(Not That You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions

published	2007 by Random House
binding	Hardcover
isbn	1400066190 (isbn13: 9781400066193)
pages	288
description	An Exclusive Essay from Author Steve Almond Steve Almond is obsessed. He first offered the world a peek into his fixations in My Life in Heavy Metal...more [close] An Exclusive Essay from Author Steve Almond Steve Almond is obsessed. He first offered the world a peek into his fixations in My Life in Heavy Metal, a collection of short stories throbbing with hookups, drunken kisses, failed passes, souring relationships, and, naturally, heavy metal. But Almond forever chewed the hard chocolate shell from his creamy inner obsessive with 2004's Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America--a sort of On the Road for the sugar set, documenting an epic journey through America's confectionary highways and backroads. Almond is back with (Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions, a collection of autobiographical pieces covering topics as diverse as Oprah Winfrey, Kurt Vonnegut, sexual failure, and the many varieties of shame. We asked Almond just what it is about obsession that drives his work, as well is its intrinsic value in all art--low and high. The Obsession Engine Why House of Rock with Bret Michaels could be your next novel. Or not. <p/>By Steve Almond <image align="right" border="0" src="http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com... A close friend of mine - who may or may not be my wife - recently fell in love with the VH-1 reality series House of Rock. For those of you who are not hip to its charms, HoR stars Bret Michaels, the former lead singer of Poison, and a gaggle of women vying to become his soul mate. I hope you will not be shocked to learn that several of these potential soul mates are strippers. Nor do all of them appear to be virgins. <p/>My friend insists that her interest in the program is purely anthropological. But I happen to know that she spent a good portion of her adolescence listening to Eighties hair metal bands and dreaming about bedding dudes like Bret Michaels and even working, briefly, as a waitress in a topless bar. She comes by her obsession naturally, is my point. <p/>The longer I read and write, the more I come to view obsession as the essential engine of literature. I am not suggesting that my wife, er, friend should write a novel about House of Rock. (The series is, by her own description, a kind of pulp novel already--histrionic, predictable, crushingly squalid.) What I'm suggesting is that her allegiance to the program identifies essential fears and desires within her, ones which embarrass her quite robustly and therefore belong in the novel she hopes to write. <p/>To take this a step further: I'm not interested in writing that isn't obsessive. Who is? We're all drama queens in the end. We all come to stories with two basic questions: Who do I care about? And What do they care about? As long as our hero, or heroine, cares deeply about something (i.e. is obsessed), and as long as they're willing to tell us their own twisted version of the truth, we'll come along for the ride. <p/>Don't believe me? Let me call to the stand my star witness, Humbert Humbert. Read more...
date added	02-28-07 edit book

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Stefani rated it:

12/11/07

Read in December, 2007

I really like Steve Almond's short stories. This makes it difficult for me to review these "Rants, exploits, and obsessions," because I think they can't hold a candle to the fiction.

There are great moments in this book, though, and it's overall wonderfully readable, so there. I have a sense that Almond's writing is best where it rises beyond the autobiographical and addresses broader issues. That's why the essay on Vonnegut is more than a fun "my abortive attempts at research...more I really like Steve Almond's short stories. This makes it difficult for me to review these "Rants, exploits, and obsessions," because I think they can't hold a candle to the fiction.

There are great moments in this book, though, and it's overall wonderfully readable, so there. I have a sense that Almond's writing is best where it rises beyond the autobiographical and addresses broader issues. That's why the essay on Vonnegut is more than a fun "my abortive attempts at researching for a biography" anecdote, and "Death by Lobster Pad Thai" is more than a drawn out "what I did on my holidays" assignment: Both pieces are relevant and moving beyond their literal content. They take these stabs at finding word for the unmentionable (integrity, idealism, the purpose of literature, friendship, mortality, and lobster poo). Sure, I'm willing to read pages after pages of rambling memoirs as long as I have the sense that the book is really about something else, something impersonal and elusive.

I thought some pieces here were too rushed & sloppy to be anything more than sort-of-fun. The thing about the girl with the fake tits, the ruminations about Heavy Metal, the silly 'rant' against pretty authors...come on. That's padding for a book that could have been so much thinner and so much more impressive.

The 'rants, exploits & obsessions' label sounds seductively easy & all-encompassing. Everyone can come up with some rants about something, right? And if that person is a masterful writer, like Steve Almond, where can they go wrong? The thing is, as this book shows, that being opinionated and entertaining doesn't make for a resonating, satisfying read. I find it hard to say why. I love "effortlessly beautiful" prose. This book reads, or "feels" effortless, but in this particular instance I found it aggravating instead of admirable. I'm pondering the difference between "effortless" and "careless" or even "lazy" or "half-baked."

It's just sad to see a writer of Almond's calibre (and this goes for his short fiction as well as for parts of the novel, and Not That You Asked) reduced to enthusing over baby poo.

Which brings me to the part of the book that irked me most: The family stories at the end. The 'Baby Daddy" segment in particular. An epic account of his wife's pregnancy and his daughter's first days. I found these pieces so self-absorbed I was tempted to leave the (virtual room), since I was obviously intruding.

