House Rules

Apr 12, 2013 Madeleine rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: head-in-the-clouds-nose-in-a-book, let-us-now-speak-of-great-men, our-libeary, peer-pressure, mmxiii

I have a tendency to annotate, underline and lovingly deface my reading material. I promised myself that I'd go easy on this one, settling for the less-permanently-marring dog-ear method when something really jumped out at me; otherwise, I'd be leaving a trail of graffiti that would render this memoir unreadable should I want to revisit it in the future. My reserve lasted for 21 pages: The line "I always wondered what gave Dad the right to decide this maid or that driver was the person he assume...more

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Feb 21, 2012 Moira Russell added it · review of another edition

Shelves: ebook, on-the-kindle, 2012-50-new-books-challenge

A very good book, but no way would I compare it with Running with Scissors; it's far more hypnotic and harrowing, less jokey. Rachel Sontag's father never physically or sexually abused her, her sister or her mother; instead he went after them verbally with a ritual savagery night after night, while playing the part of a selfless doctor, devoutly religious man, and excellent father (trips to Europe and Cancun, wilderness and summer camps, &c &c) in the day. In effect and nearly in fact he...more A very good book, but no way would I compare it with Running with Scissors; it's far more hypnotic and harrowing, less jokey. Rachel Sontag's father never physically or sexually abused her, her sister or her mother; instead he went after them verbally with a ritual savagery night after night, while playing the part of a selfless doctor, devoutly religious man, and excellent father (trips to Europe and Cancun, wilderness and summer camps, &c &c) in the day. In effect and nearly in fact he imprisoned them, and this memoir is the story of Rachel's slow jailbreak out. Like all memoirs of this type, it trails off a little vaguely and the second half about young adulthood is nowhere near as mesmerizing as the first half detailing Rachel's childhood, but her writing has a quiet, vivid power and the book isn't junked up with pop therapy cliches.

And just in case you doubt Rachel's story or even think she might be exaggerating it a little, her father has put up a completely batshit website dedicated to "refuting" her book which instead horrifyingly confirms nearly everything she says. I have never seen anything like it in all my life. It's at sontaghouserules dot com. People react here http://thehairpin.com/2011/07/you-may... and here http://www.metafilter.com/109621/All-...

There's also a very interesting interview with her on UTU (despite a rather dickish host): Part 1, Part 2 What interested me was she said she got letters from people she didn't know, or hadn't seen in 20-25 years, who wrote to her agent saying her father had treated them the same way: family friends, family members, coworkers. My personal theory is that in this type of situation people go on about oh, we had no idea, such a professional, such a happy family, blahblah, nobody knew. Which is bullshit. Nobody had a clue about Ted Bundy! No, his girlfriend for one thing knew he disappeared for days at a time, faked plaster casts, &c. Nobody had a clue about Jerry Sandusky! Bullshit, Paterno knew at least as far back as 1998 Sandusky had molested children. The abuser covers up and terrifies the people he's abusing into not just not telling, but not being able to tell themselves what's going on, and the people who do maybe kinda suss out what's going on just don't know what to do. (It amazes me she was sent to a group home for abused girls by a social worker and then she just....went back home after a couple of months apparently. It amazes me.)(less)

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Apr 02, 2013 Rose Fortune rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

When I first read the back cover of this book I could already tell this was a story that I would not be able to put down. This book is a memoir of when the author,Rachel Sontag, was younger. Rachel tells about her fights with her father more than any normal teenager would. Rachel father never psychically abuses her but it seems the emotionally abuse she is getting is doing the same damage to her. Rachel's father had to control every aspect of the two daughters and wife.Rachel would hardly ever g...more

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Apr 01, 2013 Taylor Cooper rated it 4 of 5 stars

House Rules, a memoir by Rachel Sontag, tells the story of Rachel's struggle to live in an emotionally abusive home. This honest and heartbreaking story reveals Rachel's story of her abuse.

Rachel Sontag's father never abused her physically, but when his depression got to him, he turned into a complete control freak. He even made a set of rules on paper for his children to obey. Rachel and her sister, Jenny, could not wear makeup because their father thought it brought attention to his daughters...more House Rules, a memoir by Rachel Sontag, tells the story of Rachel's struggle to live in an emotionally abusive home. This honest and heartbreaking story reveals Rachel's story of her abuse.

