The Most Important Year in a Man's Life/The Most Important Year in a Woman's Life: What Every Groom Needs to Know/What Every Bride Needs to Know

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The Most Important Year in a Man's Life/The Most Important Year in a Woman's Life: What Every Groom Needs to Know/What Every Bride Needs to Know

by Robert Wolgemuth, Mark DeVries, Bobbie Wolgemuth, Susan DeVries

3.87 · rating details · 55 ratings · 12 reviews

Your marriage could be one of history's great love stories As newlyweds, it's time to ensure that your marriage can meet the challenges it will face right around the corner. Cultivating good habits during these first twelve foundational months of your marriage and knowing what to focus on will set the stage for years to come.Robert and Bobbie and Mark and Susan know that ...more

Hardcover, 320 pages

Published September 3rd 2011 by Zondervan (first published May 1st 2003)

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Dec 27, 2008

Marika Gillis rated it

Recommended to Marika by: Cass & Sarah

Shelves: nonfiction

Nathan and I received The Most Important Year in a Man's/Woman's Life as a wedding present from Nathan's college friends, Cass and Sarah, and, in case you were wondering, the most important year in a man or woman's life is the first year of marriage. One half of this book is devoted to the man's perspective during the first year of marriage and the other was written from the woman's perspective. The book is designed to be read at the same time as your spouse (though not necessarily together like...moreNathan and I received The Most Important Year in a Man's/Woman's Life as a wedding present from Nathan's college friends, Cass and Sarah, and, in case you were wondering, the most important year in a man or woman's life is the first year of marriage. One half of this book is devoted to the man's perspective during the first year of marriage and the other was written from the woman's perspective. The book is designed to be read at the same time as your spouse (though not necessarily together like we did). After each partner reads the chapters, there are questions to contemplate and a "Crossing Over" activity that is meant to bring you together with your loved one to talk.

While I don't necessarily agree that the single most important year in a man or woman's life is the first year of marriage (I guess it would depend on what else happens in a person's life), I do think the first year has the potential to set the stage for the rest of the marriage and this book might help a couple learn about one another and give them strategies to deal with the unique challenges that can emerge in a committed lifelong relationship. There are chapters in this book that are devoted to families of origin, relational roles, conflict, money, sex, in-laws, communication and probably anything else you can think of that will come up in a typical marriage relationship. If used as it was designed, this book will help its readers think about some issues that are specific to marriage and hopefully open doors of communication with a spouse. There was a lot of information in this book that was interesting and valuable and it certainly initiated some lively conversations between Nathan and me!

There were two activities that the book recommended its readers participate in that I thought were of special value: creating a genogram and looking at our schedule in terms of 'The Slot System'. A genogram is a small family tree that includes aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, parents and grandparents. After creating a genogram for each family, the bride and groom are to write a brief description (the first thing that comes to mind) of each person in the genogram. Then, three questions are asked about the parents and grandparents in the genogram:
What can you tell us about their marriage?
What can you tell us about how they dealt with conflict?
What can you tell us about their spiritual life?
The bride and groom are also asked to name models of great marriages in their family systems and spots of tension between the people in their families. This information is used to determine "normals" for each person in the relationship. A person might discover a "normal" in their own family (for example, that men are considered strong and unemotional) that affects the way they relate to their spouse, or vise versa. Identifying these "normals" might make it easier to understand the behavior of a spouse. Through this process, Nathan and I both discovered "normals" in our families of origin that help us better understand the way we act in our relationships now.

The second activity was titled 'The Slot System' which is designed to help a newly married couple set aside time to be together. A couple looks at the upcoming week and divides each day into three distinct slots (morning, afternoon, and evening). Each slot includes a meal and a block of time. For example, the morning slot would begin with waking up and end around noon. The afternoon slot begins with lunch and ends around 5 pm. The evening slot begins after 5 and ends with bedtime. A healthy marriage requires a minimum of six slots together in a normal week. These six slots don't need to be exclusive one-on-one time together but could include running errands, watching tv, taking a nap, hanging out with friends or any other kind of low-pressure activity. The idea is to not let a schedule run the couple, but have a couple rule their own schedule and make their marriage a priority. Even for Nathan and me (with no kids and very few obligations outside work) it can sometimes be difficult to find six "slots" together when life gets busy. It was a great way to look at how we spend our time and figure out if we were making enough time for one another.

On the flip side, there were parts of the book that Nathan and I had a harder time identifying with. For example, the chapter on relational roles had some rather traditional ideas about male/female gender roles that would never work for Nathan or me, given our personalities and families of origin. We just don't fit into the old-fashioned ideas of the man being a "warrior"/leader/breadwinner and the woman being submissive (and that's basically it).

There were some terrific ideas in this book and I would recommend it for any couple, not just those in their first year of marriage. But, it is one of those books where you have to take from the advice what you can use and disregard what you know won't be beneficial to your own marriage.(less)

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Aug 25, 2009

Daisy rated it

I read this with my husband when we were taking a pre-marital class. We both really enjoyed it and learned a lot from it! I highly recomend it to any and all newly weds, or even couples that have been married for years - it's a good read to read as a couple.

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Feb 15, 2011

Heather added it

Shelves: nonfic

The pastor who is performing my marriage ceremony recommended this book for both me and my fiance to read. One half is written for the bride, the other for the husband.

I have really enjoyed the insights, expectations, and "normalcy" of what's to come in the first year of a marriage. I have laughed out loud and wanted to cry.

So far, so good.

I am also very intrigued by "the other half"....I may or may not have sneaked a few peaks...
...more

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Oct 18, 2011

Will Swope rated it

Shelves: relationships

good insightful tips for a guy looking to not drive his wife crazy during their first year of marriage.

· see review

Aug 06, 2011

Juani added it

Good, funny, and practical! this book can be picked up again in the future for reference.

· see review

Jan 11, 2009

Kristin rated it

Best Christian pre-martial book out there! Great gift idea.

· see review

Jul 13, 2009

Maricelis rated it

Good read for newlyweds!

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Aug 16, 2007

leah is currently reading it

Recommends it for: newly married people

Matthew and I are reading and learning a lot from this book about married life. It really emphasizes the beginning years of marriage being important for setting a healthy lifetime and we've (especially I'VE)found a lot of new ideas (like the YES cycle... ask me about it) that are sooo helpful to our relationship. Thanks Lucy and John for the book!

· see review

Mar 02, 2007

Mike rated it

I think I would have been a pretty decent husband even if I hadn't read this book. But reading it gave me such a greater appreciation for how to treat a wife. The authors put my thoughts into words. That's a good thing.

· see review

May 11, 2009

Diana rated it

It's a great read. I think everyone should read it even if you are not preparing for marriage. It's good practical information for bringing happiness to any relationship; especially your husband and your marriage.

· see review

Dec 21, 2008

Andrea Wise rated it

almost finished! Very practical... =)

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Feb 08, 2008

Cathleen rated it

Shelves: inspirational, non-fiction

re-read July 2007

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Feb 09, 2012

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Shelves: own-but-not-yet-read

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Shelves: self-help-books

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Tish marked it as own-but-not-reading

Shelves: 2in1, christian, hers, his, love, marriage, nonfiction

Dec 02, 2011

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Shelves: wish-list-amazon

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