When Bad Christians Happen to Good People: Where We Have Failed Each Other and How to Reverse the Damage

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When Bad Christians Happen to Good People: Where We Have Failed Each Other and How to Reverse the Damage

4.03 of 5 stars 4.03 · rating details · 89 ratings · 26 reviews

Help for those who have been harmed by Christians–and those who have inflicted the wounds. Throughout history, Christians have done considerable damage to others–both independently and in the name of Christ. Each time this occurs, one of God’s precious creations is wounded and the church’s witness to the world is grievously weakened.

For years, unbelievers and Christians h...more

Paperback, 256 pages

Published February 19th 2009 by WaterBrook Press (first published January 15th 2002)

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Aug 31, 2007 Carl added it Recommends it for: anyone

the title says it all doesn't it?

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Mar 22, 2013 Dan Cooley rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

When Bad Christians Happen To Good People, written by Dave Burchett.

The Good:

The title of course is excellent. Dave does a good job writing in a conversational style with great humor. I highly recommend this book! However, if you are on the sensitive, legalistic end of Christianity you may not enjoy the humor as much as the rest of us.

The Bad:

When I was reading it, my complaint was that there just wasn’t much meat in the book. Yes, Christians are hypocrites in transition (my words not his) and w...more

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Oct 29, 2012 James rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

We all know people who used to go to church but quit going because of the way we Christians treat each other. Likewise, we know Christians who are back-biters, gossips and bitter people. We have seen these people use the gospel of Grace to make people feel like guilty, lowly sinners. We’ve seen volunteers get used up and spit out while those with special needs often are isolated and forgotten. Christians can be really big jerks and there are a lot of wounded people because of it. This is excepti...more We all know people who used to go to church but quit going because of the way we Christians treat each other. Likewise, we know Christians who are back-biters, gossips and bitter people. We have seen these people use the gospel of Grace to make people feel like guilty, lowly sinners. We’ve seen volunteers get used up and spit out while those with special needs often are isolated and forgotten. Christians can be really big jerks and there are a lot of wounded people because of it. This is exceptionally heartbreaking because too often ‘good people’ like me, also fit the profile of the bad Christian.

David Burchett is also no stranger to bad Christians. When he and his wife Joni had their daughter Katie they knew that she was terminal, could not open her eyes and she had a deformity which left tissue exposed at the back of her skull (which they covered with a dressing). The church that they attended informed them that Katie would no longer be welcome in the nursery because of the risk she posed to other kids and the trauma it would inflict on nursery workers if Katie died on their watch. The Burchetts were not consulted about this and no concerns were ever communicated to them until they were told that their daughter was not welcome in the Nursery.

And so Burchett wrote this book exploring all the ways we Christians do damage to each other and fail to communicate God’s love to those outside of the church. The book divides into three parts. In part one Burchett discusses the way we Christians treat one another (i.e. unfriendliness, schism, fear-based Christianity). In part two he explores how we interact with the wider culture (i.e. hypocrisy, Christianese, Jesus-Junk and ‘the culture wars.’ Part three suggests how we Christians are to be in the world (gracious, humble, well-versed in the Bible and what we believe).

I never read the first edition of this book but it is refreshing to hear how Burchett feels he’s grown since when he first wrote this book (this edition came out in 2011; the original edition is copyrighted, 2002). As Burchett describes it, writing this book was cathartic for him because he could err his grievances about all the ways we Christians hurt one another. His own book called him to hold himself to the same standards, but something was missing. He didn’t yet know the meaning of grace–at least as an experiential reality. At a conference put on by an organization called TrueFaced (also a book authored by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch) he was transformed by the notion that God has already wired us to be the saints he’s making us into and is calling us to inhabit that reality. He was blown away by the reality of God’s grace.

So if you chose to read this book, you will hear stories and critiques of the way we Christians have often been saints behaving badly. You will also read suggestions and exhortations to step out and be Christians who serve the world, love one another and give their lives sacrificially for God’s mission. But you also will hear a testimony of God’s grace–that it is the Spirit at work in us, transforming us into what we already have become in Christ.

