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How to Talk to a Widower

3.96 of 5 stars 3.96 · rating details · 5,256 ratings · 753 reviews

"Beautifully crafted", "Fantastically funny." "Compulsively readable." Jonathan Tropper has earned wild acclaim—-and comparisons to Nick Hornby and Tom Perrotta—for his biting humor and insightful portrayals of families in crisis and men behaving badly. Now the acclaimed author of The Book of Joe and Everything Changes tackles love, lust, and lost in the suburbs—in a stunn...more

Hardcover, 341 pages

Published July 17th 2007 by Delacorte Press (first published 2007)

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May 09, 2007 Abigail Hillinger rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

I was so excited to receive a pre-released copy of this book (it's slated to hit stores on 7/17). Jonathan Tropper's name keeps popping up whenever I type in a search for Nick Hornby/Tom Perrotta, and his books have received good reviews. This one was supposed to be amazing. I read it in a few nights and while I couldn't put it down, I felt robbed toward the end of the book. I turned the last page and thought, "That's it?"

The part that kills me is Tropper is a great author-- poignant, funny, and...more

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Sep 04, 2012 Kerry rated it 4 of 5 stars

I picked this one up to be a nice light read...well now that comes off wrong. Then again, now that we've started off akwardly like any relationship Jaleel White would hope to start we might as well continue, right?

Thinking this would be a read that wouldn't crush my (hopefully) growing intellect, I found in so many ways it was and so many ways it wasn't. While the book is well written with sarcasm and ::gasp:: (side note: why do to two colons on both sides of the word gasp "denote" the word? I f...more

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Jul 24, 2011 Ed rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, 4-and-a-half-stars, read-on-kindle

I don't know why it took me so long to get back to read another book by Jonathan Tropper. A couple of years back I read his latest book This Is Where I Leave You a couple years back and it was my favorite book of the year. There was something simply sizzling about Tropper's writing - razor sharp, witty, raw, funny, painful, astute... the exclamatory adjectives could just go on and on. I guess part of my fear was diluting that particular reading experience, but after a very informal online chat a...more

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Aug 24, 2008 Ruth rated it 5 of 5 stars

Wow! I feel very fortunate to have found a blurb about this book on the Borders newsletter. I read this on my Kindle and I was so impressed. Doug has lost his wife and friends and family members feel that it is more than time for him to get out their dating again. Doug doesn't quite feel that way yet but allows his twin to talk him it to it as we progress through the book. Jonathan Tropper, the author, so beautifully describes Doug's feeling of loss that you feel that he must have experienced th...more

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Jul 09, 2008 Michael rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2008, audio-book

Doug Parker is a 29-year old widower. He lost his wife Hayley (who was older) in a plane crash and has spent the last year avoiding life in Jonathan Tropper's "How to Talk to a Widower."

And while much of Doug's world is defined by his depression and anger over losing Hayley, it's not the only thing going on his life. His twin sister Clair is pregnant and leaving her husband, his father suffered a stroke and has good and bad days and his younger sister met her fiancee at the shiva for Hayley. And...more

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Oct 14, 2008 Sassacaia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Sassacaia by: Karen

I love Jonathan Tropper! I love how real his characters are, how easily you fall into his world and fall in love with his characters. It gives me hope that maybe mankind isn't all that bad. I'm so glad my coworker randomly bought his books then lent them to me (without even reading them first) because otherwise I might not even know about these books!

He makes me laugh out loud, and I love his dialogue:

“We don’t have twin telepathy.”
“Of course we do, it’s just subtle, like...flesh-colored nail po...more

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Nov 23, 2007 Tammie rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was the first book of Jonathan Tropper's that I have read and I have to say I really love his voice in How To Talk To A Widower.

A fan of Nick Hornby's work I was curious to pick up another male authors book that fits the "women's fiction" category. The story is about a young widower who has to deal with a step-son and family that is more than a little odd.

Jonathan Tropper writes in a such a lively manner and in scenes that were so vivid I could easily see this on the big screen.