Rachel Sontag's father never abused her physically, but when his depression got to him, he turned into a complete control freak. He even made a set of rules on paper for his children to obey. Rachel and her sister, Jenny, could not wear makeup because their father thought it brought attention to his daughters in the wrong way. At one of Rachel's school plays, her dad did not want her wearing makeup; she wore it during the show and quickly took it off after so her dad would not notice she had it on. As Rachel got older, her dad became more protective. Boys began paying attention to Rachel and her dad did not like that. On the outside of the family home, people agreed their life could not seem more perfect. Rachel's father was funny, a good provider, his medical students loved him, and he took his family on many vacations to Cancun, France, and the Grand Canyon. On the inside, Rachel was terrorized by her father's behavior from his severe depression. Rachel tried to make her dad happy all the time, however, everything she did always set him off.

I gave this book four stars because I did enjoy what I read. I could not put the book down. One thing I enjoyed about the book was that Rachel Sontag was born and raised in Evanston Illinois. I liked this part of the book because it was easy to relate to. The setting of House Rules showed me that abusive and unstable households are all around us. In fact, we could be living right by a dysfunctional family's home.

Although I enjoyed much of Sontag's story, I found parts to be confusing and hard to follow. Rachel mentioned many conflicts she had with her father and how she moved from place to place. She could have done a better job when writing about these parts. I also did not like the fact that Rachel's mother never stood up for her daughters. In fact, she would sometimes take the side of the abuser, Rachel's dad.

Even though there seem to be frustrating moments in this story, House Rules can entertain anyone wanting to read the astounding story of Rachel Sontag. I would truly recommend this book to those who have a story similar to Rachel and Jenny.

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Apr 01, 2013 Alyssa rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a well deserved four star book. It covers Rachel's life as a young girl into her teenage age years trying to find a place in the world, but finds it difficult because of the people she loves always getting in her way. It is an interesting tale of a girl, who faces a challenge through a difficult and unsupportive father.

In this book, Rachel, the main character, goes through ups and downs in her life and shares them with us. She takes us on a timeline of herself, bu...more House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a well deserved four star book. It covers Rachel's life as a young girl into her teenage age years trying to find a place in the world, but finds it difficult because of the people she loves always getting in her way. It is an interesting tale of a girl, who faces a challenge through a difficult and unsupportive father.

In this book, Rachel, the main character, goes through ups and downs in her life and shares them with us. She takes us on a timeline of herself, but in a different order. She tells us what is happening in her life at the time, but then tells us a story of her past that reminds her of what is happing now. Most of Rachel's downs are because her father demeans her. Every time Rachel does something she is proud of, her father says she has done it wrong. Her father, Steve, likes to be in control of everything that happens in his house and in his family. He doesn't like opinions and when someone messes with his "game plan" he gets angry and out of control. Rachel's mother, Ellen, has become a push over. She obeys her husband because she worries and is frightened. The family feels that he is becoming worst and everyone is scared of him.

This book had some very interesting details that I liked. The three main points that I liked over all in this book are as follows. The first, while Rachel is telling her main story, she gives us readers an insight into her true self by sharing personal accounts of her life. These details give us a glimpse of who she is as a person and helps us relate to her during her childhood. The second, is the detailed account of when she visits a house called The Harbor and lives there for a bit to get away from her parents (her Dad). I loved this part because it reminded me of a time when I got to live somewhere else, away from my family, and meet new people. Rachel meets many girls that live at The Harbor and goes on new adventures with them. During this time, Rachel discovers herself and realizes that she can stand on her own two feet. She learns to be self-reliant and more out spoken. The third, is that because of her new awareness of her family life, she decided to be outspoken about the negative changes that affected her family. Though she tried to communicate to her family, it fell on deaf ears. Through this self-discovery, she decided to seek help for herself by seeking out a social worker. She spoke with her counselor and moved to The Harbor. Through her own self-preservation, Rachel perseveres, and finds a way to believe in herself.

Even though I loved this book, there were a couple of things I didn't like about the father. Steve. He would get mad at the slightest of things and at times, it seemed unrealistic. An example of this is when they missed a flight due to his anger at the girls because they brought their Barbie dolls in a tin can. Steve got so mad at the girls, that he made them put the Barbies into a locker and this caused them to miss their flight. The unrealistic part is that I don't think someone could honestly get so angry at their daughters for bring Barbies that they end up missing their flight. Another example is when Steve got mad at Rachel for wearing a little lipstick to school one day. Being angry against a child wearing makeup is one thing, but his anger seemed overboard for just wearing the slightest of it. On another occasion, he yelled at Rachel for having long hair and unkept nails. He forced Rachel to cut her hair short, which was very upsetting to her. His reasoning and his actions seemed cruel and unnecessary. His actions are very belittling and degrading.

