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Death by Zamboni

by David David Katzman (Goodreads Author)

3.89 of 5 stars 3.89 · rating details · 53 ratings · 32 reviews

A sweeping American romance spanning five American generations in America.

Oh, wait, that's some other crappy novel. In Death by Zamboni, you'll follow our anti-hero Satan Donut through a world of mimes, TV stars, zombies, blockheads, mad scientists, riot girls, and werewolves. This genre-busting satire shish-kabobs the commercial-entertainment state which degrades our liv...more

Paperback, 176 pages

Published 2000 by Bedhead Books

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Jan 05, 2011 David rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: feces, low-calorie

I totally lied! Mea maxima culpa! I bare my tender flesh to the lashing of your angry whips.

When I originally reviewed this book however-long-ago, I gave it a fairly glowing review because back then I still cared about other people's feelings. But thankfully I've grown out of that annoying quirk (or, as you prefer, affliction) of my late adolescence. You see, I was 'friends' with David David Katzman, the author, and even met him in the real-life flesh a couple of times, and therefore I didn't fe...more

45 likes · like · see review

Apr 25, 2010 Brad rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Manny

Recommended to Brad by: David Katzman

Shelves: better-as-a-movie, fascinating, good-enough-for-babies-to-eat, sick-and-twisted, madness

The Unauthorized Death By Zamboni Reader Qualification quiz designed to determine whether or not you should be allowed to buy a copy of Death By Zamboni or if you must wait for the Death By Zamboni mini-series on CBC™.

Answer these questions:

0. No?
1. Have you ever clamped clothes pins on your genitals?
2. Do acid flashbacks accompany thoughts of the Gibb brothers?
3. Have you ever uttered "Zoinks" without intentionally referencing Saturday Morning Cartoons?
4. Have you ever fantasized about making l

...more The Unauthorized Death By Zamboni Reader Qualification quiz designed to determine whether or not you should be allowed to buy a copy of Death By Zamboni or if you must wait for the Death By Zamboni mini-series on CBC™.

Answer these questions:

0. No?
1. Have you ever clamped clothes pins on your genitals?
2. Do acid flashbacks accompany thoughts of the Gibb brothers?
3. Have you ever uttered "Zoinks" without intentionally referencing Saturday Morning Cartoons?
4. Have you ever fantasized about making love to someone in mouse ears?
5. Do you prefer your comedians tripped out on amphetamines?
6. Is your personal contact with sweatshops a weekend “Rollback” the prices excursion to Wal-Mart™?
7. Do you get all angsty when you hear the promo words “Who will be voted out tonight?”
8. Are you a fan of books that are “too-sexy-for-maiden-aunts”?
9. Gouda?
10. Do you see things in a Rorschach test?
11. Have you ever, either in this life or the next, made love to a mime after it mimed its way through a death match with Jewish hitmen?
12. Do you see the connection between “it” and “is”?
13. Pink banana hammocks?
14. Do you hide your reading problem from friends and family?
15. Satan Donuts?
16. Does bowling in and around seminal fluid turn you off?
17. Have you ever ridden a Zamboni (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more)?
18. Do you have a conscience?
19. Are you a superfreak?

If you answered yes to some of these questions Death By Zamboni is for you. Of course, if you answered no to some of these questions Death By Zamboni is for you. If you answered maybe to any of these same questions then Death By Zamboni is also for you -- maybe. But if you answered yes to some of these questions Death By Zamboni isn’t for you because you’re a half wit who probably can’t follow anything more challenging than a really challenging thing. And if you answered no or maybe to some of these questions then you should be ashamed of yourself, but you probably aren’t, so maybe you should just give your money to David David anyway because he’s earned it by being far cooler than you. Whatever...Death By Zamboni deserves to be read. Can you handle it? Are you man enough to handle it? Do you know what it takes to read Death By Zamboni? It takes brass balls to read Death By Zamboni. Now sway your hips. Do you hear that clickety clack? Death By Zamboni really is for you.
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19 likes · like · see review

Apr 17, 2009 Michelle rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: goodreads-authors

WTF?

Really...that's all I've got. And, I love zombies. And, Etta Donut was awesome.

D2, you're a strange man.

