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Five Love Languages

by Gary Chapman

4.10 · rating details · 22,345 ratings · 2,817 reviews

Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husband...more

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Dec 29, 2010

Eleanor Babbs rated it

· review of another edition

The main idea behind this book is that just as people have unique personality preferences, we all have unique preferences for what we find satisfying and motivating when it comes to love. Speaking your partner's language takes A LOT of emotional intelligence, and a girlfriend suggested a great book that has helped me with it, Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

In a nutshell, your love language is the way that you most feel loved and cared for. The relationship expert behind the book arranges ...more

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May 04, 2011

Malbadeen rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: relationaly retarded people

Shelves: nonfiction, read-on-the-way-to-divorce

This book is based on the premise that everyone has a "love language". Things others say or do that make one feel "loved",they are follows:

-words of affirmation.
-recieving gifts.
-acts of service.
-physical touch.
-quality time.

Personally I want you to tell me how great I am (words of affirmation) while walking in the house with a collection of poetry for me (receiving gifts), make a beeline for the trash that needs to be taken out (a...more

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Oct 29, 2007

Msmeemee rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: suckers

Shelves: psychology

this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; an...morethis book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending. the more bestsellers i read, the more i realize that the formula for mainstream media isn't just used in music and movies, it's used in books, too. ugh, how annoying. i admit, i was almost sold on it, too. the author used just the right amount of despair and at the appropriate moments, instilled hope for a better future. and while hope isn't bad at all, the book lacks in addressing the complexity of relationships as well as the diversity of relationships in today's world. for example, this book may not translate well in multicultural relationships that are dictated by a whole different set of mores and values. also, i wonder how it would be relevant to queer couples or polyamourous relationships. it's quite apparent that this book is meant for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples.

but the one major caveat of this book that isn't so much a caveat as a poorly disguised advocate of misogyny, is the case of a woman who has been abused (what type of abuse has been perpetrated isn't made explicit and gary's reluctance to do so makes me suspicious of how the church deals with issues of domestic violence). gary's advice? dismiss any of your own feelings of discomfort (being used for sex) and have sex with your husband as an act of love and hope that he will reciprocate that love. and what i don't understand is how people have overlooked this, even people who are in the psychology field. that's one thing he doesn't really address, how to identify your limits and make compromises. if you can't see the problem with this picture, i pray you never get married. or have a relationship. or speak to people.

the gender roles in this book are fucking archaic. there's this little section where gary talks about the gender differences in sexual desire. according to him, these differences are all physiologically based. men simply have more tension built-up as a result of massive sperm generation whereas women don't, and that is why women don't crave sex the way men do. instead, women only want sex if their men meet their emotional needs. what, do men not need to have their emotional needs met? are they really just fucking animals who want to empty their over-spermed dicks? why don't they just jack off into a toilet for crying out loud? oops, am i not supposed to mention masturbation in the presence of god? and gary makes women seem like fucking prudes from the latest harlequin romance, the christian edition. gag. this man has very little knowledge of couples outside the realm of christian folklore.

his section on physical touch made me laugh. i wasn't sure if the lame attempts at humor were to assuage his own discomfort or that of his audience. yes, gary, people have sex. i understand that when you tell me to rub my partner's leg with my foot that i should make sure i'm not rubbing the dog. harhar.

to be fair, he touched on the basic fundamentals of communication with your partner, but i can hardly call this book revolutionary. his book on the five languages of love for children sound more useful just because the developmental stage they are in matches the dumbed-down tone of the book. you'd think he was writing for couples who were born in a vaccuum.

i'm so over reading new york times bestsellers. we've been brainwashed into accepting that the typical mainstream formula is quality literature. i prefer real talk to fluffy shit, thank you.(less)

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May 31, 2011

Catherine rated it

· review of another edition

This book was recommended to my friend by her pastor to read before she got married. My assumption was that it would be religious in tone and not very relevant to today's relationships.
I'm so glad I was wrong! This is one of those books I would suggest everyone read. It is such a simple explanation of what can so often go wrong in relationships. It's not about men vs. women, it's about the way people receive love.
The basis is there are 5 Love Languages (obviously). And if you speak a ...more