This book has an eight week discussion guide making it usable for small groups. The chapters are short and pithy with good humor and could be good springboards for discussion. But when I read Burchett say, “If you only have the budget to buy one in the near future, I would tell you to buy TrueFaced (205),” I wonder if I should recommend this book or tell you to just get the book Burchett likes. I haven’t read TrueFaced, so you get no recommendation from me, but I liked this book and am grateful for Burchett’s exhortations and practical challenges.

Readers of my blog may notice that this book covers similar ground to another of my recent reviews, Accidental Pharisee by Larry Osborne. Osborne’s book is more narrowly focused on how we become Pharisees (albeit unwittingly) with our pride, attitudes, exclusivity etc. This book does address the problem of hypocrisy but also talks about how we can be better at communicating the gospel to the wider culture. Both authors have good things to say and are challenging. I think Osborne was more personally helpful in taking stock of personal attitudes where I got off track, but Burchett offers good critique of Christian culture and the ways in which we hurt (or exclude) others.

Thank you to Waterbrook Multnomah for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for this review.(less)

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Oct 20, 2012 Harold Cameron rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

"Have you been betrayed by a Christian friend? Are you disillusioned with the church?

If you have been hurt by Christians, you know all about anger and resentment. But what about a workable solution? How can the words and actions of “bad Christians” be addressed so the mistakes are not repeated?

When Bad Christians Happen to Good People offers a workable response and, ultimately, a new way of living. In this revised and updated edition, you will find healing for hurts inflicted by others. At the...more

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Jul 06, 2012 Clark Goble rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

found this book totally by accident. I was looking for a different title at the library when I found this one. The title immediately caught my eye and I thought I would take it home and check it out. I am so glad I did! Dave Burchett’s book is one that all Christians should read. The author uses humor, and examples from his own life, to illustrate how Christians tend to work against the cause of Christ. There is a chance that his book will offend some readers, but I would suggest that those who...more

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Jul 20, 2011 Sunflower rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: first-wild-card-tour, 2011-book-reviews

Wow.

That's at most what I can say about the book,"When Bad Christians Happen to Good People".

Now before you think that this is a expose' or a complaint filled book, instead, what,"When Bad Christians Happen to Good People", does is remind us of first, the human nature of people and we all can speak for that, and second, the important role of looking beyond people (which I know is hard in many cases) and focusing on our Heavenly Father.

By the time I was done with this book, it was filled with pos...more

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Aug 10, 2011 Katherine rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: religion, librarything-early-review-member-gi

-I received this book through Library Early Reviews in exchange for an honest review-

Anyone willing to be honest with themselves will admit that Christianity has found itself with a negative connotation/reputation. Christians are seen as homophobic, anti-intellectual, bigoted, judgmental - the list goes on and on. What's funny, though, is that I have heard time and time again how this external issue or that external issue is the greatest threat to, or issue within, Christianity - I strongly disa...more

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Jan 10, 2012 Lori rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Every Christian should read this book. Period.

There are very few books I would say that about (in fact, I can only think of one other and I don't feel quite as strongly about it). If you are a Christian, get this book and read it. Seriously. Do it. Do it. (Okay, now I'm channeling Ben Stiller in Starsky and Hutch.)

I frequently receive emails from FIRST Tours, sharing books available for review, but I had decided to hold off on requesting any until after the wedding madness had ended. When this o...more Every Christian should read this book. Period.

There are very few books I would say that about (in fact, I can only think of one other and I don't feel quite as strongly about it). If you are a Christian, get this book and read it. Seriously. Do it. Do it. (Okay, now I'm channeling Ben Stiller in Starsky and Hutch.)

I frequently receive emails from FIRST Tours, sharing books available for review, but I had decided to hold off on requesting any until after the wedding madness had ended. When this one came through though, I just could not resist the title. I've had "Bad Christians" happen to me and I've been the "Bad Christian". I knew I needed to read this book.

I was hooked from the beginning. He begins with a disclaimer in the Introduction that had me nodding in agreement.

I must begin with some words of disclosure. I am a hypocrite. I can be arrogant and selfish. I have been known to stretch, conceal, or slightly massage the truth. I am sometimes inconsiderate and insecure. I struggle with lust and impure thoughts. My ego often rages out of control, and I battle foolish pride. I can be lazy and foolhardy with my time. I get angry, petty, and ill-tempered. I am sarcastic and cynical.

