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I Don't Want To Be Crazy

3.75 of 5 stars 3.75 · rating details · 1,565 ratings · 192 reviews

A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.

This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities -- freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from...more

Paperback, 288 pages

Published August 1st 2007 by Scholastic (first published July 1st 2006)

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Apr 26, 2012 Lauren (Lauren Reads YA) rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: People who suffer from anxiety disorder or like books about tough subjects

Shelves: poetry, i-own, ya-saves, books-in-verse, favorites

Check out my book blog for more reviews and a full review of I Don't Want To Be Crazy!

A beautiful verse novel about anxiety/panic disorder, written by someone who has actually gone through these things, so knows what it’s like. It’s also a memoir, and I think Samantha Schutz is very brave for telling her story to the world.

Teens (or anyone really) who suffer from anxiety disorder, like me, will be able to relate to this book perfectly and feel like they’re not alone. And we all need that someti...more

6 likes · like · see review

May 05, 2008 Jennifer Wardrip rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: trt-posted-reviews

Reviewed by Sally Kruger, aka "Readingjunky" for TeensReadToo.com

Millions of people suffer from anxiety disorder (panic attacks) on a daily basis. Most suffer needlessly, either due to lack of medical treatment, misdiagnosis, or ignorance of the condition. I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY is one woman's brave confession of her struggles with the debilitating disorder.

Samantha Schutz was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder at age seventeen, after years of suffering with the problem. She uses this memo...more

1 like · like · see review

Oct 01, 2010 »ƒranxine« Bau†is†a rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I thought this book was somehow disturbing. But I find it discomforting that the author had anxiety disorders. I thought that she was brave enough to go through her college life knowing she might have panic attacks anytime. She feels that she's alone and that no one understands her.
Before college though, she never had these fears, disorders, and she never had to take medication. I thought she was brave enough to write this memoir of the part of her life with anxiety disorders. In the end when s...more

2 likes · like · see review

Dec 31, 2010 Eva Leger rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: b-non-fiction, autos-bios-memoirs, y-a, poetry-or-verse

This was okay - nowhere near like what the reader gets with Ellen Hopkins or Sonya Sones but that's just dealing with the verse aspect of the book. The other authors are fiction writers whereas this is non.

I thought it was a little repetitive also but I suppose a life full of anxiety attacks might be repetitive. I will admit that I had no idea people dealt with anxiety to this degree. I've taken an anti-anxiety medicine myself and apparently barely needed it when I think about what Schutz went...more

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May 06, 2013 Elizabeth rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: poetry

Elizabeth Jose
Schutz, S. (2007). I don’t want to be crazy. New York: Push/Scholastic.
Genre: Poetry
Format: Print
Selection Process: Library Media Connection

“I Don’t Want to be Crazy” is a memoir detailing the author's coming to grips with an anxiety disorder that leaves her riddled with panic attacks and a sense of dysfunction. Written in poetic verse over several years, she allows the lens to focus on her life’s journey beginning with the move to college, and the subsequent sense of falling apart...more

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Mar 31, 2013 Mrtracjk rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In this magnificent non-fictional book, we will learn about Samantha Schutz’s important experiences as she grew up. We are introduced to a bewildered Samantha as she is wide-eyed and preparing for college. She is excited for all the new freedom from her uptight parents, silly heartbreaks and who she thought she was or used to be. College is expected to be a new victorious chapter for her, a new melodic way to live, a fresh start. Everything she could have dreamed of was thus coming true, she wa...more In this magnificent non-fictional book, we will learn about Samantha Schutz’s important experiences as she grew up. We are introduced to a bewildered Samantha as she is wide-eyed and preparing for college. She is excited for all the new freedom from her uptight parents, silly heartbreaks and who she thought she was or used to be. College is expected to be a new victorious chapter for her, a new melodic way to live, a fresh start. Everything she could have dreamed of was thus coming true, she was finally getting a new perspective on things. Her delight came to a crashing halt though, when the immense pressures of the whole thing gets to her. Soon she begins having severe panic attacks, in class, in the cafeteria, everywhere. Needing help she consults therapists who prescribe drugs to help her to keep herself under control. No longer do they start helping, she becomes tolerant of them. When an attack hits, Samantha loses attachment between her mind and her body. She feels as if she truly is insane. I Don’t Want To Be Crazy tells the story of how she managed to cope and overcome herself but will never be the same again. I thought that the book did a great job of highlighting her emotional turmoil throughout her entire broken experience. Knowing precisely how Samantha must have felt was a terrific way of making the reader feel as if they really were there to experience the atmosphere for themselves, like many of her supportive friends that guided her through and through. I also enjoyed how the author made the whole book into a poetic format, with verses and lines. It made I Don’t Want To Be Crazy stand out from other books I have read before. My least favorite part of the book, by Samantha Schutz, was that there were not many dialogues. I Don’t Want To Be Crazy felt like a personal diary or biography in a way, sort of. I was not surprised it was written in that way although, because it was Samantha’s story of her experiences. I usually do not read non-fictional books so it was a little offsetting, knowing only the author’s perspective and thoughts. Overall, I think I Don’t Want To Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz is a fantastic non-fictional book for readers looking for a book to help them see things, they never might have known about, in a whole new light. However, I should warn readers that reading this book left me with a complete mixture of emotions. It was like a roller coaster, thrilling, frightening, exciting, dizzying, and maybe even a little distressing. Every time I flipped the page, I knew I was going to feel something different and I could not put the book down because I could not wait to feel what was coming next. I would recommend I Don’t Want To Be Crazy to anyone in a heartbeat. Just read it and I guarantee that you will feel the same.
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Jan 02, 2013 Dani rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I absolutely adored this book. Admittedly, I wasn't sure about the fact it is written in poetry form, however after the first few pages I got the hang of it, and it was no different than reading a normal book. In fact, I'd go as far to say that - in this context - it worked better in poetry form, because it often gives the sense of her thoughts being muddled and disjointed. I felt this book was gripping, but not in the way a fantasy or horror novel is gripping, when you are desperate to know if...more

