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193rd out of 926 books
—
1,103 voters
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
by
Sue Johnson
Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. In HOLD ME TIGHT, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotio...more
Hardcover, 320 pages
Published
April 8th 2008
by Little, Brown and Company
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The application of attachment theory to adult romantic relationships is genius. According to Johnson, the need for attachment underlies the conflict involved in the pursue-withdraw dance that couples often get locked into, a dance she aptly metaphorizes as the Polka. Her work provides tools for couples who want to stop dancing the Polka and start doing a Tango, her language for a relationship that allows for deep connection.
Dr. Johnson's book easily wins the "World's Worst Title Ever" award. "Hold Me Tight" qua self-help book title evokes, in this reader, all the wrong associations. Much as does the scent of patchouli oil and as does the sound of gauzy-eyed adults whispering for their inner child to come on out for a good old back rub, "Hold Me Tight" evokes (again, for this reader) scary New Agey associations. For example, "Hold Me Tight" made me recall against my will that Kenny Loggins dumped his first wife in o...more
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Well, normally I avoid any book that includes the title "Dr." in the author's name, on the assumption that so-called "self-help" books are a waste of reading time. However, a friend recommended this one, so I gave it a shot. Verdict: not bad, and I was primed to feel that this one included food for thought--although most books, fiction or non, give me food for thought--but I don't think I'd really recommend it as a read to many people. The good parts center around finding the words that might he...more
Sep 17, 2011
Elizabeth
marked it as to-read
from the library lots of pressure on this book ten holds at the moment
ordered the unabridged cd set from worldcat
Table of Contents
Introduction 3 (8)
PART ONE A New Light on Love
11 (52)
Love---A Revolutionary New View
13 (15)
Where Did Our Love Go? Losing Connection
28 (12)
Emotional Responsiveness---The Key to a Lifetime of Love
40 (23)
PART TWO Seven Transforming Conversations
63 (168)
Conversation 1: Recognizing the Demon Dialogues
65 (33)
Conversation 2: Finding the Raw Spots
...more
ordered the unabridged cd set from worldcat
Table of Contents
Introduction 3 (8)
PART ONE A New Light on Love
11 (52)
Love---A Revolutionary New View
13 (15)
Where Did Our Love Go? Losing Connection
28 (12)
Emotional Responsiveness---The Key to a Lifetime of Love
40 (23)
PART TWO Seven Transforming Conversations
63 (168)
Conversation 1: Recognizing the Demon Dialogues
65 (33)
Conversation 2: Finding the Raw Spots
...more
We had a presentation at our church women's group that talked about attachment theory in adults and this Emotionally Focused Therapy so I wanted to read the book to learn about it more in depth. It's really good relationship information, in general, and I am thankful for a marriage where we have somehow navigated these "conversations" without too much trouble, really. I am not sure that reading this book alone would be much help for a really troubled relationship though, or for a couple where on...more
Jan 19, 2010
Shannon
marked it as to-read
Why: Because a friend of mine said about it: This book is FABULOUS! The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. We long for that same closeness, the opportunity to be who we are completely, permission to be needy and longing for affection from our spouse (as we had from our parents). Once we understand this and can allow for it (and can show/speak to our spouse w...more
Hands down the best relationship book I have ever read. A paradigm changer--it felt intuitively right from the first chapter, yet I also see the world in a different way. It took the core values I held about life, and showed me how to really live them better. Of course, starting with the relationships closest to me.
There are no complicated rules here, what you need to do doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, and what Johnson says makes so much sense it's not hard to remember. By chap...more
There are no complicated rules here, what you need to do doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, and what Johnson says makes so much sense it's not hard to remember. By chap...more
This is the best book on relationships that I have ever read. The writer is clear and non-judgmental and stays away from too much psychological analyses and language. Hold Me Tight is designed to help partners gain insight about themselves and one another and to enhance their communication, whether or not it is broken. The writing style creates topics that are easily discussed between partners and the book is filled with exercises that allow one to practice better communication and understanding...more
A quick read... very accessible, and useful.
Ms. Johnson's premise: that all of us want someone to care for us... that too often our relationships suffer from behavioral patterns driving us apart... that by feeding the emotional attachment between us we can reverse the driving apart into driving together.
