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The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs

3.42 of 5 stars 3.42 · rating details · 2,408 ratings · 155 reviews

This story of two men locked in a war of wills that threatens their very existence is vintage Irvine Welsh.
Troubled restaurant inspector Danny Skinner is on a quest to find the mysterious father his mother will not identify. Unraveling this hidden information is the key to understanding the crippling compulsions that threaten to wreck his young life. His ensuing journey t...more

Hardcover, 390 pages

Published August 7th 2006 by W. W. Norton & Company (first published January 1st 2006)

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May 16, 2007 Peter rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Susie

Contrary to the old cliche', I won't say Irving Welsh has "done it again." Rather, he has gone well beyond his standard excellent story-telling and character draughtsmanship.

In The Bedroom Securets... Welsh spins a yarn so outlandish and raucous that the laughter one expects flows early and often; yet, before one expects it, the turn of events spirals into a deadly grudge match between two odious people so unsympathetic in Welsh's portrayal, it would take a masterful writer to inculcate empathy...more

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Sep 29, 2008 Nate D rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: People who have already read the better Welsh like Trainspotting and Glue.

Shelves: britain

With Ulysses done, I need to read something fast, entertaining, pulpy. Thanks, Irvine Welsh.

This brow-leaping habit may be genetic. My mom apparently read Salem's Lot (King) right after Anna Karenina (Tolstoy).

...

Finished. Enjoyable, but a bunch of issues make this a clumsier Welsh effort overall:
1. Guessed crux of climactic plot reveal in first 100 pages, and sort of knew how things would end.
2. There were likeable characters, but not so much the main protagonists/antagonists (okay, hardly uniq...more

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Jan 03, 2013 Trisha rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: comedy, dark, i-borrowed-it, reviewed

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. The only reason I'm not giving it 5 stars is that I'll probably never re-read it again. It's not as awful and depressing as I thought it would be before reading it. The comedy of it was a great delight, even though it was awful at the same time as being funny. I've seen TRAINSPOTTING the movie, and from that I know I never want to read the book version of it. My mum tells me the book version is even more horrible than the movie, too, so that just puts the final nail in the coffin. Anyway, I read...more

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Aug 15, 2012 Ian Mapp rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I love welshs books. Everyone has been a pleasure to read and this is no exception - although I do have to say its the weakest of them all - due to one complaint that will be detailed later.

The premise is simple enough - skinner is a hard drinking 23 year old, successfuly with woman and charming and dynamic in the work place as an environmental health officer. He doesnt know who is father is, but has a inclination that he could have been a chef.

Kibby is a similar age but a nerd. A virgin from a...more

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Jul 04, 2012 Tanya rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is my first Irvine Welsh book. What a trip. The Scottish language was difficult to follow at times and I had a little trouble following which character's mind Welsh was writing in until I finally got the hang of his style halfway through the book. At the beginning, it seemed really disjointed and after several chapters, I wasn't sure I wanted to finish the book, but I plugged on and became curious as to where this aberrant story was all going. I still can't say that I completely enjoyed it-...more

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Sep 23, 2011 Karen rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: borrowed

Having previously opined that a book can take over your inner speech and thought patterns, it's interesting to notes that the reverse is equally true: sometimes a book can match the way you're thinking and feeling so eloquently, it's spooky. And, since the word currently most frequently escaping under my breath is 'f***sake' (of course it's all one word) what my mind needed, without knowing it, was some Irvine Welsh.

Having also previously described Welsh as, I believe, a "baw-faced eejit" who ca...more

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Oct 19, 2010 Pvw rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A modern update of "Dorian Gray", in which the poor victim that suffers all the traces of the protagonist's abusive drinking, drugs and sex is not a painting, but a real life colleague of his. In the beginning, our macho restaurant critic utterly resents the shy and boring Brian Kibby, who always gets promoted in front of him, because he himself suffers from a major drinking problem and Kibby is like decency incarnated. One night he can't take it any more and curses Kibby - after which he furthe...more

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Jan 10, 2010 Ashley rated it 4 of 5 stars

A brilliantly entertaining read. Welsh, the author of "Trainspotting," who was raised in a Scottish housing project, waxes poignantly and believably on life in Edinburgh as seen through the eyes of several mid to late twentysomethings, most notably "Skinner," who is the protagonist.

