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If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

4.05  ·  Rating Details  ·  1,441 Ratings  ·  173 Reviews
In this practical, playful, yet spiritual guide, Charlotte Kasl, author of the highly successful Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life, shows you what it would be like to have the ancient wisdom of the Buddha to guide you through the dating process. Kasl brings a compassionate understanding to the anxiety and uneasiness of new love, and helps reader ...more
Paperback, 212 pages
Published February 1st 1999 by Penguin Books
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Community Reviews

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What an appropriate book at this point in my life. After many failed romances and at the tender age of 22, I was starting to become a little cynical. This book redirected me to a healthier and more loving place--a place where I learn to love and respect myself before getting involved with anyone else. Yes, the urge to feel loved and have romance in my life is still there but now I look at it with different eyes--now I ask myself, what is this loneliness signaling? Am I loving and nurturing mysel ...more
Geordie Korper
Dec 31, 2012 Geordie Korper rated it really liked it
When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Thanks Kris for giving me this book all those years ago when I put it on the shelf unread.

There came a moment in my life where I needed to remember how to be authentically committed to a person without being attached to a specific result; to be in the moment with my commitments but no expectations. This book was sitting there on my shelf and gave me a little insight into how that might be possible.

It is not a perfect book but then what book is?
Jun 18, 2009 Melissa rated it it was amazing
This book is very enjoyable and supremely helpful to everyone I've known who's read it. It was highly recommended to me by a good friend about two years ago. I am about to read it again, for the third time! If you want to be open and honest with life and others, able to love them by first loving all parts of yourself and live compassionately, this book's for you! I promise it will help you to release some of your fears, false perceptions and worries. It really is so good as to make you want to r ...more
Sep 09, 2012 Alex rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2012
This book caught my eye on the shelf at an interesting time: an intriguing character had just entered my life and then left just as quickly, after entrancing me with his spirituality and shocking me with his dismissal and disappearance. A truly inspiring conversation with this person led me to consider an approach to life that welcomes the present moment and opens myself to the possibilities around me for love —in essence, the message of If the Buddha Dated.

One thing that made the material in Ka
Jun 19, 2012 John rated it it was amazing
A practical and thoughtful dialogue. This book has somewhat hard to swallow advice that may change your life. It is informed by various spiritual traditions, and places the emphasis of relationships toward a questioned approach. What it is that you and your partner need. What can you do to open yourself up to finding someone. Who are you? What have you not accepted in the past, what does your intuition tell you about where you are right now.

It was also helpful for me even though my focus is more
Colleen Wainwright
I read this book every few years, usually around the time I think I'm ready for another relationship. Every time I do, I'm reminded that the relationship I'm really craving is with myself, and the All-That-Is. In other words, this is a sweet little book about traveling the Path, whether or not the Path takes you alongside someone else's Path. If it does, there are a number of lovely little essays and tools that may help you avert the crazy pitfalls you generally hit in (or out of) relationship; ...more
Jun 26, 2015 Sylwia rated it it was amazing
Shelves: top-15-of-2015
One of my main criterion for reviewing a book is to assess how much it has taught me. For that, this book deserves many more than five stars, it deserves one for each chapter. This book clearly respects and honors love and it does it through various mentally healthy/spiritual/psychological lenses. I cried many times reading it and I feel that it has changed me. Sometimes I spend an entire day remembering a chapter. I cannot recommend this enough, to both singles and nonsingles.
Aug 20, 2015 Laura rated it it was amazing
I attribute this book to the reason I met my husband! Excellent principles on focusing on what you want and sending the right messages into the Universe!
Jul 19, 2014 Hannah rated it liked it
Okay, so, in all honestly, I'm really embarrassed to admit I read this book. If there are two topics of public conversation that make me squirmy it's love and spirituality. And god forbid someone see me standing anywhere near the self-help section of a bookstore. But, hey, a close, trusted friend recommended that I read this book and I'm really glad she did. It's not particularly well-written and - I say this with utter seriousness - the whimsical font/design choices really almost made me give u ...more
Aug 17, 2013 Katie rated it really liked it
This book was an easy read, and I gained wisdom from it, I think. It discusses how to be the best mate you can be by reflecting inward and viewing the rest of the world through an eye on oneness. This type of teaching transcends just dating, and being single myself, I actually found it to be more about personal growth than "finding" a partner.

