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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
by
Sue Johnson
Are you looking to enrich a healthy relationship, revitalize a tired one, or rescue one gone awry? We all want a lifetime of love, support, and companionship. But sometimes we need a little help.
Enter Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and "the best couple therapist in the world," according to bestselling relationship expert Dr. John...more
Enter Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and "the best couple therapist in the world," according to bestselling relationship expert Dr. John...more
Hardcover, 320 pages
Published
April 8th 2008
by Little, Brown and Company
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Dr. Johnson's book easily wins the "World's Worst Title Ever" award. "Hold Me Tight" qua self-help book title evokes, in this reader, all the wrong associations. Much as does the scent of patchouli oil and as does the sound of gauzy-eyed adults whispering for their inner child to come on out for a good old back rub, "Hold Me Tight" evokes (again, for this reader) scary New Agey associations. For example, "Hold Me Tight" made me recall against my will that...more
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Well, normally I avoid any book that includes the title "Dr." in the author's name, on the assumption that so-called "self-help" books are a waste of reading time. However, a friend recommended this one, so I gave it a shot. Verdict: not bad, and I was primed to feel that this one included food for thought--although most books, fiction or non, give me food for thought--but I don't think I'd really recommend it as a read to many people. The good parts center around finding the...more
Elizabeth
marked it as to-read
from the library lots of pressure on this book ten holds at the moment
ordered the unabridged cd set from worldcat
Table of Contents
Introduction 3 (8)
PART ONE A New Light on Love
11 (52)
Love---A Revolutionary New View
13 (15)
Where Did Our Love Go? Losing Connection
28 (12)
Emotional Responsiveness---The Key to a Lifetime of Love
40 (23)
PART TWO Seven Transforming Conversations
63 (16...more
ordered the unabridged cd set from worldcat
Table of Contents
Introduction 3 (8)
PART ONE A New Light on Love
11 (52)
Love---A Revolutionary New View
13 (15)
Where Did Our Love Go? Losing Connection
28 (12)
Emotional Responsiveness---The Key to a Lifetime of Love
40 (23)
PART TWO Seven Transforming Conversations
63 (16...more
The application of attachment theory to adult romantic relationships is genius. According to Johnson, the need for attachment underlies the conflict involved in the pursue-withdraw dance that couples often get locked into, a dance she aptly metaphorizes as the Polka. Her work provides tools for couples who want to stop dancing the Polka and start doing a Tango, her language for a relationship that allows for deep connection.
Shannon
marked it as to-read
Why: Because a friend of mine said about it: This book is FABULOUS! The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. We long for that same closeness, the opportunity to be who we are completely, permission to be needy and longing for affection from our spouse (as we had from our parents). Once we understand this and can allow for it (and can show/speak to our spouse w...more
Hands down the best relationship book I have ever read. A paradigm changer--it felt intuitively right from the first chapter, yet I also see the world in a different way. It took the core values I held about life, and showed me how to really live them better. Of course, starting with the relationships closest to me.
There are no complicated rules here, what you need to do doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, and what Johnson says makes so much sense it's not hard to remem...more
There are no complicated rules here, what you need to do doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, and what Johnson says makes so much sense it's not hard to remem...more
This is the best book on relationships that I have ever read. The writer is clear and non-judgmental and stays away from too much psychological analyses and language. Hold Me Tight is designed to help partners gain insight about themselves and one another and to enhance their communication, whether or not it is broken. The writing style creates topics that are easily discussed between partners and the book is filled with exercises that allow one to practice better communication and understanding...more
A quick read... very accessible, and useful.
Ms. Johnson's premise: that all of us want someone to care for us... that too often our relationships suffer from behavioral patterns driving us apart... that by feeding the emotional attachment between us we can reverse the driving apart into driving together.
Her 7 conversations are designed to isolate those divisive behaviors, build empathy and attachment, and sustain the emotional bond over the long haul.
Written ...more
Ms. Johnson's premise: that all of us want someone to care for us... that too often our relationships suffer from behavioral patterns driving us apart... that by feeding the emotional attachment between us we can reverse the driving apart into driving together.
Her 7 conversations are designed to isolate those divisive behaviors, build empathy and attachment, and sustain the emotional bond over the long haul.
Written ...more
I appreciated that this psychologist was able to back up her therapeutic technique and relational advice with clinical research. The couples used as examples have relationships at death's door; truly dreadful-sounding fights about anything over long periods. Their connections are decomposing. The EFT outlined in this book is good for dire straights, but has something to offer any couple, since connections must be worked on throughout a marriage's lifespan, and any set of people will conflict ...more
I have always read books on how to improve my marriage and relationships but I really liked this one as it really helps you examine your bad habits that could be causing problems.
I do think it is easiest to do this kind of work on your relationship when there is not big obstacles. I felt it was easy to bring things up with my husband and follow the book.
I do know a couple that was having big issues and went to a counsellor using these principles and they managed to turn things arou...more
I do think it is easiest to do this kind of work on your relationship when there is not big obstacles. I felt it was easy to bring things up with my husband and follow the book.
I do know a couple that was having big issues and went to a counsellor using these principles and they managed to turn things arou...more
Angela
rated it
Recommended to Angela by:
Ideas podcast (CBC radio 1)
Shelves:
non-fiction,
self-help
I find myself wanting to justify that this book is less "self-helpy" than it looks. But it's clearly a self-help book. About that cootie-infested subject of relationships, no less. And yet, somehow it was a lot less "icky" than the title and description make it sound.