Doug Parker...more

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Jun 29, 2008 Nicole rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

After reading all of Tropper's books, its interesting to notice his progression and certain kinds of scenes that are unique to him. Tropper loves setting up utterly ridiculous scenes, usually involving family, that are totally hilarious, I believe there was one in book of joe involving a family dinner and a parrot. I really like his writing style. This book is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, going from truly sad to laughing out loud a few pages later. All in all I think this is a great read...more

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Jul 04, 2008 Melissa rated it 5 of 5 stars

Great story. There are a few parts of the book that can bring tears to your eyes, but Doug is a young widower... Most of the book is quick witted and funny.
Doug is in his 20's and marries a women about 11 years older than he is (her name is Hailey, spelled the same as my daughter) with a teenage son. She dies about 2 years into their marriage. The story is mainly the year after his wife's death. Doug's relationship with his teenage step-son, pregnant twin sister whose life is coming undone, anot...more

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Nov 05, 2007 Alexis rated it 4 of 5 stars

I am loving this book. I started it yesterday evening and stayed up late, very late, working my way through it. I left maybe 40 pages (I don't want to know how little is left) to savor today. It is equal parts Nick Hornby, David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, Helen Fielding, Lorrie Moore, Candace Buchnell, and others too I'm sure.

I have fallen in love with each of the characters. I would not recommend this book to you if you despise romantic sniveling, complete honesty, stories of people who are c...more

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Apr 20, 2013 Alena rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

It's so simple. Jonathan Tropper just writes great books. Funny and heartbreaking. Doug, like all his protagonists, is a slightly miserable, but smart & good-hearted Jewish son trying to figure life out. Throw in the family drama, scenes of violence, profanity and tiny moments of brilliance, and that's a Tropper novel.

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Jun 05, 2008 Jody rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: manjula karamcheti

I loved how this book was humorous and moving at the same time. It's about Doug Parker, whose wife of two years is killed in a plane crash. Doug's has a freelance magazine column about grieving for his wife from where the book gets its title. For those of you who work with the high school set, you may appreciate the character of Doug's stepson Russ who keeps getting in trouble at school, which leads Doug to a relationship with the guidance counselor. I loved the interactive of those two. Let me...more

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Nov 23, 2008 Megan rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Anyone

Recommended to Megan by: The Heathrow readers' guide

Among my favorite parts of visiting England is the chance to walk into British bookstores and browse through an entirely NEW range of English-speaking authors. Last time I was in England, I picked up three new books to read during my trip. This one, Jonathan Tropper's "How to Talk to a Widower" was my final purchase, selected at Heathrow to keep me company for the flight home.

It didn't take me long to discover the irony of my choice -- Tropper's an American author painting a picture of family li...more

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Mar 23, 2013 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: fans of Nick Hornby

Recommended to Jennifer by: Book Cellar

I read this in one big gulp on the plane ride down to Dallas. Of course, the fact the main character's wife has died in a plane crash was just a bit unsettling but I didn't let that stop me. Doug Parker is a mess. His wife has been dead for a year and he's still grieving and he's not alone--his teenage stepson, Russ, is also acting out. This is all complicated by the fact that Hailey, Doug's wife, was 12 years older so Doug, at 27, is now stepfather to a teenage son and living in the suburbs. Si...more

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Feb 24, 2013 Eric_W rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor

This is the third Tropper novel I have read, the first being This is Where I Leave You. I liked both of them a lot. They are poignant, sweet, funny, vicious, and insightful. His family dinner scenes are classic. They have you laughing out loud only to get sucker punched by the perceptiveness. He does this through the classic comedian's technique of hyperbole, but it's not exaggerated so much that it becomes caricature. We've all seen elements of his dysfunctional family in ourselves and others.

H...more This is the third Tropper novel I have read, the first being This is Where I Leave You. I liked both of them a lot. They are poignant, sweet, funny, vicious, and insightful. His family dinner scenes are classic. They have you laughing out loud only to get sucker punched by the perceptiveness. He does this through the classic comedian's technique of hyperbole, but it's not exaggerated so much that it becomes caricature. We've all seen elements of his dysfunctional family in ourselves and others.

His books (from what I've read his others do also) also relate to how we deal with death; in this one Doug Parker, age twenty-nine, wallows in self-pity after the death of his wife, Hailey, in a plane crash. She was older than he and came with a twelve-year-old son, Russ.

