Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

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4.27 of 5 stars 4.27  ·  rating details  ·  1,074 ratings  ·  193 reviews
In the tradition of "Passages" and "My Mother, My Self," this unique, personal, and ground-breaking "New York Times" best-seller -- the first of its kind -- explores the profound pain of mother loss among women and is available here for the first time in paperback. "When my mother died, I knew no woman my age who had experienced mother loss. I felt utterly and irrevocably...more
Paperback, 352 pages
Published April 1st 1995 by Delta (first published 1994)
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Sparrow
Jul 24, 2011 Sparrow rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: everyone
Recommended to Sparrow by: The Friends of the Library Sale
My mother died the day before my first law school final. Hope Edelman says, in this book, that partway through college she had a weird urge to walk up to strangers and tell them, “My mother died when I was seventeen,” because she recognized that this fact about herself, this fact that alienated her from the people around her, had become totally definitive about who she was. A girl can’t tell people that her mother died because it brings only fear and pity, it doesn’t solve anything to talk about...more
Lisa Vegan
Aug 11, 2007 Lisa Vegan rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: daughters who've experienced loss of their mothers, especially before adulthood
I read this book immediately when it was published in hardcover. And it was so special because many of the experiences and feelings written here resonated so strongly with me, and sometimes I was hearing them for the first time from someone other than myself, even though I’d had a friend and some acquaintances who’d experienced loss of a mother during childhood or adolescence. (Led me to join a motherless daughters support group, and some members of our group continued meeting on our own for yea...more
Karen
Mar 28, 2008 Karen rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: all women
This books is written primarily about women who have lost their mothers earlier in life and the life long impact this has, yet I still find it an important book for every woman. We all are daughters, many are mothers, and we all know mothers and daughters who have been impacted or will some day be impacted by the loss of a mother. The void created by mother loss is universal. This important book can help each of us understand our "sisters" better and help us deal with our own mother loss whether...more
Laurie Andres
A clerk at a plant nursery recommended this book to me--I don't recall what I said to prompt her to bring it up, but she insisted I get it immediately, and without sounding too dramatic, this book saved my life.

My mother had died about ten years earlier--I was twenty-two--and I was struggling. I looked and acted like I had it all together, but inside I was falling apart. (Guess the woman saw right through me.)

I am forever grateful to Ms. Edelman and the woman at the nursery because this book he...more
Sara Stouffer
My mom died about 5 months ago. I am 27 years old. She had been sick for a few years with cancer and I took the book out from the library while she was in the hospital during the last month of her life because I hoped that I would find something helpful in it, that it would make me feel less scared, and less alone.
It did help. At least it helped as much as any book could. Of course the book isn't perfect, nothing could be a perfect help or a perfect fix for a daughter losing her mother before s...more
Laurie
I started reading this book nearly ten years ago, when the grief counselor recommended it to me after my mother died. I read most of it then, and put it down with only a few pages to go, until an hour ago.

The book is mainly geared to women who lost their mothers when they were very young. I was 47 when my 87 year old mother died, so a lot of the book didn’t seem to fit my circumstances. That’s why I put it down and never finished it; it enlightened me to some things, like how one will always mi...more
Jorine
This book has been extremely helpful to me. I have lost both of my parents. None of my friends (luckily) knew what I was going through and so it was very hard to talk to people about the loss and about the feelings I had regarding the loss. I felt very lonely. Then I decided to take a leap of faith and fly to the US (I'm from the Netherlands) in order to become more confident and independent. I went to Boston and - being the booknerd that I am - ended up at Borders and I stumbled upon this book....more
Lifath
I first picked up this book nine years ago after my mother died, skipping only to those parts that were relevant to me. Reading it in full now, I found that I was able to take more from it than I could as a girl using it as a "self-help" book. Because that's not really what this is. Ten years after the fact, I'm able to comprehend the aftermath of my mother's death better. And I was even able to gather insight from areas I would not have thought were relevant to me, as a teenager at the time.

The...more
Beth
I am not one to quote or recommend a "self help" book, as if it often categorized. I bought this book the month it came out over ten years ago, when I was working in a bookstore. I couldn’t wait to read it and then I couldn’t put it down. Overall, I think its popularity with women who have lost a mother at a young age, because Edelman confirms all the emotions you go through, and through again as you, as a woman, and a mother. She was the first person I heard state she didn’t believe in the "tra...more
Susan
Find yourself in this book - an affirmation of loss.
July 8, 2000

I don't know if Hope Edleman could ever really fathom the good she has done through writing this book, and how she has brought such beautiful purpose and meaning to her profound loss. What an amazing tribute to her mom. ---------- I was 11 years old when my mother, Linda, died suddenly from a brain aneurism. She was only 45 years old. Not a day in my life has passed that I don't miss her immensely. At the age of 18, a week before my...more
Rachel
For any girl/woman whose mother died (particularly those of us who lost a mother at a young age), this book offers a great deal of opportunity to heal. Hope Edelman, a motherless daughter herself, surveyed thousands of motherless daughters across the country and coupled this with thorough research exploring the uniqueness of being a daughter who has lost a mother. She created the first book to thoroughly inform people about an issue that society had largely ignored beforehand. She even describes...more
Ellen
I couldn't help but think of Motherless Daughters yesterday, Feb.17, 2011, as that day was the 24th anniversary of the day my mother died. I was 21, and my world caved in with her death. I read this book 7 or 8 years after her death and it tossed me a lifeline. The words of Motherless Daughters explained why I was feeling/behaving the way I was, and that I was not alone. This book gave me a sense of peace and healing that has stayed with me for many, many years.

