Sign in with Facebook
Loading...
99th out of 383 books
—
264 voters
Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide
When Linda Babcock asked why so many male graduate students were teaching their own courses and most female students were assigned as assistants, her dean said: "More men ask. The women just don't ask." It turns out that whether they want higher salaries or more help at home, women often find it hard to ask. Sometimes they don't know that change is possible--they don't kno...more
Hardcover, 240 pages
Published
September 2nd 2003
by Princeton University Press
Friend Reviews
To see what your friends thought of this book,
please sign up.
Community Reviews
(showing
1-30
of
1,104)
The best part of the book was the Introduction, which does a great job of succinctly explaining how females in our generation and culture were raised to be passive and non-competitive, which works against them in their future careers by not teaching them how to negotiate for what they want. Whether that be salary, responsibilities, or titles, we are never encouraged to ask for what we've earned or what we deserve. It blew my mind and explained a lot! However, once you move into the main content...more
My Negotiation and Conflict Resolution class has been really rewarding so far, but by far the best part of it has been discovering the book Women Don’t Ask by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever. It’s been a bit of a revelation for me, making me realize that the world is far more negotiable than I think. However, statistically, women are less likely to ask for what we want, and when we do ask, we tend to get less than what men do. Some reasons for this:
* We’re more anxious about conflict.
* We tend...more
* We’re more anxious about conflict.
* We tend...more
Women have been guided by a society where they have been accustomed to wait for opportunities such as salary raises or more flexible hours. In contrast, men have generally lived in a non-restrictive world, where it can be argued that more is available to them. This causes them to feel more confident about asking for raises or negotiating flexible hours and doing it with a higher 'target' in mind than women. Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide introduces the societal barriers surro...more
This book has certainly been making me think a hell of a lot, it's made me more observant of the subtle -- or non-subtle I had totally missed until now because they seem so "normal" -- ways in which girls and boys are treated and the expectations that are put upon them from early on, and how people (of both genders) react to things differently depending on the gender of the person who said or did it.
I really enjoyed all the studies described all along the book, as well as the insights the book p...more
I really enjoyed all the studies described all along the book, as well as the insights the book p...more
Feb 18, 2012
Amy Brown
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
how-to-self-help,
non-fiction
Women miss opportunities for advancement, increased remuneration, more flexible hours, and many other benefits because they don't negotiate; they don't ask. This readable and thoroughly-research book explains why, what we give up when we choose not to negotiate, and how we can get past our various aversions to negotiation and ask for what we are entitled to. It also discusses the ways that women's negotiating style is more suited to modern organizations, and how women are often more likely to cr...more
This book was great. It actually gives concrete tools and knowledge that you can use. I've read lots of good books about womens pay disparity and the need for women to promote themselves better at work, but many books over-rely on research and case studies to prove their points, yet don't go as far as to offer action steps.
The longer I'm in the professional world the more I see the need for this kind of book, and I'd highly recommend this one to any woman in management OR at the start of their c...more
The longer I'm in the professional world the more I see the need for this kind of book, and I'd highly recommend this one to any woman in management OR at the start of their c...more
Women Don't Ask starts off strong, making a powerful case that women's large wage discrepancies can be at least partly explained by their failure to negotiate better salaries and benefits for themselves, failure to ask for what they want, and consistent undervaluation of themselves. These differences don't arise out of nowhere, we learn; from a young age girls are discouraged from asserting their own desires and instructed to value relationships over promoting themselves. Unfortunately for women...more
May 26, 2010
Mackenzie
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
everyone
Recommended to Mackenzie by:
Valerie Aurora
Shelves:
feminist,
nonfiction
Read it. Definitely read it. I handed my copy off to another woman I know within 12 hours of finishing reading it, because you absolutely must read it. If you're a woman, you work with women, you manage women, you are managed by a woman, you have a wife, or you have a daughter: READ IT!