At the dinner celebrating his sister Deb's upcoming marriage, as things go from bad to worse,

Russ [Doug's stepson] excuses himself for a minute, is gone for fifteen, and comes back with his eyes glazed over. “You had to get high right now?” I whisper to him. “It was so important?” “It was a biological imperative, dude. It is fucking intense in here.” “It’s just dinner with the family.” “Come on, man. It’s like there’s a hunk of C4 strapped to the table and we’re all just waiting to see when it will detonate. I can’t believe you dragged me here.”

It’s a tricky enough business forming a friendship with a pissed-off teenager under the best of circumstances. Now try it when you’re sleeping with his mother, when you are, quite literally, a motherfucker. Let me tell you, that requires a whole other skill set. When I first moved in, I knew I’d have to make an effort to bond with Russ so that Hailey could feel good about the whole arrangement. If she didn’t, it wasn’t like she was going to give her kid the boot. Last one hired, first one fired. And so I applied myself like a laid-back uncle, giving him lifts to school or the mall to meet his friends, taking him to the occasional weeknight movie, editing his term papers, and, more recently, taking him out for driving practice in my secondhand Saab. I was a lazy boy and I am a lazy man, and the beauty of the situation was that I wasn’t really expected to be a parent to Russ, which, based on the limited wisdom I have to offer, was a win-win situation for all involved.

They had not been married long and Doug refuses to admit that life goes on: his twin sister is leaving her husband after becoming pregnant and his younger sister, Deb, is getting married to Mike whom she met at Doug's shiva for Hailey, a source of much resentment. Then there is his dad who has just survived a personality-changing stroke. Doug, a columnist, has begin writing a column which is becoming increasingly popular, called "How to Talk to a Widower."

Doug has become a self-imposed social outcast, spending his time throwing rocks (and cell phone) at the rabbits in his yard, saying the kinds of things I guess we all wish we had the guts to. "I lost something after Hailey died. I’m not sure what to call it, but it’s the device that stops you from telling the truth when people ask you how you’re doing, that vital valve that keeps your deeper, truer emotions under lock and key. I don’t know exactly when I lost it, or how to get it back, but for now, when it comes to tact, civility, and discretion, I’m an accident waiting to happen, over and over again." So you get marvelously delicious scenes like this one:

"... few weeks ago, a Jehovah’s Witness or a Jew for Jesus or some other freak on happy pills selling God in a pamphlet showed up at my door, smiling like a cartoon, and said, “Have you let God into your life?” “God can fuck himself.” He smiled beatifically at me, like I’d just complimented his crappy JCPenney suit. “I once felt the way you do, brother.” “You’re not my brother,” I hissed at him. “And you have never felt like this. If you’d ever felt like this, you would still feel like this, because it doesn’t go away."

And the scene where he goes out on a date with a divorcee who has two young children is priceless. Let's just say part of it involves him noting that he usually doesn't mop up vomit until the third date.

(less)

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Jan 22, 2013 False Millennium rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

"We were young, slim, sad and beautiful." Can he say that often enough? Apparently not. I only read this because someone checked it out on my library card. Tropper writes for a very specific group; that would be thirty-ish and male. I only liked one passage where he wrote about upscale suburbs. I continue to deplore the new habit of using email formats or texting into the plot. Yes I know it happens in real life, but it's boring to read.

So. About the suburbs. "The men I met in Hailey's circle we...more "We were young, slim, sad and beautiful." Can he say that often enough? Apparently not. I only read this because someone checked it out on my library card. Tropper writes for a very specific group; that would be thirty-ish and male. I only liked one passage where he wrote about upscale suburbs. I continue to deplore the new habit of using email formats or texting into the plot. Yes I know it happens in real life, but it's boring to read.