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May 20, 2012 Karin rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, young-adult-nonfiction, novel-in-verse, anxiety-disorder, panic-attacks, borrowed-from-the-library, teenagers, college, college-students, friendship, families, relationships, france, travel, therapy, autobiography-memoir

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. When Samantha Schutz goes away to college she starts suffering from paralyzing panic attacks. Her anxiety intensifies until the she feels fearful, physically ill, and must escape (whatever the situation) at any cost. Unable to calm herself down, Samantha seeks outside assistance from a therapist and a psychiatrist who are able to help her temporarily manage her condition. Still, she is a wreck throughout her first year of college. Once she comes clean to her friends about her problem, they are v...more

2 likes · like · see review

Mar 26, 2012 Claire Ramos added it · review of another edition

Shelves: yal-genre-project-memoirs

This memoir tells a bit of a different story than some of our others. Where other authors dealt with struggles from external influences, I Don’t Want To Be Crazy is about Samantha Schutz, and the psychological disorder she suffers from. It’s kind of different when the problem is within yourself. Samantha was like any other young adult, eager to be on her own, away from her parents, independent, and getting the full college experience. She was excited for her newfound freedom and all the awesome...more This memoir tells a bit of a different story than some of our others. Where other authors dealt with struggles from external influences, I Don’t Want To Be Crazy is about Samantha Schutz, and the psychological disorder she suffers from. It’s kind of different when the problem is within yourself. Samantha was like any other young adult, eager to be on her own, away from her parents, independent, and getting the full college experience. She was excited for her newfound freedom and all the awesome possibilities and opportunities that came with it. Once there, it was everything she’d hoped it would be, but when life got more demanding, as it tends to do, she found herself panicking. She started to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally and physically debilitated.
As a reader, one thing I really liked about this book is that it’s written in verse. The story in itself, being autobiographical, is very interesting on its own, but the fact that Schutz took a poetic approach to it gives it something more. The fact that this book is about anxiety is a big deal to me. It’s something that many people know of, and think they understand, but unless you know a person that actually suffers from anxiety disorder, and this severe of a case, you have no idea. This is a very real, raw look at what it’s like to carry this burden. It’s not just having a panic attack under super stressful circumstances. The way Schutz describes this disorder, how the anxiety grew, accounts for every episode and all the things she was feeling; it’s very eye-opening.
As a teacher I’d have this book on my shelf if I taught upperclassmen. There are a few more adult themes, and I feel like it’s more fitting for that age group, especially because Samantha, herself, is around that age in the book. As stated in another review, I like the idea of having a very diverse classroom library, and that includes books where characters deal with different mental disorders or medical conditions. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few students could relate. Many people suffer from anxiety, but it’s not really something they talk about. Especially in this time, high school juniors and seniors may feel some pressure as they prepare for graduation, college, and everything that entails. Even just the style of this book can be something to teach on. The verse aspect can give students a real-life example of how poetry can be used to convey ideas. It might inspire people to journal about their experiences in a creative manner. (less)

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Dec 12, 2011 Kary rated it 4 of 5 stars

I got I Don't Want to be Crazy by Samantha Schutz through paperbackswap.com and have had it for quite awhile. Being a psych student, I am always interested in reading books about psychological disorders. This one not only fits that description, but is also a memoir AND written in free verse - or "Ellen Hopkins style" as I like to call it. Here is the blurb on the back of the book:
"This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha...more

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Apr 18, 2011 Annie rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011-books

This book chronicles the author's struggles with anxiety disorder during her collage years. It is written in a poem format with short choppy thoughts.