The statistics and research are very interesting and demonstrate the high impact of how we're socialised from a young age and how that can limit or expand successes throughout our lives. Throughout, there is advic...more
The statistics and research are very interesting and demonstrate the high impact of how we're socialised from a young age and how that can limit or expand successes throughout our lives. Throughout, there is advic...more
Dec 28, 2011
Greyskylark
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Everyone
Recommended to Greyskylark by:
Mark Ross
Whether you're a women or not, whether you're interested in feminism or not, this book is key. Babcock gives us a look at all the subtle and not-so-subtle ways that female people are encouraged to doubt themselves, stay quiet, and be as unobtrusive as possible. Babcock focuses on how these dynamics continue well into adulthood, creating a society where women make less money than men. This situation arises in part because women have been taught to never negotiate their salaries. While this book f...more
At a recent conference, there were two session panels on women, negotiations, and academia. This book was the centerpiece. If I had less work and less need for sleep, I would have finished this in one night. I found it compulsively readable in large part because I recognized so many of the scenarios from my own experience. It isn't a self-help or how-to guide for negotiation. It is a thoughtful argument about the economic and emotional cost of gender stereotypes. It reminded me how easy it is to...more
I found the book to not be very helpful at suggesting negotiation tips. They mostly spent the majority of the book telling me how despite my best efforts I still wouldn't negotiate as well as a man, and then one chapter telling me that I still had hope if I read several other books. Important topic but more reportive than constructive.
The more I think about this book the more frustrated and depressed it makes me, especially as I approach negotiations myself. I wouldn't recommend reading it if yo...more
The more I think about this book the more frustrated and depressed it makes me, especially as I approach negotiations myself. I wouldn't recommend reading it if yo...more
As business books go, it was okay, and in the final analysis, I'm glad I read it. It did give me some broader perspectives on women in the workplace, and a new and DATA SUPPORTED viewpoint on behavioral traits in men and women. If you are a business leader who has, expects to have, or wants to have women on your team and to support them as effectively as you can, it begins with understanding. Women Don't Ask provides information, information supports understanding, and that can't help but make y...more
I admit, I didn't actually make it past the first chapter of this book. I checked it out after seeing Lilly Ledbetter talk about the discrimination she faced at Goodyear (she found out she was making 40% less than men in her same position), and I was hoping this book would help me figure out how to make sure that never happened to me.
Unfortunately, I found it entirely useless. This book was written in 2003, when it seems like money was just there for the asking. The economy has changed so incred...more
Unfortunately, I found it entirely useless. This book was written in 2003, when it seems like money was just there for the asking. The economy has changed so incred...more
Aug 08, 2011
Jennifer Glass
added it
Great book for women looking ahead to important negotiations. Biggest message I took away was importance of researching what other people (men and women) make in the same level/job. Then, negotiate for the upper range of that. Be willing to hear out the other side. Explain your wants/needs and the reasons for them. Have high expectations and you'll always come away more than if you settle. Thanks to Associate Vice Provost Joan Brett of Arizona State U for recommending this book to the Preparing...more
This is an excellent book that should probably be read by all women as they walk out the door of college in search of a "first job," but it's not too late to add this to the reading list for my peer group out there on job 5 or 10. I attended a conference a few years ago that brought this book to my attention and I completely credit it with giving me the confidence to ask for (and receive) better pay, better hours, and a much more enjoyable job situation. You can't get what you want if you don't...more
There are a lot of cool anecdotes of behavioral experiments showing incredible differences between men and women's attitudes toward negotiation, and even more paraphrased interviews from women detailing their experiences and feelings--these were interesting too, but it got tiresome when I had already accepted their arguments and just wanted to get to the negotiation tips part, which didn't come until nearly three-quarters of the way in.
It basically boils down to:
1. Know that you can negotiate
2...more
It basically boils down to:
1. Know that you can negotiate
2...more
Everyone should read this book.
For women, this book shows empirically some of the effects of gender socialization, how that socialization creates pay inequality, and what you can do about it.
For men, this book is a great window into some of the cultural dynamics that may be invisible to you, that women have to deal with every day. Also, if you are male but feel like you have trouble being assertive, you should also read it and sub yourself in for the women that Babcock studied, because you've p...more
For women, this book shows empirically some of the effects of gender socialization, how that socialization creates pay inequality, and what you can do about it.
For men, this book is a great window into some of the cultural dynamics that may be invisible to you, that women have to deal with every day. Also, if you are male but feel like you have trouble being assertive, you should also read it and sub yourself in for the women that Babcock studied, because you've p...more
Sep 22, 2007
Stephanie
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
people who would like to improve their negotiation skills
Shelves:
women
Really interesting read on women & power in negotiating/the workplace.
As a woman who isn't afraid to ask for things that I feel are rightly deserved (a promotion for working hard, a pay raise because I'm making less than the going rate for whatever it is that I'm doing), I was kind of shocked that so many of the example women in this book were so passive. But then again, I've been there - I think it's hard work learning how to ask for what you need, and negotiate for things as a woman, beca...more
As a woman who isn't afraid to ask for things that I feel are rightly deserved (a promotion for working hard, a pay raise because I'm making less than the going rate for whatever it is that I'm doing), I was kind of shocked that so many of the example women in this book were so passive. But then again, I've been there - I think it's hard work learning how to ask for what you need, and negotiate for things as a woman, beca...more
This book was really eye-opening. I went into it knowing that women are paid less and knowing that women don't negotiate as much or as well as men usually do. Coming out of it, I've got a new sense of both power and lack of it.
