ScreamFree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool
Parents are facing the toughest challenge of their lives. They want to create a loving family environment filled with mutual respect and cooperation… but they find instead that human nature and the influence of our culture combine to produce an atmosphere of anxiety, exhaustion, and far too much screaming. Perhaps you can relate!
Whether you scream at your children or not,...more
Whether you scream at your children or not,...more
Paperback, 256 pages
Published
August 19th 2008
by WaterBrook Press
(first published 2005)
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I enjoyed this book and picked up several tips. The biggest tip was that we need to calm ourselves down in order to be a calm person for our children. It made me take a look at my parenting style and is helping me stay focused and in control when my 2 year old drives me nuts. Of course, parenting is difficult. Kids help us to grow up! That's his main two messages.
Even though my oldest is almost 4 he is showing some early signs of his strong will. And I wanted to figure out how to nurture that will instead of killing it and making it succumb to MY will. He is so smart and persistent and I never want him to lose those qualities. This book helped me see how I could help HIM to be who he needs to be without putting all my eggs in his basket. It helped me see how damaging it can be to a child to NEED them to listen and obey your every word or you will lose it...more
Oct 27, 2008
*Christie*
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Mommys
Recommended to *Christie* by:
Crystal
Shelves:
pregnancy-and-parenting
I thought this had many good ideas and concepts. I need to buy my own copy so that I can read it about 6 times a year to remind myself! I didn't agree with some things. I especially don't agree that kids should be allowed to do what they want with their own space (their bedrooms) I'm sorry, but I pay the mortgage. If they want free reign over the condition of the room then I will take my house, divide up the mortgage per square foot and charge them rent. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Poor Hal Runkel is r...more
My kid isn't even two yet, but when he started exerting his will (i.e. throwing tantrums), I knew I needed to find a discipline strategy I could live with. For me, that meant no spanking or rule by force, but not letting him walk all over me either. I grabbed this book along with a stack of others at the local library, and let me tell you, I will be purchasing it to keep forever.
"Scream-free" is a catch-all phrase for reactionary behavior of any kind. Screaming, sure, but also running away, cryi...more
"Scream-free" is a catch-all phrase for reactionary behavior of any kind. Screaming, sure, but also running away, cryi...more
I am always on the lookout for more tools for my parenting toolkit. This book offered several, and a perspective that was very timely and much-needed while raising teens.
I only wish I had had it earlier. Which is always the case with a sturdy multi-use tool.
The best takeaway from this book for me? My kids are not responsible for moderating my emotions. Yeouch. Not a nice thing to realize about yourself, but I have been guilty of telling my kids that my anger, disappointment, or mood is in reacti...more
I only wish I had had it earlier. Which is always the case with a sturdy multi-use tool.
The best takeaway from this book for me? My kids are not responsible for moderating my emotions. Yeouch. Not a nice thing to realize about yourself, but I have been guilty of telling my kids that my anger, disappointment, or mood is in reacti...more
Your children cannot push you over the edge, press your magic buttons, or bring you to the brink. They are simply not that powerful. Your emotional responses are up to you. You always have a choice. I think this sums up the idea of screamfree parenting: parents need to control themselves, because otherwise how can the child trust that the parent really *is* in control and can be respected and left in charge?
Other ideas which are mentioned: Don't parent by assimilation, trying to make your childr...more
Other ideas which are mentioned: Don't parent by assimilation, trying to make your childr...more
First of all, I really REALLY don't like the title of this book. I don't scream at my child, but of course anyone who sees me reading this will assume that is what I struggle with.
Getting past the title though... I gave this book 5 stars, not because I think it is the most amazing, revolutionary book out there, but because it is absolutely perfect for ME and helping me interact with my child the way I really want to. To me, its not about not screaming, its about not letting your child push your...more
Getting past the title though... I gave this book 5 stars, not because I think it is the most amazing, revolutionary book out there, but because it is absolutely perfect for ME and helping me interact with my child the way I really want to. To me, its not about not screaming, its about not letting your child push your...more
This is the parenting book for my generation. Most other parenting books assume that you, the parent, have actually grown-up and are, at least, a fairly mature individual. This book does not make that mistake.
