Forever Lily: An Unexpected Mother's Journey to Adoption in China by Beth Nonte Russell

Jun 12, 2008 American rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people who like bad writing.

Shelves: china, adoption, memoir-autobiography, nonfiction

Seriously, this book is TERRIBLE. What was the point of all that hocus-pocus dream stuff? I eventually got smart and started skipping those sections, but that still didn't improve the book much.

The underlying story is compelling: A woman accomanies her friend to China so the friend can adopt the baby. The friend changes her mind and the author decides to keep the baby. Adoption disruptions like this are unusual, but they do happen. The story of the various parties' emotional journey could have...more

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Feb 11, 2010 Alex rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010-reads, memoirs, asia-southeast-asia, nonfiction, women-authors, word-of-mouth

I understand why people don't love this book: the author is condescending to Chinese culture even while making claims that she is reincarnated from that country. She also veers too often into New Age fantasies about why she was called to adopt her daughter from China. That said, though, I still enjoyed this book. For one thing, how can you resist that cover? The story moves at a steady clip and has some touching moments. I learned things about China that I didn't know. The end was a little gloss...more

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Jul 19, 2007 Julie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Overall, a fairly good book. The discussion of the adoption was interesting to me, however the mystic dream sequence that runs throughout the book was very distracting and a little over the top for my personal taste. I was also quite shocked with the whole premise of the book, that a potential adoptive parent could go through the entire international adoption process, only to refuse the child once she received her. I would have liked to have seen the author delve more into the issue of the initi...more

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May 21, 2008 Jen rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: anyone interested in asian culture, adoption or motherhood

Shelves: non-fiction, 2008, memoirs-biographies

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jul 12, 2007 Roberta rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: anyone who is a mother, or has wanted to be one

This book was haunting. It's an incredible story of how this woman falls into a situation where she becomes the adoptive mother of a Chinese orphan. Although most of the book was fascinating, from her impressions of China, her descriptions of the oppression, the people, the tension in the whole adoption process, there are parts where she writes of her dreams that were a little hokey to me and I could have done without. Sort of a past life connection thing she's trying to convey, which is hard to...more

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Dec 17, 2008 Corinne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: advance-reader-s-copy

Forever Lily is the story of a woman who travels to China to support a friend in the final stages of adoption. However, when her friend, Alex, receives her baby, the situation begins to unravel quickly. Alex panics and doesn't think she can handle a baby that clearly has some development delays due to the harsh environment of the orphanage where the baby spent its' first months of life. Uncertainty and an instant bond with the child make for many emotionally charged days for the author.

The story...more Forever Lily is the story of a woman who travels to China to support a friend in the final stages of adoption. However, when her friend, Alex, receives her baby, the situation begins to unravel quickly. Alex panics and doesn't think she can handle a baby that clearly has some development delays due to the harsh environment of the orphanage where the baby spent its' first months of life. Uncertainty and an instant bond with the child make for many emotionally charged days for the author.

The story itself is horrifying and incredible at the same time. Certain portions read like an interesting travel guide, giving us an interesting glimpse into China, its culture and people. The images of the orphans in the orphanage made me want to investigate international adoption, it is such a tragedy. Alex (the adopting mom) is made out to be a self-centered and incredibly indecisive, and while this is certainly the case, I thought the author's treatment of her was sometimes a bit harsh. It is clear, however, that this was also a very traumatic time for the author whose love of the baby (eventually named Lily) becomes a real trial of faith.

The reason I couldn't give this book more stars is because of Russell's dreams - passages of a Chinese dream-life that she apparently had before and during this experience in China. Possibly these sections were trying to show a spiritual connection between Lily and Russell, but for me they were incredibly distracting and, for me, added a seed of doubt about the rest of the text's authenticity. I'm sure this devise may have worked well for other people and tied China's ancient past with the present of the book. It just didn't work for me.