Her 7 conversations are designed to isolate those divisive behaviors, build empathy and attachment, and sustain the emotional bond over the long haul.
Written for the layman, yet without all the B...more
Ms. Johnson's premise: that all of us want someone to care for us... that too often our relationships suffer from behavioral patterns driving us apart... that by feeding the emotional attachment between us we can reverse the driving apart into driving together.
Her 7 conversations are designed to isolate those divisive behaviors, build empathy and attachment, and sustain the emotional bond over the long haul.
Written for the layman, yet without all the B...more
Best book about human relationships EVER. In a relationship? Read it. Not in a relationship? Read it. It's written for everyone. And you don't need to be a psychology student to "get it." Dr. Sue Johnson will go down in history alongside Freud and Jung as a pioneer. Her approach, Emotionally Focused Therapy, has been proven to help 86 percent of couples become happier in their relationships. This is compared to most other forms of couple therapy that achieve a 35 percent success rate. Endorsed b...more
I have always read books on how to improve my marriage and relationships but I really liked this one as it really helps you examine your bad habits that could be causing problems.
I do think it is easiest to do this kind of work on your relationship when there is not big obstacles. I felt it was easy to bring things up with my husband and follow the book.
I do know a couple that was having big issues and went to a counsellor using these principles and they managed to turn things around so I do b...more
I do think it is easiest to do this kind of work on your relationship when there is not big obstacles. I felt it was easy to bring things up with my husband and follow the book.
I do know a couple that was having big issues and went to a counsellor using these principles and they managed to turn things around so I do b...more
Apr 12, 2011
Angela
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommended to Angela by:
Ideas podcast (CBC radio 1)
Shelves:
non-fiction,
self-help
I find myself wanting to justify that this book is less "self-helpy" than it looks. But it's clearly a self-help book. About that cootie-infested subject of relationships, no less. And yet, somehow it was a lot less "icky" than the title and description make it sound.
Maybe it's the extensive references to scientific studies and further information. Or the description of how this therapy approach was developed - the years of work, the endless viewing and reviewing of taped therapy sessions, the...more
Maybe it's the extensive references to scientific studies and further information. Or the description of how this therapy approach was developed - the years of work, the endless viewing and reviewing of taped therapy sessions, the...more
amazingly barfy language used to convey truly fascinating and revelatory concepts regarding interpersonal relationships and the dynamics you find within them. i was able to get past the awful self-help style and diction and get to the heart of what she's saying--basically applying bowles' attachment theory to adult partnerships, and putting forth the idea that it is not only normal to need other people (esp your partner), but it is actually healthy. the book actually helped me understand every r...more
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This book got rave reviews on Amazon and it was recommended to my boyfriend and I. He hates reading, so I knew that would be a challenge. I on the other hand love reading and especially love reading books on relationships and how men and women interact. I was bored. I had a hard time getting into this. The beginning of the book outlines how EFT therapy/counseling came into being, and while I think the concepts in the book are great, it moves slowly.
The chapters about the different types of argum...more
The chapters about the different types of argum...more
I understood the basic principles behind this book and agreed with them, yet when I read it, I was shocked at how defensive I found myself being. As someone with an avoidant attachment style(albeit a fearful type, rather than a dismissive type), I kept thinking, with a kind of grim, angry annoyance, that this style of relating provided the perfect vehicle for a demanding, manipulative anxious/ambivalent type whose primary goal was to get all their own particular needs met. [NOTE: I was dating a...more
This is a valuable book for willing couples who desire a task-oriented program as it presents examples of real life couples in therapy with the author. Sue Johnson’s language and explanations are clear and realistic as she guides couples in how to navigate conflict using focused, productive conversations. If it sounds formulaic, it is to a certain extent, but it is those tools - which need practice and repetition - that offer hope. Much more reliant than scrambling directionless through the muck...more
Wow, I want to give this book out now as wedding gifts! I had to read it for my internship, and loved just about every minute of it. Now that I have seen the principles from this book used in couples counseling, used them myself, and helped clients to use them, I love it even more! An easy-to-read book that will greatly enhance the relationship of anyone who reads it and truly does the activities and follows the principles.
