1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

by Thomas W. Phelan

book data

501 ratings, 3.93 average rating, 194 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		29%
4		41%
3		22%
2		4%
1		1%

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published

February 1st 2003 (first published 1995) by Parentmagic, Inc.

binding

Paperback, 224 pages

isbn

1889140163 (isbn13: 9781889140162)

description

Addressing the task of disciplining children ages 2 through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking, this program offers easy-to-follow steps to imme...more

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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 742)

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06/30/08

Bethany rated it:

Read in August, 2008

This book was recommended to me by a friend who has 10 children. It was helpful in understanding what to do when you as a parent get frustrated with your children. I especially liked the authors explanation on little-adult syndrome. Children are not naturally logical like adults and I make that mistake all the time with my five year-old becuase he talks to me like he's an adult sometimes. To make the counting discipline effective you have to use silence. I've found it effective and it certainly ...more

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02/07/09

Kevin Kirkhoff rated it:

How in the world do you begin to discipline a young child? When they get older, it's easy: no TV, no dessert, no play time with friends. But what about when all they do is run around and torment the place? Enter "1-2-3 Magic". It has a simple premise. Tell the child to stop doing something. If he doesn't stop, "that's one". Give him until three, with about five seconds in between one and two. On three, he's off to his room or isolated in a chair for a minute or two. When the ...more

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04/25/09

Shana rated it:

bookshelves: parenting

Read in March, 2008

I knew this was going to be a terrible book. It was recommended to me by a terrible speech therapist who was a behavioral therapist wanna-be, and a bad one at that. Thankfully she got fired because apparently no one else liked her approach either, which was based on this book. I read the book though, because hey, I'm open minded. You wont see me say this often, but I lost some brain cells by reading that book. I would not be so unkind as to recommend this book to anyone. Now, usually I can take ...more

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03/03/09

Shellie rated it:

bookshelves: childrens, education-teaching

Read in January, 1996

This is the best, easiest, and most effective method of discipline for children that I have found. Working as a substitute teacher for several years and as a kindergarten teacher for one year - a few years ago - it was a life saver. I had read many books on the subject because it was my understanding that a peaceful and maintained classroom are the foundations for learning.
The video was also recommended by the teacher with whom I was sharing the classroom in my first and last year teaching...more

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02/22/09

Carmen Micsa rated it:

Read in February, 2009

As the parent of two toddlers, a boy and a girl, I feel that I constantly need to learn something new every day about being a good parent, while avoiding overparenting.

I particularly enjoyed the 1-2-3 counting technique described in the book, which I successfully use with my kids to enforce discipline. Among other things the author talks about the importance of positive reinforcement and effective communication.

However, the idea that resonates the most is centered aroun...more

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05/23/09

Amanda rated it:

Read in May, 2009

I didn't finish this book. I got fed up with it after reading the phrase, "1-2-3-Magic is not magic, it just seems like it!" five times in the first thirty pages. It was also peppered with sarcastic remarks that were probably meant to be cute and funny but just got on my nerves and were borderline offensive. ("What if you have children who always respond to words and reasons? You are certainly lucky! Recent research has indicated that there are three such children in this country...more

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02/20/09

Clint rated it:

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in March, 2009

recommends it for: Parents of kids, baby sitters, primary teachers, and grandparents even.

My wife used to always watch the show Super-Nanny trying get tips for raising our kids. I couldn't stand it. It was 1% information to that load of drama and crazy kids. Bleh.

This book on the other hand is Excellent. Its a short book that really gives you a framework to:

1) Stop your kids obnoxious behavior,
2) Get your kids to Start doing stuff (chores, getting ready for bed, etc.) and
3) Helping you set aside time to build healthy friendships with your kids...more

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01/16/09

Heather rated it:

Read in January, 2009

Now we just started using the practices in the book and we actually haven't counted any behaviors yet. So I may change my rating, good or bad after a couple weeks of using the method. I disagree with a few points in the book, but that is normal but overall Phelan was spot on with things. I really like the idea of counting because my 8 year old loves to argue. There is no room for arguing and I already feel relieved. I would recommend this book to those that have three-12 year old children. ...more

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04/11/08

Tonya rated it:

This is the most effective discipline method I have ever tried! Love it...to this day I still only have to say, "That's one" to my kids and they settle right in. I highly recommend it to anyone with a young family.

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06/12/09

Tauna rated it:

Read in June, 2009

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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06/22/09

LuAnn rated it:

Read in June, 2009

This was highly recommended by a fellow social worker. This would be a good book for someone with a child that pushes limits...time-out isn't working...and you are constantly after your child for one thing after another. I can't speak entirely from personal experience as I've only incorporated elements of this method as that is all I have needed. I can see how the full program could be useful in the right situation.

It took me a long time to get into the book...it is full of fluf...more

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10/24/08

Eric rated it:

bookshelves: adult

Read in August, 2007

1-2-3 Magic is a system that all of the elementary teachers at my school use--which says a lot considering how hard it can be to get a group of people with varied backgrounds and personalities to unanimously agree on one thing. There are a lot of books and theories on discipline, and I think the reason why this one is accepted by all these teachers is because 1-2-3 Magic seems to represent the middle ground among all these theories. It is a very simple system, using basic principles found in man...more

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07/09/08

Deanna rated it:

bookshelves: adoption-related

Read in July, 2008

recommends it for: people that want to learn forms of discipline

I was spanked as a kid and don't feel that discipline was handled very well. Throughout my husbnad and my foster-parent interviews, I have realized that there are a lot of holes in my knowledge and creativity in this area. I haven't really have a plan for how I am going to handle this and need to start thinking about it.