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Feb 24, 2008

Jennie rated it

· review of another edition

My mother in law gave me this book and I hesitated reading it because it sounds so cheesy (and just take a look at the cover--how dorky!) But I was stuck on vacation with nothing else to read so I reluctantly gave it a try. In a nutshell, this book has changed my life. Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, "yes! Thats exactly right!" If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe "changed my life" is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my...more

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Feb 21, 2011

Jeannie rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: christian, marriage, non-fiction, own, personal-growth, male-authors

Rating: a little over 4 stars.

This book was good. The concepts are important. I got the singles edition as well so I could actually apply these ideas to my current life. The book got a little tedious, though. I felt the first 9 chapters were all that were needed. These chapters encompassed an overview of how Chapman came to the 5-language conclusion, a discussion of each of the five languages, and a "how to determine your love language." I felt the remaining chapters ...moreRating: a little over 4 stars.

This book was good. The concepts are important. I got the singles edition as well so I could actually apply these ideas to my current life. The book got a little tedious, though. I felt the first 9 chapters were all that were needed. These chapters encompassed an overview of how Chapman came to the 5-language conclusion, a discussion of each of the five languages, and a "how to determine your love language." I felt the remaining chapters served very little purpose other than to make the book a little longer. In a few weeks, I will likely skim and maybe read the Singles Edition.

One issue I had with this book was one Chapman didn't address at the extent I thought he should have. Because different people speak different love languages, a certain expression of love that might not be your primary language can mean more coming from a person for whom that expression is difficult than if that person acted within your primary love language. This might seem like an inconsequential issue, but, if I know that it is hard for someone to express him/herself through physical touch (he or she isn't a huggy person), I will recognize how much he or she must care about me if he or she gives me a warm hug. Now, I test low for physical touch being my love language; however, knowing another person's disposition would make that hug mean a lot more to me ("fill my love tank") than if a huggy person embraced me, or potentially even if that person had spoken my language.

I suppose my point is, while it is important for people to learn to express love for others in ways that speak to them in their own language, I didn't feel Chapman addressed the fact love is coming from another person and knowing what is more difficult for that person should mean a lot. Perhaps that wasn't addressed so much in this book, though, since it was written for married couples. I still feel that someone would value my hugs more than the gifts I give because those hugs are rarer than the gifts. (less)

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Nov 29, 2007

Lachelle rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: Anyone in a relationship

My dad actually recommended this book to me and I finally decided to check it out from the library. Although I think my husband and I have a good relationship - it was amazing how much I learned from this book! And how I realized that by understand how we communicate differently - it could strengthen our relationship. I would recommend this book to just about anyone! A lot of it seems common sense but it's a good reminder and an eye-opener to read it.

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Aug 20, 2010

Laura rated it

· review of another edition

This book was really helpful in discovering how we express love and how we feel loved. Chapman describes the five love languages that people use to express love: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Although all of these ways of expressing love are important, he explains that we each tend to respond to one more than the others. For example, if my love language is quality time, then my partner could give me all the gifts in the word, and I still woul...more

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Apr 15, 2011

Very rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: i-have-a-theory, 2011, borrowed

This book looks cheesy as fuck from the outside, but it's full of practical, down-to-earth wisdom. If you are married (or thinking about getting married), divorced (or thinking about getting divorced), read this book.

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Jan 25, 2009

Joe Wisniewski rated it

· review of another edition

Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the...more

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Jan 27, 2009

cheri rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: encouragement, spirtual-enlightenment, raising-children

You can read any one of the Five Love Languages and get the just of the books. It teaches you how to identify your love language and those around you. What the author states is that everyone has a major love language (love cup to be filled) as well as a minor love language. You really begin to understand why some people, including yourself, will do certain things. For example, my youngest son's love language is service. He brings me a cup of water to bed because he knows I drink water thru ...more

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Sep 11, 2011

Gaijinmama rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: anyone ianyone interested in understanding their spouse better

Recommended to Gaijinmama by: a friend whose opinion I trust

Shelves: self-help, nonfiction

The premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may ...moreThe premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may not feel loved if we are "speaking a different language." Thus, we could be struggling for years and completely be misreading each other.
To my surprise, my husband was actually willing to take the quiz at the end of the book with me, and we have had a FABULOUS few days so far. Just knowing which Love Language is most important to each other can make us happier, and an awful lot less frustrated.
Let's see if he keeps this up (nudge-nudge, wink-wink!).