11 likes · like · see review

Mar 30, 2009 Chris rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2009

This book is a lot like my most memorable poop. It announced itself in grand fashion as it splashed into the toilet like a man doing a belly flop into a pool. But it wasn't just any man doing a belly flop. It was a foot-long, chubby, cylindrical, brown man with pieces of corn and tomato stuck to him. This man smelled like death. His stench made many men and women (who happened to be in the unisex public restroom at the time) vomit and lose consciousness. His smell didn't bother me. In fact, I ra...more

8 likes · like · see review

Apr 01, 2008 Robert Beveridge rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: owned-and-still-own, finished

David David Katzman, Death by Zamboni (Bedhead Books, 1999)

Death by Zamboni, a little self-published effort (as far as I can tell in my admittedly sloppy research), first came to my attention when someone-- I forget who-- joined a booklist I'm a member of and listed it as one of his favorite books. I have often wondered idly whether it wasn't the author doing a bit of self-promotion under an assumed name in the intervening years, but hey, I'm not going to castigate anyone for stacking the deck (...more David David Katzman, Death by Zamboni (Bedhead Books, 1999)

Death by Zamboni, a little self-published effort (as far as I can tell in my admittedly sloppy research), first came to my attention when someone-- I forget who-- joined a booklist I'm a member of and listed it as one of his favorite books. I have often wondered idly whether it wasn't the author doing a bit of self-promotion under an assumed name in the intervening years, but hey, I'm not going to castigate anyone for stacking the deck (unless said author wanders off and forgets the little guys after he gets big; we also had a visit from Dan Brown at one point). It stayed in the back of my head, so I finally got round to picking up a copy with my Christmas gift certificate. And I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by it. Not by its humor, which all too often fell flat (your mileage may vary, of course; I have a sense of humor that's sometimes tough to crack), but because of its author's oddly endearing insights into human nature.

The story centers around private detective Satan Donut (whose name should give you an idea of where the humor in this book is going), who is tasked by a sultry blonde to find her missing husband, a scientist. However, relatively little of the book's length is devoted to its storyline, so you might as well forget it. At least half the book is taken up by emails between Satan and his sister, Etta Donut, the lead singer in a punk band (and part-time entertainer-for-hire with a fetish for Minnie Mouse suits).

On the down side, the book is written at about the level you expect from a self-published book; it has very little sense of pace, there's next to no character development, the humor may manage to pull itself out of the mind of an horny thirteen-year-old once or twice. But balancing the book's deficiencies are strengths. For one thing, while Katzman could probably use a few classes on the niceties of writing, he's got raw talent in spades; this is a book that you'll have to force yourself to put down, even when you feel like flinging it across the room. And once Satan gets into a serious conversation, Katzman really takes off; while I won't say I mistook any of this for Sartre, if you turn your head and squint just right...

A fun little tale, quite enjoyable in its own twisted way. Certainly not for everyone, but buy a copy anyway. If it's not for you, someone you know will enjoy it. ***
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7 likes · like · see review

Jul 28, 2010 stephanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Death by Zamboni sleuths in capers like Encyclopedia Brown if he were a noir Bugsy, winking nods at the far side, while doing the pee dance with a Monty Python.

Now that I've gotten your attention, let me just begin by saying that DDK® didn't write this book- I did. At least that's what echoed out of my head as the inside read words he'd placed there. That is to say, it is a book for all seasons and great minds alike. It's quite something to discover your very own twin exists inside the author of...more Death by Zamboni sleuths in capers like Encyclopedia Brown if he were a noir Bugsy, winking nods at the far side, while doing the pee dance with a Monty Python.

Now that I've gotten your attention, let me just begin by saying that DDK® didn't write this book- I did. At least that's what echoed out of my head as the inside read words he'd placed there. That is to say, it is a book for all seasons and great minds alike. It's quite something to discover your very own twin exists inside the author of a book!

I mean... haven't you ever wondered what the dialogue roving through another person's head looks like? Could another be contemplating the same thoughts as your very own? Read it and find out for yourself!

Also, where did such specifically used references which quantify as deja vu familiar, come from? Things only carry resonance when you've felt them enter your own axis of lifetime- could that be part its magic? What is it "they" say? A genius is one who can illustrate that which we cannot draw for ourselves? Perhaps this is a testament to that very skill.