Sure, there was the icky component: His wife's vomit, the baby's various emissions, the narrative equivalent of the obligatory birth scene in each "family values comedy," complete with cutting of the umbilical cord, etc.
But what really annoyed me about this piece was a nagging feeling of "why is he telling me all this?" (Not that you asked), indeed!) I seriously couldn't tell. Occasionally, the account tries to tear itself away from minuscule chronicling of the pregnancy (including the amazing growth of his wife's pregnancy boobs) and attain some relevance beyond Almond family lore, but even then, the reflections don't rise above standard "family = sacrifice, goodbye immature narcissism, oh, and perhaps we are micro-managing pregnancies just a tad too much here in the U.S." fare.
"There is nothing on earth to equal Mother Love." I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...

Okay, I wouldn't be so harsh if I didn't love the man's fiction (and some of his essays). Just for the record. (Not that you asked!)...less

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Dave rated it:

11/29/07

Read in September, 2007

recommends it for: pop culture fans

The opening salvo of Steve Almond's collection of essays, "(Not that You Asked)" was a shocker. It's title: "Dear Oprah."

Almond opens with a "pre-emptive" letter to Winfrey, rejecting her "offer" to make this volume one of her book club selections. It's laced with profanity, insult and the accusation that her commercializing of literature doesn't inspire new readers, it actually cheapens the work, and damages the integrity of the medium. A series of hu...more

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Sarah Montambo rated it:

11/18/07

bookshelves: funny, nonfiction

Read in November, 2007

After reading a vigorously written short story in "My Life in Heavy Metal" and hearing him read in person, I was eager to read this collection of essays. Though there were some that I didn't love (baseball or politically-centered), I laughed often and much throughout. Well, I acutally did enjoy the baseball essay, because he recalled a time in 1990 when he made up a song about the A's to the tune of "You can't Touch This" by MC Hammer. I finished it tonight at Borders...more

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Gina rated it:

10/15/07

Read in October, 2007

recommends it for: Anyone who likes essays.

Steve Almond wrote in Candyfreak that he used to roll around in piles of candy when he was a kid. Now that he’s (chronologically, anyway) an adult, I think he’d like to roll around in piles of words. Almond is the kind of writer who sees and feels and loves and hates with abandon, and it’s clear that if he couldn’t put the words on the page, he’d explode.

This collection of essays includes among other things, a tribute to Kurt Vonnegut, an explanation as to why Almond would...more

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Karen rated it:

09/21/07

Read in September, 2007

I've seen a few bad reviews of this book and I don't know where they're coming from. Not That You Asked was both hilarious and insightful. The essay on Vonnegut was stellar, as was the essay about the author quitting his adjunct position at Boston College--an act of protest (but not heroism, as Almond points out)that came as an instinctual reaction after he found out \Condoleeza Rice had been invited to be the graduation speaker (shudder!) I also particularly enjoyed Almond's summary o...more

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Mary rated it:

11/30/07

Read in September, 2007

recommends it for: everyone who gives a damn about the mess this country is in

Ok. I'll be honest. I saw Steve last night on Thacker Mtn. Radio, the show which I produce so maybe I am biased, but I wouldn't have begged Steve to be on the show were it not for A) How clever the book is B) How much fun it is to read aloud -- I'm not kidding I read several of the essays aloud -- to myself C) Steve's writing rocks and should be on everyone's reading list. That said, NOT THAT YOU ASKED is the only book I have read all semester other than my required class books. It was the only...more

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Jeremy rated it:

12/03/07

bookshelves: bangor-public-library, essays, humor

Read in December, 2007

Vaguely amusing waste of time. The type of thing 812 other well-spoken, accident-prone, socially awkward white dudes are cranking out. I'm trying to say something nice about at least one of the chapters, but I'm honestly having a hard time remembering what any of them were about.

I hear positive things about this guy, so I suspect I should have started with either the metal or the candy book, and maybe I will and maybe I won't. Based on what I've read thus far, I'm certainly not going to mak...more

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Brendan rated it:

09/16/07

The title is your first clue that these essays are not serious or literary or, for the most part, attempts at understanding anything. (Not to get all hung up on Montaigne, but that’s what essays, by definition, are: attempts at understanding.) Almond, author of the 2004 short story collection Candyfreak, makes noises about the “little thrush of beauty” that “unfurls” when a writer really nails it. He confesses to “an embarrassing yearning for beauty” and scolds his readers f...more

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Sara rated it:

10/20/07

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in October, 2007

I think the whole point that Almond was aiming for was that there are moments in one's life that are going to be great and ones that aren't so great. But no matter what, they enrich who you are and you learn from them.

He writes about his extreme dislike for the Red Sox even though he resides in Boston and how he and his father always related on their love for the Oakland A's. He reveals his first sexual experience and how he met the love of his life years later. But the best part was how he...more

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Marie rated it:

11/19/07

Read in November, 2007

i wanted it to be 4 stars but when all is said and done I enjoyed his short stories much much more than this collection of essays.
I had moments of laughter and I was swept away by a sentence here or there but all in all I felt like most of the conclusions were either too tidy or too abrupt in their conclusions.
Sometimes a story was so great and funny and zipping right along, like steve and I were funning through a field of daisys laughing and smiling at each other while holding hands, my hair ...more

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Laura rated it:

02/07/08

Read in February, 2008

I love Steve Almond. I don't know how many times this book had me laughing out loud, and I know I was so engrossed in it that I unaware of both the completion of my son's swim class one evening and soccer practice the next!

