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The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence
It's the deadliest combination going; bullies who terrorize, bullied kids who are afraid to tell, bystanders who watch, and adults who see the incidents as a normal part of childhood. All it takes to understand that this is a recipe for tragedy is a glance at headlines across the country.
In this updated edition of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, which includes...more
In this updated edition of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, which includes...more
Paperback, 240 pages
Published
February 2nd 2004
by Collins Living
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Please note that, because I am new to learning about the topic of bullying, my review of this book is influenced by my lack of familiarity with the topic. First of all, I think there are many helpful things in Barabara Coloroso's book on bullying:
- Coloroso's main premise is that bullying involves more than a bully and a target; instead, bullying involves the entire community: bully and target, but also bystanders, teachers, and parents, and any real solution must involve all of these actors.
-...more
- Coloroso's main premise is that bullying involves more than a bully and a target; instead, bullying involves the entire community: bully and target, but also bystanders, teachers, and parents, and any real solution must involve all of these actors.
-...more
view 2 comments
This is the best book I've ever read on this topic.
I don't normally read an adult nonfiction book all in one sitting, but I picked this one up off the new shelf at the library and found myself doing just that. Things I love about this book:
1. It addresses the problem instead of throwing blame around at teachers or parents. Yes, it talks about prevention. But it's a very problem-solving sort of approach as opposed to the books that imply "if only you were righteous enough, your children would be...more
I don't normally read an adult nonfiction book all in one sitting, but I picked this one up off the new shelf at the library and found myself doing just that. Things I love about this book:
1. It addresses the problem instead of throwing blame around at teachers or parents. Yes, it talks about prevention. But it's a very problem-solving sort of approach as opposed to the books that imply "if only you were righteous enough, your children would be...more
I'm unimpressed. For someone who is so active on the speaking circuit, I expected more. She describes a common problem, bullying, and suggests that we oppose it. Wow.
It lacks practical, applicable advice. Through the authors suggestions of ways parents can work to counter bullying, you can see that her biggest piece of advice is: tell an adult. And if that adult won't listen, keep going up the chain of command, even if it means going to the police.
In reality, the police, judges and the governmen...more
It lacks practical, applicable advice. Through the authors suggestions of ways parents can work to counter bullying, you can see that her biggest piece of advice is: tell an adult. And if that adult won't listen, keep going up the chain of command, even if it means going to the police.
In reality, the police, judges and the governmen...more
Bryan's cynicism not with standing, I think this book is helpful in identifying what teachers and parents should look for in bullying incidents.
Awareness is a nice first step, and advocating an elimination of negative behavior is okay, but I wish there had been more practical approaches to the problem, and a fewer bullet pointed lists.
Helpful but not riveting.
Awareness is a nice first step, and advocating an elimination of negative behavior is okay, but I wish there had been more practical approaches to the problem, and a fewer bullet pointed lists.
Helpful but not riveting.
This is an excellent book for parents, people who work with kids, or anyone who has been a kid. There is a mix of accounts of actual bullying, tips on what to look for in kids who may be bullied, a bully or a bystander, and ideas for how to encourage children to be involved, caring, and compassionate. There is also a part that gives parents specific phrases they can provide to their kids to help them be assertive with bullies. I also liked that in this section they review some common advice give...more
This book was given to me by a dear friend and old high school teacher. I very much appreciated the books goal. It has always been interesting to me why some people choose or do not know how to try and stop bullying. Maybe they are afraid of being called a "snitch". Who even invented that useless word. Snitch is simply someone who cares about someone or something and does something to better the situation of it. I think they should replace the word "snitch" with Hero. I remember being a bystande...more
I was given this book by my boss, while in the midst of working with a difficult student at school. This book really gave me a different perspective on this student's behaviors. It gave me a lot of valuable insight as to how to work with this student, even on the most frustrating days. I will be keeping this book handy, to use as a resource to remind myself to dig deep on those most difficult days. What I liked most about the book is that although it is something that I had to read for work, I f...more
Nobody wants to have to refer to a book with this title... especially when this is a situation facing your own child. What I found interesting and helpful was the way the author found to deal with children who are being bullied, children doing the bullying, AND the kids who are standing by. It seemed to have a lot of practical tools (as well as a bunch of anecdotes that just break your heart) and I left the book feeling a better sense of perspective as well as with some specifics I could employ...more
I have read many books on bullying, and this is one of the best. The author explains the roles very clearly with excellent examples. This is nothing new, but she writes so clearly that it is accessible information for everyone. I especially like how she includes both the home and school environments in her discussion. Many times this is deemed a school problem without looking at the impact of the home environment.
I'd highly recommend this book to parents and educators.
I'd highly recommend this book to parents and educators.
I read this book years ago after taking a weekend long course about Bullying. Most of the course work was centered around key points in this book and although it has been a while since I have read this book, I suggest every Teacher, and Childcare Professional read this book! It certianly lays bare the truth behind the dismissive comments we learned from our parents. "Oh he just pulls your hair because he likes you." NO! No he doesn't!!
A MUST READ!
A MUST READ!
Coloroso focuses on the bully, the bullied, and the bystander as roles that children learn and switch between, as opposed to labels that fix certain characteristics. As a result, she emphasizes education for all children, regardless of what role they currently inhabit, with a strong focus on empathy, friendship, and "willing good". I particularly liked her distinctions between taunting and teasing, between sexual bullying and flirting, and between tattling and telling.