A couple things that annoyed me: the author is a devout Christian and mentions his beliefs a little more often than I would prefer. And he is more than a trifle sexist. He's convinced that women mainly have sex for emotional reasons whereas men have a stronger physical need. In a word: bullshit. On the men's version of the quiz there is a question about "loving to have sex with my wife", but on the women's version, the wording is changed to "I love cuddling with my husband".
BAH HUMBUG to that! Dr. Chapman, sir, it is the 21st Century. Do you truly think that most women have that hard of a time admitting that they enjoy having sex?!
Poppycock and balderdash and Honey, puh-leeze! Dr. Chapman, I really do feel you, and I cannot tell you how delighted I am that you got my husband's attention, but you just lost yourself a 5-star rating for going on and on about the Gospel of Luke and for being stuck in the Victorian era in terms of gender differences.

In spite of that, I found the book readable, useful and, if my husband's behavior is any indication, very helpful.

(less)

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Jul 31, 2011

Matthew Moes rated it

· review of another edition

The author says love is a choice. He says that the infatuation that people experience in the beginning of the relationship is not real love. It is something else. Real love takes work while the infatuation period is instinctual and effortless. But isn't it the stuff we dream of and wish would last forever? Can we really accept that we will only get that chance at the beginning of the relationship and that thereafter, in order to remain monogamous, we must accept that it is not for us to feel eve...moreThe author says love is a choice. He says that the infatuation that people experience in the beginning of the relationship is not real love. It is something else. Real love takes work while the infatuation period is instinctual and effortless. But isn't it the stuff we dream of and wish would last forever? Can we really accept that we will only get that chance at the beginning of the relationship and that thereafter, in order to remain monogamous, we must accept that it is not for us to feel ever again? It explains a lot. But I accept his theory with the angst of a romantic.

Yet anyone who is married and holds married life as a value that must be maintained must at some point consider the notion that making the marriage work after the honeymoon can be a matter of personal choice. And in so choosing, there are actions that communicate that willingness to different people psychologically. These are the five love languages that the author discusses: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. I will not go into any details of what is meant by each of these here. The titles are somewhat self-explanatory, with the exception of the last one, which does not necessarily refer to sex. The author explains each love language along with the concept that most people are chiefly responsive to just one. He also discusses how to determine your own as well as your spouse's, and even provides some optimistic advice on how to practice the love languages with an unreciprocating partner. Despite the author's Christian underpinnings, as a non-Christian, to me this did not detract from the relevance of the author's ideas.

In fact, these "love languages" are not confined only to the marriage relationship, but may also serve to strengthen bonds with children - or perhaps any other person you need to communicate your love and support for. I especially found the chapter on children the most valuable because it not only expands the concept beyond the marriage relationship, but also drives home the point. We might have a choice as to whether we wish to stay married or not - but our children are ours forever.

And this brings me back to the point about marriage. Far from being ready to claim mastery of the ultimate male-female partnership, I have reflected upon it a great deal. In an age where the divorce rate challenges the age-old institution upon which the family is built, one must ask how marriages were ever successful in the past. Some may point out that they really weren't, but that society simply forced two people to be miserable by making it taboo to separate. And this then begs the question, why would the world's varied cultures and divinely inspired religions condone this relationship again and again? In fact, I would venture to point out that for the vast measure of our recorded history marriage has not only been a standard, but has also been traditionally arranged! What ancient wisdom allowed such "life-sentences" to form such a firm foundation for the basic building block of society?