Overall, this book made for a superb read! It provides an eye opening account of a turbulent family and how one child is able to overcome her weakness and seek help, in order to flee a stressful environment. The reader is instantly pulled into her life and becomes attached to her well-being. Reading about what she has endured and connecting to her strength, is an inspiration. This is a great story of strength, truth, family, and perseverance.(less)

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Mar 24, 2013 Meghan Ammentorp rated it 5 of 5 stars

House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a beautiful five-star memoir of a girls’ struggle to find her way in life.

Rachel’s dad is a controlling man who doesn’t agree with her very much. You can feel her frustration when every time she does something right, it’s wrong in her dad’s eyes. She desperately wanted to get away from him, and when she did, it was never far enough or long enough time away. She was both terrified and helpless in her situation. Nobody in the family ever knew when or what would set...more House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a beautiful five-star memoir of a girls’ struggle to find her way in life.

Rachel’s dad is a controlling man who doesn’t agree with her very much. You can feel her frustration when every time she does something right, it’s wrong in her dad’s eyes. She desperately wanted to get away from him, and when she did, it was never far enough or long enough time away. She was both terrified and helpless in her situation. Nobody in the family ever knew when or what would set their father off. Rachel’s mom, Ellen, was no help trying to stop Steve, Rachel’s father, because she too was scared of him and he treated her as if she was one of the children.

There were many well liked parts of the story such as the little vacation Rachel took away from her parents while living at The Harbor, a home for girls. This stood out and told me that Rachel feels she doesn’t need any support in her life and she’s a brave kid. I like Rachel because of these reasons; she was able to stand tall even when someone or something has knocked her down. Rachel and her younger sister, Jenny, were living under a super controlling roof where nothing or no one could help to make their father stop. Rachel is the real target in this story. Her father nitpicks every little thing Rachel does wrong such as losing a map, bringing a Barbie doll on vacation, wearing lipstick to school, even having too long of hair and fingernails. I can truly say that there were no parts of this book that were unappealing to me, I really enjoyed it from cover to cover.

House Rules lets you know you’re not alone for those of you who have ever been on the receiving end of emotional abuse. It comforts you, yet tears you apart to read and relive these awful events in which the author has been through. Rachel shows us how smart and how strong she was to live her life without mentally breaking apart. I believe the message in this book is that giving up is never an option and it’s true when they say, “God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.”

I give this memoir a total of five stars because I thought this book was written very well and the descriptions of the events that took place were clear as day. Every page I’ve read just kept me coming back to read more, it was almost addicting and I couldn’t stop because I wanted to see how Rachel would stand through the fathers agonizing lessons and speeches. This is a great book for those who feel they are treated unfairly. I also recommend this book to anyone who can get their hands on it, you will not regret reading it. All in all, I thought this was a fabulous book.
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Oct 30, 2012 Neha added it

House Rules by Rachel Sontag, autobiography. This memoir is about a young girl who has issues with her father. At times she considers him and her hero; however, other times she considers him as her enemy. The book shows you the life of Rachel and how her father is constantly taking over it by making her do activities she does not want to do, or in other words, taking over her life. He would blame her for the smallest things, such as, losing a map, or bringing a barbie doll on vacation, or wearin...more

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Oct 04, 2012 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a memoir of the author's childhood and adult life, and the effects that an abusive father had on her. Her father constantly humiliated her and told her that he wished she had never been born. She always wanted to be somewhere, anywhere, else but at home where she would be with him. She was terrified of him and wanted his approval all at the same time. In her opinion, her mother wasn’t any better, worse even. Her mother never defended her and always took her dad’s...more House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a memoir of the author's childhood and adult life, and the effects that an abusive father had on her. Her father constantly humiliated her and told her that he wished she had never been born. She always wanted to be somewhere, anywhere, else but at home where she would be with him. She was terrified of him and wanted his approval all at the same time. In her opinion, her mother wasn’t any better, worse even. Her mother never defended her and always took her dad’s side, leaving her on her own. Her sister Jenny was too scared to say anything until she got older, but by then, Rachel was already gone. Rachel has to choose whether to forgive or forever hold a grudge and be alone without the support of a mother, a father, and possibly a sister.