I could discuss the personal things I learned from this book, but I'd rather not put them on the internet, haha. There were certainly chapters that helped
May 13, 2012 Kim rated it really liked it
This is a wonderful little book that I probably never would have been searching to read. I only read it because a friend, in passing, brought it to a class to lend it to someone, found that said friend already had it, and looked at me to say, "Hey! You actually might like this!" It was exactly what I needed and not because I was looking for someone to date. It offered little pearls of wisdom along with gentle reminders about how to stay on our own path and stay true to ourselves should we enter ...more
Sep 18, 2008 Erin rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Everyone
Recommended to Erin by: A girlfriend
Last year (2007) when I had just moved out of my home, with my daughter and my dogs, away from my now ex-husband, my friend Cheryl gave me this book to read. There are so many great quotes in it, which I will have to add later. She told me the story of how she even came across the book. She was out of town, but in a random bookstore, and this book literally fell off the shelf into her hands. She said it was profound and when she read it, it meant even more to her. It, at the time, made a lot of ...more
Feb 16, 2015 Arlian rated it did not like it
I was supposed to read this book for a class. I was VERY unhappy that this was assigned reading material, as it really has nothing to do with college class I am taking, more do to with my teachers weird-ass self. I legitimately read about 10-15 chapters of it before I decided I can fake the answers to any questions/tests/quizzes/etc that I am asked about this book, and that I care more about my free time than I do about reading this stuff. The book is filled with the kind of generic bullshit "re ...more
Nov 04, 2011 wendy rated it it was amazing
Shelves: always-reading
I carry this book around. I've never done that before. It works front to finish but also packs a punch in just a page or paragraph. When the ego and fear strike, I whip this book out and viola! I'm back in the light.
Ms. Jared
Jan 03, 2015 Ms. Jared rated it really liked it
I really enjoyed this one. Lots of good advice for keeping the whole dating thing in perspective as well as being kind and compassionate to those we come in contact with and ourselves. It's difficult and scary to be vulnerable and honest when putting oneself out there and this book really gives a lot of insight into checking our motivations, handling rejection, respectfully telling others when we're not interested and so on. One of the few books I've read on dating that actually offers sound adv ...more
Oct 28, 2014 Bruce rated it it was amazing
She is right, you need to find somebody on a spiritual path of their own. Healing people will gain appreciation for themselves and the others also on one too.
Jan 16, 2009 Nathan rated it liked it
A good book, and a quick read -- I zoomed through it in two evenings, loaned it to a friend the next day. Good advice for weird singletons like me ;)
Jun 02, 2014 Kyla added it
really really enjoyed this book i recommend it for all really helps you ponder on your true self which helps in recognizing a good partner
Nov 22, 2014 Jennifer rated it really liked it
Good book. Guides you through authentic motions of being with someone and love. I enjoyed it.
Aug 16, 2014 Lisa rated it really liked it
One of the best dating books I ever read...
Oct 24, 2012 Annie rated it really liked it
Crawl, don't fall, in love. This book, written by a Quaker psychotherapist with an interest in Sufism and Buddhism, is a treasure for adults (of all ages!) who wonder why dating and relationships are so difficult. This book isn't intended to educate any of us in Buddhism as a faith, but to speak to those who want a fulfilling intimate love relationship.

Western culture's view of love -- often a hard-to-fulfill expectation of love-at-first-sight encounter, based on a strong and immediate physical
Feb 17, 2014 Tom rated it it was amazing
This book was suggested to me by my therapist. At the time, my girlfriend and I were on the rocks, and sinking fast. He (the therapist) also suggested that she read it as well.

Digging into the book, we both found value (sometimes on the same page!) in its words, and worked on applying those themes to our relationship, along with looking inward.

