Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child
Intelligence That Comes from the Heart
Every parent knows the importance of equipping children with the intellectual skills they need to succeed in school and life. But children also need to master their emotions. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world. And as acclaimed psychologist and res...more
Paperback, 240 pages
Published
August 12th 1998
by Simon & Schuster
(first published February 3rd 1997)
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Every parent should read this book. Parents of toddlers, parents of teenagers. There are so many things in this book that can help parents build trusting, communicative relationships with their children, and establish methods to help a child become "emotionally intelligent." The beginning of the book talks about how the emotional intelligence of a child is a far greater predictor of success (school performance, education, career opportunities, better peer relationships) in life than a child's me...more
There are many parenting books out there that are as controversial as they are popular. You use what you find helpful and ignore what doesn't fit in with your own personal parenting philosophy. I found most of Goleman's techniques in this book to be insightful and invaluable.
Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy...more
Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy...more
yes, i read parenting books. i'm a nanny and an overachiever. this one is excellent. even if you never hang out with kids, i think that at a certain age, we all realize that we need to be a good parent to ourselves - creating nurturing and discipline in our daily lives. so this book gave me tools to understand the underlying philosophy of my own parents, the way its affected my own style, and tools for changing it. Plus, it has helped immensely with taking care of a two and four year old.
It's fine. Not earth-shattering or anything, but practical, substantial, and solidly supported. I had a previous love for Gottman from his marriage studies/books.
I don't really think it's necessary to memorize the emotion coaching steps or anything, since a lot of it just strikes me as common sense and practice, and once you embrace the role of emotion-coaching, you'll find your own ways to communicate with your particular kid in the way that works best for y'all. (But the specific steps might...more
I don't really think it's necessary to memorize the emotion coaching steps or anything, since a lot of it just strikes me as common sense and practice, and once you embrace the role of emotion-coaching, you'll find your own ways to communicate with your particular kid in the way that works best for y'all. (But the specific steps might...more
John Gottman should feel sad for two reasons: (1) he buries astute analysis and fabulously practical advice (of which he is rightfully proud) inside a tomb of, frankly, boring writing and poor organization, and (2) he writes for a cripplingly heterogeneous audience. For a mother who already embraces her own emotions and honors them in her children, reading “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” feels like a socialite perusing a manual of polite social interaction written for the autistic. I...more
This is, hands down, one of the best books I've ever read. Gottman presents a way to parent that is simple, consistent, and kind. I was shocked that his advice cast an almost magical spell of understanding and calm on my child. This isn't a book on discipline so much as it is a reminder that treating someone (even a 3 year old or 13 year old someone) with respect and love yields mutual respect and love.
Sep 24, 2008
Jesse
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone
Recommended to Jesse by:
Business Psychologist
This is a great book regardless of whether or not you are raising a child, although I imagine it could be even better if you were. It was recomended to me by a business psycholgist during a week long group therapy session with a focus on leadership. It gives very practical advice that I was able to use immediately in an office setting with noticeable results.
Very valuable book!
Very valuable book!
You can sum up the five main points in this book in just one chapter but I did appreciate the supporting chapters. There is a lot of really good scientific research in this book, which I always appreciate. I recently ditched a parenting book because its main supporting text was the bible. :|
This author is a psychotherapist who emphasizes empathy as the main way to relate to children. He talks about how damaging it can be to minimize their stress and the lasting effects of doing so, which can tea...more
This author is a psychotherapist who emphasizes empathy as the main way to relate to children. He talks about how damaging it can be to minimize their stress and the lasting effects of doing so, which can tea...more
Gottman has a reputation for basing useful relationship advice on research (he is also known for his work on making marriages more successful). And the material in this book is based on scientific and reviewed research, which is always nice.