I did enjoy this read. The writing was typically tight with affecting imagery. I wanted to know how things resolved and I nearly had tears on a couple of occasions, both because I was sad and because I was happy (I'm that kind of reader!). Forever Lily presents an emotional and interesting new twist on international adoption stories, so it certainly has a place in that canon. (less)

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Oct 27, 2010 Sara Cat rated it 1 of 5 stars

This was a...strange book. It's listed as memoir. Features mainly three characters, the author/narrator, her friend Alex, and anonymous Baby. The premise is excellent, but would have been helped by a good thorough editing.

The author is asked to go to China to pick up an adopted baby by her friend Alex. When they get there, Alex flips out and decides she doesn't really want this baby - for some reason some mix up about the age (by a few months) throws her off. Slowly, it rolls out that apparentl...more

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Jan 07, 2010 Cindy Hudson rated it 4 of 5 stars

When Beth Nonte Russell was asked to accompany a friend to pick up the baby girl she was adopting from China, she expected it to be an adventure. An avid traveler, Russell had never been to China, and she welcomed this chance to help a friend while discovering a new country.

But when the friend is presented with a frail baby who seems developmentally far behind her age, she balks at going through with the adoption. Russell finds herself responding in a way that will change her life forever: she a...more When Beth Nonte Russell was asked to accompany a friend to pick up the baby girl she was adopting from China, she expected it to be an adventure. An avid traveler, Russell had never been to China, and she welcomed this chance to help a friend while discovering a new country.

But when the friend is presented with a frail baby who seems developmentally far behind her age, she balks at going through with the adoption. Russell finds herself responding in a way that will change her life forever: she agrees to take the girl herself once back in the U.S. Forever Lily: An Unexpected Mother’s Journey to Adoption in China is the memoir Russell has written about her experience.

Russell masterfully tells the story of her journey, which included other soon-to-be adoptive parents who had all planned for a long time to bring a new baby into their lives. Russell weaves tales of the group's sightseeing excursions to famous landmarks along with heartbreaking images of the babies’ orphanage when the group visits. She shares her conflicting thoughts of China, whose society is vibrant and modern, but also ancient and repressed.

An undercurrent of the story is Russell’s vivid dreams, some of which started before her trip began and lead her to believe she may have a stronger connection to China than she ever would have imagined.

While Russell’s decision to take the baby is clearly heroic, she doesn’t make herself out to be an unblemished hero, which makes her seem more human. She freely shares that her relationship with her stepchildren was reserved, and that she didn’t open herself up to love and the possibility of being hurt in the past. As she struggles emotionally to accept what she knows she must do, she shares with the reader her personal spiritual beliefs and her journey to get to those beliefs.

Forever Lily is a fascinating story that engrosses to the end, and it will have readers asking themselves, “What would I do if something extraordinary was asked of me?” While it’s most appropriate for moms, who will more easily relate to Russell’s story, older girls will find something of interest here too. Russell also makes book club discussion easy with a list of discussion questions and an interview featured in the back of the book along with a list of activities the group can consider.
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Dec 19, 2009 Laurie rated it 5 of 5 stars

beautiful story.
a couple of tissues and lots of smiles.

Russell was asked by a friend, Alex, to accompany her to China to help her pick up the baby she and her husband were adopting. While parents usually make the trip together, Alex's husband had to stay home to care for another child. Russell didn't know Alex all that well, but agreed to go anyway. In this offbeat memoir, Russell describes the trip. It wasn't long into it before she noticed signs of Alex's ambivalence— she'd brought no camera t...more

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Jun 07, 2008 Bree rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs, 2007

Argh, this book. I wanted to read it SO badly, it sounded so amazing. Too bad the author is totally high on herself and a bit crazy, too. I was irritated right off the bat with her new-agey dream sequences, and then the way she talked about herself being so in tune with herself and searching for something by travelling. Gag. Get over yourself already. Though admittedly, I'm not into that whole meditation/new-age/in-tune with my body, soul, etc stuff.

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Sep 17, 2011 Katie Kenig rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: adoption, non-fiction, memoir

I wish GoodReads allowed you go give half-star ratings, because I really think this is a 3 1/2 star, not quite four book, but I'm bumping up to be magnanimous. Or something.

