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We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth
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We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth

3.25  ·  Rating Details ·  55 Ratings  ·  17 Reviews
Enjoy this pseudo-nonfiction, 'how-to' military handbook for aliens intending to conquer the Earth. Science fiction elements are satirized and then connected to real-world science, history, and military technique to show how it should be done.

It goes without saying that any military campaign must be planned in ways depending upon some basic factors: The logistics of where
Paperback, 235 pages
Published October 22nd 2013 by Osprey Publishing (first published January 1st 2013)
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So my review copy arrived today and it was promptly pilfered by kid3 who hasn't stopped reading and laughing out loud, so it must be a good book. Maybe he'll write the review when he's done. Now I really want to read it, too.

Update 1/21/14 - Initial Thoughts: Finally got the book back from Kid3 who claims that it was an awesome book - very funny. The book is a little fact heavy, however the popular culture references (and where the aliens of pop culture went wrong in their invasion plans) were e
Jul 21, 2016 Bibliotropic rated it liked it
Shelves: review-copies
(Full review here:

Despite this book’s identity crisis and information it probably ought to have included but didn’t, it was still a decent read, and a good overview of some interesting scientific facts and trivia. I wouldn’t say it’s an essential book for everyone’s collection, but it’s still worth taking a look at, if nothing else for the section on invasion stories in media.
R.J. Blain
Apr 30, 2014 R.J. Blain rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-reviewed
So, you've been hiding out on Earth, waiting for your chance to conquer and take over, haven't you? Or maybe you've been lurking in space, hiding behind the moon, waiting for your chance to strike? If you were smart, you would have acquired a copy of We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien's Guide to Conquering the Earth by David McIntee. But, you weren't smart, were you? So here you are, stuck without a whole lot of options, without a good plan, and at high risk of losing instead of the victory ...more
Nov 29, 2013 Brid-Aine rated it it was ok
I remember this book I had when I was a kid (or at least I mostly remember it, because I can't remember the name of it!) that told you all about how to be a spy. I loved it, because it was full of "secrets" like dead-letterboxes and how to write in code and how to suss out if anyone had messed around in your stuff. Of course, it was also secretly teaching me bits and pieces about math, science, languages and keeping my room tidy without me realising it! We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien's Gu ...more
Barry Huddleston
Aug 31, 2016 Barry Huddleston rated it really liked it
*** Review copy provided by Osprey Publishing
*** Review posted on Gnostalgia

I love classic scifi, vintage horror, and dark humor. What could be more entertaining to someone like me than a book discussing methods and tactics for aliens conquering the world? We Will Destroy Your Planet is written as a how-to book for conquering the world.

Of course, the book is written for aliens who read English and who have a solid understanding of Earth’s scifi TV and movies *wink*. We Will Destroy Your Planet
Jeff Soyer
Sep 24, 2013 Jeff Soyer rated it liked it
Well, with a title like that, how could I not resist reviewing an advanced copy. The subtitle is, “An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth.” It could also have been called Invading Earth for Dummies. We Will Destroy Your Planet, by David McIntee is set to be released November 19th but you can pre-order it now on Amazon. Should you?

I thought the book was rather fun. It’s a bit educational (facts about our planet) and also offers numerous techniques to invade, conquer, or just flat-out destroy (n
Jia Yue
Jun 21, 2016 Jia Yue rated it liked it
I have an increasing habit of reading chapters out of order and spaced apart by months. Oh well.

The premise is interesting, and the subject matter full of delightful tidbits of knowledge that are engaging as well as practical, but the writing seems to me excruciatingly anthropocentric, as if the Earth natives were trying to accommodate what they think "aliens" would think. Much Earth slang and human cultural references are used (probably due to the poor quality of the translation). For example,
Nov 18, 2013 Shellie rated it really liked it
This is a fun book, not to be taken too seriously.(Though you may wish to heed the holes in our defences that can be exploited!)
It's a happy walk through reality making them a little more enjoyable and offers a speculative study provided for any invading extra-terrestrial force. The book takes the facts of military power(understandably considering the publisher) along side media reports of alien encounters and runs with the whole what if. From the history in the 1800s right through to the now, a
Oct 15, 2013 Ron rated it liked it
Shelves: science-fiction, war
David McIntee has an interesting concept in this title. He writes from the viewpoint of an all-knowing outsider advising the would-be alien conqueror the ins and outs of taking over the earth. The writing is factual and advice is practical, but quite general in nature. There are no detailed plans, not hypothetical scenarios, provided. Not even a link to the Evil Mastermind list on the Internet. The list of novels/movies/television shows on alien attack/interaction is good, but very brief and ...more
Apr 26, 2014 Martha rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Educational and Entertaining

This claims to be a manual for the conquest of Earth. It provides a lot of information about earth history, resources, geology, geography, etc. all in the context of aliens wishing to invade and conquer. It discusses the various methods of invasion and occupation and the problems that can occur. The latter part of the book is a discussion of several other "research materials" in the form of movies, books and television series.

Told in a fairly straightforward manner, t
Rebecca Lewis
Aug 12, 2016 Rebecca Lewis rated it it was ok
I guess I was expecting something along the lines of a John Scalzi book with quirky characters and such. This is just a slightly humorous take on a CIA or State Department report, but for the Earth instead of just one country.
Tabby Shiflett
A funny handbook on how to take over the world, from an alien's point of view. The "manual" is put together well. The book includes a fair amount of historical tidbits, scientific facts, and Sci-Fi pop culture info. For Sci-Fi fans with a sense of humor.

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Apr 10, 2014 Cat rated it it was ok
a lot of good strong facts about our defences and earth in general. Got pretty repetitious though. Was okay.
Michael Ritchie
Jan 17, 2016 Michael Ritchie rated it liked it
Flip flops between being interesting and witty to rather dry. But a good fun concept nonetheless, full of Easter eggs for sci fi fans to find.
Simon Bucher-Jones
Simon Bucher-Jones rated it really liked it
Jan 19, 2015
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Bud rated it did not like it
Dec 25, 2013
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McIntee has written many spin-off novels based on the BBC science fiction television series Doctor Who, as well as one each based on Final Destination and Space: 1999. He has also written a non-fiction book on Star Trek: Voyager and one jointly on the Alien and Predator movie franchises. He has written several audio plays, and contributed to various magazines including Dreamwatch, SFX, Star Trek ...more
More about David A. McIntee...

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