I suspect the answer lies right here in this book. As hard as it may be to admit, the commonplace yearning for finding a new and exciting fling is quite likely an unfortunate addiction to a desire that in its very nature is meant to be only a temporary rush that pulls two people inexplicably together at the heart during their initial engagement. It is later, through maturity and insight into what makes the other person tick that we can choose to make each other perpetually happy and foster the bonds of enduring love. This book provides some valid insight into this process. It is light and easy reading that I think every couple should invest some time into, again and again.

MM March 1, 2005(less)

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Mar 18, 2008

Lindsay rated it

· review of another edition

I had heard a lot about this book & decided to give it a go. It made A LOT of sense! It is all about improving your relationship with your spouse by showing your love to them in a way that resonates with them - which may be totally different than what would be meaningful to you. It was a very fast read, very easy to "get," and I have found it very insightful not only in expressing myself, but also in recognizing when my Jon Jon is being sweet to me. Sometimes it can be hard to tell...more

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Jul 24, 2008

Jason DeGroot rated it

· review of another edition

Recommended to Jason by: Julie

Shelves: figuring-out-my-shit, 2008

A coworker lent this to me (my coworkers are pretty aware I need all the relationship help I can get). I'd actually heard about the theories behind this one a couple years ago from a woman I was dating, though at the time it was more of a lecture. . .I digress. . .

Anyway, this was another really helpful book looking at the different ways men and women like to receive love, and it again explained a lot both in regards to past relationships as well as about myself. It was really inte...more

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Apr 19, 2008

Asia Snow rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: no one unless you use it ONLY to learn ways to express love

Recommended to Asia by: My mother-in-law

This is an entertaining, well-written book from the perspective of a therapist who shares interesting stories about his patients and thier love problems and solutions.

This book has potential to help people better understand those they love and to show love to them in ways they can feel/understand (I'll suggest a much better book below that does this).

However, I worry that this book would do more harm than good since in it it says that a man's love language may be sex. Ho...more

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Feb 28, 2008

Tuesdi rated it

· review of another edition

We were given this book as a wedding gift but I didn't get around to reading it for almost 9 years. And when I finished it, I wished I hadn't waited so long.
This is another book that can help you identify more effective ways of relating to loved ones. It gives suggestions for using it's tips and lays out how to change the way that you deal with other people.
So often we show love and are angry or at a loss as to why it isn't appreciated or accepted. The jist of this book is that you...more

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Jan 08, 2009

Meghan rated it

· review of another edition

I really love this book! I had to read it as part of a Marriage and Relationships class that I took in college, am I'm so glad! I think it does such great job explaining the different "love languages" that we all communicate with. It helped me view my own relationships in a new way. Truly enlightening!

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Dec 18, 2008

Carolanne rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

Interesting concept, but I don't like how he writes. Very simple and repetitive. But I feel like I did learn something. I liked what I learned, but I wish I didn't have to read this book to have learned it.
Whats my love language, you all ask? I don't know. So maybe I didn't learn that much. :)

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May 26, 2010

Kristin rated it

· review of another edition

I think everyone should read this book- I learned so much from it! I think my love language is physical touch.

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Jan 16, 2010

Rob rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: marriage

I need to come back to this to write a review. No time right now.

Reading "Love and Respect" that should be a companion to this book. It talk about what is being communicated when you fail to speak your spouse's love language. To a woman, the man speaks directly to the wife's feeling of love. To a man, the wife is speaking directly to the husband's feeling of respect which insulates his feelings of love. For example, a husband would say that his wife love's him, but doe...more

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Mar 11, 2009

Jenna rated it

· review of another edition

I don't do self help books most especially ones that involve the word 'love'. Had it not been for a book group discussion assignment I guarantee I never would have picked up this book.

I'm so glad I did! It's really fun to read. The concept is very simple and makes loads of sense. The writing is very down to earth and Chapman gives so many examples through stories that it's a very fast read.

