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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High
The New York Times Bestseller!
Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare.
When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read Crucial Conversations and discover how to communicate
...more235 pages
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by Turtleback Books
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Julia Jacobs
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review of another edition
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review of another edition
Shelves:
business,
non-fiction,
psychology,
work,
self-help,
communication,
leadership,
self-improvement
All in all, it's a great book for developing advanced "people skills" and I rank it right up there with Emotional Intelligence 2.0. We all face situations in life where things are tense and saying the right things is critical. This is what the authors call a "crucial conversation," as opposed to a casual discussion. Crucial conversations happen between two or more people when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Whether you are approaching a boss who is br...more
I teach this course and have found the skills and insights that people experience can be life-changing. This book will help you in your personal and professional relationships. Crucial Conversations is not about being confrontational, avoiding conflict, or getting your way. Its about how to help yourself and others stay in dialogue so you can get the results you want. Its about learning, finding the truth, and strengthening relationships.
This book has valuable information, but the reader has to dig for it. I'm not impressed with the editing job; I think the editor could have helped bring more clarity to the discussion. They come up with a lot of jargon that you have to remember throughout the book ("Start with Heart," "Clever Stories," etc) and keeping track of their key words and phrases makes the learning process more difficult.
That said, I believe there are useful tools in the book (some exe...more
That said, I believe there are useful tools in the book (some exe...more
Probably the most influential book I've read in the past five years. The concepts have probably been around for a long time, but this was my first exposure to them. I'm still learning how to do the things mentioned here, but it really has helped me shift the way I think about others. The authors have a web site with a lot of great stuff in it, and their monthly-ish newsletter is one I actually read!
NOTE: I haven't actually re-read it since I first got it, so this is a review of im...more
NOTE: I haven't actually re-read it since I first got it, so this is a review of im...more
Very often most of us are in difficult conversations which, given a choice, we would like to avoid. The author calls such conversations as crucial conversations and suggests that if these conversations are handled well, we can emerge winner in most difficult of situations.
The authors, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan and David Maxfield, have done very deep research to validate their findings and then created a very well written book. Authors very aptly descri...more
The authors, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan and David Maxfield, have done very deep research to validate their findings and then created a very well written book. Authors very aptly descri...more
Why do self-help books all have to be the same? Large print, chatty conversational writing style, and the author (or authors), instead of refraining from identify and referring to themselves, use every opportunity to point out that *they* are the ones who came up with these great ideas and you are learning it from *them*. And why does the entire first chapter have to be a sales pitch to get you to read the rest of the book? I'm already reading it! I either bought a copy, or went to the troub...more
Crucial Conversations tackles one of the most difficult subjects in human relationships: How to navigate difficult conversations when 1) the stakes are high 2)opinions are at opposite ends, and 3) when emotions are charged. This book is so filled with insights and strategies, I had to read it twice and nearly use up two highlighters. At it’s core, the authors recommend asking yourself three critical questions before engaging in a difficult conversation:
What do I want for myself?
...more
What do I want for myself?
...more
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Two years ago I joined a large firm as a software developer to develop a business application. I was very excited as the opportunities were enormous and the growth potential was literally sky high. But the excitement did not last long. For, within a month of my work there, my manager kept making a series of decisions that were, well, simply unpalatable to me! These decisions frustrated me tremednously and what's
worse - these disagreements seemed to be the norm rather than an exception. I,...more
worse - these disagreements seemed to be the norm rather than an exception. I,...more
Sridhar
rated it
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review of another edition
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review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Anyone
Shelves:
business,
self-improvement
One of the amazing books I have read in recent times. Unlike many books, this book pinpoints the exact mistakes and reasons people make in high-stress conversations. Considering that many meetings these days are high-stress (time-pressures, market-pressures, customer complaints and so on), this book is a game-changer.
What makes this book wonderful is that tells you to change your Inner Game to be able to practice it. The tools the authors propose are not "fake-smile" type add...more
What makes this book wonderful is that tells you to change your Inner Game to be able to practice it. The tools the authors propose are not "fake-smile" type add...more
My friend, Joel Canfield, told a social network I belong to about this book. And with all the new tools for communication, blogs, social networks, Twitter, Ning groups--this book is really helpful. It's about how we all can learn to create a space where everyone can say what is really on their minds. Need to speak up to your boss? Need to tell that quick-fingered, group member that he is cyberspace hog? Is your friend really interested in you or simply wants to blab at you? The quality of these...more
Worth Listening To
I'm not a fan of self-help books or motivational speakers. Usually I'm driven off by the smarmy tone or self-serving verbal gimmicks. But that's not what you get with Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.