Raised by a "punk-rock" mother, Skinner, (conceived in the blitzkreig of her wild and crazy youth) is on a quest to locate his father, whom is evidenced to still be living, but could be any one of several different pe...more A brilliantly entertaining read. Welsh, the author of "Trainspotting," who was raised in a Scottish housing project, waxes poignantly and believably on life in Edinburgh as seen through the eyes of several mid to late twentysomethings, most notably "Skinner," who is the protagonist.

Raised by a "punk-rock" mother, Skinner, (conceived in the blitzkreig of her wild and crazy youth) is on a quest to locate his father, whom is evidenced to still be living, but could be any one of several different people. Nonchalantly successful at winning the adoration of women, he lives a broodish lifetyle of pub lurking and socializing with his mates.

The main event of the book takes place after he is refused by his fiancee, due to his excessively indulgent drinking habits. Bereft, and seething, he decides that me must go to San Francisco in order to meet a fellow living there whom his Mum claims may be his Dad. While there, he attempts to reform his alcoholism, and falls in love with a girl that he meets at an AA meeting.

Once back in Edinburgh, he accidentally and quite suddenly finds himself falling for yet another girl. This time she is the sister of a self-righteous reject, who has lately succumbed to a debilitating illness. This fellow, Kibby, is suspicious and jealous of Skinner's intentions. Have no sexual or social prowess of his own, he eagerly self-deprecates, all the while subtly plotting a way to get vengeance.

After Skinner is accepted graciously into the familial fold of his new love, it occurs to him that his true love is the woman that he met back in the states. As his new girlfriend grows increasingly needy and desperate in his eyes, he finds her less and less sexy. Ultimately he resigns that he shall return to the states and commence a romantic co-habitation with his former flame from AA.

I wont betray the ending, but it is not a happy one. The strongest aspects of the story is it's raw and unembellished portrayal of the characters, and their city. A very contemporary glimpse into the darker urban underbelly this world region.(less)

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Mar 22, 2012 Nezzo rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Хмм, откъде да започна! Тази книга в първите си сто и нещо страници сякаш е трябвало да бъде нещо абстрахично друго, и после се е променила точно в онази посока, която прави авторите незабравимо уникални! Въпреки, че рано се досетих какво евентуално ще се окаже голямото действие, на моменти се разколебавах дали точно така ще стане, и накрая след хиляди различния, отклонения и невероятни факти се случиха точно нещата, които не трябваше да се случват. Доказателството за това колко нечестен, магиче...more

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Jan 25, 2011 Andrew rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is the first Irvine Welsh novel I've read -- now on about page 200, about half way -- and it may be the only one I read. I did see the film version of Trainspotting, but don't remember it.

I bought this to provide relief after the grim life of Arthur Greiser, the model Nazi. Well, this book (and other Welsh novels, too, from the little I know) is a little grim, too, in a black comedic way. Unfortunately, I expect comedy no matter how black to put a smile on my face. So far, this hasn't. I r...more This is the first Irvine Welsh novel I've read -- now on about page 200, about half way -- and it may be the only one I read. I did see the film version of Trainspotting, but don't remember it.

I bought this to provide relief after the grim life of Arthur Greiser, the model Nazi. Well, this book (and other Welsh novels, too, from the little I know) is a little grim, too, in a black comedic way. Unfortunately, I expect comedy no matter how black to put a smile on my face. So far, this hasn't. I remain hopeful.

There is enough going on -- enough complexity to the characters, particularly the minor characters -- to keep me going.

Also, there is Welsh's extraordinary way with dialect (the foul mouthed banter of working class Edinburghers): as someone trying to write his first novel (for the third time), I admire his ear, and his sense of pacing.

But so far not enough has happened. There have been no insights into humanity or the absence of it. The alcoholic binges have become tedious. The quest of the main character to find his father remains insufficiently explained -- his mother won't tell him, but why in he'll not? And the at the moment Falstafian character of the "master chef" (who may yet turn out to be a villain or a hero, but is for now just a jerk) is a cartoon character.