In short, he explains that everyone speaks different languages in life (Spanish, Ge...more

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Mar 10, 2009

Karen & Gerard rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: relationships, romance, thought-provoking

This is a practical book for improving one’s marriage. It points out that different things are more meaningful than others when it comes to expressing love. Loving acts can fall into the following five basic categories: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch. Once you determine what your mate’s primary love language is, you can work at keeping them feeling loved more effectively. It’s also good to determine your own primary love language and let your mate know...more

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Feb 18, 2009

Mehrsa rated it

· review of another edition

I was tempted to not give this book a high rating because I do not like self-help books and especially marriage advice type things. So many people recommended this book to me that I wanted to read it just so I could have an opinion on it and I have to say that I think it is pretty useful. It is definitely cheesy and certainly oversimplified, but the author is on to something. I have been trying this out not just on my marriage, but also with my children and other relationships and it's just nice...more

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Feb 13, 2009

Ellyn rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: 2007

I would never have read this book on my own but was urged to read it after a debate with a friend of my roommate. It's written by a marriage counselor and directed towards couples, but it can be applied to all relationships, both romantic and platonic. The author's theory is that there are five major ways to express love (the five love languages). Each of us has a primary love language, and relationship problems occur when others fail to express love to us in that language. It's an interesti...more

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Jan 17, 2009

Lance rated it

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Shelves: have-read

I found this book incredibly fascinating. I first came across this book in college when some friends of mine who were engaged recommended it very excitedly. I spot read various parts and did not quite share their excitement. Now years I was led to the book again through a different set of circumstances and could not put the book down. If I could have read it in one sitting, I would have. As it was, I could not help but try to multitask in order to get done what needed doing and also finish ...more

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Dec 27, 2008

Bookwormliz rated it

· review of another edition

In THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, Gary Chapman explores what he believes is the cause of all marital dysfunction and breakdown: the different languages in which love can be expressed. According to Chapman, we each respond to one of the five “love languages”–affirmation, time, gifts, service, and touch–and will only feel sufficiently loved when we’re being spoken to by our mates in that language.

The breakdown of the five love languages was fascinating, but Chapman’s “love is a choice” philo...moreIn THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, Gary Chapman explores what he believes is the cause of all marital dysfunction and breakdown: the different languages in which love can be expressed. According to Chapman, we each respond to one of the five “love languages”–affirmation, time, gifts, service, and touch–and will only feel sufficiently loved when we’re being spoken to by our mates in that language.

The breakdown of the five love languages was fascinating, but Chapman’s “love is a choice” philosophy is so bogus, it’s not even funny. It’s that kind of bass-ackwards thinking that lead many people into unhealthy relationships in the first place, and he wants to keep them there? Please.

According to Chapman, “real love” is a benign act we engage in willingly–like picking up cereal or refilling the gas tank on the way home from work–while being “in love” is a fabricated emotion built on obsession.

“…falling in love is not real love,” writes Chapman, “because it is effortless. Whatever we do in the in-love state requires little discipline or conscious effort on our part.”

The points Chapman makes are valid, but he approaches them with the kind of anti-divorce tunnel vision that is far too common in these kinds of books. You can no more choose to love someone than you can choose to be a blond-haired, blue-eyed mermaid who lives in an oversized clam shell off the coast of Maine. Oh, sure, you can bleach your hair, pop in a pair of contact lenses, and pretend you’re a mermaid who lives in a clam shell off the coast of Maine, but that doesn’t make it real.

And that’s exactly the point I’m getting at. Chapman derides the “in love” feeling as being synthetic emotion, and yet, when push comes to shove, insists that when it comes to “real love”, choosing to fake it is the way to go. Um. I don’t have any fancy-schmancy degrees to back me up, but if you ask me, a forced act of love is about as genuine and meaningful as an effortless act of obsession. It’s the wavering between the two extremes that leaves this book cold and sterile. I imagine the real “real love” is a happy medium between those two extremes–neither self-destrucive nor impotent.

All in all, I’d say the author gets it about half right, as much as his own personal values will let him. I would’ve been more pleased if the focus had been on choices made and physical actions done out of love than a crash course on how to fake it ’til you make it. There are a multitude of reasons why two partners fail to make a real and lasting connection with each other, and not every divorce is a failure. Sometimes that’ the only way for the family unit to survive without being severely damaged. Asserting that we should all assign blame where there should be none is nothing but a recipe for resentment.