Bonus: This book also comes dressed up in song and makes its reader jig in its giggle-hardy cleverness.

To whit! This page-turner is liberally sprinkled with it, in every nook and cranny, like a generous dose of salt over your shoulder. I know it brought me a sense of luck as I toted it from place to place in my back pocket. Much like the misfit penny I stumbled upon, I was so glad to have made this book's acquaintance!

Dare I additionally mention falling prey to its puns? Riddled into visual free-form, where once they were naught? Imagine it parallels breathing life into limb. From manna into man or in other words- this takes the cake and IS the body of Christ.

I read a lot of children's books. Mainly to experience the verve and vivacity of imagination. A limitless world, unlike one we live in, which shoeboxes and shelves our creativity- as if it is something we should outgrow. Though, real growth lies in keeping ourselves open to all we can imagine as well as that which we cannot. Katzman's work is syruped in playful imagining, without reducing itself via censorship. It retains a language of our familiars, as adults i.e. the profane may be present but is not apologetically masked. Instead, it waltzes around unabashedly with its hairy Cousin It.

In conclusion, I am a book collector. A purveyor of fine literature who, like the Comic Book Guy, prefers a pristine edition. However, this book (which I prize) rests now, undeniably bent in an arc not unlike McDonalds®. I fell swoop too far into its hinges and in my great focus of it, lost track of my senses. I swam through it complete in a few short sittings and rode through it like a wreck. Or at least that's the shape it's in now, compared to my other novels. Apparently, it's a must-read.. you need not think twice!(less)

2 likes · like · see review

Nov 29, 2011 Frances rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: reviewed

DDK's books remind me how much I like reading, laughing, thinking, pink sprinkly donuts, and breathing.

I pulled this little guy off my bookshelf and re-read it. I first read Death By Zamboni 10 years ago, when I was a high-spirited wild-child (well...child-ish anyway). Since that first reading I have grown into a cynical and materialistic wild-adult (well...wild-ish anyway). Death by Zamboni reminds me that it's ok to be cynical and materialistic, but it's so much more fun to be a child.

The bo...more

2 likes · like · see review

Aug 29, 2008 David Katzman rated it 5 of 5 stars · (Review from the author) Recommends it for: Myself.

Recommended to David by: David David Katzman

Shelves: all-time-favorites

I should read this.

10 likes · like · see review

Mar 23, 2012 Martin Gibbs rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizarro

Amazing

I love bizarro stories, I love wild and crazy—I mean, so wild and crazy that you completely forget your own name. But I also like a complete story, an adventure, a quest, a mystery to solve.

This book melds both perfectly together.

Throughout we have the mystery of the missing man, and our PI is hot (well, not hot, more like lukewarm, well no, more like cold coffee warm, no, not really. He’s really cold, but he still isn’t too bad). Anyway... there is a definite storyline here that is struc...more

2 likes · like · see review

Feb 19, 2010 Daniel Clausen rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. WARNING: Some spoilers!

There is no way around it: you have to like nonlinearity, digression clever word play, and randomness to like this book. Do henchman-mimes do it for you? If they do, you'll like this book. Do you like the idea of Bruce Willis getting his groin bit off?

Luckily, I enjoy these types of things from time to time. And I can suspend my disbelief long enough to get through a bizzaro book (is that the right term?) like this one.

You have to suspend more than your disbelief, you al...more

2 likes · like · see review

Aug 06, 2010 David rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2010

"Death by Zamboni" earns a place on the very exclusive shelf reserved for such works as Don DeLillo's White Noise , or Paul Auster's New York Trilogy . Here is an example of the kind of biting, mordant wit that you can expect to find therein:

Behind the front desk was a security guard whose nametag identified him as "Jimmy". I took out the corn on the cob I had in my pocket and struck him on the head with it. The cob broke, but he went down like a ton of bricks. Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't...more

5 likes · like · see review

Dec 23, 2009 Jen Knox rated it 5 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

5 likes · like · see review

Feb 26, 2011 Natalie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: ugh, bizarro

My over all impression: a trite, vulgar read, but the chapter headings are so fun who cares?

What I liked:
page 135 where there is "yes-I-voted-Republican-to-hasten-the-end-of-the-world" sex, I think between Satan Donut and Custard? but its a little hard to tell.