The author gives an impressive purpose in this story. Rachel Sontag proves that being neglected and psychologically abused is tough, but it can be accomplished. There’s nothing you can do as a victim of such treatment besides know that it’s not your fault. People who tend to abuse others, especially family, were most likely mistreated or had problems with other people when they were younger. Her father made her write a list of all the things she was. According to him, she was “Deplorable, contemptible, degenerate, perverted,” as well as “shameful, shameless, revolting, detestable.” “I have no respect for you,” he would tell her, and “I really want you to hear this, to really understand this. I wish you were never born.” These are just few examples of the abuse Rachel received from her father.

The theme of the story is very inspiring. The theme of the story House Rules is that you may have problems or trouble with people sometimes, including the people who are closest to you, but you has to try you best to fix it if a healthy relationship is your true desire. It is hard, but when you feel like you have reached your breaking point and cannot take anymore, you must realize that you have tried your best and you have to let go. You always have the decision to hold grudges or forgive. It’s your life, so it should plan out how you want it. In the story, there are many times that Rachel becomes upset with her parents and says that she will not forgive them. That was her choice, nobody else’s.

House Rules is a non-fiction book with the style of narration. It tells the stories of Rachel’s childhood and life as she is growing up in chronological order. It provides the details and descriptions of events that occurred. I thought that the narration, compared to other styles, made it very convincing. It made me want to keep reading. I believe that if this story was written in any other style, such as exposition or argument, the plot and general story would be completely different and tell more of just a few events that occurred, rather than Rachel’s whole childhood. I believe that the audience wouldn’t exactly understand exactly how cruel and sick-minded her father truly was. I think that the use of narration for a style was very effective and made the story better all around.

I really enjoyed this book. I loved how the author described everything so vividly. I never want to never put the book down. The suspension always left me guessing what her father would get mad at her for next. One thing I did not like was how she would jump from present to the past or the future. It became somewhat confusing at times. The only thing that I would change would be keeping it in present time more and making it very clear when there is a flashback or foreshadow. I would definitely recommend this book, especially to teenage girls. Even though it was nonfiction, I enjoyed it just as much as a fiction book. I don’t usually like non-fiction books because I usually find them somewhat boring and too informational, but House Rules was the complete opposite. Overall, I thought this book was really good.
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Dec 19, 2011 Megan rated it 5 of 5 stars

House Rules is a memoir about Rachel Sontag and her life growing up in abusive home. In the memoir Sontag gives you a in depth look of how it was in her house as a child. She has to deal with a father (Steve) who was abusive and controlling and a mother who would not stand up for herself or her children. You would think her father was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, he is a doctor he is a good provider, he's funny, and his medical students love him. He takes the family on vacations to Cancun and Fran...more

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Oct 14, 2011 Hannah Hergenrother rated it 3 of 5 stars

House Rules, by Rachel Sontag, is a book about her own experience of growing up in a strict, authoritarian household, in which she was a victim of emotional abuse both from her father and mother. I believe she wrote this book to prove emotional abuse exists and to share the types of struggles and effects of growing up in this type of environment.
The theme Rachel Sontag created is about escaping the abuse, and finding a better life. Throughout reading the book, readers receive the message that t...more House Rules, by Rachel Sontag, is a book about her own experience of growing up in a strict, authoritarian household, in which she was a victim of emotional abuse both from her father and mother. I believe she wrote this book to prove emotional abuse exists and to share the types of struggles and effects of growing up in this type of environment.
The theme Rachel Sontag created is about escaping the abuse, and finding a better life. Throughout reading the book, readers receive the message that there are several ways to emotional abuse whether its verbal or just not having the support you need from your loved ones. Once you realize things are not going to get any better on its own, it is up to us to make a better life for ourselves. She is basically saying in this book to not put up with something we know we do not deserve and that we should not stick around someone who is bringing us down. Once we get the chance, do not be afraid to leave and make a life that is better for ourselves.
This book was written in a descriptive style. Sontag did a great job of explaining particular events to the point that the reader could feel like they were experiencing it first hand. Her uses of dialogue and description really let the reader understand and picture in detail the situations she describes.
On a five-star scale, I would give House Rules three and a half stars. I liked great details and descriptions and how I could have a perfect image in my head of the situations going on. I liked how I got emotionally wrapped into the book, and wanted to go and help her. I disliked, though, the way she ordered some of the events. She would be in one time period, then go back to the past for a little, then go back to the present. It confused me a little bit. It was also hard to read about all of the emotional abuse this girl went through.
I have not read many books like this but I can relate to some of her experiences. I would recommend mostly to teenagers, because we can best relate and maybe we will realize that we do not have it so tough after all.
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Jun 07, 2011 Jessica rated it 4 of 5 stars

