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Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner
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Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

3.76  ·  Rating Details ·  83 Ratings  ·  10 Reviews
Jeb Kinnison’s previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of readers to, where the most asked-about topic was dealing with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are ...more
Kindle Edition, 229 pages
Published October 2nd 2014 by Jeb Kinnison Publishing
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Feb 27, 2016 Mira rated it it was amazing
Us anxious types need all the help we can get and this is the definitive handbook to figuring out insecurities and doing away with them. Not many books have changed my life but this one did for the better 10/10
Feb 01, 2016 Claudia rated it it was ok
This book focuses on relationships with a dismissive partner - mostly romantic relationships, but it also looks at people with dismissive attachment style as parents for example. Its an interesting read, but I have three reasons to only give it a two-star-rating:

1) I think with this book you have to be able to translate the information you get into your subjective situation. The content of the book is well researched, but at the same time, it focuses only on people who have a very extreme and fi
Merritt K
Jun 23, 2016 Merritt K rated it liked it
Okay, so: there is some really useful information about attachment type theory here. Ironically, the best part of this book is that the author doesn't follow academic writing conventions and just blockquotes huge sections of academic research, which means you're getting a lot of summary of scholarly work. When it comes to his own perspectives, he has some pretty terrible ideas -- the chapter on domestic violence, in particular, reveals some really tired, apologist ideas about how spouses almost ...more
Jul 01, 2016 Remick rated it liked it
Shelves: fixing
Overall this book is very eye opening. The title seems a little damming, but it is actually a book that explores all facets of attachment.

There are several outdated and misogynistic thinking portions in the book, and that really takes away from the clear ideas otherwise presented.
Dec 27, 2015 Amanda rated it it was ok
There was a shocking amount dismissing of Dismissives. So you have a dismissive partner, they should read this book. and you are a Dismissive partner reading this book? Hey you, you suck, and your partners should leave you because you a helpless case.
Lisa Braddock
Nov 24, 2016 Lisa Braddock rated it really liked it
Very detailed but easy to understand. Presented information that is extremely helpful in understanding attachment theory and kind of attachment.
Sep 20, 2016 Sarah rated it liked it
Shelves: listened
Useful info, but as someone who's been pegged as an avoidant by a former partner, who encouraged me to read this (as the book itself instructs you, the anxious person, to do), this came off as *very* condescending and, well, dismissive of avoidant people.

Maybe this book works/makes sense for people in relationships with avoidant people, but if you're going to encourage avoidant partners to read something, maybe make it something that isn't outright insulting to them several times throughout the
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I grew up in the Midwest. I studied computer and cognitive science at MIT, and wrote programs modeling the behavior of simulated stock traders and the population dynamics of economic agents. Later I did supercomputer work at a think tank that developed parts of the early Internet (where the engineer who decided on ‘@‘ as the separator for email addresses worked down the hall.) Since then I have ...more
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“avoidant people’s sexual behavior may be focused selfishly on their own needs in combination with dismissal of or blindness to a partner’s sexual wishes. Avoidance also, paradoxically, may promote sexual promiscuity powered by insecurity, narcissism, or a wish to elevate one’s self-image or standing in the estimation of one’s peers. This kind of self-promotion through sexual conquest can occur in the absence of intense sexual interest and without much enjoyment of sex per se.” 0 likes
“It is not unusual for an avoidant to deny their current partner affection and sex while at the same time chasing after outside sexual partners and pursuing secretive sex lives away from home. But if they’re not in a relationship, they will typically be more interested in sex that will not draw them into the intimacy of a real relationship.” 0 likes
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