Additionally, I think there are concrete suggestions for how to handle issues that come up in child-rearing, and some background for why one should choose this approach (which is based heavily on discussion and empathy).*
I found the book a bit of a slog, tho...more
Additionally, I think there are concrete suggestions for how to handle issues that come up in child-rearing, and some background for why one should choose this approach (which is based heavily on discussion and empathy).*
I found the book a bit of a slog, tho...more
I think this book would be really good for parents who aren't sure what emotions are acceptable and how to handle their own emotions in relation to their childs' emotions- clear as mud. What I mean is, if you are ok with your child getting angry, upset, frustrated then you probably know most of what's in this book. But if you aren't ok with yourself feelings these emotions, let alone a child, then you should read it to get on board. Kids are going to have emotions, for crying out loud, adults do...more
This book offers a thorough argument for "emotion coaching", and recommends respect for children's emotional lives and expressions. The "coaching" is really just about being present and supportive while kids experience strong emotions, then helping them to label what they feel, and discuss and/or problem-solve the situation the emotion arises from. The method described allows children to develop coping skills and emotional intelligence with their parents providing scaffolding and support. It's r...more
A must-read parenting book. He offers a wonderful discussion of the importance of parenting our children's emotions. The book offers examples, self-assessment quizzes, and is centered around five steps to becoming an emotion coach. Because so much of the work that I do as a therapist is with individuals who present with problems because they do not know how to recognize, name, and effectively cope with their emotions, I believe strongly in the merit of this type of book. As valuable as the book...more
They say there's no rule book for being a parent. Well ... yes and no. There's a lot of good information out there if you're willing to seek it out (although I suppose you can argue about which which piece of conflicting information to choose!).
This book doesn't solve every parenting issue, obviously, but it certainly helps with what I believe is one of the most important aspects of life - emotional intelligence. I don't know what it says about my own EI, but I certainly learnt a few things tha...more
This book doesn't solve every parenting issue, obviously, but it certainly helps with what I believe is one of the most important aspects of life - emotional intelligence. I don't know what it says about my own EI, but I certainly learnt a few things tha...more
Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child taught me how to better connect and deal with my children's emotions. Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture has helped me to understand and deal with the regular outbursts that occur in household with four children.
I read the book and evaluated the content in terms of how I was raised and my perception on my husband's upbringing. Our parents did very well in some areas (in all honesty, probably better than we are doing), and in other areas...more
I read the book and evaluated the content in terms of how I was raised and my perception on my husband's upbringing. Our parents did very well in some areas (in all honesty, probably better than we are doing), and in other areas...more
This so far has been one of my favorite parenting books. I am not a fan of those books that say "don't do such and such because research shows that your child will become a juvenile delinquent..."
I like how this book gives you sample dialogues and overall it is very encouraging. It is also comforting to hear 'experts' reiterate how we all fly off the handle sometimes. I was drawn to the title since my husband and I grew up with parents who were (and in many ways still are) emotionally unavailab...more
I like how this book gives you sample dialogues and overall it is very encouraging. It is also comforting to hear 'experts' reiterate how we all fly off the handle sometimes. I was drawn to the title since my husband and I grew up with parents who were (and in many ways still are) emotionally unavailab...more
As Gottman explains, this book is basically the research-based, more scientific version of Ginott's Between Parent and Child. The whole idea is that by being "emotion coaches" for their children, parents can foster resiliance and emotional stability. The idea that has stuck with me is that of using children's emotional moments as opportunities for bonding and teaching. It's helpful for me when faced with an out-of-control child, to think, "Now here's a chance for me to be closer to this child an...more
Oct 22, 2009
Marie
rated it
3 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
for-me-the-adult,
parenting
Gottman picks up where Ginot and Faber & Maslich leave off; what is new here is that Gottman rolls out the research about the long-term well-being of children who are "emotion-coached." He also adds a section about how parental conflict and divorce can be mitigated by emotion-coaching. I probably should give it a higher rating except that these ideas aren't new to me, since I've read Ginot and Faber & Maslich, as well as parts of Gottman's marriage books. So this didn't seem as life-clar...more
Parents: If you read one parenting book, I think this slim volume should be it!
