Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “I'm Ok, You're Ok” as Want to Read:
I'm Ok, You're Ok
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

I'm Ok, You're Ok

3.68  ·  Rating Details  ·  12,988 Ratings  ·  237 Reviews
Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, Child) as the basis for the content & quality of interpersonal communication. Happy childhood notwithstanding, says Harris, most live out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking & caring. At some stage early on we adopt a position about ou ...more
Paperback, 287 pages
Published June 8th 1973 by Pan Books (first published 1967)
More Details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about I'm Ok, You're Ok, please sign up.

Popular Answered Questions

Glenn This book contains "insight tools" which we can use to make interpersonal communication more effective and successful.
This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Add this book to your favorite list »

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
filter  |  sort: default (?)  |  Rating Details
Sara Kamjou
Jun 04, 2016 Sara Kamjou rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
کتاب وضعیت آخر را برای دومین بار خواندمش و فکر میکنم هر کس چه روانشناس و چه غیر روانشناس در زندگیاش باید این کتاب را بخواند و با تحلیل رفتار متقابل آشنا شود. به عنوان یک روانشناس، نظریهی اریک برن را تحسین میکنم و برای مراجعانم بسیار از آن بهره میگیرم. این کتاب توصیف و توضیح بسیار خوبی از نظریهی برن است.
بخشهای ماندگار کتاب:
سامرست موآم، نویسندهی انگلیسی میگوید: لحظههایی هست که من به جنبههای محتلف روح خودم با شگفتی نگاه میکنم. میبینم که من واقعا از چند آدم مختلف ساخته شدهام،
It's rare that you come across a book that takes you six months to finish, with more or less weekly efforts to just get it over with. 274 pages later and I still can't identify Harris's thesis.

This book suffers from trying to be everything and ends up being nothing. Despite my bitter frustration from laboring through this insipid, disorganized mess, I still will give Harris the benefit of the doubt and assume this was all done in good faith and was a concerted effort to reach out to people in n
Nov 26, 2013 Arukiyomi rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
About fourteen billion years ago when I was a young child, I remember my mother had this book on my parents’ bookshelf. I remember three things about it. Firstly, it was one of the few titles on that memorable shelf that I could understand at that age. I also remember the strong vivid colours of the cover, so redolent of the 70s. The final thing I remember is that it was definitely my mother’s book and not my father’s. I think in later years, although my memory is scratched from my furious effor ...more
Jan 08, 2013 George rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
History has not been kind to I'm Okay-You're Okay: Inter-racial marriages and pre-marital sex are not quite the taboo subjects they used to be and it's been a while since I saw the word "retards" used seriously. Indeed, the world Harris portrays seems straight out of Leave it to Beaver, which cements the whole feel of the book in the time and place it was written.

But there is much to learn here on the topic of transactional analysis and the P-A-C (parent, adult and child) within us all. Particu
Sep 23, 2008 Hannibal rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychoanalysis
این کتاب به نوعی عصاره مشرب روانشناسی معاصر آمریکاست که در تقابل جدی با مکتب اروپایی لکان قرار دارد.
تامس هریس با محور قرار دادن علوم رفتاری به تحلیل رفتار آدمی دست می زند و تقسیم بندی او شامل کودک-بالغ -والد است که به زعم نویسنده، علی زغم شباهت به تقسیم بندی مشهور فروید (نهاد-من-فرا من) با آن متفاوت است.
از جمله برجستگی های این کتاب، کاربرد آن برای استفاده در ادبیات نمایشی است، چنانکه ابراهیم مکی در کتاب "شناخت عوامل نمایش" خواندن این کتاب را به عنوان پایه ای برای تحلیل رفتار های انسان و در نتیجه
Mar 11, 2012 Kenneth rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I had to read this book twice before I realised its significance. It would be a huge mistake to think that this is simply a 1960's psychobabble book, understanding transactional analysis can really help you understand what other people mean, not just what they say. It's a book that should be read by anyone who has to deal with people on a day-to-day basis... and that's most of us.
Saman Kashi