For a very solid book to work on your interpersonal issues, I highly recommend it. Even if you're not in a relationship, or even if you're in a healthy r
Kenny Brouwers
Nov 21, 2014 Kenny Brouwers rated it really liked it
I have been stuck in life because of a broken relationship, plunging me into depression. I thought I had truly found 'the one'. My rationality told me to go on and let go, but my spiritual side and my subconsciousness just couldn't let go.

Dr. Kasl's book combines science with spirituality, analysing the facts, fabrics and dynamics of relationships and dating. Through simple exercises and step by step investigation this book inspired wholly new insights, showing me why my last relationship failed
Mar 31, 2008 Kate rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: everyone who ever hopes to be in a healthy complete relationship
The title of this book sounds TOTALLY cheezy, but it is fantastic. I read it as I was re-evaluating after an intense breakup and kind of messed up relationship, finding myself potentially launching into a new relationship.

The book is part self-help, part Buddhist-y, and is made up of short chapters with different lessons to learn. Meta-chapters walk you through the progression of a relationship. What I like about this book a lot is its emphasis on dealing with pain and becoming whole, in order t
May 30, 2014 Katie rated it really liked it
I adored this book. I have never read a dating book before, and I don't think this really counts as one. This book is more about how you can date mindfully, taking care of yourself and your needs, while also being kind to anyone you happen to date (being kind and open with them as you date, and how to gracefully end a dating relationship). As a single gal who's becoming more and more jaded about the dating scene, I took heart from this book.

My only criticism of this read is that it's now slightl
May 03, 2014 Pj rated it really liked it
While I was reading I was thinking her insights are all common sense, but I have never implemented them. If you have ever read or heard of the Secret this book has a little of it. There is a combination of Christianity, Buddhism and others. Great little book for every gender, sexual orientation and stage in a relationship or without. Will be using as a reference.
Craig Williams
Feb 24, 2012 Craig Williams rated it liked it
Let's face it - I'll take all the help I can get in the field of dating. So when I saw a book about it with a Buddhist slant, I just had to read it. It turns out I either know more about dating, and relationships, than I gave myself credit for, or Charlotte Kasl just knows far less. Either way, I ultimately walked away having learned nothing altogether significant, except for maybe a couple of thoughtful nuggets of wisdom here and there. Also, Kasl draws from a range of Eastern traditions, even ...more
Feb 05, 2016 Ellie rated it it was amazing
Shelves: spiritual-le
Dating and romance can be very stressful. Opening ourselves to love and relationships is something that is difficult to grasp in current society. This book helps us look past these issues and let go of them so that we can be better people and be open to loving and better relationships.
Megan Salyer
Jan 30, 2016 Megan Salyer rated it it was amazing
This book is fabulous! Activities to help you draw boundaries, learn who you are as a person, deepen spirituality, lessen anxiety and are all applicable approaches to use in therapy with clients ! Fun and interesting read you don't want to put down.
Jul 10, 2007 Katarzyna rated it liked it

Tahnk you very much for your present!
As always you know what is appriopriate in every situation!

I liked the book a lot! I would have to read it again to apply some of the wisdom!
Following the spirit I highly recomend "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse. The heart opening stories!

"When we dive into the ocean, we become the sea".

"Rather than saying, "Worship me," he taught people to become free of their illusions so they could be in touch with their inner radiance, or as some say, the luminous ess
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Charlotte Sophia Kasl, PhD, is a U.S. psychologist and author.

She pioneered the 16-Steps for Discovery and Empowerment as an alternative to the Twelve-step program for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.

She wrote several books based on some aspects of Sufi, Quaker, and Buddhist spiritual beliefs and traditions.

More about Charlotte Kasl...

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“Staying loyal to your journey means you never abandon yourself by compromising your integrity or discounting your intuition or the signals that come from your body—the knot in the gut, emotional detachment, or loss of energy that signals something is amiss.” 7 likes
“Instead of trying to freeze the present moment and hang on to it, we need to remember that life is a process of constantly letting go. The ego wants dependable rituals and people who stay the same. But to be free means that we enjoy this touch, this kiss, this sunrise, and then let it go. This is sometimes described as not letting the ground under your feet get too solid, not grasping for security or predictability.” 3 likes
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