'm doing alright as a parent and don't feel like I really need to digest all of this. I learned a few things l...more
This book really tells it like it is! It gives lots of specific situations and examples and some wonderful ways to increase communication between parents and middle-schoolers. I can only hope to execute on some of the author's suggestions.
very good description of what's in a tween's head. The solutions as always sound like they'd be comfortable for a psychologist but not so much for the average parent! Definitely worth a read though. Now to get my husband to read it...
Nothing earth-shatteringly new here and I can't see myself tolerating some of the disrespect she describes, but I think her general ideas are sound. A lot of it was similar to attachment parenting - when they press your buttons, try to focus on the relationship. A lot of the scripts -sandwiching, etc - sound cheesy but I know from experience it works. We also tried her format for a family meeting (also pretty darn cheesy) and have been shocked at how well the kids have responded.
This book is a must-read for any parents with middle schoolers. I found the book informative, practical, and will likely be used as a reference guide during my child's transformative years.
Even though I'm utterly sick of parenting advice, this was useful. Perhaps the best thing to come out of it has been lots of porcupine jokes in our family.
I learned a lot about what to say to teens, and how some positive statements could be seen as negative. I highly recommend this book.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is the parent of a middle schooler. I learned so much information.
Good reading for anyone with a moody, confounding, irrational tweener.
Jul 25, 2009
Charityjane
is currently reading it
so far i'm wondering where they hid the cameras in my house..
Useful information ~ good to refer to....
Very helpful with great tips on handling my tween
I reserve the right to change the star rating if these techniques don't work! But Ross did make me think about some of our conflicts in a different way, and I do think using some of her ideas could improve the household communication. And maybe limit the number of sibling fights, which has been skyrocketing lately.
But I don't see us having weekly family meetings. Does anyone else do that? Ross is a big proponent, but it sounds a little bit corny to me. I'm not sure I could even get my husband on...more
But I don't see us having weekly family meetings. Does anyone else do that? Ross is a big proponent, but it sounds a little bit corny to me. I'm not sure I could even get my husband on...more
Great if you have Middle-Schoolers!
I have a tween, well actually he is almost a teen. I maybe should have read this a year ago when he was 11. :)
This was a great book, giving useful and easy to apply tips for this interesting stage of parenthood.
I am more on the fearful end of being a parent, trying not to worry, etc.
I loved this quote: "When we're fearful, it can pay to ask ourselves, "Is it possible for something bad to happen, or is it probable that something bad will happen?"
That may help me let go a bit more. :)
This was a great book, giving useful and easy to apply tips for this interesting stage of parenthood.
I am more on the fearful end of being a parent, trying not to worry, etc.
I loved this quote: "When we're fearful, it can pay to ask ourselves, "Is it possible for something bad to happen, or is it probable that something bad will happen?"
That may help me let go a bit more. :)
Anyone with a tween needs to read this book. Not all that Ross talks about applies to my tween, however there were many interesting points that helped me to relate to my daughter's struggle with being understood. I think the best line in the book that applied to me was when it says, "don't try to be a tween they are better at it than you are." To me this means, "Steph, you are the grown-up, now act like it!" Enjoy. I got it from the Hyrum Library.
Okay, thank god for this book.
Easy read. Gave me some good ideas.
Excellent book that talks about how to have a better relationship with your kids - teen & preteen. Not sure I agreed with everything in the last couple of chapters, but I would recommend everyone who has kids between the ages of 11 and 18 - to READ this book.
Recommended by a neighbor and from the first page I was hooked. If you have a pre-teen or 6th grader you need to read this book. Hurry before it's too late and you find yourself at the end of some nasty quills.
Had some good reminders of how to treat your growing kids.
Helpful for dealing with Tweens and understanding why they do what they do. Now could you just give me a little patience in the pages? that would be fabulous!
This book was interesting in how to develop a relationship. I thought it gave up on the concept of parental discipline.
Very good advice on handling people with poison personalities without wounding yourself.
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Apr 05, 2011 09:28pm