This is a strange little memoir about a woman who goes to China to accompany her friend, who is adopting a baby there. The friend doesn't bond with the baby, and through some legal manuevering, the author becomes the adoptive mother instead. The tale of the trip is interspersed with the author's dreams/past-life memories of h...more

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Jul 11, 2008 Rj rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: adoption, asian, non-fiction

I really hated this book, not that it was poorly written but I felt that the author was arrogant and it is not representative of the majority of international adoption. THere is also a depreesive condition that can occur during adoption and I think the author may have taken advantage of the other adoptive mother.

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Jun 17, 2011 Willa added it

Shelves: 52-books-in-2011

The title, the description on the back, and especially the charming picture on the cover got me to pick up this book. Beth Nonte Russell tells an emotionally involving story of how she travels to China with a casual friend who is adopting a baby girl. Upon arrival, the friend "Alex" has second thoughts and undergoes a sort of nervous breakdown, leaving Russell as the primary caretaker of the baby during the journey. The baby and Russell bond, which leads in the end to the adoption of Lily into t...more The title, the description on the back, and especially the charming picture on the cover got me to pick up this book. Beth Nonte Russell tells an emotionally involving story of how she travels to China with a casual friend who is adopting a baby girl. Upon arrival, the friend "Alex" has second thoughts and undergoes a sort of nervous breakdown, leaving Russell as the primary caretaker of the baby during the journey. The baby and Russell bond, which leads in the end to the adoption of Lily into the author's own family.

The travel account was very interesting. This was the first book about international adoption I had read, and I was gripped by the sad condition of the baby, who at 13 months still could not sit and was almost literally starving. The adoptive couples go to visit a Chinese orphanage, and Russell tells movingly of little ones sitting in a cold room strapped to benches, with too few caretakers to give them much attention or love.

I did not take the author's attitude towards the Chinese as condescending. Rather, it seemed to me that she was being honest about her own reactions as an American in a strange place in stressful circumstances. I loved the descriptions of the baby. It was heartwarming to think that a baby from such a background could have new hope in a new country.

The dream accounts interspersed between the personal account, which dealt with an Empress who gave birth to an illegitimate daughter, seemed cliched and silly, like a bad romantic novel. The New Agey spirituality interwoven, where the baby and adoptive mother were implied to be a reincarnation of this past mother and child, was unconvincing.

The fictional feeling of the dream sequences strained my credulity even towards the real account. I ended up wondering if things really happened as the author described. In particular, her account of her friend's change of heart about the decision sounded odd, as if there were more to the story than was told.

Perhaps instead of the dream/reincarnation sub-tale the author should have interwoven interviews of other adoptive parents or facts about the Chinese adoption process. Rather than quote emails from her spiritualist friend back in the US, she could have gotten more of her friend Alex's perspective on what happened during the journey, so the account wouldn't seem so one-sided. Still, I did enjoy reading the book (I skipped most of the dream sequences) and it did make me more aware of the world of international adoption. If I were seriously looking for an account of the experience of international adoption, though,rather than just picking up a book that looked interesting, I would look somewhere else first. (less)

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Dec 03, 2008 Ti rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-sent-to-me

Alex and her husband are in the final stages of adopting a child from China. Alex asks her friend Beth to accompany her on the trip to China. Beth is hesitant at first. Why wouldn't Alex want her own husband to go with her?

After thinking it over, Beth decides to go along figuring it would be quite an adventure and something to add to her travel journal. What she does not anticipate, is the strong emotional bond she feels when she sees the child for the first time.

My reading of this novel could n...more Alex and her husband are in the final stages of adopting a child from China. Alex asks her friend Beth to accompany her on the trip to China. Beth is hesitant at first. Why wouldn't Alex want her own husband to go with her?

After thinking it over, Beth decides to go along figuring it would be quite an adventure and something to add to her travel journal. What she does not anticipate, is the strong emotional bond she feels when she sees the child for the first time.