So. About the suburbs. "The men I met in Hailey's circle were all husbands and fathers either on the cusp or already descending into the tide pool of middle age. These men were all adrift in an alien landscape of mortgages and second mortgages, marriages and second marriages, children, child support, affairs, alimony, tuition, tutors, and an endless barrage of social functions. And all of their living had to be squeezed into those few hours on the weekends that they weren't working their asses off to pay for the whole mess. I'd always assumed that the people who lived in those fancy houses in the suburbs were financially better off than I was, and only once I'd joined them did I come to understand that it's all just a much more sophisticated and elaborate way of being broke. There's the jumbo mortgage, the home equity loan to renovate the kitchen and bathrooms, the two or three monthly luxury car payments; before you know it, you've spent a hundred grand of post-tax income before you've put the first piece of bread on your table. Curse of the middle class, my ass. They do it to themselves, all because they've got this Hollywood Christmas movie notion of what their life is supposed to look like. It's a tenuous existence built precariously on a foundation of colossal debt, and one miscalculation, one meager bonus or bad investment or unforeseen expense, can bring the whole thing crashing to the ground. In time, I came to understand that the idyllic streets of New Radford were to a large extent an illusion, and, charged with the responsibility of mainaining this illusion, it was understandable that even the most well-preserved men would start to show some stress fractures. And so they lost their hair and gained some weight and their complexions grew pallid, their eyelids heavier, their wit sour. I didn't want to get fat and bald and start indebting myself in the name of German cars and radiant heating under the hardwood floors."(less)

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Nov 19, 2012 Lauriann rated it 4 of 5 stars

Have you ever known someone so naturally funny that nearly everything they said hit your laugh button? And left you wondering how people even get to be like that?? (I'm a follower, not a leader when it comes to humor.) The author must be one of those people because it seems to flow so naturally. I laughed out loud over and over. And often, my outbursts were at times when the humor was so dark that it seemed inappropriate to laugh. From tragedy, humor was harvested. The central character, a not-q...more

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Jul 18, 2012 Lydia Laceby rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 5-star-must-read, hilarous

Originally Reviewed at Novel Escapes

How to Talk to a Widower was equal parts hilarious, sentimental and touching. I loved it all, laughing out loud frequently during Doug's escapades, and grew emotional during his memories and depiction of life without his wife.

I couldn't wait to see how he'd extract himself out of situations and was routing for him to pull his life together as the story moved along at a rapid pace. I was absorbed after a few short pages and whipped through this novel in a few d...more

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Jun 27, 2012 Todd Carper rated it 5 of 5 stars

Another great book by Jonathan Tropper. It is a funny and moving story about a guy who becomes a widow at 29 and takes on the responsibility of raising his "step son" who is 16. It typical Tropper fasion, there is no happily ever after finale, but he always leaves you with hope. In one section of the book I was in tears from laughing so hard as he described the engagement party of his sister and then just a cople of pages later, I was in tears as he and his step son visited the grave of his wife...more

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Feb 03, 2012 Ian Mapp rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: humour

Another contender for "book of the year". This is staggeringly funny, well written and with genuine excitement that means that you want to read just one more chapter. What more can you ask for?

Doug Parker is only 29 but his 38 year old wife died a year ago. He has been self medicating to get through things but this has not been easy with a very well drawn extended family inclduing...

Russ - His 17 year old step son who has a wickedly cynically outlook and is suffering as much as doug.

His father -...more

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Jan 21, 2012 Teena in Toronto rated it 3 of 5 stars

It took me a couple chapters to get into it and I'm glad I stuck with it.

I enjoyed the writing style ... most of the time it was funny and sarcastic. It's almost like Doug was talking to me. As I was reading this, I could imagine it being made into a movie.

I felt bad for Doug. He was widowed before he was 30. He thought he had found "the one" in Hailey (who was more than ten years older than him) and would spend the rest of his life with her. But when she is killed in a plane crash, his life is...more

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Apr 27, 2011 jazz-ee2 rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: bookcrossing

GreenMetropolis.com
Description:
'When Doug Parker married Hailey - beautiful, smart and ten years older - he left his carefree Manhattan life behind to live with her and her teenage son, Russ, in the suburbs. Three years later, Hailey has been dead for a year, and Doug, a widower at 29, just wants to drown himself in self-pity and Jack Daniels. But his family has other ideas...Russ is furious with Doug for not adopting him after Hailey died, and has fallen in with a bad crowd. Claire, Doug's irre...more

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Apr 07, 2011 ALPHAreader rated it 5 of 5 stars

I love, love, loved this book!
It’s hard to put the book into a specific genre. On the one hand it’s a romantic-comedy, but with a very bleak beginning. Before Doug’s restorative journey the book deals with his dark depression following the death of his wife, Hailey. It is a sad beginning; but infused with Tropper’s laugh-out-loud humor that takes a speculative look at grief and the funny side of mourning.