Maybe it's the extensive references to scientific studies and further information. Or the description of how this therapy approach was developed - the years of work, the endless viewing and reviewing...more
Maybe it's the extensive references to scientific studies and further information. Or the description of how this therapy approach was developed - the years of work, the endless viewing and reviewing...more
amazingly barfy language used to convey truly fascinating and revelatory concepts regarding interpersonal relationships and the dynamics you find within them. i was able to get past the awful self-help style and diction and get to the heart of what she's saying--basically applying bowles' attachment theory to adult partnerships, and putting forth the idea that it is not only normal to need other people (esp your partner), but it is actually healthy. the book actually helped me understand every r...more
Wow, I want to give this book out now as wedding gifts! I had to read it for my internship, and loved just about every minute of it. Now that I have seen the principles from this book used in couples counseling, used them myself, and helped clients to use them, I love it even more! An easy-to-read book that will greatly enhance the relationship of anyone who reads it and truly does the activities and follows the principles.
It was hard to get through, some chapters I skimmed through them. I can see how it could help some couples who are in serious trouble but I'm not sure just reading this book could help them. I think the details and suggestions she offers here would best be served in a counselor's office where the counselor could be a mediator and guide the couple through the rough spots.
This book changed my life as a wife. I loved my husband from the moment I met him but I didn't show him out of fear. I learned so much about myself. My triggers. My fears. My wants and hopes. I learned how to fight fairly and not run and hide.
I 100% recommend this book to every single person who reads this post.
Go now....and read this book!
I 100% recommend this book to every single person who reads this post.
Go now....and read this book!
I understood the basic principles behind this book and agreed with them, yet when I read it, I was shocked at how defensive I found myself being. As someone with an avoidant attachment style(albeit a fearful type, rather than a dismissive type), I kept thinking, with a kind of grim, angry annoyance, that this style of relating provided the perfect vehicle for a demanding anxious/ambivalent type whose primary goal was to get all their own particular needs met. Yet, intellectually, I knew my react...more
Austin S.
rated it
Recommends it for:
anyone in an intimate relationship
Shelves:
must-reads,
relationships-couples
This has replaced all the other books on relationships as the number one must-read book. It delves below the more superficial layers of content and process addressed by other authors (e.g., Gottman, Hendricks, Hendrix) and finally gets to the heart of the matter: attachment, safety, and emotional presence/engagement
This book is FABULOUS! The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. We long for that same closeness, the opportunity to be who we are completely, permission to be needy and longing for affection from our spouse (as we had from our parents). Once we understand this and can allow for it (and can show/speak to our spouse with this understanding) then our marriage ...more
My therapist wife might disagree with me on this one: This book did an excellent job of pointing out ailments that many couples experience, but didn't have enough to say about how to correct them. By the way, beware of the audio-book. The reader's voice is like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard.
I read this a few years ago, and although I thought it was okay, it didn't strike me as really great. At the time I was in a relationship that was very controlling and I felt smothered. Maybe now that I am in a healthier relationship I will re-read it and see if I can utilize some of her ideas.
This is such a great book for almost any relationship. It gave me a whole new perspective about being emotionally available and compassionate with those I love and care about. A must read for anyone who has been or is in a relationship regardless of how healthy the relationship is. Great book!
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson offers seven exercises for couples based on her years of work in EFT (emotionally focused therapy).
EFT works with the same tenets as attachment parenting: emotional security to create stronger relationships and better self esteem for couples.
The seven conversations take up the bulk of the book. While it may be tempting to jump right to the how-to part of the book, I recommend reading the introductory first part. I found the connection betw...more
EFT works with the same tenets as attachment parenting: emotional security to create stronger relationships and better self esteem for couples.
The seven conversations take up the bulk of the book. While it may be tempting to jump right to the how-to part of the book, I recommend reading the introductory first part. I found the connection betw...more
A really nice option for those in a long-term relationship. Great 'practice' sections to help couples learn more open, honest communication. It shouldn't be such an 'ah-ha' moment for people to learn that marriage relationships have attachment bonding like parent & child, but if it helps open people up to being more vulnerable and honest with each other, fantastic!
Another amazing book on relationship dynamics. It's a refreshingly new view. We don't have to delve into the past to understand ourselves and how we are in relationships (that can help) but this gives clear instructions/explanations of the complexity of our love relationships.
As self help books go this beats all the others easily. Practically focused advice grounded in emotional attachment science. If you don't learn something to make you a more understanding partner from this book then you didn't read it with any attention.
Amy
is currently reading it
Marriages always need tune-ups and this is a helpful guide so far to understanding how to keep marriage attachments strong and close. I haven't finished yet, and some parts apply much more than others, but a very intuitive look at relationships.
This is a couples' book.. it's about Emotionally Focused Therapy and a must read for understanding relationships.. Dave and I are really enjoying the "conversations" it evokes. I really like passionate discussions... this one gets us going!
I feel like marriage is always a work-in progress and really enjoyed the perspective of this author and counselor. I haven't talked Jeff into reading it yet, but maybe that is because I am such a great wife that he doesn't have any complaints :)
Dr. Johnson developed the emotional focused couple therapy, which is highly regarded as one of the best methods for building loving relationships. Her book contains many ways to heal a weak relationship and to strengthen a strong one.
Michael
added it
Sue Johnson has fixed family therapy. She applies attachment theory to couple dynamics and simply nails it! This book is very readable. I recommend it to anyone having even the most modest relationship problems. It has opened my eyes.
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