The notes on Custard's apartment are pretty funny, including everything you wanted to know about whatever the hell happened to Sean Cassidy (Justin Bieber might want to read this part of the notes)

What my two star rating means to me: "I...more

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Jan 26, 2010 Kate rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: those who like donuts, mimes, TV stars, zombies, mad scientists, riot grrls, and warewolves

Recommended to Kate by: David David Katzman

Shelves: bizarro, signed-by-author

Private Eye Satan Donut goes on a treasure hunt to solve a mysterious disappearance. While he's on this fantastic voyage, a lot of very strange things happen including but not limited to the fact that Satan and his sister, riot grrl and writer of bad poetry, Etta Donut, must dress up as Mini and Mickey Mouse respectively in order to hunt down the Hebraic Hitmen, who are the only ones who can tell them where to find the mimes that will eventually lead them to the person they're looking for. Don't...more

5 likes · like · see review

Feb 12, 2010 Lance rated it 5 of 5 stars

You can tell that David David had a hell of a good time writing Death by Zamoboni. This is one funny book. The word play is hilarious, bringing to mind Groucho Marx on crank. The story is a simple enough detective-trying-to-find-missing-spouse story line. The best thing about Zamboni is not necessarily the story line, but, instead the narrative voice (the singer not the song). Katzman is a very funny man. He gets so twisted up in some of his word play and surreal tangents that you wonder if he i...more

7 likes · like · see review

Jul 07, 2011 Charlie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: dark-absurd-bizarro-pulp-fiction, twisted-tales

This is not your average sweet American tale about a young man's journey for redemption. No seriously, it's not even close to that...it's better and much more hilarious. My advice is to strap on a pair of Depends undergarments or just read while on the pot because you're going to laugh so hard you'll pee. I'm not sure how Katzman's does it, but his tongue-in-cheek humor is effortless and plays on so many expressions that we've grown up with, listened to, and as children wondered what the hell do...more

3 likes · like · see review

Apr 03, 2011 Lavinia Ludlow rated it 4 of 5 stars

Wow. Experimental. To the max. Hardcore. A bender of a trip. A unique narration, think about Christopher Moore breeding with Tarintino’s hyperactive and lacerating dialogue, and an avant-garde artist filled in the punctuation with random bouts of weirdness. Katzman has managed to piece together the chaos in his head and create something well-written, well-rounded (definitely), and surprisingly entertaining for anyone with a taste for edgy experimental fiction. He has introduced less conventional...more

8 likes · like · see review

May 06, 2009 Jen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: slipstream-sf-fantasy, smut, psychadellic-memories

Sometimes we play this little game around the dinner table. It is called "That's Absurd!" It is a fun game and we all take turns trying out our best lines. "I rode my plastic chicken to school while he laid candy eggs" is an all-time game favorite. So, when I first heard about Satan Donut I knew that good times were ahead, blue skies, candy corn smiles, and monstrous glazed turkey legs, that kind they breed to eat just at carnivals and fairs.

Thanks to this book, I am now going to win "That's Ab

...more

12 likes · like · see review

Jan 09, 2010 Jessica rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: gr-authors

this is the zaniest thing I've ever read...?*&%$#@!

Shit I just added a whole bit to this review and lost it! How did that happen?!
all right...trying again:
my advice: read it in one sitting. or two. Best to not break the rhythm. I didn't do this and found it harder to re-enter Katzman's zany world. I might've been better prepared if my parents hadn't deprived me of television and cartoons when I was a kid (always useful to blame the parents). I had to come up for air quite often...
Katzman is...more

5 likes · like · see review

May 02, 2010 Charles rated it 5 of 5 stars

Exhaustively - and often exhaustingly - funny, this novel uses every comico-literary trick in the book: mixed metaphors, wildly over-extended metaphors ("You can't see the metaphorest for the trees"), parody, surrealist riffs on just about anything that pops into the author's head: they're all there. (A technical note: I love the ongoing game with speech verbs and, at one point and to great comic effect, their absence.) Genre-hopping from hard-boiled-private-eye-meets-dark-lady to mad-scientist-...more

2 likes · like · see review

Jan 24, 2010 Lisa rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

Excellent use of language and pun-related cleverness. I rather liked the fact that in some places I couldn't tell if I didn't get it because it was just absurd and there was nothing to get, or if I didn't get it because the author was referencing something I wasn't familiar with.
I caught at least one spelling error, (doberman pinchers), but then I found words spelled wrong on purpose to make a joke and I wasn't sure if there was some hilarious pincher joke I was missing out on.