Almond's tirades against beautiful writers and the Bush administration, his fears and dreams about becoming a father, his surprising role as the Red Sox anti-christ, and his love letter to Kurt Vonnegut were all engrossing and terribly amusing.

And if I ever have the c...more

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Ken rated it:

12/05/07

Somewhere, perhaps Amazon, I read a review that said this was the funniest book ever written. With that in mind, I was greatly disappointed. Had I not believed the fanfare, I may have liked this more.

There are funny bits here, but by far it's not the funniest. Most of it is baudy, sexual humor that is pretty rough.When he 's not discussing his sexual exploits with wax and his many girlfriends, Almond writes well, however. His essay on author Kurt Vonnegut seems out of place. like finding a ...more

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Mike rated it:

07/01/07

Read in July, 2007

recommends it for: Jeff, the left-leaning, Vonnegut fans past and present

This is a mixed bag. Almond's essays on Vonnegut (completely dead on) and his love of the A's/role as the Red Sox Antichrist are exceptional. But much of what is included here is mostly self appreciation, albeit written with exceptional style, to remind us of how much more clever/talented he is than the rest of us. Plus, after a few essays, I began hoping that he would steer clear of sharing every detail of his sexual life/fantasies. I really think someone needs to share with him Jonathan Fr...more

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Deb rated it:

09/30/07

Read in September, 2007

recommends it for: everyone

As I wrote in my Amazon review Steve is an amazing writer whose ego has yet to catch up with his talent. He embraces his nerdy side and his pervert side with equal reverance. And he is so fucking funny ....and real, and human.

Forget David Sedaris. Read this book and you will be a fan. I guarantee it. There is something for everyone...baseball fans, people who hate Oprah, writers, teens who have been arrested for shoplifting and new moms and dads.

It's sweet, it's savory...it's delicious...more

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Dave rated it:

07/09/07

bookshelves: friends

Just got the galley of this from Steve's publisher on Friday and started reading it last night. The second piece in the book, "Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt," a piece about Kurt Vonnegut, is absolutely five stars. It moves me and reminds me of why I started to write, the man who was my greatest influence, and the ways in which I've deliberately distanced myself from him, just as Steve has. Like Steve, I'm embarrassed and ashamed at that distancing. And I now find myself mor...more

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Tony rated it:

10/19/07

Read in October, 2007

i'm only half way through and i'm supposed to interview Almond next month.

being @ the half way point, i've already order every other book he has ever written.

his first essay on vonnegut almost brought me to tears, because i could never write such a splendid essay.

actually, his first essay is his introduction where he thanks oprah for considering his book for her book of the month club.

oprah's a bitch and it's great to see someone else nail her on her idiocy...though i admit to wa...more

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Amy rated it:

10/15/07

Read in October, 2007

This book's very funny, the longer essays in particular. I loved the section on how he became a baby daddy, which includes the hilarious, "10 Ways I Killed My Daughter Within Her First 72 Hours of Life." Also good are his essay about Kurt Vonnegut, his string of letters to Oprah, his "Red Sox Anti-Christ" (he hates them, rightly so) and "Demagogue Days," which is about his decision to resign from an adjunct teaching position at BC because they invited Condi Rice t...more

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Kate rated it:

10/25/07

bookshelves: essays, nonfiction, own-currently

Read in October, 2007

Mike's review is spot-on. Additionally, I thought Almond was a bit hard on poor Jennifer Weiner in the Vonnegut essay (though it would be impossible to be too hard on Joyce Carol Oates, who is frankly a misanthropist). I had to skip most of the Red Sox chapter. I LOVED the chapter where he's supposed to be on a documentary about people with unusual obsessions, and I love his frequent, fervent interruptions in his essays when he talks about having a daughter. And I laughed through the first chapt...more

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Beverly rated it:

02/10/08

Read in January, 2008

recommends it for: everyone

Real life essays that had me laughing out loud. I haven't read Almond's fiction yet, but some friends recommended this book and it was hard for me to put it down. Everything from his early on (to the present) adoration of Vonnegut to the the no-no's of writing sex scenes were brilliantly written, and with his tongue in cheek swagger and utter humility, the combo is irresistible. Haven't had this much fun in a book in ages.
A new daddy, (baby girl) his essay on how he murdered his child the f...more

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Carmen is currently reading it

10/15/07

bookshelves: currently-reading

I think I shoplifted this book tonight, by mistake. Steve signed it, and then we talked about how awesome biscotti is, and he gave a piece of biscotti to Sue and me, and I was remembering the free biscotti jar at the magazine where I interned in college, and then I told him that I'm writing about duck penises this week, which was an attempt to make him proud of me....but I can't remember whether I bought it. I never was a shoplifter, but I'd be a good one, I think. I'm unassuming.

I'll plan ...more

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