Doug has to fight-off the advancements of suburban housewives in the wake of Hailey’s death...more I love, love, loved this book!
It’s hard to put the book into a specific genre. On the one hand it’s a romantic-comedy, but with a very bleak beginning. Before Doug’s restorative journey the book deals with his dark depression following the death of his wife, Hailey. It is a sad beginning; but infused with Tropper’s laugh-out-loud humor that takes a speculative look at grief and the funny side of mourning.

Doug has to fight-off the advancements of suburban housewives in the wake of Hailey’s death – women his wife once called friends are dropping by with casseroles and offers of ‘shoulders’ to cry on. Doug talks about his questionable hygiene in the wake of his mourning and amidst his grieving – life goes on. His sister’s life is crumbling down around her, and she turns to Doug for help.
Doug also has to deal with his stepson’s escalating recklessness after Hailey’s death – and wonder at his dubious role in Russ’s life since he’s no longer really his step-father, is he?
And amidst all this, Doug’s professional life inexplicably takes off. His personal column in the paper starts to reflect the acerbic wit he’s cultivated during his mourning, and ‘How to talk to a Widower’ turns him into a smash hit.

Your heart does break to read about what Doug has lost. Tropper highlights Doug and Hailey’s romance through flashbacks and heart-wrenching narration by Doug about how much he misses the love of his life.

But ultimately Doug is a prickly character. Admittedly, we are meeting him when he’s at his worst – and because of his vulnerable, depressive state he does make some ginormous mistakes that will have you gritting your teeth at his stupidity. But it’s all a part of his healing process. He has to go there to come back, so to speak. Doug’s grief makes him a kind of ‘anti-hero’ – through flashbacks about him and Hailey we know that underneath the slovenly, sometimes jerk we first meet is a very affectionate, charming young man. But grief has changed him.

The book does have a romance at its centre, as Doug tentatively starts dating Russ’s High School guidance counselor. Their interactions leave you with butterflies in your stomach, and the relationship has a restorative quality for Doug whose real personality starts to resurface as the romance progresses;

Sometimes you walk past a pretty girl on the street and there's something beyond beauty in her face, something warm and smart and sensual and inviting, and in the three seconds you have to look at her, you actually fall in love, and in those moments, you can actually know the taste of her kiss, the feel of her skin against yours, the sound of her laugh, how she'll look at you and make you whole. And then she's gone, and in the five seconds afterwards, you mourn her loss with more sadness than you'll ever admit to.

Be warned – you will cry. But you will also laugh, loudly. Tropper walks a fine line between humour and compassion throughout the book as he explores the many facets of Doug’s grief and healing process. You will be frustrated by some of Doug’s actions, but sympathetic to his grief-addled state.

This is the second book of Tropper’s that I’ve read. The first was ‘The Book of Joe’, which I also loved. I intend to read all of his books eventually, because I think he’s fast becoming one of my favourite authors.(less)

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Mar 12, 2011 Greg Zimmerman rated it 4 of 5 stars

Normally if you read several books by the same author, and the main character in each of those books is pretty much the same guy, you'd be annoyed and probably scream "Unoriginal! Repetitive!" But Jonathan Tropper manages to pull this off. How? His prose reads like a 330 pages of stand-up comedy, so you don't really mind that he doesn't spend a whole lot of time on character development. But beyond his wonderful prose, as I've mentioned before, I love reading Tropper because his stories have hea...more Normally if you read several books by the same author, and the main character in each of those books is pretty much the same guy, you'd be annoyed and probably scream "Unoriginal! Repetitive!" But Jonathan Tropper manages to pull this off. How? His prose reads like a 330 pages of stand-up comedy, so you don't really mind that he doesn't spend a whole lot of time on character development. But beyond his wonderful prose, as I've mentioned before, I love reading Tropper because his stories have heart, and are just so, for lack of a better word, true.

If you've read Tropper at all, you'll easily recognize Doug Parker, our protagonist for How To Talk To A Widower, as Zack from Everything Changes and Judd from This Is Where I Leave You. He's a wise-cracking, self-deprecating dude's dude with a slightly off-kilter family and a complicated relationship with women.