Samantha leaves her home for collage and is instantly plagued with anxiety attacks. She lives in constant terror of when the next attack will come. When they do come there is nothing she can do but hide in the bathroom and wait it out. They follow her all through her life. They come with her to Europe and new jobs.

I think that this book portrays a...more

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Dec 10, 2010 Narmeen Manna added it

This book is a true story. The author, Samantha Schutz, tells her story when shes off to college. The talks about the feeling of being free from her parents house, her boyfriend, and the person that her parents expected her to be. She finally can be on her own and start her life as an independent girl.

The book is about a girl moving off to college for the first time and being able to move far away from her parents, who were supper stricked; her boyfriend, who really didnt care about her as she f...more

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Jul 21, 2010 Sandra rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I found this memoir to be a very easy read. I like the fact that the author chose to use verse style writing to convey the message that Sam doesn't necessarily live by the rules.

I think the story line is very realistic. I know that I could relate to Sam's feeling of coming home from college and feeling trapped by parental figures. I know I came home for weekends and vacations and had to still adhere to a 10 pm curfew because "you have to set an example for your brother." Like i mentioned in my r...more

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Jul 20, 2010 Kristyn rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ya-lit

This is an autobiographical story told in verse and it is very moving. Samantha Schutz takes us into her world and shows us what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder. Since it is autobiographical everything feels very real and her descriptions of the panic attacks are done well. I think the having the story told in verse is clever and shows us how the author thinks and feels about everything around her. Her depictions of the therapists were also interesting because they are very similar t...more

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May 22, 2010 Ashley rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Everyone! Especially people with anxiety or panic disorder!

Shelves: fiction, poetry, memior, pschology

Finally a YA (or adult) fiction (inspired by true life) book about PANIC DISORDER! With so many books similar to this written about drug addiction, depression, anorexia, child abuse and every other emotional disturbance found on earth I was beginning to think that Panic Disorder was too niche of a subject to write about. NOPE! This book is beautifully written in a poetry-esque style and reminds me of Ellen Hopkins series but better.

Being someone who was diagnosed with panic disorder at the age...more

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Nov 06, 2012 Kai rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ela9-connections

In the book, I Don't Want To Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz, tells an autobiography of a Samantha who struggles with anxiety disorder from the years of being 17 to 21, which is also known as the years of the big transition of high school to college, and becoming independent! When challenges came upon Samantha, she would start to panic where she illusions herself as getting hot, feeling like she is about to faint, etc.
"When I have a panic attack
the voice in my head says
anything can happen.
I will go...more

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Jul 30, 2012 Kayla (Dream.Write.Read) rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012-reads

Memoir about a girl who suffered from anxiety disorder.
It was alright.
I loved how this author was willing to come out about this, and show the world something she feared most, so therefore I can't me upset with the plot, and either way I glad your story was told.

What I did have a problem with was is was too repetitive. Good story to tell yeah, great story to tell, but you didn't to go in to detail more. I felt like every time she had a panic attack I, as the reader, began to stop feeling what...more

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Jul 23, 2010 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Katie DiLauro
GSLIS 739
Book Review #2

Schutz, Samantha. I don’t want to be crazy. ISBN: 978-0-439-80519-3
This true to life story is based on author Samantha Schutz’ personal battle with a psychological disorder. Ecstatic to be leaving home and experiencing the freedoms that come with going off to college, Samantha’s world is turned upside down when she begins to suffer panic attacks. In an almost constant state of panic and doubt, she decides to see a therapist, and sometime later, finally tells h...more

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Mar 05, 2012 Virinya Kanlab rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I can't believe/ no one else can hear/ I am screaming/ inside my head/ I am going to die. At first, she revelled in the independence. But as pressures increased, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated.