Fingers crossed, all will turn out well.

I've now finished (today - 25 Jan 2011) and can now say that it has some problems. First, the main characters are too young to care about seriously. Of course, that didn't stop J D Salinger or others from writing great books, but they were usually bildenromans, which this isn't. No one grows in the course of this book -- in fact, all the main people disintegrate, at least metaphorically. They are cocky and callow and self-absorbed, or they are nerdy and wimpish and complete wankers. This includes the older people as well as the young. Two women, both peripheral characters, come off best. Not saying much given that the rest of them are addicted to alcohol or Jesus or something just as unentertaining. The other problem with the book is that it needed a good strong editor and didn't get one. Out of just 400 pages, at least 100 of them should have ended up in the waste basket. Based on this, I won't be rushing out to read any more Irvine Welsh. However, the man has an uncanny ear and a phenomenal skill at rendering Scottish underclass speech. Then again, Scottish underclass speech gets pretty tedious pretty quickly -- as does most underclass speech (think of The Wired, which I found tedious pretty much from the beginning -- Yo Muthafucka, and all that).(less)

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Apr 07, 2008 Julie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

YES! After reading a few crapfests recently (not by this author) I am happy to report Irvine Welsh rocks me yet again.

Whenever I read Welsh I can't help but adapt his words to film in my mind. He writes really lush characters and settings that ordinarily aren't extraordinary - but he makes them so.

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Aug 02, 2011 Niko Vantala rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Irvine Welsh tunnetaan sellaisista räävittömistä huumesekoiluromaaneista kuten Trainspotting ja Paska. Tämä oli toinen lukemani Welsh. Kirjan alku oli takkuileva; se jotenkin levisi heti liian laajalle, eikä oikein tuntunut lähtevän käyntiin. Ehkä noin viidenneksen luettuaan kirjasta alkaa saada otetta ja juonessa alkaa olla jotain pointtia.
Mikäköhän näistä skottikirjailijoista tekee niin rivoja ja kiintyneitä ruokottomuuksien analysointiin??? Pääteemoja ovat huumeet, seksi ja väkivalta ja aina...more

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Jan 12, 2011 Godzilla rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, football-hooligan, life-but-not-as-we-know-it, quirky

Another dark and disturbing offering from Irvine Welsh.

As usual, it's not one for faint hearts or those who dislike swearing.

His characters can seem like caricatures at times, but he imbues them with such striking detail that I forgot about their cartoon-like quality afer a while.

As detailed elsewhere in reviews it draws heavily on The Portrait of Dorian Gray, but Welsh puts such a malevolent twist on it that comparisons should be fleeting!

He captures the essence of bullying and the shallowness...more

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Aug 17, 2011 Mark Rice rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm a huge fan of Irvine Welsh at his creative best. Trainspotting, The Acid House and Porno are funny, clever and brimming with originality. The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs, on the other hand, is an uninspired story devoid of Welsh's trademark witty dialogue.

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Jan 28, 2010 Aaron rated it 4 of 5 stars

I know I've said it before but not having any prior knowledge or expectations of a book really does make it that much more interesting.

For some unknown reason I had two ideas of what this book was about before I picked it up. The first one being a more literal take of the title, chefs and what they do in the bedroom. And the second having something to do with a murder, why I thought this, I don't know. Anyways, if you're familiar with any of Welsh's previous works you would know better, as shoul...more

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Apr 29, 2012 Todd rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Fun Book.
The Characters feel like they are shot with the same kind of film as Trainspotting. Grainy and sharply focused. This is a Dorian-Gray story for our times. Meaning the transgressions of the protagonist are visited on a totem. (small spoiler - in the case of this story, the totem is not a painting: it's a peer at work; an adversary of sorts. So, yes. The drunken nights of the naer-do-well come in the mornings to rest on the do-gooder's doorstep.) It's a book about the dangers of hard dri...more

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Sep 25, 2011 Jason rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

While not as start-to-finish brilliant as "Trainspotting" or as sincere as "Glue," "Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs" did not disappoint.

Welsh adroitly writes both a suave playboy type and quiet loner character more than believably, which is half the battle in a book like this. Not only that, he builds a background for each that drives actions further along in the book.