من هیچ وقت دوست نداشتم و ندارم که کسی برایم معلم باشد و معلمبازی در بیاورد. همیشه از نصیحت متنفر بودم. به همین خاطر نه از کسی نصیحت میشنوم و نه به کسی نصیحت میکنم. دورهی این حرفها گذشته است دیگر

یادم میاید چند وقت پیش با یکی از دوستان صحبت میکردم. میگفت : من هر وقت به کسی کتاب هدیه میدهم برایش به عنوان تقدیم نامه یک جملهی قصار یا تکاندهنده یا سنگین مینویسم. بهش گفتم من متنفرم از این که کسی کتابی به من هدیه بدهد که به عنوان تقدیمنامه برایم جملهی قصار بنویسد و از این تیپ حرفها. مثل بچهادم یه تقدیم
Adam Bryant
Jul 10, 2012 Adam Bryant rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
My mom called me a hippy for reading this book, but it gave me a unique perspective on how to approach interpersonal relationships with everyone in my life. I learned lessons in the book that I use on a daily basis in parenting, being a husband, and working with others, nearly 15 years after reading it for the first time. If you half to ever talk to other humans, you should read it.
Mary Lou
Lots of good information my favorites:

When in doubt leave it out (restrain first impulse)
Blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults
If you do not chart a course, you will fall back in the same spot
Love is not glazing at each other, but looking outward together in the same direction
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it
If you baby a baby when he's a baby you won't have to baby him the rest of his life
People attract not that which they want,
May 07, 2013 Mostafa rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
کتاب بسیار خوبی هست به آدم خیلی کمک می کنه که بتونه کودک،بالغ و والد درونش رو تشخیص بده و بدونه با کدوم یکی از زیرشخصیت هاش داره کاری رو انجام میده یا حرفی رو میزنه.
این کتاب بسیار به من کمک کرد تا بتونم منطقی با افراد بحث کنم. در کل توانایی جر و بحث کردن و پیروزی آدم تو بحث کردن رو زیاد میکنه ولی آدم باید از این تواناییش در راه درست استفاده کنه...
Susanna - Censored by GoodReads
I'm still trying to figure out why a psychiatrist thought this was a good book to give a deeply depressed 12-year-old.
Gary Patton
Dr. Harris' book was the second of the late 1960s & early ‘70s pop-psychology books about "Transactional Analysis that was written for the mass North American market. It's predecessor was "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, the father of "Transactional analysis, and Dr. Harris' mentor and teacher.

Both were run-away Best Sellers ...each holding NY Times Best Seller list records. Might this be because: "Self-help’s readers — guilt-stricken, fear-plagued, stupid-choice-making as they are — can b
Ana r
Mar 17, 2009 Ana r rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
پس از سالها گشتن به دنبال خویشتن خویش،این کتاب آنچه باید را برای من روشن کرد.
یاریم دادآنجا که نمی دانستم کیست در من که مرا می گریاند،می خنداند،خشمگین می کند،پای مرازنجیر می کند،بدون چون وچرا آنچه نمی خواهم رالازم الاجرا می کنندو
Daniel Petra
May 21, 2016 Daniel Petra rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love the title of this book. Actually the title was the inspiration for a humorous maxim that has by now become accepted in twelve step and other kinds of support groups: "I am not OK, you are not OK, and that's OK!"
This book deals with the multiple nature of human beings and it has been a great inspiration for me. For example, this book has helped me to increase my understanding of our Inner Characters and their interactions, especially our inner Mother, Father and Child. I find that this bo
Jun 11, 2008 John rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Snopsis, although not mine, of the Book - Over 7 Million sold per Amazon.

Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves and others that de
Shoubhik Banerjee
When my friend introduced me to this book, I was pretty sceptic about it. I had never tried any book of this genre. But my love for psychology made me read this book. And the first few sentences got me riveted to this book. Although Transactional Analysis in psychiatry is as complicated as psychiatry itself, the way this book introduces the reader to the concept of Super-ego, Ego and Id, is amazingly simple. Some may say it has been oversimplified, but i think it does a good enough job to get st ...more
بنظرم بیشتر کتاب حالت تعریف از خود و صرفا بیان کارآمد بودن تئوری داشت و خوب برایم خیلی جالب و جدید نبود، اما دو فصل آخر درباره دو تا موضوع جالب دین و اجتماع و چگونگی ارتباط تئوری رفتار متقابل با این دو موضوع و دیدگاهشو،البته تا حدودی، باز کرد که باعث شد از یک و نیم فصل آخر بیشتر از همه لذت ببرم. با اینکه توضیحات و استدلال هاش درباره خود مذهب یا خیلی چیزها ضعیف و ساده بود،اما بالاخره موضوعات رو عینی تر بررسی کرد و از حالت تعریف از خود بیرون آمد. شاید هم چون فصل های قبل تحلیل رفتار متقابل در موضوع ...more
Dec 28, 2014 Radhika rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It took me a long time to read & inculcate the concepts in my life and analyse various transactions and games people play.You cant just read it in one go and throw it away.The theories are so immersing that as the day passes it becomes more interesting.Its a way of living life.Once the concept is embedded in your brain, you see the world through states/ IDs.
This book has a potential to change ones life but the disclaimer is to go slow, observe the communications, people behavior around you a
Adrian Dinu
Apr 24, 2016 Adrian Dinu rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology
Maybe it won't be the same for you, but to me it's opened my eyes by giving me an entirely new lens through which to look at myself. Awesome book, absolutely loved it!

It was very interesting and very insightful in dealing the 3 components of the Self: the Parent, Child and Adult, and how the interactions between these 3 determine many of our behaviours, reactions and states. The clear and beautiful explanations of each "life position" [ I'm (not) OK & You're (not) OK ] were also very useful
Jun 17, 2009 Eric rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Not to be dismissed as 60's pop psychology. An easy read, but makes me differenciate rational decisionmaking from acceptance of unevaluated truth statements.
RK Byers
labels almost everything, answers almost nothing.
William Perrin
Jan 19, 2015 William Perrin rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book is for the politically disaffected. It seems a major shame to me that any author writing psychology or self helps writings would mix his own liberal political views into any writing, but that's exactly what has happened with this book. In Harris' section on "The Social Implications of PAC" - Chapter 13 - page 259 Harris writes about the "Berkley Uprising" and do I really care? No that isn't why I chose to read the book. This book is littered with such non-sense from page 1 straight thr ...more
Urban Sedlar
Apr 27, 2013 Urban Sedlar rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An eye-opening interpretation of interpersonal relationships; it develops a theory, free of often misunderstood psychological jargon, that anyone should be able to understand in the same manner.