Samantha Schutz sets out our experience of anxiety and panic attacks during her college years. In her first semester in college, she does not totally feel like she fits in and she starts to experience severe anxiety in her classes, mak...more

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Jul 23, 2010 Yosenex rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In I Don't Want To Be Crazy, Samantha Schutz relays the realities of panic attacks through a biographical account of her own battle with anxiety that uses verse style writing. Unlike typical young adult narratives set in high school, I Don't Want To Be Crazy is unique in that it introduces the protagonist Samantha during the transitional summer before going away to college; as the story unfolds it takes place throughout her college years and post graduation. At first Samantha is relieved that sh...more

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Nov 28, 2011 Andrea rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Samantha Schutz wrote this haunting memoir of her life from senior year of high school into her early twenties. Schutz documents her transition from high school to college and college to the real world all while dealing with the onset of an anxiety disorder. Through poetic verse, Schutz explains her should normal and privileged life that is being taken over with her anxiety. She is able to paint a disturbing picture of what a panic attack feels like. She documents her constant medication changes...more

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Jan 19, 2010 Kari Davis rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jul 17, 2010 mfpardo rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

It’s definitively a powerful story that uses a unique way to tell, short phrases and rhythm make it more powerful and realistic and reinforces the veracity of the story. It is gripping and saddening to see the effects of this illness and impacted me a great deal. It made think of all things that can go wrong and made me realize how commonly spread panic attacks are. This real life story reflects realistically the life of college students, and their principles; in addition, it explores parental e...more

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Nov 21, 2008 Alex R rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I checked out this book from the library after forgeting to bring my own book to our silent reading, and it actually turned out to be pretty good. It is all about a girl who is just starting college, and she realizes that she has many problems with anxiety that never bothered her before. She suddenly starts having panic attacks in class and has to start taking a bunch of meds, and decides to back off on hanging out with people for fear of having more panic attacks. I realized, when reading this,...more

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Jul 25, 2010 Beth added it · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Feb 15, 2012 Jessica rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I have been dealing with anxiety since I was 13. I wasnt diagnosed until I was 17 and I am now 21. I am an agoraphobic. It sucks. This is the first book of its kind that Ive read. While I was reading it I felt like I was reading my own diary when she was describing her attacks, thoughts, views, feelings, ect. I think I am going to try to get my mom to read this because of all these years Ive tried and had to explain several times to so many different family memebers, doctors, friends, strangers,...more

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May 12, 2011 Erinn rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is the true memoir of Samantha Schutz and her experiences with her mental disorder. College is about to start, and Sam feels in control of her anxiety. When classes begin and firends aren't coming easy, things start to get worse for her. Samantha begins to use more and more medication and go to therapy everyday. Her life seems to get somewhat easier, but she is still fighting all the time to make sure her anxiety is under control. When the anxiety attacks come though, it's not easy for Sam...more

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Jul 21, 2010 Brianne rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ya-lit, poems

I have always been a sucker for memoirs, especially those about difficult issues, but the fact that this is written in prose makes it that much better for me. I love this style, I feel that writing in verse adds a lot more emotional intensity to the situations presented, and also makes it a little more personal. Samantha Schutz shares her experiences of going away to college, relishing in her initial independence and freedom, and suffering from panic attacks when confronted with the realities of...more

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Jul 22, 2010 Jackie DeStefano rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I didn't think this book was all that great. I had a very hard time connecting with the character. We discussed in class whether or not it worked in verse; I don't think it did. I don't think the verse added any depth to the words. It could have just as easily been done in prose. One thing I did like was that it gave insight into something that I and many teens do not have experience with. This book is great for teens because it opens them to a world of being so overrun with anxiety that it hard...more

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May 10, 2012 Sara rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is Samantha Schutz’s true account of her college years as she dealt with her anxiety disorder. The book lets you delve into her world and experience first hand what a panic attack feels like and how terrified you can become of having another. This is an eye-opening book and is written in easy to read verse formatting.

I thought this book was well written, but it does not have enough of a plot or story to keep teens interested unless they or someone they know has an anxiet...more

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About Samantha Schutz

I am a writer and children’s book editor living in Brooklyn, NY. My first book, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy, is a memoir about anxiety disorder written in verse. My second book, You Are Not Here, is a verse-novel about grief and loss. I am currently working on my third book for young adults.

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Quotes from I Don't Want To Be Crazy

“I crave broken men.
When I try to save other people
am I trying to save myself?
Am I covering up for my lack of strength
by putting people back together?
I am tired.
I want someone to save me -
build an intricate web
and place it beneath me in case I fall.” — 29 people liked it

“Where you are
and what you are doing
is something you have done
dozens of times before
without any problems

Recognize that you are going to get out of this
that you always get out of this
that you are going to live
that you won't go crazy

I am telling you that you will live,
because you always live,
because you are strong
and beautiful.” — 27 people liked it

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