Helped me understand my own emotional reactions to my partner and his difficulties expressing emotions and how we often find ourselves consumed by the same arguments that conceal what we are truly feeling but are too afraid to say directly. I love sue Johnson's work and hope to learn more about EFT in my counseling career. For me this theory on couple counseling fits into my worldview of couples and attachment. I recommend this book to people who want to deepen their relationship or who want to...more
It was hard to get through, some chapters I skimmed through them. I can see how it could help some couples who are in serious trouble but I'm not sure just reading this book could help them. I think the details and suggestions she offers here would best be served in a counselor's office where the counselor could be a mediator and guide the couple through the rough spots.
Using adult attachment theory and the ideas of emotionally focused therapy, this book explores seven conversations to improve relationships. While I think many relationships would require more than just this book to get to where Johnson envisions this could absolutely be used as a resource for psychoeducation with clients. By reading the book together, a couple may be able to gain a better understanding of adult attachment and begin the openness that could translate into really powerful therapy.
This book will give you a helpful overview of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I only gave three stars because while I love the theory (since it reflects and helps couples move toward what God desires and designs for humans to have with regard to intimacy), it is not a Christian theory per se, so Jesus is of course absent. I believe a model of EFT that has Jesus Christ in the center (where He is welcomed to do things like heal deep wounds, confront ongoing temptations to unloving behavior, pro...more
This book changed my life as a wife. I loved my husband from the moment I met him but I didn't show him out of fear. I learned so much about myself. My triggers. My fears. My wants and hopes. I learned how to fight fairly and not run and hide.
I 100% recommend this book to every single person who reads this post.
Go now....and read this book!
I 100% recommend this book to every single person who reads this post.
Go now....and read this book!
If you are in a relationship, or want to be in one, you should read this book. This book changed almost everything about the way I approach my relationship with my partner and gave me so much insight into my own behavior that I was aware of but clueless at how to change or break patterns. I cannot recommend it enough.
Mar 19, 2009
Austin S.
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
anyone in an intimate relationship
Shelves:
must-reads,
relationships-couples
This has replaced all the other books on relationships as the number one must-read book. It delves below the more superficial layers of content and process addressed by other authors (e.g., Gottman, Hendricks, Hendrix) and finally gets to the heart of the matter: attachment, safety, and emotional presence/engagement
This book is FABULOUS! The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. We long for that same closeness, the opportunity to be who we are completely, permission to be needy and longing for affection from our spouse (as we had from our parents). Once we understand this and can allow for it (and can show/speak to our spouse with this understanding) then our marriage wil...more
My therapist wife might disagree with me on this one: This book did an excellent job of pointing out ailments that many couples experience, but didn't have enough to say about how to correct them. By the way, beware of the audio-book. The reader's voice is like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard.
I read this a few years ago, and although I thought it was okay, it didn't strike me as really great. At the time I was in a relationship that was very controlling and I felt smothered. Maybe now that I am in a healthier relationship I will re-read it and see if I can utilize some of her ideas.
This is such a great book for almost any relationship. It gave me a whole new perspective about being emotionally available and compassionate with those I love and care about. A must read for anyone who has been or is in a relationship regardless of how healthy the relationship is. Great book!
1 like · like · see review
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson offers seven exercises for couples based on her years of work in EFT (emotionally focused therapy).
EFT works with the same tenets as attachment parenting: emotional security to create stronger relationships and better self esteem for couples.
The seven conversations take up the bulk of the book. While it may be tempting to jump right to the how-to part of the book, I recommend reading the introductory first part. I found the connection between attachment parenting...more
EFT works with the same tenets as attachment parenting: emotional security to create stronger relationships and better self esteem for couples.
The seven conversations take up the bulk of the book. While it may be tempting to jump right to the how-to part of the book, I recommend reading the introductory first part. I found the connection between attachment parenting...more
I'm a psychiatrist & have found this a great way for patients to access attachment theory. Sue Johnson wrote the book on Emotionally Focused Therapy for therapists - literally. It is a great way for motivated patients to gain some background on the theory being used in their treatment.
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