The purpose of this book is to teach skills for managing verbal dialogue in the face of emotional conflict. The authors stay focused on this topic, teaching a series of behavioral, planning, and interpretive techniques for developing...more
I'm not a fan of self-help books or motivational speakers. Usually I'm driven off by the smarmy tone or self-serving verbal gimmicks. But that's not what you get with Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.
The purpose of this book is to teach skills for managing verbal dialogue in the face of emotional conflict. The authors stay focused on this topic, teaching a series of behavioral, planning, and interpretive techniques for developing...more
A book like this has a high potential for being hokie or trite, so I was skeptical despite the Amazon reviews. To my surprise, the content was solid. The core principle of the book is that important conversations (with spouses, managers, friends, etc.) go wrong because at least one of the people doesn’t feel safe discussing their viewpoint. This might be due to how past conversations went, fear of rejection, fear of getting fired, or a number of other reasons. When someone doesn’t feel safe, the...more
I've read this book for a second time - and I know that I'll be reading it over and over again.. Until I master the skills described in this book.
From the first page of the book - that gives a definition of a crucial conversation (a discussion between two or more people where: (a) stakes are high, (b) opinions vary, and (c) emotions run strong) - you will realize that we're engaged in those EVERY day.
Most important takes this time:
1. Start from yourself - the ONLY person...more
From the first page of the book - that gives a definition of a crucial conversation (a discussion between two or more people where: (a) stakes are high, (b) opinions vary, and (c) emotions run strong) - you will realize that we're engaged in those EVERY day.
Most important takes this time:
1. Start from yourself - the ONLY person...more
Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high is a great book for anyone who ever has to deal with conflict. So basically EVERYONE can benefit from this book.
I was first introduced to it through the Team Leader Academy put on by the school district for which I work. Of all the things I learned this week, this is the information that immediately had an impact on my life. I began using the information presented with my kids and my husband. It's amazing how much it cha...more
I was first introduced to it through the Team Leader Academy put on by the school district for which I work. Of all the things I learned this week, this is the information that immediately had an impact on my life. I began using the information presented with my kids and my husband. It's amazing how much it cha...more
Between Difficult Conversations, Fierce Conversations and all of the other communication books I've read over the last year or so, I figured I was good on "conversation" books for a bit. However, when this book was passed around at work and I discovered it was available on audiobook, I figured I'd give it a shot.
I'm glad I did. Some of the same well trod ground was covered ("get curious" seems to be popular) but it also introduced some ideas I hadn't come across...more
I'm glad I did. Some of the same well trod ground was covered ("get curious" seems to be popular) but it also introduced some ideas I hadn't come across...more
Josh Utterback
rated it
·
review of another edition
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review of another edition
Recommends it for:
No ONE!!!
Recommended to Josh by:
Paula Hamm
Shelves:
finished-in-2010
I had to read this for work and it was a total waste of time. The skills presented are all common sense. For all of their concepts they come up with mnemonics to help you remember. However, there are so many of them you can't keep straight which one is for what and what the letters actually mean. Finally, the examples were forced and completely unrealistic. Real people don't talk or act like their examples. The one I loved the most was the wife who thought her husband was cheating on her b...more
This was a breakthrough book for me. I read it as part of trying to learn lessons after dealing with an angry client for a year.
It's a complex book but contains lots of discrete but related messages, so is worth reading til you've had enough and then re-read later. One of the chapters I found most useful was How To Make It Safe To Talk About Almost Anything. Key principles include starting conversations by widening the pool of shared meaning, and establishing mutual purpose.
...more
It's a complex book but contains lots of discrete but related messages, so is worth reading til you've had enough and then re-read later. One of the chapters I found most useful was How To Make It Safe To Talk About Almost Anything. Key principles include starting conversations by widening the pool of shared meaning, and establishing mutual purpose.
...more
I recently took a "Crucial Conversations" course, and this book was one of the tools provided to us by the instructor.