My reading of this novel could not have been timed better. A close friend of mine just returned from a trip to China and she shared dozens of pictures with me, along with stories about the people, the culture, etc. As I was reading Beth's story, much of what she said corresponded to what my friend told me. This really set the scene for me and by page 50 I was completely engrossed.

Although Beth is there to accompany Alex, she is deeply affected by the adoption process and haunted by the children that are left behind. The detail in which Beth tells the story is at times heart wrenching, but very well written. Here's an example:

"What happens when one is confronted with the sick, the neglected, the dirty? Either the heart opens, or it slams shut against the assault. Is this a choice or a reaction born of a million prior choices? What happens when love does not come?"

Although the book does not go into great detail about the living conditions in which these children live, there is enough detail there to make you want to book a flight to China if only to save one child. Russell does an excellent job of allowing you into her world. You see China the way she saw it and you feel her frustration and helplessness as she tells her story.

Although I was deeply moved by the book, I was distracted by the frequent dream sequences. Throughout the story, Russell shares the dreams that she had during the trip. At first I read all of the dream entries, but after a dozen or so, I began to skip them in order to get back to the story. The interview at the back of the book says that the actual dreams were more fractured when she had them, but upon return from the trip, through meditation, she spent a great deal of time reentering the dreams which she admits were past-life experiences. This allowed for more detailed accounts which were included in the book.

Overall, I enjoyed the book and felt it was well written, but I don't think the dream sequences were necessary. Knowing that little has changed with China since this book was written, I think it would be a good book for a prospective parent to read...especially one who is considering an international adoption. It doesn't give you all the specifics as far as the requirements of course, but it does pose some serious questions that a prospective parent should consider very carefully before going through with the process.

As far as book groups, I think there would be plenty for a group to discuss. The idea of international adoption is controversial on its own, but there's a lot going on between Alex and Beth that I cannot get into without giving the story away.(less)

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Aug 02, 2011 Cristen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography

I picked this book up on a whim during a used book sale at my library a year ago. I think I liked the cover. It wasn't until I turned it over yesterday morning that I even realized it was a true story and, truth be told, not the kind of thing I would ever read. But, I decided to give it a try. It took me less than 24 hours to whip through it. "Forever Lily" is an absolutely captivating, heart-wrenching and transformative read. Above all else, it's HOPEFUL. The bond described in this book is a bo...more

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Jun 18, 2009 Christine rated it 3 of 5 stars

Forever Lily was a really great really quick read... i think it took me all of two days to get through. the story follows the author's journey to china and how she came to adopt her daughter, lily. although i didn't find her writing style to be anything exceptional, i was still completely engrossed in the story and found it impossible to put down- i probably would have finished it the first night, if i didn't have to get up in the morning.

i'm only giving the book 3 stars because of the author's...more

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Mar 09, 2010 Yoonmee rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: adoption, asia, memoir, travel-writing, spirituality

UGH. What isn't offensive about this book? Not much, I'll tell you that. I started reading it with a pen in hand, as I generally do when I read, to mark passages and take notes; I was only about three pages in before I realized that if I kept up the marking, I'd be circling and underlining pretty much the entire book. I'll start off with the author's attitude toward transracial and intercountry adoption: she's basically a white liberal who believes she can be Chinese (as she claims at the very e...more

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Feb 02, 2010 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Tip: DON'T READ THE BACK OF THIS BOOK BEFORE READING!

My husband gave me that advice and I'm so glad I listened. I think the publisher was worried about attracting readers and gave away one of the most compelling parts of this true story.

Russell is a quasi-Buddhist and her experiences in China were quirky to say the least. She ended up seeing some really revealing things that normally tourists don't get to experience in the People's Republic of China.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and really pr...more

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Aug 12, 2012 Rachel rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: reviewed

I skipped over pretty much all of the dream sequences (sorry, Beth). Based on many of the other reviews here, this probably made it a much better book.

I read mostly out of curiosity over the legal logistics of someone other than the pre-approved adoptive parent completing an international adoption. This wasn't the author's main interest, so she didn't go into that much detail about the process, but related enough to satisfy my wondering.