I also enjoyed the metaphysical twist, which reminded me a lot of"Maribou Stork Nightmares," another Welsh must-read.

I read t...more

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Jun 17, 2010 Joseph added it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Oct 03, 2012 Jac rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

just started, niece turned me on to him, she was barely a teenager but canuck. read all of him since. a whisper of begby, no full-on psychopaths. getting a one-trick pony buzz, ride that horse.
now that i'm almost done, i'm looking forward to the end and move on.
the reads i really like i don't want to end. not so here. the brogue was the most interesting, poetic. some laughs and killer wit but not enough to make this exceptional. the last chapters warmed me only to be crushed in the end. don't...more

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Dec 22, 2010 Susa rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010

Alkuun tuntui, että kevyempi Irvine Welsh kun mikään edellisistä; puolivälissä tuntui, ettei Welsh missään vaiheessa aiemmin ole kirjoittanut näin raskasta ja piinaavan pahaenteistä kirjaa.

Juoni oli aika arvattava, loppuratkaisu sen sijaan yllättävä ja brutaalin julma. Kerronta oli kuvottavaa. Welshin teemat - huumeet, alkoholi, seksi - eivät ole muuttuneet mihinkään.

Pituudeltaan kirja, jota en tahtoisi lukea uudelleen. Sata sivua olisi ihan hyvin voinut leikata pois tarinan niinkään kärsimätt...more

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Nov 16, 2010 Amanda Patterson rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Irvine Walsh has always been at the cutting edge of something.
He writes about all of the lost generations. He is obsessed with every habit considered bad by society. He has written about pornography, drugs, alcohol abuse, drugs, political & general corruption and more drugs.
In a stroke of genius he turns to the world’s new obsession with food and the people who make the food television channels of the world rich.
Welsh's anti-hero, Danny Skinner, is a cocaine addict, a compulsive womaniser...more

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Jul 08, 2010 Aaron (Typographical Era) rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2006, irvine-welsh, nook

(http://www.opinionless.com/goodreads-...)

First things first, in the interest of disclosure I must inform any one who happens to read this that I love the novels of Irvine Welsh. I’ve read just about everything the man has ever written from his 1993 debut “Trainspotting” forward and very rarely has he disappointed me.

That said, even if you hate Irvine Welsh, the one point you can’t argue is that man knows how to write. The main stumbling block most readers encounter when picking up his work is t...more (http://www.opinionless.com/goodreads-...)

First things first, in the interest of disclosure I must inform any one who happens to read this that I love the novels of Irvine Welsh. I’ve read just about everything the man has ever written from his 1993 debut “Trainspotting” forward and very rarely has he disappointed me.

That said, even if you hate Irvine Welsh, the one point you can’t argue is that man knows how to write. The main stumbling block most readers encounter when picking up his work is that he tends to write the bulk of his characters’ conversations in Scottish dialect, but once you break through this hurdle his storytelling is top notch. In “Bedroom Secrets” this road block is removed for the most part, but nothing else is sacrificed in the process.

If you’ve never read an Irvine Welsh novel before this one is great place to start. It’s a little tamer then most of his other work so it gives you a chance to ease yourself into his twisted brain and his methods of storytelling.

Personally I picked this one up not knowing anything about it going in. For some reason its existence totally escaped me. That said, for the most part plot wise it kept me guessing until close to the very end. All of the characters felt very well fleshed out and the chefs…well the chefs were all very, ah, I’ll go with “unique” if not flat out disturbing at times.

Welsh uses this work to tackle two topics that I found entertaining and interesting. The first is the relationship between male rivals. With this he digs in deep and the inner monologue of both of the main characters feels genuine. Welsh breaks down the male psyche and does an excellent job explaining what makes us create these rivalries, what makes us keep at them, and what causes us to need the other person so desperately in order to validate our own existence. I found myself spending the bulk of my time laughing and nodding my head “yes, yes, yes” while reading.

The other thing he questions here is nature vs. nurture. Will a child who grows up having never met his dad grow up to be just like his old man? How much do the early moments in our development shape who we’ll become later in life? Welsh does a good job exploring both of these questions through the stories main characters.