To sum up the book: Don't expect your kids to ease your anxiety. Deal with your own anxiety.
I think Runkel has some good thought and good recommendations. Our kids should not be the center of our worlds, but they should be apart of the world we live in. (as in the bit of life that you live)...more
To sum up the book: Don't expect your kids to ease your anxiety. Deal with your own anxiety.
I think Runkel has some good thought and good recommendations. Our kids should not be the center of our worlds, but they should be apart of the world we live in. (as in the bit of life that you live)...more
I liked this book overall, but I don't think there is anything new here. The bottom line of this book is, you need to get control of yourself before you can expect your children to get control of themselves. There are a lot of parents out there who just need to take a deep breath and put themselves in timeout before they deal with their kids' misbehavior. Every parent has reacted out of their own emotion at one time or another, some do this more than others. There were a few other good messages...more
Apr 21, 2011
Shalyce
rated it
3 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
parenting,
psychology
First I have to say that the author comes across quite narcissistic--talking about how revolutionary his ideas are, constantly making plugs for other books he's writing, trying to incorporate ScreamFree as a verb as well as being condescending to the readers (at the end talking about how much we have learned and grown by this point). I wouldn't say that this book is revolutionary. 99% of the ideas aren't anything you haven't read or heard someplace before.
It had good reminders of the need to st...more
It had good reminders of the need to st...more
In spite of myself. And in spite of my initial impressions when I began the book. I really learned from this. Ok, so a lot of it I already knew. But the way this was presented helped me to think of things in a new way that was somehow empowering to me. I am learning! And it appears that every one in the household has some growing up to do.
Some main points
1. No screaming. But there are more ways to scream than just screaming.
2. Be calm, cool, and connected. This is hard. If I'm not going to yell...more
Some main points
1. No screaming. But there are more ways to scream than just screaming.
2. Be calm, cool, and connected. This is hard. If I'm not going to yell...more
A few years ago I read a parenting book, Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Logan was only two years old at the time; my other two kids weren't even born yet. I remember liking the principles in general but feeling a quite frustrated because I didn't know how to carry those principles over to parenting my two-year-old. (Gosh, that was a hard age. Hey, parents of two-year-olds: it gets better!)
ScreamFree Parenting has got a lot of the same principles from Love and Logic bu...more
ScreamFree Parenting has got a lot of the same principles from Love and Logic bu...more
May 17, 2010
Sarah B.
rated it
2 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Anyone with anger
Shelves:
library-books
This book is written in high Self-Help style, and I had to work to get past the terrible writing and into the messages the author is trying to convey. Fortunately, it is written in language simple enough for a child to follow, so a little extra work on the way wasn't much to ask. Here's an example of how bad the style is:
The greatest thing you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself....more
That statement might not make complete sense right now. It might, in fact, seem downright offensive. Wh
The central tenant of this book: if you scream at your kids (or anyone, for that matter), then you’re out of control and have lowered yourself to a child’s level, and are competing with the child for who’s demands will be met. The author’s solution is that parents should focus more on themselves, managing their own emotions and avoiding knee-jerk reactionary responses. In this way, your children will learn to become more self-directed and better learn to control themselves, rather than relying o...more
I’m generally a calm guy. I don’t usually rant and rave or scream. But I also have a three-year old at home, a little person who has perfected the art of pushing my buttons and who can, with a few well timed and well-aimed misbehaviors, send me into froths of anxiety, sometimes leading me to raise my voice. I don’t like being that person.