I think I have lost count on how many times I have been in trouble with my parents. I used to think that I was judged unfairly and quickly began to complain about how unfair life was. That is why “House Rules” by Rachel Sontag caught my attention. The main character, Rachel has always been verbally and mentally abused her father. She would have turned to her mother but her mom always agrees with her dad because she says it’s an example she should set. Rachel is slowly growing up and learning how...more

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May 31, 2011 Jane Turner rated it 4 of 5 stars

It’s hard to get by on a smile, girl, croons Cat Stevens in Rachel Sontag’s memoir, House Rules. But a smile is all Rachel has when she’s a homeless college dropout, although she also carries her father’s anger, wanderlust, tenacity and, oh, an upcoming $8000 settlement in the divorce from her family. It’s a mixed bag of family gifts for this Chosen Child.

Rachel’s story documents the destruction a critical man does to his wife and children. In the hopes of improving their survival skills, Dad de...more

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Apr 28, 2011 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is Rachel Sontag's beautifully written memoir of her life at home. It is a heart wrenching tale. To anyone on the outside, it would appear that Rachel has a great life; two parents that are still together, a sister, her dad is a doctor and they do travel together. However, her father is a monster in that he is a complete control freak. He records her phone conversations, hides the phones when he leaves the house, belittles her constantly, demeans her and almost completely destroys her, ment...more

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Jul 27, 2010 Mata rated it 3 of 5 stars

An interesting memoir, written by a woman who grew up psychologically abused by her father who was obsessed with her and raising her to be perfect. Hard to read at times, at other times I just couldn’t put it down. She’s a gifted writer and, maybe thanks to lots of therapy, has a clear insight on herself and her issues. We did go through some things and periods of her life so quickly though, dad was written a little to one-dimensional, and in the end you got the impression she was just trying to...more

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May 13, 2010 marg rated it 4 of 5 stars

Wow is this a trip. Sontag describes in painstaking - literally - detail the horrors she grew up with under the thumb of a controlling, abusive father who, while he never hit her, hurt her in far deeper ways, and her mother who refuses to take a stand. This read like a darker Glass Castle; at that, it read like a novel and I was deeply moved by the insight Sontag reaches as she gets through her nightmare.
As she paints a picture of a truly sick father, I kept wondering about Rachel's teachers, ne...more Wow is this a trip. Sontag describes in painstaking - literally - detail the horrors she grew up with under the thumb of a controlling, abusive father who, while he never hit her, hurt her in far deeper ways, and her mother who refuses to take a stand. This read like a darker Glass Castle; at that, it read like a novel and I was deeply moved by the insight Sontag reaches as she gets through her nightmare.
As she paints a picture of a truly sick father, I kept wondering about Rachel's teachers, neighbors, friends' parents- where were they?? And yet I felt all the more troubled thinking of how many Rachel Sontags I personally teach, either not knowing or even hearing about her home life and sighing a deep sigh and cutting her more slack on her poor essays and then moving on with my life.
This was so beautifully written and just heart breaking, all the more given Sontag's amazing maturity. I did wonder how much of her retroactive telling was affected by her later insight as well as imperfect memory/adolescent drama, but for the most part this was gripping. Sontag describes the issues people who were abused encounter - if they were neglected, they proceed to always feel invisible, whereas abused children experience severe narcissism in thinking that people focus on them much more than they actually do. I have seen this for myself and it was fascinating to see it in her personal account.
I am still on the fence about this whole gut spilling phenomenon- Sontag herself says she could not live without sharing this, but I wonder why that is? On the one hand it is not only cathartic but i imagine a real gift to people who suffered similarly, but at the same time it is bothersome as well, that I was so privy to such intimate and painful stories. It made it hard to rate this, as well, much in the way that when my students write personal essays I am flummoxed as to how to mark poorly written yet very touching stories. It feels cheap somehow.
All that aside - I strongly recommend this book. For all that Sontag gets preachy and is the hero of her own story, it is a powerful one and while disturbing, worthwhile.(less)

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Dec 09, 2009 Lydia Presley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs, non-fiction