I could have don...more

1 like · like · see review

Oct 10, 2012 Chuck rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Chuck by: J. L. Black

Shelves: namerica, fiction, humor, owned, review

This is a book of dark humor. In other words if you are young you will love the book. Since I am not young I plan to have myself committed or at least in therapy soon because I liked it. There is not a sentence in this Zamboni epic that you can skip because you'll miss a clever and probably obscene point. If my kids read this review, please read the book, if my mother or business associates read this review, I was forced at gunpoint to write this.

2 likes · like · see review

Nov 28, 2009 Lori rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: signed-by-author, arc-reviewers-copy, fiction

Signed by Author!

Ok. This is a very quick, intensely twisted, trippy novel of a private detective who is quite likely out of his mind.

Katzman's novel reads like a lucid dream, or a drug laced spoof on detective noir. Similar to what Scary Movie was to Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer....

4 likes · like · see review

Nov 10, 2011 Victor Giron rated it 4 of 5 stars

Chicago author David David has one of my favorite names, twice, so I guess I might be biased. I'm not always drawn to weird, silly books, but this one is just crazy good. It kept a puzzled smile on my face the whole time. It's like a detective story gone bonkers. Reminds me of Exponential Apocalypse by another contemporary mad-scientist author guy Eirik Gumeny who's equally as crazy, but doesn't have as cool a name as David David. Reading for pure fun and entertainment doesn't getting any better...more

1 like · like · see review

Apr 26, 2012 J.L. rated it 5 of 5 stars

I love me my donuts- Satan Donut and Etta Donut, that is. Very unusual characters (especially their names), funny situations, and finally I came across a mime that didn't make me feel like I wanted to put a gun in my mouth - or his. If you enjoy a twisted sense of humor, you'll definitely enjoy this book! Very clever, very funny, witty, and kinda gross, but gross in a good way!

2 likes · like · see review

Sep 26, 2009 Claire S marked it as to-read

Recommended to Claire by: GR Reviews and author commentary

Shelves: a-3-ripening-interest, fiction, play, novel

The author got my attention by posting on a book I'd also posted on, about subjects near and dear to my entire being.

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Mar 23, 2011 Kimberly Cain rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, wild-crazy-fun

I've just started reading & yes, straight up, from the very beginning, I'm laughing out loud. I feel the same sensations I felt as a teen, sitting next to my friend on the back pew at church, occasionally tuning in to the sermon (just so I could converse enough with my parents to assure them I was there), yet continually, & ineffectively, stifling the laughter aroused by the friend's irreverent humor. We were quite annoying to many, as I'm sure this book would be. What fun!

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Oct 29, 2009 Alan rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: novels, read-in-2009

I enjoyed the Marxian (as in Marx Bros) word play and silliness, the inventiveness and weirdness, the mother (& father) on the phone telling her son about their day as he is about to be killed/mutilated/transformed into an insect. I liked the satire on modern capitalism and culture. But the pace was too frenetic for an old man like me. David David Katzman you are fucking nuts.

2 likes · like · see review

Feb 27, 2012 Coral rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: indies-good-read-2012

Listen/read my review here - http://alchemyofscrawl.wordpress.com/...

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Jan 19, 2008 Patrick rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2001

Awesomely funny absurdist adventure in the vein of Mark Leyner's "Tetherballs of Bougainville."

1 like · like · see review

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About David David Katzman

I sit in my creative shrine surrounded by Timothy Leary, Aldous Huxley, a jerk named Nietzsche, Junko Mizuno, Mark Ryden, William S. Burroughs, Valerie Solanas, Richard Dawkins, Guy Debord, Native American history, Curious George, King Kong, Ganesh, Artaud, Daniel Pinchbeck, Yoshitomo Nara, dictionaries, thesauri, notebooks and candles and plan my publishing empire. My second novel is available he...more

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