Runkel’s book actually doesn’t have different insight than other books I’ve read. It’s a new phraseology on the same old arguments, ideas about how to interact...more
Runkel’s book actually doesn’t have different insight than other books I’ve read. It’s a new phraseology on the same old arguments, ideas about how to interact...more
I found this book to be very helpful. I saw a TV interview of the author and decided to buy the book because of that. The book is really not just about how not to scream, though; it's a comprehensive guide for adults to have self-control. Rather than place the control of the family in the hands of young children, the author advocates that adults first learn how to take care of their own behavior, and from that solid standpoint then discipline their children. Ultimately, he points out, you really...more
Meh. This book was okay, just as the two-star rating indicates. Nothing earth-shattering. All things that we already know. Don't scream at your kids. Yes, I know that. The main message was to keep your cool, focus on your behavior, not your kids'. And I do believe that most of the time, if we really look at our reasons for yelling, it does have to do with our own anxieties, not necessarily the kid's behavior. So, I have a new goal of focusing on my own behavior, really paying attention to my fee...more
I'm going to start with a criticism: I had a small problem with Runkel's mantras that "Parenthood is meant to be challenging" and "Consequences are here to help us". This is back-assward teleological thinking. Just because any problem presents a growth opportunity, doesn't mean it was ~meant~ to be that way. To me this smacks of "intelligent design" and is a subtle pitch for religion.
As for consequences, they are definitely a great learning tool in most cases. But to say they are "here to help u...more
As for consequences, they are definitely a great learning tool in most cases. But to say they are "here to help u...more
"Your number-one leadership role in the family is that of a calming authority" (7).
"Again, not all of us scream at our children, but all of us struggle with reactive behaviors. We may scream, we may manipulate, we may even use violence. Or we may neglect, we may avoid, we may even withhold love. These are all different examples of emotional reactivity. As I said before, they are all just different ways of screaming. ScreamFree Parenting takes all of this reactivity incredibly seriously and says...more
"Again, not all of us scream at our children, but all of us struggle with reactive behaviors. We may scream, we may manipulate, we may even use violence. Or we may neglect, we may avoid, we may even withhold love. These are all different examples of emotional reactivity. As I said before, they are all just different ways of screaming. ScreamFree Parenting takes all of this reactivity incredibly seriously and says...more
I really enjoyed this book. The only reason I gave it 4 stars is it could use some better editing. my daughter is only 10 weeks old so i cant really use anything in this book just yet but it makes alot od sense to me and I am happy I own it so I can revisit it if needed. I actually suggested my partner read this also.
Key points
1.Keep your cool - showing empathy- easier said then done
2.consistency with consequences- keep your word and follow through. provide structure
3.no Labeling- take out the...more
Key points
1.Keep your cool - showing empathy- easier said then done
2.consistency with consequences- keep your word and follow through. provide structure
3.no Labeling- take out the...more
I found this book to be not necessarily full of new wisdom or thoughts, but rather better in explaining ideas that have been around in various different parenting books.
It takes several different variations on parenting and successfully merges them in a philosophy of parenting rather than a "how-to" or as an "attitude adjuster" sort of handbook.
In many ways I found that to be irritating as well as beneficial. One of the things I like about a good handbook is a step by step guide, which ScreamFr...more
It takes several different variations on parenting and successfully merges them in a philosophy of parenting rather than a "how-to" or as an "attitude adjuster" sort of handbook.
In many ways I found that to be irritating as well as beneficial. One of the things I like about a good handbook is a step by step guide, which ScreamFr...more
Oct 30, 2011
Melissa Lee-tammeus
rated it
3 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
borrowed
I read this at the advice of my mental health counseling supervisor. She counsels many adults and finds this series to be very helpful. And I agree, to an extent. I suppose what I'm saying is, there is nothing new here, not really. It is great advice for the layman, no doubt, and a healthy reminder of the mistakes we can make as parents. But, I do believe this is pop psychology at its best, so I suppose I am a bit snobby about it. I wish there had been more scientific evidence noted with the ide...more
I tend to not read a whole lot of parenting books as so many are written so as to make me feel like a failure when I can't live up to the superparent standards they have set. After one too many power struggles in our house, however, I picked this book up, knowing that something needed to change. I liked the premise - change the one thing you have control over: yourself and how you react to the situation. The book did not disappoint. It was filled with explanations as to why what we're currently...more
Jan 04, 2011
Tawny
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
non-fiction,
parenting
Favorite lines:
1. "Your number one leadership role in the family is that of a calming authority" (7).