I am a Christian.

The transparency here immediately engages the reader and lets us know that this is not going to be a "preachy" book written by someone surrounded by dusty books without any actual interaction with messy people. Rather, it is written by someone who's walked through the ick of life, the ick of themselves, and has a few things to share from that experience. He does not point fingers and attack those who've hurt us (and he shares his own pain at the hands of the church) but rather challenges us to experience and live God's grace. I pray his words will open the eyes of those demonstrating some of these bad Christian traits and help heal those who have been on the receiving end of the damage this can cause.

This book connected to me in both areas. I have many times wanted to give up on church ministry and people, there are still areas of raw pain. There was a lot here to relate to and take in. I was also challenged to demonstrate grace and love, to change priorities, and to examine myself. I finished the book feeling both renewed and challenged, and wanting to encourage as many as possible to read this as well! In fact, my husband is currently considering it for our church's small groups in the fall. I believe it would be an excellent study to do together and there are discussion questions for each chapter in the back.

*Disclosure: I received a copy of this book at no cost for review purposes. This was originally posted on my blog.(less)

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Jul 21, 2011 Clockstein Lockstein rated it 5 of 5 stars

When Bad Christians Happen to Good People by Dave Burchett is the must-read book for anyone who has been hurt by a Christian, whether they are a fellow Christian or not. Burchett has released an updated version of this book that was originally released in 2001. His faith and understanding in God has changed, and he wants to share that with his readers. He has a message that many Christians will not want to hear and will most certainly not want others to read. Christians are supposed to be perfec...more When Bad Christians Happen to Good People by Dave Burchett is the must-read book for anyone who has been hurt by a Christian, whether they are a fellow Christian or not. Burchett has released an updated version of this book that was originally released in 2001. His faith and understanding in God has changed, and he wants to share that with his readers. He has a message that many Christians will not want to hear and will most certainly not want others to read. Christians are supposed to be perfect, so exposing our sins for the world to see is sure to upset some readers, but for others, this is exactly the message the world needs to hear from our community. I have been so deeply hurt by two churches in my past that I haven't attended church in over a year. My faith is deeper than it ever was in a church, but I know that it's a missing part of my life. It's been hard for me to be willing to trust again and step inside another church. I picked up Burchett's book because the title spoke directly to me. He appeals to anyone who has ever been hurt by someone from the church. His writing is sometimes acerbic, occasionally humorous and always insightful. What really makes this book a stand out is that it goes from sympathizing with readers about their pain, to challenging them to rethink their own faith, and finally to acknowledging areas in which they may have harmed someone else through their faith. I was personally convicted in a couple areas of my life (including my lack of church attendance) that I am addressing. Burchett is brutally honest about his own sins and that allows readers to think more honestly about their own. Some great quotes from the book: Faith based on fear has the potential to become like a marriage based on abuse. Remember, the church is full of sinners, and if they ever fix that problem, you and I are gone. The hospital never tells patients they are too sick for help, but the church often treats the spiritually ill with contempt or condescension. Burchett includes a bill of rights for non-believers that should be mandatory reading for believers which includes the right never to be treated in a condescending manner, the right to never have faith forced on them, and the right to be loved no matter their response, plus more. Christianity has gotten a bad rap, deservedly, in recent years, and Burchett deals with that unflinchingly, and then turns around and offers readers ways to change themselves and just maybe the world. (less)

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Nov 07, 2011 Michele rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Any churchgoer

This book was awesome for people with an open mind to read. It is important to begin reading with the attitude that you, as the reader, will get something out of it, rather than thinking of all the people it would apply to and pointing fingers. It's a great book for those wanting to change how they tell others about church and how to avoid turning people off from church, either intentionally or non-intentionally. I found it very helpful in my own life to get away from being so judgmental and to...more

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Feb 23, 2010 Thomas Freeman rated it 3 of 5 stars

Dave Burchett, an Emmy award winning sports director, reflects his sports background in his writing style. I found the one-liners quickly became burdensome. But the content comes out strong, struggles around the half way mark but then pulls forward and finishes decently. Dave has broken the book into 3 sections: the indefensible things we do to one another (the case), thoughts on how we lost our audience (the cause), and being real in an artificial world (the cure).