Rating: C-(less)

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Dec 10, 2008

Sara rated it

· review of another edition

eh. See, here's the thing... it's an ok book on bringing ideas about how to pamper your spouse to light but I can't say that it was Biblically sound or inspired. I would have liked to read more about the sanctity of marriage and where it comes in to play with my relationship with God. I also think that the metaphors were WAY over used.

That being said: it reminded me a lot of what my spouse does for me, and how to say thank you. It honestly was pretty interesting in the way that it d...more

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Feb 08, 2012

Lori rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: 2012_read, classic, easy-read, non-fiction, personal-development, self-improvement

3+ stars

This book might seem over-simplistic, but really, isn't that we so often do - over complicate things in our emotional and romantic lives? This book is designed to help us step back and take another look at ourselves and our partners. Gary Chapman says that we each long to love and be loved - just for who we are; and to discover my "love language", I must analyze the things that make me feel loved. Words? Actions? Quality time? Touch? Gifts?

We each have o...more3+ stars

This book might seem over-simplistic, but really, isn't that we so often do - over complicate things in our emotional and romantic lives? This book is designed to help us step back and take another look at ourselves and our partners. Gary Chapman says that we each long to love and be loved - just for who we are; and to discover my "love language", I must analyze the things that make me feel loved. Words? Actions? Quality time? Touch? Gifts?

We each have our own preferred ways of feeling loved. And what makes me feel loved might not be what makes my partner feel loved. And human nature being what it is, I will express my love for others in my primary love language - because I know that's what makes me feel loved. But if my partner or family doesn't prefer that same love love language, if that love language doesn't make him or her or them feel loved, then we could be at odds with one another, speaking completely different languages and being overwhelmed and frustrated, trying to figure out where the "love" has gone.

It's interesting that he says that "romantic love" lasts about 2 years; that obsessive love that we read about in books, watch on TV and in movies, desperately long to have with another person. Once that fades, real love can begin. In other words, love is a verb, people. It's not a feeling, an emotion, a daydream, or a life-time full of candles and sighs. It's a commitment and an act of will. Because love is such a deep and integral part of who we are, once the obsession (or what some call "passion") fades, it's up to us to keep the love alive. And to do that, we must understand our own love language, so that we can communicate to those who love us. It's good for us to understand the love language of those closest to us (especially spouses or significant others), so that we can express love towards them in ways that make them feel loved.

This isn't a book about choosing the right mate. It's not about staying with someone who abuses you or treats you like a doormat. If you're in a troubled relationship, this isn't necessarily the first book you should reach for. But it can provide insights into yourself and your partner, especially if you're trying to rekindle the romance or reconnect again like you did when dating.

And I especially appreciate the "work" aspect of this book. Each chapter has questions to ask yourself - ways to apply the book. After each love language is described, the author provides a checklist for you and for your partner on ways to express that love language. Not everything costs money - not even the love language that prefers gifts! You can give gifts from the heart that have nothing to do with monetary value - that single flower picked from a meadow (or your neighbor's yard), a handmade card, a sticky note that says "I love you", and so on... all kinds of ways to express love through words, gifts, touch (not just sexual), actions, and quality time.(less)

· see review

Jan 29, 2012

Mo rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, relationships

I wasn't going to read this book, then a friend of mine talked me into it. If you can get past the religious additives (and there aren't that many) then it's really pretty good. It rounds out the five main ways that people show love and helps you determine which ones resound the most with you and your loved one (for adults, though there is one chapter at the end that does address the love between adults and children).
I like that it offers the quizzes at the end for the husband and wife (th...more

· see review

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About Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman has traveled extensively around the world challenging couples to pursue healthy, growing marriages. His first book, Toward a Growing Marriage (Moody, 1979, 1996), began as an informal resource he gave to couples with whom he was counseling. Once officially published, this book became a blessing to thousands of people and helped launch Gary’s popular “Toward a Growing Marriage” seminar...more

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