2. "Emotional reactivity is our worst enemy when it comes to having great relationships" (14).
3. "To be 'in charge' as a parent means inspiring your children to motivate themselves" (29).
4. "The ultimate goal of parenting is to launch our children into an adulthood where they are self-directed, decisive, and responsible people" (70).
5. "What you say about your kids is more important than what you...more
1. "Your number one leadership role in the family is that of a calming authority" (7).
2. "Emotional reactivity is our worst enemy when it comes to having great relationships" (14).
3. "To be 'in charge' as a parent means inspiring your children to motivate themselves" (29).
4. "The ultimate goal of parenting is to launch our children into an adulthood where they are self-directed, decisive, and responsible people" (70).
5. "What you say about your kids is more important than what you...more
Jan 06, 2009
Shevonne
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
parenting-book-every-parent-should
I just finished the "Screamfree Parenting," and I want to recommend it to all parents. It kind of reminded me of a "Solo Partner" for parents where it teaches you to not focus so much on your children and instead on yourself and your actions. I picked this up when I found myself resorting back to yelling if the kids were listening or were just being plain rotten. I had kicked the habit of doing that, and I didn't want to pick it up again. Checking out my Amazon recommendations, I decided to buy...more
The author raises a strong argument against screaming at your kids. He also offers some good advice on dealing with certain scenarios.
I guess the key is to recognize in yourself what pushes you over the edge and try to prevent such situations. So if you notice that you most frequently scream at your kids in the morning when they're late for school, you should start thinking of ways to get them up and ready earlier (maybe they need to go to bed earlier).
The other part of it is remaining calm to...more
I guess the key is to recognize in yourself what pushes you over the edge and try to prevent such situations. So if you notice that you most frequently scream at your kids in the morning when they're late for school, you should start thinking of ways to get them up and ready earlier (maybe they need to go to bed earlier).
The other part of it is remaining calm to...more
I liked the writing style of this author but I didn't really get anything from the book that I can apply with my 8-year-old.
He said, "Our biggest struggle as parents is with our own emotional reactivity." I'd never thought of it that way, but it's certainly true for me.
Another thing he said that I agreed with is, "If you come to rely on your ability to control others, you are destined for frustration and misery. All they have to do is say no, and you're beside yourself. You're out of control, b...more
He said, "Our biggest struggle as parents is with our own emotional reactivity." I'd never thought of it that way, but it's certainly true for me.
Another thing he said that I agreed with is, "If you come to rely on your ability to control others, you are destined for frustration and misery. All they have to do is say no, and you're beside yourself. You're out of control, b...more
This book was very helpful in recognizing that it is important to allow natural consequences to have their place in your discipline plan. It's important to resist the urge to use "I told you so" parentingand to demand they do things your way or the high way. This book is helping me instill the freedom my kids need to learn from natural consequences. It requires a lot of verbal tongue holding on my part, but it is going to be good for us all in the long run.
We could see that our children's natur...more
We could see that our children's natur...more
It was nice to hear advice about taking care of oneself in order to fully take care of someone else. As a working mother, I know it is so hard not to feel guilty for addressing my own needs, but I find that I am so much more relaxed with my family when I have engaged in "grown up" or individual activities. So to all my friends, whether you work outside or inside the home, or a combination, or are trying to balance social with work, don't feel bad about taking some "me" time. As hard as it might...more
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“To be in charge as a parent means inspiring your children to motivate themselves.”
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