In this novel, the angle is that Doug's wife Hailey, 11 years his senior, has died in a plane crash (Doug is 29). And so he's spent the last year grieving — which has limited his activity to drinking heavily, feeling sorry for himself, occasionally yelling at people who express sympathy, and writing a monthly column for a magazine about how to talk to a widower. But Doug's twin sister Claire, who has her own relationship dilemmas, convinces him that he needs to get back into the dating pool. Meanwhile, he's also charged with the care of his wife's 16-year-old son from a previous marriage, who is angry at the world, as teenagers are. Hilarity ensues.

But, again, the fun derived from this novel is directly attributable to the writing. Want some examples? Sure, no problem: "Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's." Too low-brow? Then this'll really make you wince: "I've never been to an OB/GYN office before, and you can almost see fractal bends in the air from all the estrogen floating around in here."

I read the last 200 pages of this novel on a plane in a feverish, barely-looking-up trance. I loved it! So if you're looking for something on the light side that'll make you laugh, think and even get a little emotional, check it out. (less)

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Dec 09, 2010 Liz rated it 3 of 5 stars

Jonathan Tropper never disappoints, but some of his books are definitely better than others. Perhaps I read this a little too hot on the heels of Everything Changes, as I had moments when I felt as if I was reliving the same scene with just a change of characters. There is a distinct formula to his novels -- the larger than life dysfunctional family who, beneath the veneer of insults and scream-outs, actually love each other deeply; the close to being overplayed fist fights involving family memb...more

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Dec 07, 2010 Kirsty Darbyshire rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: library-book

This is a bit of an odd one. It turned up on my recommendations at Amazon; and I noticed it since Amazon's recommendations are usually along the lines of "You've read a book by Margaret Forster, why not read another one?" which is the kind of conclusion I can come to by myself without the aid of a piece of software that's swallowed the reading habits of half the western world and ought to be able to spit out something more surprising. I spotted it on the library shelf and took it home, and by th

...more

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Dec 02, 2010 Laala Alghata rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

“There are no happy endings, just happy days, happy moments. The only real ending is death, and trust me, no one dies happy. And the price of not dying is that things change all the time, and the only thing you can count on is that there’s not a thing you can do about it.” — Jonathan Tropper, How To Talk To a Widower

During the summer, I read This Is Where I Leave You. I really enjoyed it. It was a great comic novel, good dialect, good progression, a lot of heart. I even talked about how Tropper...more

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Jan 24, 2010 Amanda Westmont rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2010, recommended

So I think I've decided that I read Tropper primarily for the writing because the stories in his books are all starting to feel the same to me. All of them are about men right on the brink of a nervous breakdown. All of the protagonists are writers or want to be writers (and this is a pet peeve of mine!). I tend to find meta-fiction a generally lazy and somewhat self-centered device. I mean, Tropper gets away with it because the writing is so tight, but it makes everything he writes feel like it...more So I think I've decided that I read Tropper primarily for the writing because the stories in his books are all starting to feel the same to me. All of them are about men right on the brink of a nervous breakdown. All of the protagonists are writers or want to be writers (and this is a pet peeve of mine!). I tend to find meta-fiction a generally lazy and somewhat self-centered device. I mean, Tropper gets away with it because the writing is so tight, but it makes everything he writes feel like it's about him. Maybe it is? But I doubt it.

In any case, I felt like this book really dove into what it must feel like to be a widower and I highlighted the fuck out of it, like I do all Tropper's novels. The best thing about reading his books is that they really inspire to me to put my ass in a chair and write. Also - first person present tense, my favorite.

Some good quotes:

"'Today was magical, she [the horny housewife and first woman he's had sex with since his wife died:] whispers into my ear. "I wish I could come back later, make love all night, and wake up in your arms in the morning." But she can't. Because I need some time to absorb this, to reflect on it and torture myself about it, and because I get the creeps whenever anyone says "make love" instead of "have sex," or "fuck." Hailey [his deceased wife:] never said "make love." It's just goofy."

I couldn't agree more! Which is why I tend to prefer erotica over normal romantic fiction because good erotica writers skip right over the fancy language and just use the words real people use when they're actually having sex. Like "fuck."