Imagine you are a young teenage girl. Imagine you had just been in an accident through no fault of your own, or your mothers (the driver). Imagine you are standing outside of the car, speaking to the police, with your home just down the road, and your mother sends you to get your father. Your kidneys are bruised, you can feel the pain spreading through your stomach. Your father is a doctor, surely he can understand some of the shock and pain you are experiencing. Imagine you get your father - an...more Imagine you are a young teenage girl. Imagine you had just been in an accident through no fault of your own, or your mothers (the driver). Imagine you are standing outside of the car, speaking to the police, with your home just down the road, and your mother sends you to get your father. Your kidneys are bruised, you can feel the pain spreading through your stomach. Your father is a doctor, surely he can understand some of the shock and pain you are experiencing. Imagine you get your father - and find yourself in the position of being chastised, harshly, for leaving the scene of an accident. Now imagine being belittled, humiliated and made to apologize for something your mother had told you to go do. There was no excuse for Rachel, not in her father's eyes. She had broken one of his rules, and it was her action that she was, alone, responsible for.

While reading House Rules by Rachel Sontag I found myself constantly comparing her story to the story of Jeanette Walls in The Glass Castle. While both Rachel and Jeannette had some of the same experiences (Both traveled extensively, Rachel on vacation, Jeannette out of necessity) those experiences were made completely different by the difference in wealth. Rachel never seemed to want for anything. She always had food, clothing a home and experiences most kids would love to have. Jeannette was often starving, without clothing or shoes and sometimes, without even a shelter over her head.

But the biggest difference between the two were their fathers. Both fathers were abusive in their own fashion. Jeannette's father, despite it all, loved his daughters. It's apparent that Jeannette felt this, even when things were at their darkest. He was sick, yes. He was neglectful, yes. But there were moments of brightness where the love he felt were made very apparent.

Rachel's father was not neglectful. He was abusive. There's no other word for it. Demeaning, belittling. Never physically abusive, but mentally horrifying. It's astonishing to me that Rachel was able to pull herself through the life he created in their home.

But despite the sickness of Rachel's father, the real "monster" to me in this book was Rachel's mother. A typical victim of abuse, she could never manage to take herself and her daughters from her husband. And my heart breaks when I think of how she broke her daughters heart over and over again by filling it with false hope.

This is one of those books I hate to rate with any type of star rating system. I didn't enjoy the book as I enjoyed something like Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Truth. I didn't hate reading the book or I wouldn't have finished it. I felt saddened and hopeful for Rachel at the same time, and the story is an incredibly interesting one. I read through it quickly, and the pace never stops. I'm sure I'll be talking about this book to friends in the future, so for that reason alone I'm giving it four stars.(less)

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Jan 20, 2009 Tari rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book was amazingly, brilliantly written and recounts a childhood consisting of cruelty and emotional abuse. It is a perfect illustration of the devastating yet subtle effects of abuse that is psychological but not physical, and that exists in a life of so-called privilege. It also speaks to the resilency and strength that exists in Rachel to find a way out and reclaim herself. This book is heartbreaking to read, but I couldn't put it down. Then again, I tend to love depressing memoirs.

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May 04, 2013 Marci Brown rated it 5 of 5 stars

I actually listened to this on audible during my many dentist visits for some gum work to distract me. It didn't take long for the book to reach inside my soul and twist it around. I am so torn between saying it's a great book and saying it was, at times, awful for me to listen - but only because I could relate entirely with her experience.

It tells of her home life with an emotionally abusive father, timid mother and invisible sister. Rachel Sontag elaborately describes what a nut job her fathe...more

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May 04, 2011 Kim Brittingham rated it 3 of 5 stars

For anyone who's been on the receiving end of emotional abuse from a less-than-stable parent, House Rules is something of a comfort. It's a reminder that you're not the only one who understands that abuse doesn't always leave a child black-and-blue -- at least not in a physical sense. And for those of us who've decided life is better without a dysfunctional parent in it -- and without regrets -- Sontag's memoir reaffirms our choice. Sometimes, estrangement really is the healthiest thing. Equally...more

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Oct 08, 2010 Jill rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was totally sucked in to the this book from page one.

This was an extremely frustrating story of a girl who lives within the super controlling and manipulative world of her father. The emotional abuse that she suffered because of him is outrageous. This book chronicled her childhood, teenage yeras, and college years - and every page was just as hard to read as the last. I was proud of her for not letting herself get trampled down by him.

It took me quite a bit of the book to realize why she was...more

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Jun 27, 2009 Jaime rated it 2 of 5 stars

This memoir illustrates the emotional abuse the author suffered at the hands of her father. Steve Sontag was sick--that's obvious. He was the ultimate manipulator, playing mind games and challenging Rachel to bouts of emotional "chicken." What I found most bothersome, however, was her mother's uncanny ability to stand by and watch her husband inflict this mental abuse on her own daughter. Actually, I was disgusted by it.