This book is based on the intervie...more
Kari
May 08, 2011 Kari rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: any woman who has lost her mother, husbands of motherless daughters
Recommended to Kari by: Carrie Bombria
I was given this book at the age of 15 right after my mother died. My cousin's wife, who also lost her mother at a young age, had read it and found it incredibly helpful.

It took me three years to read past the first page, mostly because it just made the fact that my mom was never coming back so much more real. But once I was strong enough to read it, I found so much comfort in its pages. It seemed that every. single. woman. who wrote to Hope, wrote exactly what I had felt, and still did feel. I...more
Superfish
Aimed at younger women but resonated with me too. Read this at a time when I was just beginning to realise that I'd prepared for her death but hadn't prepared for life without her. I miss her a lot. I'm at home this weekend, for the first time since she died, and it's big and empty. I would give anything to have her back, even sick, just to be able to give her a hug. One particularly interesting part in Motherless Daughters was the bit about women estimating their own life expectancy, based on c...more
Jerjonji
The Anne Quindlen quote early in the book says it all... "For a long time, it was all you needed to know about me, a kind of vestpocket description of my emotional complexion:'Meet you in the lobby iin ten minutes- I have long brown hair, am on the short side, have on a red coat, and my mother died when I was nineteen.'" Except for me, it reads, 'and my mother died when I was fourteen.'

This is THE book- the book that "gets" me, that understands where I'm coming from and why. This is the book I...more
Syeda
For any woman who has lost her mother at any age (but especially before full adulthood), this book will change your life and you will never forget it. Reading it feels like someone dove into your head and your soul and understood and empathized with you; and yet, reading it makes you understand that your feelings of despair and loneliness are okay and to be expected. Seriously, I couldn't believe how...NORMAL..I felt after reading this. It addresses pretty much every aspect of Mother Loss in won...more
Elsje
Jan 25, 2011 Elsje rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: Readers that are interested in books on mourning
Recommended to Elsje by: A collegue
Shelves: read-2011
In 1981 verloor Hope Edelman haar moeder aan borstkanker. Ze was toen 17 jaar. Twaalf jaar later tekent ze haar ervaringen op, verrijkt met die van ruim 200 andere vrouwen die op jonge leeftijd hun moeder verloren: moeders die gestorven of vertrokken zijn.

Het eerste deel van het boek heet "Verlies". Hierin beschrijft Edelman het rouwproces van een vrouw die jong haar moeder verliest. Het tweede deel van het boek behandelt alle gevolgen van het sterven voor het gezin. Het derde deel van het boek...more
Lindsey Benage
Probably the best book I have yet to read about the death of my Mother (who died when I was 18) and have gone back to this book many times throughout the years. Gave me insight, showed me my feelings were completely normal, and strangely made me feel closer to her somehow. It was hard to get through at times but, I am so glad I pushed through it because of what I learned about myself. A MUST READ for all motherless daughters out there.

Favorite Quotes:

"Ask any woman whose mother has died...and s...more
Sandra
This book is really moving me!

In my opinion, this book isn't only for the motherless daughters, but also for the ones that suffered any kind of abandonment or a really bad comunication with their mothers.

In my case, I did not grew up with my mother. She wasn't with me on important days (as my birthday), she wasn't there to recieve my honor certificates when I was in school, she wasn't there in my sweet sixteen (15 años).

All I know, is that the place my mother should have filled with love, is s...more
Judy Altman
This book is a MUST READ for ANY woman who has lost their Mom. I lost mine at 16 and read this in my early 20's and was AMAZED to see my LIFE in paragraphs. It made me FEEL that what I was feeling was okay and understandable. It explained alot of WHO I was and I found it VERY comforting!