My favorite part was Beth's husband's initial reaction to...more

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Oct 08, 2011 Al rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: chinese

I don't give many books 2 stars. Especially one I picked myself, especially one about international adoption, especially one set in China! I really wanted to like this book. And, as a matter of fact, I enjoyed reading it. But...

Maybe it is because the author wasn't prepared to adopt, it just happened. She was very disrespectful to the country of China & it's culture. And to adoption! To make it worse, she was trying to be "aware" and balanced. This is the country that gave you your adoring c...more

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Jun 18, 2010 Liss rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenthood, biography-memoir

The story is beautiful, the prose is beautiful - if a bit choppy - and most of the quirks of the text are explained in the addendum. Unfortunately I was put off by the personality of the author, though clearly loving to Lily she comes off (to me) as judgmental and dominating. However her style I appreciated much more than that of The Waiting Child.

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Aug 08, 2011 Amanda rated it 1 of 5 stars

Had hoped for better from this book. It is definitely not representative of any attitudes I've encountered in international adoption--the near divorce friend abandoning the adoption while in CHina, and the general "savior" attitude the author appears to hold.

The author also seemed to need some past-life connection to the child she ended up adopting, hence the dreams she started experiencing while in China. These sequences were almost painful to read they were so cliche--of course she's connecte...more

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Oct 15, 2009 Jessica Larson-Wang rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-that-suck

Hated this book. The author is a nutcase and her dream sequences in which she decides she was a Chinese woman in a previous life are ridiculous, especially considering the author clearly hates China and seems to think that the point of adoption is to "save" these kids from their horrible fates.

I was more interested in the friend's really bizarre and erratic behavior backing out of an adoption at the last minute. That was interesting. The new-age past life condescending Chinese crap, not so much...more

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Jul 03, 2009 Ivy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: history-biography-memoirs-nonfictio

Beth is traveling with her friend, Alex, to China in hopes of assisting Alex with her adoption of a baby girl. But from the beginning Alex is withdrawn and uncertain, finally realizing that she cannot bring herself to accept the child after all. Beth, who has bonded with the baby, agrees to take her and begins her own spiritual and emotional journey to make it a reality.

The author points out that adoption need not be just a conscious decision but a spiritual one as well, and that sometimes the...more Beth is traveling with her friend, Alex, to China in hopes of assisting Alex with her adoption of a baby girl. But from the beginning Alex is withdrawn and uncertain, finally realizing that she cannot bring herself to accept the child after all. Beth, who has bonded with the baby, agrees to take her and begins her own spiritual and emotional journey to make it a reality.

The author points out that adoption need not be just a conscious decision but a spiritual one as well, and that sometimes the best laid out plans can backfire if they are not truly meant to be. Because the author writes her story from a deeply spiritual point of view, it becomes a turnoff for those who have no interest in the spiritual perspective, as previous negative reviews here have shown. Therefore, if destiny, karma or any kind of spiritual perspective is not your cup of tea, this may not be the book for you.

Ms. Russell's writings are beautifully descriptive, taking us with her on her journey of sights, sounds and smells through China, as well making us share in her anguish during her visit to her baby's orphanage and the countless moments of uncertainty at Alex's hands. (From a mother's point of view I cannot fault the author for being more than a little exasperated with Alex. She spends her time handing Beth the baby then taking her back. Alex pulls her chain to the point where you can't fault the author for shedding her in an unfavorable light. Accusing the author of airing dirty laundry, as one reviewer puts it, is ludicrous because she misses the point the author is trying to make--the conflict comes from unresolved issues within Alex which, in Beth's opinion, is horribly self-centered behavior that should take a backseat to the real important issue: the baby's best interests.) Ms. Russell also admits her own prejudices of the Chinese people and learns to understand that that which she mistook for suspicious in those around her was really a quiet dignity when she looked with better eyes.

Beth Nonte Russell gives us a beautifully written story of her adoption experience that should be read by all considering adoption.
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Mar 27, 2009 Mauri rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, idontwanttorememberreadingthis

What I read of this (the first 30 pages, the last section, and the epilogue) read like awful Mary-Sue style original fiction. First-person point-of-view, present tense, interspersed dream segments from a prior life (?) had me setting this down pretty quickly.