The main idea put forward is that everyone consists of three separate states: the parent, the child and the adult. Parent state mimics how you perceived your own parents from birth to the age of ~5, the child state is a tape recording of your own feelings of inferiority as a child (from birth to the age o
Gabriel-paul Israel
I really enjoyed reading this book. I have struggled for a very long time with the crossed lines of transactional analysis. I find that the diagrams in the book are wonderful for further understanding of the Parent, Adult, Child paradigm. I have been learning this paradigm for awhile without knowing where the paradigm first began. I use of the information within the paradigm has helped me grow and better understand myself. Furthermore, I think that the importance of the discussion of the labels ...more
Ken Henry
This was required reading in college. It has without a doubt has some insightful arguments. A elementary level of communication skills.
However, another "feel good book that misses out on the importance of evaluating ones self upon a wrong system of beliefs.
Would better be described in the self help books, " fake it till you make it." A clean shave , clean cut hair and new cloths
and now by self pronouncement your O..K. and so is everyone else.
It most certain is written from a world view of man. "
Sahar Pirmoradian
Feb 06, 2015 Sahar Pirmoradian rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book gave me a model of how my bahviours could be classified into Child, Parent, Adult. Having a model in mind, I get less hopeless about an undesired state I go through. For example, when I ridiculously act like a child, instead of panicking of whom I am, I say, "It is alright. You are simply in your Child. Think of how to move to your Adult.", then I try to "think" instead of reacting. Likewise, if I see another person behaving bossy, I'd say, "he is in his Parent state, can I help him mo ...more
Jan 04, 2016 Pinar rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
2 yildiz vermem ama bu kitap maalesef boyle. Psikanaliz konusunda bir suru kitap okudum son 1 yilda. Bu cok eski, konulari anlatis ve ele alis sekli eski. Konular da eski.
این اثر توماس هریس را اسماعیل فصیح به فارسی برگردانده و نشر نو در 1365 منتشر کرده است. توماس هریس یک روانپزشک است و این کتابش در دهه ی هفتاد، به عنوان پر فروش، یا "بست سللر" دو سال در صدر فروش بازار کتاب بود. شاید تنها علت ترجمه ی این کتاب به فارسی هم، احتمال فروش بالای آن بوده، که متاسفانه بنظر می رسد چنین نشد. در این زمینه در دهه ی چهل شمسی، یکی دیگر از این پیامبران آمریکایی با فرمول "زندگی خوش و خوب" در ایران مشهور شد، "دیل کارنگی"؛ که معقتد بود می داند "موفقیت" چگونه به دست می آید. حتی در بر ...more
Fiona Cunningham
Really interesting read
من یک انسانم، تو یک انسانی ..
بدونِ وجود تو من انسان نیستم زیرا فقط از راه ارتباط با تو این زبان امکان پذیر است و فقط از راه زبان است که تفکر امکان پذیر است و فقط از راه تفکر است که انسانیت امکان پذیر است .
تو مرا مهم ساخته ای بنابراین من مهم هستم و تو هم مهم هستی ...
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 99 100 next »
topics  posts  views  last activity   
Ask Daniel Petra: I love the title of this book. It's very practical ... 1 3 May 21, 2016 09:11AM  
Book Ratings 3 23 Jun 05, 2013 05:27AM  
  • Born To Win: Transactional Analysis With Gestalt Experiments
  • TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis
  • What Do You Say After You Say Hello?
  • Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts
  • When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy
  • Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life
  • A New Guide to Rational Living
  • On Death and Dying
  • Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
  • The Feeling Good Handbook
  • The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
  • Healing the Shame that Binds You
  • Reality Therapy: A New Approach to Psychiatry
  • Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types
  • Getting the Love You Want : A Guide for Couples
  • Gestalt Therapy Verbatim
  • Your Erroneous Zones
  • Our Inner Conflicts: A Constructive Theory of Neurosis

Share This Book

“Through the Adult the little person can begin to tell the difference between life as it was taught and demonstrated to him (Parent), life as he felt it or wished it or fantasied it (Child), and life as he figures it out by himself (Adult).” 2 likes
“Three things make people want to change. One is that they hurt sufficiently. They have beat their heads against the same wall so long that they decide they have had enough. They have invested in the same slot machines without a pay-off for so long that they finally are willing either to stop playing, or to move on to others. Their migraines hurt, their ulcers bleed. They are alcoholic. They have hit the bottom. They beg for relief. They want to change.

Another thing that makes people want to change is a slow type of despair called ennui, or boredom. This is what the person has who goes through life saying, "So what?" until he finally asks the ultimate big "So What?" He is ready to change.

A third thing that makes people want to change is the sudden discovery that they can. This has been an observable effect of Transactional Analysis. Many people who have shown no particular desire to change have been exposed to Transactional Analysis through lectures or by hearing about it from someone else. This knowledge has produced an excitement about new possibilities, which has led to their further inquiry and a growing desire to change. There is also the type of patient who, although suffering from disabling symptoms, still does not really want to change. His treatment contract reads, "I'll promise to let you help me if I don't have to get well." This negative attitude changes, however, as the patient begins to see that there is indeed another way to live. A working knowledge of P-A-C makes it possible for the Adult to explore new and exciting frontiers of life, a desire which has been there all along but has been buried under the burden of the NOT OK.”
More quotes…