The only place where the novel loses points is in its very brief attempt to compare the plight of the main characters with George Bush and the Iraq war. Thankfully Welsh only spends one brief paragraph on this idea and then quickly moves along. It’s not that he’s necessarily wrong; it’s just a tough sell within the framework of this tale.

Overall a highly entertaining read and one that felt considerably lighter in tone then the rest of Welsh’s body of work, but equally as great.(less)

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Jul 09, 2009 Wightknyte11 rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I didn't expect to like this book as much as I did, usually preferring his novels involving the characters from "Trainspotting." I was pleasantly surprised. This novel is a little uncharacteristic of the other novels of Welsh's I've read. He always develops solid characters and settings, but this novel had much more depth. It might be a little uneven in it's pacing, much of the depth only revealing toward the end, but this book may signal much richer fiction to come from Welsh. Count me impresse...more

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Dec 15, 2008 Chelsea rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I love Irvine Welsh. I've read several of his books...and they never disappoint.

Bedroom Secrets has the quintessential whimsy found in most Welsh novels. It is like an urban Grimm's Fairytale complete with a white witch, a princess, a feud and a curse.

While I saw the twist coming a mile away, I continued to read the novel happily. I enjoy the speed of Welsh's writing, his evil sense of humor and quite frankly...he's a little gross...and I like that. I really wanted to find out how this book end...more

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Nov 18, 2008 Ciara rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: devoted welsh fans, angry young scottish men, wry men who cynically want to read about machismo

Shelves: read-in-2008

yeah, irvine welsh wrote trainspotting, which is a movie i enjoyed when it came out when i was 18 & still had a woefully under-developed taste in cinema so that cute accents & vague sub-cultural allusions could tempt me into claiming i liked a film, & it's a book that i read because i liked the movie &, as a i recall, it didn't have much of an impression on me, though i probably pretended to like it because i didn't want to be one of those dilettantes who likes a film better than...more

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Aug 19, 2008 Vince Darcangelo rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: irvine-welsh, reviews, fiction, transgressive

http://archive.boulderweekly.com/0915...

This review originally appeared in the UBERLIST and BOULDER WEEKLY

The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs
Irvine Welsh
by Vince Darcangelo

In his new book, The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs, Scottish author Irvine Welsh takes us someplace he's never taken us before: the workaday world of the middle class. Whereas in previous novels Welsh's characters have run amock in Scotland's "schemes," or housing projects, in his eighth and most recent release du...more

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Aug 08, 2009 Tara Thai rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Irvine Welsh is also the author of Trainspotting. In my opinion, since Trainspotting, none of his books have lived up to expectations…in fact, I had to drop a few in mid-reading.
This one was no exception, it didn’t live up to expectations but at least I didn’t have to put it down.
Granted it wasn’t great, it was ok…readable…it kept me entertained, which is what a book is supposed to do so it did its job. But that’s about it.
It tells the story of Danny Skinner, a Edinburgh guy, in search of his fa...more

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Oct 08, 2007 Alex V. rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is one of those books that was good enough that I couldn't quite put it down, but corny enough that I wanted it to be over with. The Twilight Zone story and the cliched characters make this book somewhat torturous. I figured out what was going to happen about 100 pages in, and I am usually very slow to "figure it out" so the remaining 280 pages involved a lot of impatient waiting.

What saves it is that Welsh is a great prose writer. His conversational asides, the thoughts of the varying narr...more

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Dec 19, 2008 Kate rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jan 29, 2011 Sinan rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

What would you do if you are an acceptably good writer who didn't have a decent idea for your next book? Take an old classic (The Picture of Dorian Grey), adopt it for the current fad (cooking) and current social and drinking conditions. And you have "The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs". It is not even nicely written. The story reads more like an engineering report than a decent book. I don't think I will read another Irvine Welsh for a while, if ever.

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About Irvine Welsh

Probably most famous for his gritty depiction of a gang of Scottish Heroin addicts, Trainspotting, Welsh focuses on the darker side of human nature and drug use. All of his novels are set in his native Scotland and filled with anti-heroes, small time crooks and hooligans. Welsh manages, however to imbue these characters with a sad humanity that makes them likable despite their obvious scumbaggerry...more

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