Coloroso provides many heartbreaking examples of bullying, but few practical solutions. In spite of this limitation, the main message here is quite powerful: Everyone who witnesses bullying behavior can and should do something to help stop it.
One part that particularly resonated with me is the connection between contempt and bullying. It's a good reminder to avoid speaking contemptuously and to confront the attitude as it arises in others.
One part that particularly resonated with me is the connection between contempt and bullying. It's a good reminder to avoid speaking contemptuously and to confront the attitude as it arises in others.
Sep 15, 2008
Kressel Housman
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
parents, teachers, and school principals
As a parent, I found this book invaluable, and I may just recommend it to my kids' principal. The author breaks down the dynamic of the bullying cycle, pointing out that the bystanders also have to be educated for there to be a change. Bullies don't bully unless they have an audience. Bystanders can defuse the situation by telling - not tattling, but telling. Columbine might have been very different had more kids stuck up for the bullied boys sooner.
Unfortunately, I'm one of those unlucky parent...more
Unfortunately, I'm one of those unlucky parent...more
This was my faculty-summer-reading book for the summer. It is well written and does offer some strategies and solutions, although I think we always wish for more. I found it hard to read because it is so sad to hear about the kinds of cruelty kids engage in; we all know these things happen every day, but it is still sad to read about the incidents. I guess I wish there was a little more emphasis on solutions and strategies, but you can only write about what exists after all.... I'd recommend thi...more
When my son was in preschool he was bullied by a group of older boys. I was shocked to learn that it happens at such an early age. But when my son was bullied again, at a older age, on the bus I had to wonder why this was happening to him.This book was really good but I wish had included more helpful hints on what you can say to a bully who is verbally abusive.
With so much news doing the rounds about bullying, I was looking at a practical guide, a series of steps that would outline what a parent can do when faced with situations. I found this book very theoretical in its approach. I don't know how to implement the suggestions that the author makes when faced with a situation.
I was surprised to find that this was such an easy read. I just completed this book as a book study for continuing education. Barbara Coloroso has written a practical guide on the subject of bullying. The book is geared more towards parents than educators, but the information inside is invaluable to both.
There's some good food for thought here, but it took a book study group to really bring out and focus the important material. The book is packed with list after list after list, which gets a little dizzying, and caused me eventually to just start skipping over a lot of it. The one main disagreement I had is with her opinion on video games and youth aggression--but she doesn't back any of it up and it's a short segment and it wasn't a topic of our group discussion, so it's fairly easy to dismiss,...more
Book is a good review of the causes and expressions of bullying. Coloroso is spot on when she argues that the key to stopping the cycle is to make bystanders witnesses. Unfortunately, it's not as easy to change the behavior of the bully, the bullied, or the bystander as she makes it sound.
Jun 03, 2012
Cassandra Miller
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Parents, Teacher, Child Care Workers
Recommended to Cassandra by:
Beverlie Dietz
Shelves:
universtiy
I had to read this book for my Child and Youth Studies class at University, and found it very interesting. The stories of children who had experienced bullying were very powerful. Although I found some of the suggestions about how to approuch bullying at home and at school to be not complete solutions. Some seemed good on paper, but might have some difficulty in the real world. I also believed this book could have had more bullying from a childs perspective, instead of the perspective of an adul...more
Jun 06, 2011
Saskia
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
academic-reading,
four-stars
Very applicable to bullying (more physical and verbal than relational, with essentially all of it oriented towards in-person confrontations than on cyberbullying etc), super informational, does a great job of describing dynamic systems theory without using words like "dynamic systems theory" which would have intimidated readers that might benefit a lot from reading. Would recommend to everyone who plans on going into pre K-12 education or parenting. Very readable and comprehensive.
This was an informative book that addresses the problem of bullying. This book is a must read for educators. The chapter on cyberbullying was somewhat out-of-date, but that is to be expected with the way rate at which technology changes.
The theme of this book spoke volumes of this problem we have in our society. I began to see connections in this type of behavior with many other aspects of our daily lives. Even globally the way one country can treat another.
Apr 06, 2009
Kath O
added it
This book had some very good points, illustrating and identifying core concepts in bullying.
Wasn't as helpful to me as far as how I could help my children avoid bullying, or with interventions.
Wasn't as helpful to me as far as how I could help my children avoid bullying, or with interventions.
I've always liked Coloroso's common-sense approach to discipline, and here she gives practical tips, scripts and strategies to help a child who is being bullied and for children who bully others.
I applaud this book's motives, but it tried to cover too mich material with not enough depth. The cyber-bullying section was particularly flimsy.
I got this book because I wanted to be more informed and educated about bullying with a child starting junior high. I learned a lot from this book. It made me less worried about my own children when it comes to bullying, but more worried about the world in general. She gives a lot of examples suicide and violent rampages that have happened as a result of bullying.
Excellent. Real, practical suggestions. Looks at the whole picture. Defines teasing versus taunting. Every educator should read.
Great read for teachers or parents. An innovative approach to the psychology behind a big problem in our schools
This is a great book but does have some limitations. I still recommend it to parents, teachers, administrators.
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Barbara Coloroso is the author of the international bestseller Kids Are Worth It! and Parenting Through Crisis and is an acclaimed speaker on parenting, teaching, conflict, resolution, and grieving. Featured in Time, the New York Times, and on many radio and television shows, she lives with her husband in Littleton, Colorado.
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