I was talking to my friend A-, who is a quadriplegic mom (so she completely relies on verbal control of her kid); her kid is almost 2 and she really needed to fig...more I was spanked as a kid and don't feel that discipline was handled very well. Throughout my husbnad and my foster-parent interviews, I have realized that there are a lot of holes in my knowledge and creativity in this area. I haven't really have a plan for how I am going to handle this and need to start thinking about it.

I was talking to my friend A-, who is a quadriplegic mom (so she completely relies on verbal control of her kid); her kid is almost 2 and she really needed to figure out some new methods of getting behavior from her daughter. So, it seemed like all factors were telling me it is time to learn about discipline. Several families at our Foster Parent class recommended 1-2-3 Magic.

I loved this book because of a few key points that I learned a lot from and will use in my parenting, regardless of whether I am using the 1-2-3 Magic method.

It seperates "stop" and "start" behaviors, pointing out that how you get kids to do these different categories of behavior is going to be different.

It seperates the "heat of the moment" of conflict from the lesson of the conflict. It doesn't try to get communication going when tempers are flared.

It focuses on giving kids individual attention rather than trying to do things in larger groups when jealousies may be triggered and when sometimes noone gets their needs met.

It gives clear examples of how to set up systems of punishment and reward that gets the whole family in a habit of understanding what is expected.

Basically, the premise is that behaviors can be stopped by simply getting the kids used to counting up to a time-out. It gives them 2 chances within a short period of time to alter their behavior, then leads them to a punishment. The book also offers 7 suggestions for starting behaviors, including punishments and reward systems.

After reading the reviews, I have noted several problems with the book that others have mentioned. First is that counting to get desired behavior can be obnoxious sometimes. On the other hand, I see it as a last resort. The whole point is that talking to your kids isn't working, it can escalate into an argument and your kid still isn't getting the desired behavior. I actually think that this book is oriented towards people that have anger-management issues because at the beginning it speaks of avoiding hitting your kids. Not that the book won't work for anyone, it can.

Secondly, it has a bias about kids that not everyone will agree with. It is premised on the fact that children are not rational small people, but selfish and greedy by nature. They suggest that teaching kids from a young age is more similar to animal training than to working with other adults. This leads to a pretty formulaic approach to time-out based punishment. I agree with the criticisms that there is more to teaching kids than this. Again, the whole point of the book is that during the heat of the battle of wills is probably not the right time to have that conversation for most families. The kid is upset, maybe the parent is, too. Everyone needs a time-out before the lesson can really be considered. Of course, this may not be true for all families, but many of the negatively portrayed scenarios described in this book sure remind me of my family.

So, I think that rather than dissing this book, it needs to be considered that it is actually not meant to be the only resource that parents will be using. It is simply a discipline system that is a tool among other resources that one is using to teach. Now I am reading How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so that Kids Will Talk, which I hope will be a good companion to it.
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04/16/08

Mary_Ann rated it:

(review of isbn 0963386190)

Read in April, 2008

Offers some good guidance but view of children a bit brow-raising.

I appreciated the insights about the necessity of being calm and consistent (following through on what you have said) when it comes to setting standards and consequences for children.

However, I was a bit uncomfortable with the author's view of children. Perhaps the author is attempting levity in order to diffuse parental frustration, but for me, his portrayal of children made me squirm in my chair. In a n...more

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03/19/08

Jennifer rated it:

Read in October, 2006

This is one of the best parenting books I have read simply because it helps parents (and classroom teachers) to be consistent and positive with thier children. My husband and I read it together and we have had many extensive conversations about how we would implement this form of discipline in our home with various aged children. I have used this method - combined with other knowledge and methods I have learned - with many children of many different ages and find it very effective. I find tha...more

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09/02/08

Aimee rated it:

Read in September, 2008

I decided to read a few parenting books to help give me an approach, if you will. When Luke started challenging my authority, I realized that I didn't really have a consistent way of dealing with it. As with any parenting book, I took what I liked from this book and left the rest. I really liked how this author suggesting dealing with getting your child to stop doing something that they shouldn't be doing. It takes the traditional counting to 3 method and elaborates it to make it much more e...more

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01/25/08

Elissa rated it:

bookshelves: read-in-2008

Read in April, 2008

The jury's still out on this one. And I've only read half of it. Because I got the video for my husband to watch and it is, quite literally, exactly like the book. So I'm just going to get the video for the second half of the book. I know it's lazy.

The thing I like about this book is that it is a discipline system that is simple and gentle. And the point of it is to stop fighting with your kids all the time so that you can enjoy them. I like the idea of that, although I haven't...more

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06/13/09

Christine Gaudreau rated it:

Read in October, 2007

One of the best books I've read for handling time outs for children. Anyone can put their child in time out and we thought we were doing it correctly until we read this book! We were having constant power struggles and this book corrected what we were doing wrong. And it works, just like magic! You will be saying that too after reading and following the steps in this book. It really does work!

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05/29/09

Jamey rated it:

Read in May, 2009

I think this book can be a great help to new parents or parents struggling with childrens' behavior issues. It's can be read quickly, immplemented immediately, and is a very simple system to remember & follow that not only trains the children but the parents as well. Much of it is common sense but I think some parents lose out on the common sense of parenting because they're a participant. This book is actually being used by teachers at my grandkids' school also.

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03/23/09

Shea added it

LOVE this book. Maybe too harsh for some - there is a sense of punishment through variations of time-outs, but what happens, is you really stop needing the time-out. Changed our life and my toddler has almost no tantrums and when she does, recovers quickly. It's all about the warning... Opposite of Unconditional Parenting, which is unrealistic for me, though I think it's great.

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