As there was no one really to discuss this with I felt very alone.... Reading this book made me feel surrounded by people who KNEW what not having a Mom was about. I also didn't want to to end as I felt almost li...more
Cristina1961
My mother died when my now 18 year old was almost two. She had been too ill to really be with me during this time and I felt robbed of that experience for a very long time and that she had been cheated of time with my daughter. It was after her passing that I found numerous tiny items, jewelry, clothing, shoes, and books which she had tucked away in her closet to be given at the right moment. That was when I felt my own mother speak to me and I still hear her voice to this day. Thank you, Hope E...more
Hayley
Feb 24, 2010 Hayley rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: any woman who has lost her mum
Recommended to Hayley by: goodreads
I bought this book as I am struggling to come to terms with losing my Mum just over a year ago. This book was one that popped up in the sidebar of GoodReads as I was adding some of my books on here. I immediately ordered it and as soon as it arrived began reading. I could not put it down. It's one of those books that made me feel like I'm not the only one who has these thoughts and feelings. I'm not the only one and how I feel right now is normal for what I have been through. I highly recommend...more
Lesley
So far, very good. I particularly benefitted from her straightforward description of her mother's actual death. It is awful... but I need to know that awful is normal.

Part 2:
Well... that's pretty much what I got from the book. Most of this book is for and about women who lost their mothers when they were children or teens themselves. It's full of descriptions of all the developmental difficulties these girls face as they mature. Pretty interesting... and I gotta say, it always helps to read abo...more
Corinne
I started reading this a few months after my mom's unexpected passing and found it enormously comforting. I'm 31, so not exactly the target demographic - most of the women interviewed lost their mothers in their early 20s and before - but there are some things about the experience that are so universal, it hardly matters how old you are. As you might expect, having a box of tissues at the ready comes in handy. I'm certain I'll return to this many, many times, especially as I try to navigate life...more
Nancy
Feb 03, 2010 Nancy marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
Front and Back Cover comments

A courageous journey into the heart of a woman's most profoundly life-altering passage......

"Even after 25 years of 'living with my loss', there is a general, chronic melancholy that has been inexplicable to me, much less anyone else."

Ask any woman whose mother has died and she will tell you that she is irrevocably altered, as profoundly changed by her mother's death as she was by her mother's life. And although a mother's mortality is as inevitable as nightfall, no...more
Cathy
This book helps! As a motherless daughter, you spend your life holding your breath. I didn't realize I was doing this, until I passed the age my mother was when she died. I've reached a point in my life that I have no experience with and no role model. My children now are older than I was when my mother died. I have no frame of reference for a relationship with them. This book helped me to figure out those little things that I couldn't put my finger on. Why I was reacting I appropriately and why...more
Trudi
This is an important book for any woman who has lost her mother at any age, but especially before she turns twenty. I was lucky enough to have my mom until I was 36. She was only 57 when she died, still way too young, but I can’t imagine having lost her when I was still a child or a teenager. I can’t even bear thinking of it. This book was a very cathartic experience for me in many ways. It taught me that this profound loss isn’t something I get over or around, or something I let go of; rather,...more
Rhonda Rae Baker
What an amazing book that speaks to many generations about the loss of parents and how we move forward in our lives. How our children are affected by that loss and how we learn to become our authentic self.

This book deserves 15 stars and one that I've marked up and tabbed all over the place. I will be referring back to this groundbreaking and encouraging and healing book for many yeart to come. It will help me tell my own story and has encouraged me to know that what I've experienced is profound...more
Jerry Travis
Apr 07, 2010 Jerry Travis rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: women and men
Shelves: psychology
Our culture does a lousy job of preparing people for the situation where a mother dies leaving behind young children. It is far more acknowledged that the father might die, rather than the mother. In fact, it's not really anticipated that the young mother might die at all. Daughters who lose their mothers at a tender age may often wonder if something is wrong with them and may have difficulties with their identity, depression and intimate relationships for the rest of their life.

Young children w...more
Lacey
If you are a "Motherless Daughter", this is a MUST READ.
I can't even put into words how much this book helped me with the grieving process. The book includes stories from other Motherless Daughters, advice, and leaves you feeling like you are not alone. It is inspirational, helpful, and uplifting. It will make you smile & cry, give you strength, and make you realize things about yourself, your mother, and your grief that you'd never thought of before. How she puts all of these things into w...more
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Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss (Paperback)
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy Of Loss (Hardcover)
Motherless Daughters (ebook)
Motherless Daughters
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss (Paperback)

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Hope Edelman is the internationally acclaimed author of five nonfiction books, including the bestsellers Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers, as well as the upcoming memoir, The Possibility of Everything. She has lectured extensively on the subjects of early mother loss and nonfiction writing in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. Her articles and reviews have appeared in numerou...more
More about Hope Edelman...
The Possibility of Everything Letters from Motherless Daughters: Words of Courage, Grief, and Healing Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become Mother of My Mother: The Intimate Bond Between Generations Mother Loss

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“There is an emptiness inside of me -- a void that will never be filled. No one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a mother's love. And I will never be loved that way again.” 26 people liked it
“I truly believe that the death of my mother has made me the way I am today. I am a survivor, mentally strong, determined, stronwilled, self-reliant, and independent. I also keep most of my pain, anger and feelings inside. I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone, especially my husband. The only people who see that more emotional or softer side are my children. That too because of my mother.” 16 people liked it
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