I also found Rachel's attitude toward the abuse unbelievable. Mostly, she s...more

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Jun 13, 2009 Rhonda Rae Baker rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

WOW...this is a memoir that everyone should read! Deeply moving and psychologically charged...I can't say enough good things about this story. It's real and life is real, this memoir will open your eyes. Weather you've been abused, neglected, or wondered what was going on in another person's family when you just know something is wrong...this will enlighten you and encourage you to break away or even help make a difference. Be sure to read a copy of this memoir that has the P.S. included...you'l...more WOW...this is a memoir that everyone should read! Deeply moving and psychologically charged...I can't say enough good things about this story. It's real and life is real, this memoir will open your eyes. Weather you've been abused, neglected, or wondered what was going on in another person's family when you just know something is wrong...this will enlighten you and encourage you to break away or even help make a difference. Be sure to read a copy of this memoir that has the P.S. included...you'll want to read and read portions of the last half to make sure you've GOT it...absorbing everything that this young woman felt and forged through because she DID it...she broke free and is living her life as she chooses no matter what others think!

I know, from first-hand experience, what it is to live in a family and home that felt like PRISON for 28 years. It deeply injured me and even worse damaged my children! This memoir was so incredibly written and right ON in description as well as emotion of what goes on in dysfunctional families.

This memoir was so compelling that I simply could not put it down. As I read what happened within this family my own memories were surfacing...the deeper I traveled within the story, each page was read slower because I wanted to absorb the hope and encouragement another's life gave to me and for my children. I felt every emotional scar and identified with the abused and the neglected.

Yes, a person that is neglected is totally invisible. A person that is abused is too visible. There is no way for anyone to come out of circumstances like this and be unmarked...but there IS hope.

Break yourself FREE...move forward and live your life for yourself! You have no one to answer to but yourself and you are not anyone else's puppet. Live your life full of integrity and honesty...never allow yourself to be manipulated by another person. The scars run deep and the identification a person feels with the one that abused you or neglected you may affect you for some time but there is liberty and victory to anyone that learns to be true to themselves.

I will be sharing this memoir with my children, I will re-read it again, my husband will learn from this, others that I know will benefit from this story, and we all can grow and learn together that we are valuable as well as important but more of importance is that we live our lives according to our own heart. We are never obligated to live in such a way that others will accept us. We are who we are and who we are meant to be and no other person has any right to expect us to act one way or another.

If you've felt trapped by your own past and want some insight as to how you can free yourself from those chains...read this memoir. You'll want to pass it along as I and you will find hope in breaking our of your cocoon and fly as the butterfly you were created to be. It won't be easy, as reading this memoir won't be easy...but your life could be changed for the better. You may carry the scars deep within but they will become your stronger parts and you can learn to be happy.

There are not enough words to say about this book. Rachel Sontag is my hero...she has encouraged me and I know now that I must write my story. I must get it out there in print. I must share this story so other members of my family can get their story out. My youngest daughter is my hero...she broke us all out...she was not afraid to tell the truth. Something that some of us had no idea was going on...yet something that others knew and couldn't step forward with because they didn't know how to face the realities of our prison! The road has been extremely difficult and I've often wondered if some of us weren't going to make it but now I know that we will...we all will. I have hope, I have reason to believe that no matter what circumstance or situation you've been in, you CAN overcome. You do not have to live your life feeling like there are chains that bind you. You can break free of this weight...WOW.

I know, from my own life that fantasies can and do come true...if you're stuck and don't know what to do, then maybe this book will give you the insight necessary to make that change and move forward...you can do it...you are special and you are your own person!(less)

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Mar 06, 2010 Mari rated it 3 of 5 stars

Another day, another memoir. This girl's life was awful, in the psychological torment she endured by her dad and the impact of her weak mom staying with him. I kept hoping for it to get better, as in, she would break through and find a way to fully be free of him. And while she's estranged from her dad at the end (and therefore pretty much from her mom), it didn't seem very hopeful or happy. There wasn't really a message within the book, or a lesson to be learned. That made me think "I could do...more

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Mar 20, 2013 Sally Monem rated it 5 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. House Rules by Rachel Sontag is an autobiography of her life and childhood struggle with her unique family situation. Rachel grew up with a very controlling father, who created a very structured lifestyle for Rachel and her sister, Jenny. Rachel's father's life was filled with rules and ways to do everything, which he dragged his daughters and his helpless wife into. The story of Rachel's life seemed to be a tale of a girl who struggled to escape her father and see if she could make it on her ow...more