Mostly I can't believe how self-serving the author is. The 'dreams' she has of a (badly-researched) woman from ancient China are ridiculous, her efforts to analyze them and relate them to the events in her life are almost hysterical in their...more What I read of this (the first 30 pages, the last section, and the epilogue) read like awful Mary-Sue style original fiction. First-person point-of-view, present tense, interspersed dream segments from a prior life (?) had me setting this down pretty quickly.

Mostly I can't believe how self-serving the author is. The 'dreams' she has of a (badly-researched) woman from ancient China are ridiculous, her efforts to analyze them and relate them to the events in her life are almost hysterical in their self-centeredness.

The final straw was at the end of the book when she relates a story from a sibling about how she once sat straight up in bed and started speaking Chinese as a teenager.* The sibling solemnly tells her that when they 'always knew you were Chinese'.

I related this story to a group of American college students studying abroad in Japan and the response was one of general hysterics. For a group of people (myself included) who had been studying a language and culture in depth for upwards of eight years, the idea that a woman who had seemingly never been to China before, didn't speak a word of Chinese (teenage sleep-talking aside), admitted in the interview at the back of the book that she was no expert of Chinese culture (or history, for that matter) even after adopting two Chinese daughters, could think 'I am Chinese' was beyond ludicrous. As ludicrous as one of us up and saying 'I am Japanese.'

I can speak Japanese, contain myself emotionally as a Japanese person might, eat Japanese food, marry a Japanese man, and have Japanese children, but I will always be a 175 cm tall American woman who prefers Coca Cola over green tea. To have someone write a book about how she had seemingly transcended innumerable cultural barriers because of her dreams was breath-taking in its arrogance.

*The sibling 'knew' it was Chinese because she'd been hearing it all day while they wandered around Chinatown. *sob* My own mother can't tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese after eight years.

ETA: left it in Japan.(less)

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Jan 01, 2008 Kate rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: biographies-and-memoirs, books-i-own, non-fiction, the-100-in-2007, women-s-issues

The story tells of Beth's journey to China with her friend Alex, who has decided to adopt a little Chinese daughter and bring her home to America. However, upon receiving the child, Alex decides the whole thing is a huge mistake and that she doesn't want the baby any more. Beth has a series of dreams and visions (which were a bit beyond the pale in my view) and realizes that she must bring the baby home to raise her because they were separated in a past life.

Ok, putting aside the craziness of th...more

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Feb 07, 2009 L rated it 2 of 5 stars

Interesting true story about a woman who ended up adopting a baby her friend decided she didn't want (she accompanied the friend to China). A bit too much focus on a reincarnation theme and weird dream sequence for my taste though (she has some strange Buddhist/new age beliefs) . It left me wanting more of what happened to make it possible for her to adopt the baby. Not the best adoption story I've read.

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Jul 04, 2010 Mairin rated it 4 of 5 stars

A great story of exactly what the title says a "mother's journey to adoption in china". There was a lot of spiritual aspects of the book (dream analysis etc.) but the dream was like another story within the book so it wasn't too bad. That stuff usually annoys me. It was interesting reading this after having been to China. I could relate to her awe when arriving in this country for the first time.

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May 16, 2009 mari jaye rated it 1 of 5 stars

this review probably isn't quite fair because i didn't read anything that was italicized, which would be the entire sub-plot about her dreams, and about 1/4 of this book. i was more interested in her strange experience accompanying her friend to china to complete an adoption. the friend's behavior is insanely baffling but it helps paint a picture that prospective adoptive parents should possibly see.

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Apr 07, 2009 Claire rated it 5 of 5 stars

What an emotional roller coaster about adoption. A young woman accompanies her friend to China, where her friend is going to adopt a baby girl. Once there, the friend has a panic attack and changes her mind. What happens to the poor baby girl- does she get grow up in a better place, or will she be sent back to the crowded terrible orphanage? Who will her mother be? I couldn't put this one down.

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