I believe that Dave did a gre...more Dave Burchett, an Emmy award winning sports director, reflects his sports background in his writing style. I found the one-liners quickly became burdensome. But the content comes out strong, struggles around the half way mark but then pulls forward and finishes decently. Dave has broken the book into 3 sections: the indefensible things we do to one another (the case), thoughts on how we lost our audience (the cause), and being real in an artificial world (the cure).

I believe that Dave did a great job presenting the case. He is funny (at first), personal and has good insights. His analogy of the church as a basketball team is actually a good explanation for why we so desperately need patience and understanding in regards to all the struggles that occur in your local church. He has personally been hurt and does a good job of helping us to relate to the struggles that many have felt at the hands of their own church family.

As Dave begins to explain the cause, I think he also begins to lose me. His short "colorful" one-liners really begin to become distracting. For example:

"It is my observation that even just one little grumpy piranha can stir up a whole school of frenzied attackers. In the wild, piranhas try to isolate their prey before attacking it. Generally the tail region is the first area to be attacked. Since that is just too easy, you can draw your own parallels to the Christian analogy. I am convinced that if you could just spear the lead piranha, most church schisms would be dead in the water (sorry)."

He is basically advocating a "realness” for Christians. If we would sell totally out to Christ with integrity and humility, then we would provide a better body life experience for the church and a more appealing testimony to the world at large. In the cause he shows how we have failed in this. In the cure section, he argues for it.

Overall, I agree with what he presents however it is easy to become over simplistic in this. He started the book off realistic regarding the struggles we all face since we are all at different levels and our spiritual growth is a process. But if we are simplistic with the cure, then we simply say we need to change. The greater issue is helping everyone to understand a real view and learn to operate in love with patience. The greatest evangelistic command given us by Christ is "love one another even as I have loved you”, “they [the world:] will know you by your love". If we would exercise this, knowing that everyone is growing at different stages then we would have a unity that would abide. It is not simple but it is honest, humble and patient. Now we need to progressively grow in our love!

I do recommend the book. I think it is a good book to think through the reality of the struggles of being a dynamic living body of Christ. But I do believe the answers are a bit too simplistic.(less)

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Aug 09, 2008 Eric rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: christianity, non-fiction, books-from-library

Have you ever read a book that made a huge impression on you? That convinced or inspired you to change the way you live or interact with others? That opened your eyes and made you realize you've been doing something stupid for a very long time?

This book did all those for me. I don't write this lightly, because I rarely read a book that does just that.

I found this while browsing through the non-fiction stacks in my local county library. You'd be amazed what you can find when you're not really lo...more Have you ever read a book that made a huge impression on you? That convinced or inspired you to change the way you live or interact with others? That opened your eyes and made you realize you've been doing something stupid for a very long time?

This book did all those for me. I don't write this lightly, because I rarely read a book that does just that.

I found this while browsing through the non-fiction stacks in my local county library. You'd be amazed what you can find when you're not really looking for anything. The book's title caught my eye, since it's a clever play on the standard question of why bad things happen to good people (that question, by the way, is beyond the scope of this humble review). So I picked it up, paged through it, and decided it was worth a try. I wasn't paying for it, so my criteria for reading a book is low (it's higher if I'm buying a book).

Author Dave Burchett's message can be summed up in one sentence: Christians need to treat each other better, and they need to treat non-Christians better.

He's speaking from personal experience. I won't give away the situation here, but he and his family were treated horribly at a church they had attended for years, so they left. And he started talking to other folks who had also been treated badly by their fellow Christians, and realized something was very wrong in the church. Some folks moved to other churches, but others lost their faith. The church was actually driving people away, and Burchett rightly thinks that's wrong.

Burchett also provides a quick but effective overview of basic Christian doctrine, including six things he learned about evangelism by watching the ridiculous events in Florida following the 2000 presidential election.

But the strength of the book is Burchett's advice for dealing with non-believers. Too many Christians have done a horrible job of communicating their message. They come across as hateful, bigoted, close-minded, intolerant, and angry. So is it any wonder that so many non-Christians think all Christians are that way? Or that Christianity is that way?