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Feb 11, 2010 Nancy Cullinane rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a book I couldn't put down. It's a disturbing true story of a family where the dad is a tyrant. The mom and 2 daughters never know when or what will set him off. He tries to teach "lessons" to them but with severe, unreasonable discipline. He treats the mother as one of the children, and her weakness is that she goes along with it and enables him. She will not stand up for her children or herself. He cannot let them succeed and sets them against each other with his manipulations. His be...more

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Feb 18, 2010 Nancy marked it as to-read

Shelves: read-soonest

A compelling, at times horrifying work that is impossible to put down, House Rules will stand beside Running With Scissors and The Glass Castle as a memoir that cracks open the shell of a desperately dysfunctional family with impressive grace and humour.
Rachel Sontag grew up the daughter of a well-liked doctor in an upper middle class suburb of Chicago. The view from outside couldn't have been more perfect. But within the walls of the family home, Rachel's life was controlled and indeed terroriz...more

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Apr 10, 2009 Louise rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs

"From an early age, Rachel Sontag realized there was something deeply wrong with her father. On the surface, he was a well-respected, suburban physician. But questioning his authority led to brutal fights; disobedience meant humiliating punishments. When she was twelve, he duct-taped her stereo dial to National Public Radio, measured the length of her hair and fingernails with a ruler, and regulated when she could shower.

A memoir of a father obsessed with control and the daughter who fights his...more

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Oct 10, 2012 Shiva Esfandnia rated it 3 of 5 stars

House Rules by Rachel Sontag is a memoir taking us on a journey of what she experienced while growing up with an abusive father. Although the father, a respected doctor in the community, never lays a hand on her or her mother and sister, he abuses them verbally as he insults, humiliates and bullies them on a regular basis. He takes the position of a protective father past the point of normal by recording Sontag's conversations on the phone and not allowing the daughters to wear any makeup or per...more

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Feb 03, 2013 Laura rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Rating this book has stalled me from rating everything I've read since! I really did not enjoy the book at all (and I found this very surprising, because I really thought I would like it), but I suppose some of my own history compels me to double, triple, and quadruple check that I'm being fair to the author.

I hope that this book was therapeutic for Rachel to write, and for others to read, but I think she may not yet have found her voice. Some of the events were confusing or hard to retain--tha...more Rating this book has stalled me from rating everything I've read since! I really did not enjoy the book at all (and I found this very surprising, because I really thought I would like it), but I suppose some of my own history compels me to double, triple, and quadruple check that I'm being fair to the author.

I hope that this book was therapeutic for Rachel to write, and for others to read, but I think she may not yet have found her voice. Some of the events were confusing or hard to retain--that can happen pretty easily when describing very outlandish happenings that are hard for the reader or listener to piegeonhole with other memories, so the writing style that skipped around in time was not very helpful.

The part I disliked most is also the part I feel guiltiest about criticizing: I really didn't like some of Rachel's behavior. Why would you tell someone that you are done with them and their abuse forever, then express surprise that they canceled their check for your college tuition?? Why would you go off and live basically at a rock-bottom, mostly-homeless level, proving that you really can survive on your own and DON'T need your abuser's money, then ultimately go back for more money and abuse?? These would have to be emotional reasons, or reasons involving obligation, but I didn't feel that the author expressed how she'd been compelled to return to her father in a way that I could sympathize with. Maybe this isn't a fault of the book after all, but is actually something I can't bear to witness because of my own history--either way, it was very painful for me to read.

It's hard for me to give someone's personal story a low rating, because it seems unfair to appraise someone's actual life and experiences, but sorry, I just found it boring, confusing, and often irritating. I genuinely wish the best for Rachel in the future. . . unless she's resumed talking to her father, in which case, I'm inclined to believe that she's chosen to eschew the best for herself. (It was hard to feel confident about this at the end of the book, when she is still sitting outside her childhood home in a car, stalking a family gathering but simultaneously deciding not to do so in the future. . .)(less)

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Jan 08, 2011 Emily rated it 3 of 5 stars

I chose this book as one of my assignments because it looked most interesting. Rachel expressed her fathers obsessive actions in great detail throughout this book, and it made me disgusted, yet interested. However, this book never got anywhere to a point which I felt truly pulled in. It was difficult for me to fallow, and at points I felt the book was skipping back and fourth through her childhood. I didn't know if she was five, or twelve at certain points in the book. She seemed as though she d...more

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