Tropper also has a gift for capturing a personality in a single paragraph. The way this protagonist describes his sister is HILARIOUS:

"Claire was a notorious slut, but smart enough to get into Yale, where she slept around prodigiously, leaving her bed just long enough to earn and advanced degree in clinical psychology. Then she surprised us all by marrying the interminably boring Stephen Ives, heir to the Ives Lawn Manure fortune, and was now devoted to the business of being an obscenely wealthy housewife. You could almost hear the click of the switch when she powered down her brain and tossed her career, but as far as my folks were concerned, all was forgiven when she married the horseshit heir."

Like all of his books, this one reads like a movie and I'm sure it's probably already in pre-production as it should be. (less)

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Sep 08, 2009 Lisa Mettauer rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, humor

That’s Jonathan Tropper. Liz turned me on to The Book of Joe a few years back, and I laughed like crazy through it. It’s about a young man who writes a scathing autobiographical novel set in his home town, believing he will never return. His book is a bestseller and becomes a hit movie. Everyone in the town reads it and sees themself in the book. And then his dad has a major stroke, and Joe’s forced to return home to the not very happy townsfolk who take their revenge out on him. Hilarious.

But t...more That’s Jonathan Tropper. Liz turned me on to The Book of Joe a few years back, and I laughed like crazy through it. It’s about a young man who writes a scathing autobiographical novel set in his home town, believing he will never return. His book is a bestseller and becomes a hit movie. Everyone in the town reads it and sees themself in the book. And then his dad has a major stroke, and Joe’s forced to return home to the not very happy townsfolk who take their revenge out on him. Hilarious.

But that’s not the book I’m reviewing. I just finished How To Talk To a Widower. Doug Parker lost his wife Hailey in a plane crash. Even though it’s been a year, he’s not the least bit ready to stop grieving. But it seems everyone else wants him to move on. His occasional column on his grief is wildly popular, and his agent can get him a book deal and a spot on Oprah. His sexy (married) neighbor Laney is ready for him to move on to an adulterous relationship with her. His wife’s son Russ (a grieving and now troubled teen) wants Doug to take custody of him as Russ hates his father. His twin sister Claire thinks he should start dating. His other sister Debbie wants him to be in her wedding - she’s marrying Doug’s best friend who she met at Hailey’s seder, and who Doug resents because he’s marrying his sister because they met because Hailey died. And all Doug wants to do is sit around, get drunk, wallow in his sadness and throw rocks at the rabbits on his lawn.

Doug is extremely appealing; painfully honest about what the nightmare of grief is like, yet self-deprecating, witty and just plain sweet (though awfully inappropriate at times.) Tropper’s dialog is spot on, quick, funny and sharp. Though a bit predictable, the story includes entertaining turns with his stroke-addled father and actress mother, Russ’ adorable guidance counselor and other appealing supporting characters. His dysfunctional family is a nightmare and completely endearing at the same time. And Tropper captures those heartrending moments when grief hits so hard you can’t breathe.

A must read. See if you love JT too
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Apr 07, 2009 Jan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

It has been over a year since Doug, our protagonist, lost his wife Hailey in a plane crash and Doug's life is still in a shambles. His twin sister Claire has just left her husband and moved in with Doug; his sister Debbie is about to get married to Doug's former best friend - whom she met at the shiva for Hailey; and his stepson Russ's behavior is spiraling out of control. And Doug can't seem to get through his grief to the other side.

"How to Talk to a Widower" follows Doug's journey back to the...more

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About Jonathan Tropper

Jonathan Tropper is the author of Everything Changes, The Book of Joe , which was a Booksense selection, and Plan B. He lives with his wife, Elizabeth, and their children in Westchester, New York, where he teaches writing at Manhattanville College. How To Talk To A Widower was optioned by Paramount Pictures, and Everything Changes and The Book of Joe are also in development as feature films.

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Quotes from How to Talk to a Widower

“Sometimes you walk past a pretty girl on the street there's something beyond beauty in her face, something warm and smart and inviting, and in the three seconds you have to look at her, you actually fall in love, and in those moments, you can actually know the taste of her kiss, the feel of her skin against yours, the sound of her laugh, how she'll look at you and make you whole. And then she's gone, and in the five seconds afterwards, you mourn her loss with more sadness than you'll ever admit to. ” — 47 people liked it

“She was smart and funny and vulnerable and just so goddamned beautiful, the kind of beautiful that was worth being shot down over.” — 29 people liked it

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