I benefited tremendously from the course, and the book is an outstanding primer on the tools that will help us deal with difficult conversations in high stakes environments. However, I think that it would be difficult to employ these tools without having the hands-on practice that we experienced in the classroom setting (which is why I knocked off a star). ...more
I benefited tremendously from the course, and the book is an outstanding primer on the tools that will help us deal with difficult conversations in high stakes environments. However, I think that it would be difficult to employ these tools without having the hands-on practice that we experienced in the classroom setting (which is why I knocked off a star). ...more
I have read this book several times and I always get something positive out of it. While it is written primarily as a business book, it contains wisdom and observations about human behavior that apply in any area of life and seem to me to be philosophically profound. There are several mnemonic devices offered for remembering the principles of keeping folks engaged in sharing meaning. There are a lot of sample dialogues offered with detailed deconstructions of how the principles apply. If you wan...more
Like most self-help and business books, this book presented ideas in a straightforward approach and with simple examples and explanations to the extent that most of the concepts presented felt very "common sense" and leaving the reader with thoughts like "well, yeah, why didn't I think of that?" The book discusses the topic of Crucial Conversations which are conversations in which there are 3 Elements: (1) High Stakes, (2) Varied Opinions and (3) Strong Emotions. In these ...more
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This book provides strategies for identifying key conversations and how to maneuver through those conversations so that the result does not lead to "silence or violence" on either side of the conversation. The author uses several good examples and has devised some good acronyms to help the reader to remember how to deal with crucial conversations. There is a good chapter on listening.
The end of the book summarizes it all nicely with a diagram of how all the pieces shoul...more
The end of the book summarizes it all nicely with a diagram of how all the pieces shoul...more
Do you want to improve the quality of your communication while at the same time improving the quality of your relationships? If practice and change are okay with you, this book has the answer, and the answer, like Mary says, is LOVE-based--love for both parties in an argument. I don't know where I was when this book became a NY Times bestseller a few years ago--but I believe so strongly in its potential that I gave each of my children a copy for Christmas. And, oh yes, even Stephen Covey, who...more
Allows one to determine possible negative points about how one interacts with others and how one thinks about others. Must read.
This is a very good book; especially if you have trouble dealing with difficult conversations!
I would have ranked it a '5', but I think that you will benefit the most from it when dealing with other people who have read the book and are committed to communicating well.
Although, even if they're not, you can disarm them when they turn to "silence or violence" by using techniques in this book. It really helped me step back and diffuse a very explosive situation wit...more
I would have ranked it a '5', but I think that you will benefit the most from it when dealing with other people who have read the book and are committed to communicating well.
Although, even if they're not, you can disarm them when they turn to "silence or violence" by using techniques in this book. It really helped me step back and diffuse a very explosive situation wit...more
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to have better relationships. It's style is clear and very reader friendly, with stories and acronyms to assist comprehension. And the content is just perfect. It talks about how to really communicate with people. To look for what you really want, even when the pressure is on, and not succumb to stupid moves that ruin relationships (see any chick flick film for an example of succumbing to stupid moves). Even though I have thought a lot about h...more
Very technical book that needs to be read one chapter at a time and then the principles applied therein. I need to read it over and over again to really grasp and apply all the principles, but it is a VERY good book to help you recognize when crucial conversations (heated and emotion-driven conversations) start and how to best navigate through them without causing problems.
I would recommend this book to anyone in a leadership position, whether that be a spouse, CEO, parent or simply an...more
I would recommend this book to anyone in a leadership position, whether that be a spouse, CEO, parent or simply an...more
This is the best book on interpersonal communication that I have ever read. From starting with a clear "what do I want" focus to creating a safe space for dialogue with mutual respect and purpose; to analyzing perceptions, interpretations, and feelings as preludes to action; and to expressing one's views and eliciting others' in an effective manner, this book offers practical advice and a model that seems to work for me. It is written more for persons working with others, but it is a...more
A must read book for EVERYONE! I have now listened to the audiobook version twice and intend to get the printed book to refer to the exercises. We all have "crucial conversations" (one where emotions tend to run high) and I am terrible at recognizing when one is beginning. I am the one driving home saying "I wish I had said..." This teaches you how to recognize a crucial conversation and how to respond so the other person feels safe to talk (avoiding "silence or viole...more
The strength of Crucial Conversations is that it is very practical. It gives you tangible skills and principles that can help you tremendously when you get into difficult conversations. It steps you through a process to listen to other people as well as share your own side of the story in a respectful way. I have already used the process once and the conversation, which could have been pretty sticky, went very well. I can already think of other conversations where I blew it and could have re...more
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“People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.”
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4 people liked it
“In perhaps the most revealing of all the health-related studies, a group of subjects who had contracted malignant melanoma received traditional treatment and then were divided into two groups. One group met weekly for only six weeks; the other did not. Facilitators taught the first group of recovering patients specific communication skills. (When it's your life that's at stake, could anything be more crucial?)
After meeting only six times and then dispersing for five years, the subjects who learned how to express themselves effectively had a higher survival rate--only 9 percent succumbed as opposed to almost 30 percent in the untrained group.”
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2 people liked it
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After meeting only six times and then dispersing for five years, the subjects who learned how to express themselves effectively had a higher survival rate--only 9 percent succumbed as opposed to almost 30 percent in the untrained group.”