The book is backed by hundreds of case studies and research, and I often read those cases thinking, "I would never have done what she did," or "Why did she give up so easily?" and to some extent, I still wonder that. Why would a woman say, "Nevermind," during a talk about...more
The book is backed by hundreds of case studies and research, and I often read those cases thinking, "I would never have done what she did," or "Why did she give up so easily?" and to some extent, I still wonder that. Why would a woman say, "Nevermind," during a talk about...more
Overall, I was disappointed with this book. A lot of the attitude was so anti-male I had a hard time relating to the material. Particularly the last chapter on "domestic" negotiations, which basically implies all men sleep around and infect women with STDs so women need to "negotiate" using condoms. From an academic perspective, it was well-researched and explored a good deal of landmark studies cited related to the topic of negotiation, and that's why it gets the 2 stars. This book is best for...more
Much like reading Gloria Steinem's "My Life as a Playboy Bunny," at times, this book totally irritated me - but I am so, so, so glad I read it. I can look back on decisions I have made in both my personal life and career that I would totally do differently if given the chance - I realize that in the past, I NEVER negotiated. In the past, I have just taken what I was given. For example, I once fell in love with a BEAUTIFUL, 18th-century French dressing table that cost an exorbitant amount of mone...more
Very enlightening read. I like the idea that there are certain things women can do to counteract inherent gender equality in the workplace. There were a lot of real life examples to illustrate the author's main point: women do a disservice to themselves by not asking for what they want. There were more nuanced points and tips as well. I plan to apply the author's advice in my own professional life. I would definitely recommend this book, especially to professional women.
I received this book as a door prize at a leadership event for women. It's full of lots of great research and case studies. I think however that I would have liked it better if there were more strategies for moving forward and actions for being successful. The book basically says 'Women have some definite advantages in negotiating and we should play those up. However, sometimes they don't work.'
This book changed the way I think about being a working woman. "Women Don't Ask" is a synthesis of the results of many, many studies which explain how and why men and women are different, and how that affects us in the workplace.
To be honest, I didn't really finish it! But it was still very valuable. I recommend it to people all of the time.
To be honest, I didn't really finish it! But it was still very valuable. I recommend it to people all of the time.
I loved this book. It's a must read for women in business. Women can be too scared to bargain for what we deserve in business.
Behavior that can lead a man to be seen as ambitious can brand a woman as too pushy and aggressive. This book reminds us to assess and strengthen our bargaining power as well as prepare and practice before negotiations.
Behavior that can lead a man to be seen as ambitious can brand a woman as too pushy and aggressive. This book reminds us to assess and strengthen our bargaining power as well as prepare and practice before negotiations.
Apparently women keep hitting that glass ceiling because they don't ask for what they want. This is probably mostly true. Unfortunately book doesn't deal with what happens when you ask for what you want and still don't get it. Or why women have to ask for things that the men get without asking. Still worth a read though.
The book is interesting. Very well researched and relies on a lot of studies. However, it's super depressing in the sense that women are so behind men in a lot of corporate America. The book only spends the final chapter painting a rosy picture on how this can be changed and lacked the teeth of how to be a better negotiator as a woman. Overall although it was short on solutions, the whole idea of the accumulative of disadvantage and how women act differently around men is something that I will t...more
Five stars, all the way!!! A must read for everyone, not just women. It is amazing the number of things women complain they don't get, that they never bothered to ask for. A great lesson in negotiating, even if all you learn is to ask. Excellent book. I gave one to each of my daughters.
I'm at the beginning of this book but so far I'm finding it very exciting. The basic idea is that women generally don't negotiate in situations in which they can. For example, a large percentage of women don't negotiate their starting salaries, and starting salaries are often on the low end because the employer expects that people will negotiate. Something like 60% of men do negotiate their starting salary. Researchers have calculated that over the course of a career negotiating your starting sa...more
Excellent. Elucidates what I'm sure many women already knew, expected, or suspected with statistics and case studies that were often disheartening but important. Definitely eye-opening, illuminationg our society and profoundly different norms for men vs. women where negotiation is concerned. Made me wish I had read it earlier or had access to this information far sooner, both in my career and in my personal life. Not only should this be read by all working women, the men who work with them and h...more
There are no discussion topics on this book yet.
Be the first to start one »
Feb 11, 2009 06:42am