It has been more than a month since I finished reading Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman (published 1998). By waiting to write my thoughts, I may not have as many specific examples and quotes to share. However, by letting the book percolate in my mind as I went about my life, I can even better declare that Gottman’s slim volume is a helpful and essential reminder of the role of parents in the l...more
It has been more than a month since I finished reading Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman (published 1998). By waiting to write my thoughts, I may not have as many specific examples and quotes to share. However, by letting the book percolate in my mind as I went about my life, I can even better declare that Gottman’s slim volume is a helpful and essential reminder of the role of parents in the l...more
Awesome awesome book. I love John Gottman and think he has great info with great research. A lot of things he says to do I've already been doing with Addie, but there are things I can do better and need to remember not to say or do. Like instead of telling her to be happy when she's throwing a tantrum or she goes to bed for a nap, tell her that it's okay that she's sad or angry, but if she has a tantrum and isn't acting nicely she needs to go to her room and calm down and she can come out when s...more
This is the best parenting book I have ever read. Considering that I generally hate reading parenting and self-help books, this is really saying a lot. I loved how the author supported his claims with scientific findings as well as real life examples. His scenarios were so age appropriate for my own children (ages 7, 5, 3) that I recognized a few as conversations I had had recently with my own kids! I plan on purchasing this book and reading it again and again. The principles are sound and ring...more
A few pages in and I had a spooky sense of dejavu-- am I crazy or have I read this all before somewhere? After a few more pages, the feeling was explained. Gottman was greatly influenced by the work of Haim Ginott, who did important research in childhood and communication, but who was not widely interpreted for the public until Faber's "How so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" translated his psychological principles into concrete parenting tools.
So reading this, after loving "How t...more
So reading this, after loving "How t...more
This book has started to significantly change my parenting style. With each chapter I noticed that I was starting to soak in the ideas and principles of emotional awareness. I decided not to read it too quickly after I began noticing how it was influencing my sensitivity. I took the time to really think about experiences and situations in the past where I could have applied what Gottman was teaching. This approach required a significant amount of pondering and evaluation. I expect that I will re...more
This is a book I want to read again and again so I can learn new things to deal with my kids at different stages. Here is what I learned this time through:
* The basic premise of this book is that a parent shouldn't try to control or censure a child's feelings, but they should set limits on behavior. I really like the balance he suggests.
* The most helpful thing for me in my current stage as a parent was the concept that I don't have to fix everything. I find it very stressful when Sandy cries a...more
* The basic premise of this book is that a parent shouldn't try to control or censure a child's feelings, but they should set limits on behavior. I really like the balance he suggests.
* The most helpful thing for me in my current stage as a parent was the concept that I don't have to fix everything. I find it very stressful when Sandy cries a...more
This book was well thought out and very well researched. I also thought it went well with the Dr. William Sears "Attachment Parenting" books. It has some of the same ideas, but applied more to older children. It also goes well with the Charlotte Mason philosophy that children are people. It did challenge a lot of my paradigms of how I look at emotion. But I could see it helping me when I babysat my cousin's daughter. And I also could see myself making the mistakes they said. Even though it gives...more
One thing my mother always told me was that she believes children are people too, and adults should remember that. Essentially, that is the message John Gottman seeks to deliver in Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child.
As a parent I found the book helpful because it gives five "rules" for responding when your child is emotional. I find, that as my son gets older, my impulse is to expect him to keep his emotions more under control. But that expectation is sometimes unreasonable; I need to rem...more
As a parent I found the book helpful because it gives five "rules" for responding when your child is emotional. I find, that as my son gets older, my impulse is to expect him to keep his emotions more under control. But that expectation is sometimes unreasonable; I need to rem...more
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Dr. Gottman is the co-founder of the Gottman Institute™ with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, where he currently teaches weekend workshops for couples and training workshops for clinicians. He is the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute, where they are developing programs for parents transitioning to parenthood and are beginning a new research project on treatment for Dom...more
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