So he suggests that Christians watch their language and tone, and treat everyone, believer and non-believer alike, with love and humility. Don't water down the message, just make it less strident and more welcoming.

He also advises Christians to pick their battles more carefully, and here he goes into politics. Yes, Christians should be involved with the political process, and should stand up for issues that are important, but politics is not the most effective way to change peoples' hearts. Quit whining about the secular media, or how mean skeptics are, or how Christians are victimized - that achieves nothing. Instead, focus on living the Christian life, which is the best way to change this world.

That's the message I took from this book. (less)

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Mar 25, 2013 Nicole Maendel rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I often recommend this book to those who have either left or are considering leaving a damaging, spiritually abusive and 'toxic' faith/church experience.
I particularly recommend it to those who still 'believe,' who identify themselves as 'Christians,' yet have been church-bullied in one way or another by members/leaders who have yet to discover what it means to be 'Christ-like.' Excellent and helpful read!

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Oct 12, 2010 Tyler rated it 3 of 5 stars

I really liked chapter 13 (the reason I bought the book), but the rest was okay. Thought provoking and on the money in parts and a bit over dramatic in others. I really enjoyed his humor and writing style though. He also has a very painful and touching personal testimony that I think served as much of his motivation for writing the book

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Mar 28, 2013 La Osborne rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Very though-provoking and well-written. Burchett's approach is not what I expected and some of his ideas are counter to my own, but he offers wonderfully articulated arguments. He also includes his personal opinions about beliefs without forcing them upon the reader - a welcome approach for a book regarding faith. The book is just what I needed, right when I needed it.

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Jul 04, 2012 Cornelia rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ministry

Should be required reading for every church professional & lay leader. I have friends that swear by this book, but I struggled through it. I like books that leave something to my imagination; this covered it all, blow by blow.

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Sep 05, 2010 Betty Ann added it

Really good and insightful; I would like to meet this man! He reads WORLD, he knows Dorothy Sayers and G.K. Chesterton and C.S. Lewis, he has a great sense of humor...and he makes me laugh out loud and then go "ouch!" Very TRUE book!

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Mar 02, 2010 Jcseely rated it 5 of 5 stars

See my full-length review at:

http://skbeliever.blogspot.com/2010/0...

This was a fantastic book.

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Jul 24, 2010 Jamie King rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian

This book was a really thoughtful look at what it's like to be a true Christian. We are definitely not always perfect, but we should really strive to represent our faith in a much more personal way.

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Apr 27, 2012 Lydia Utami rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I wish I had found this book earlier than I did back then. It sums it all, why Christians (including me) do not walk the talk, and other issues. Mind altering, pointing out mistakes and showing the right way at the same time. This is what happens when everyone is trapped with easy answers, instant meal, and superficial relationship. I found this book simply encouraging :')

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May 08, 2012 Mark rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Well written and humorous.

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Dec 15, 2012 Debbie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Loved Burchett's insight and humor. Wonderful reading for any and every Christian. This book clearly addresses the reasons we leave church and/or religion altogether. The writing style is wonderful. I highly recommend it to all Christians and will probably read it more than once.

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Feb 05, 2008 Kevin rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is a great book for recovery if someone has ever been hurt by a church.

This helped me get through some tough times and helped me build the strength to actually give a church a second chance after being treated so poorly by a place that is supposed to share love.

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Feb 02, 2013 Ti-Leigh Telford added it

Shelves: 2009-reads, christian-nonfiction

This was a hard book to read as it was so convicting. It not only addresses how Christians hurt each other, but how we damage our own witness to the world.

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Dec 28, 2007 Laura rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: everyone

This guy does a wonderful job of addressing sensitive subjects with grace and humor while still getting his point across.
A must-read!

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Aug 04, 2008 Mel rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

A very challenging and thought-provoking book.

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May 21, 2013 ドモ marked it as to-read · review of another edition

May 20, 2013 Kayla marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: to-read-christian

May 12, 2013 Tina added it · review of another edition

May 11, 2013 Greg Dill added it · review of another edition

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