I Think I Murdered Miss

by Billy Bob Buttons

My name is Simon Spittle and I think - no, I know, I murdered Miss Belcher. I don t carry a gun. Or a knife. Or even a toothpick, but yesterday, in French, I wished for her to be run over by a bus and, later that very day, she was. A big, red double-decker with yellow wheels and a picture of a clown on the bonnet. A Billy Smart's Circus bus.

'Superb! A laugh-out-loud gem.' Bookworm

'This is a very, VERY funny book. Billy Bob Buttons is a top-notch children's writer.' Eclipse Magazine

'Your child will love this book and, to be honest, so will you.' Hi5 Magazine

200 pages, Paperback

First published September 8, 2013

About the author

Billy Bob Buttons is from Earth, the third planet from the sun in a small galaxy called the Milky Way. Subsequently, he is called 'Earthling'. He is 'normal' in many ways - for example, he enjoys chocolate. Note, any earthling suspected of not liking chocolate cannot be trusted and must be exterminated.

Having observed this human from our ship, the following has been noted: He is 14,235 earth days old and plays a sport called 'tennis' a lot, in which he hits a fuzzy green ball over a net and shouts, 'Love 15'. Note, who are the 15? And why is he in love with them? He is also very popular and has 7,745,121 friends. They all live together in a place called 'London'.

He has two matching baby earthlings called, 'No! No! Stop chewing on that electric cable!' and, 'There's no way she needs a nappy change! Is there?!' He also has a mate called 'Sorry, Darling' who seems vastly more intelligent and is the ruler of the dwelling. Finally, he spends lots of earth hours thumping two fingers on the keys of a primitive computer.

To conclude, the specimen must be kidnapped, probed and tested.

Reviews

[Julie Grasso · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simon Spittle is an average kid with above average intelligence, but that doesn't ensure life is great. Far from it actually. Simon has Aspergers syndrome, so he finds making friends pretty difficult.

Enter, Isabella, a larger than life semi new girl at school who befriends him. Simon can't quite figure out why. Isabella is a cool and self confident. Simon hides in his room most of the time obsessively watching star trek videos, so when it comes to social cues, Simon finds them all hard. Isabella is just another enigma in a sea of significantly awkward social moments. She affectionately calls him mop after his shaggy hair and she takes care to abide by Simon's strange social embargoes such as the "no hugging rule."

For Simon, order and routine are key to helping him survive the day, so when his French teacher pushes him past his limits, he retaliates with words he will regret the rest of his life. You see, he wishes for his teacher to be run over by a bus and sadly, she is.

This would normally be considered a truly heinous coincidence for the average teen, but Simon is not your average teen. He just doesn't know it, but Isabella does.

When Simon wishes Anthony, (the class bully) will also get run over too, Isabelle forces Simon on a hilariously misguided mission to prevent it.

Now, I simply cannot elaborate any further as I fear anything I say may provide a spoiler, but I can say, this was a fast paced, hilarious read, that had a couple of twists that I absolutely DID NOT SEE COMING.

I loved reading this and was gripped from start to finish. Both Simon and Isabella were equally endearing for different reasons, and I was totally invested in both of them. At one point I may have snarled at husband and small child, as the action in the story was so fast paced, that I simply had to see how it ended. That to me, that is the sign of a truly engaging read. There are themes of death in the book, which some lower middle grade readers may find a bit worrying, but nothing graphic, so I believe this will appeal best to 10+. I give it 5 Stars.

[Raquel Pilar · Rating 2 out of 5]

In the beginning we have a boring school boy and an annoying school girl and a mystery. I didn't want to know more about the boy, or the girl or the mystery.
The genre of the book changed totally in the last chapters. And I did not dislike it, but it made no sense for me...
I wish, in fact, the story started from the end.
I hope some kid from the school enjoys it the way I didn't.

[Eleanor Dixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous! This is a brilliant middle-grade read. Billy Bob Buttons has created a great story that rips along defying you to put the book down. The characters are relatable and you soon feel you're in their corner. I would highly recommend this book to any middle-grade or young adult.

[Avesta · Rating 1 out of 5]

While it was a good read, it ends on a cliffhanger and I have not seen a second book yet. It's been over half a decade!

[Ripley Mason · Rating 5 out of 5]

😀😁😄

[Vienna Gunhouse · Rating 1 out of 5]

so many spelling mistakes, storyline wws terribly boring

[Samira Al-jboury · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is great for classroom reading. It is full of unexpected surprises, hilarity and even a bit of dark humour.

The book follows a Star Trek fan and somewhat of a social outcast. Fed up with his uncharitable French teacher, he wishes out loud for her to be hit by a bus. And that same day...she is! Now everyone is looking at him as if he caused it to happen. But did he?

To make matters worse, the very next day he bestows the exact same wish upon the school bully after losing his temper. Simon's best friend, Isabella, insists that they keep an eye on the bully to make sure the same fate doesn't befall him as well. And from there the adventure really begins!

[Sheila Cronin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertainment never quits. Dialogue convincing. Original story. Characters well drawn.