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The Blonde

by Duane Swierczynski (Goodreads Author)

3.82 of 5 stars 3.82 · rating details · 686 ratings · 98 reviews

The night before a big meeting, Jack Eisley is sitting in an airport bar in Philadelphia, chatting up a pretty young blonde. Sure, Jack has a wife and daughter at home, but this is just a little harmless flirting. Harmless, that is, until the blonde leans forward and says, "I poisoned your drink."

She tells Jack that unless she can keep someone within ten feet of her at all...more

Hardcover, 240 pages

Published November 14th 2006 by Minotaur Books (first published 2006)

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Apr 28, 2013 Harry rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: assassins-as-protagonists

So, last night I went to bed feeling excellent in all respects. I turned on my lamp above the bed and grabbed Duane's The Blonde which I had to rescue from the local library because friggin' Amazon's Kindle store had it on their "sorry folks, but due to formatting errors, we are reviewing this book with publisher" list for over a year now with no progress apparent from either the publisher or Amazon. I called Amazon and told them: ..."either remove the damned book from the Kindle store, or fix t...more So, last night I went to bed feeling excellent in all respects. I turned on my lamp above the bed and grabbed Duane's The Blonde which I had to rescue from the local library because friggin' Amazon's Kindle store had it on their "sorry folks, but due to formatting errors, we are reviewing this book with publisher" list for over a year now with no progress apparent from either the publisher or Amazon. I called Amazon and told them: ..."either remove the damned book from the Kindle store, or fix the thing already!" While I was at it, I gave 'em the same diatribe for JLB's Robicheaux #5 which is the only JLB book not available on Kindle (library is grabbing that book from another branch as I speak). I mean, really?

Needless to say, I fell asleep an hour or so later as books make me do (better than any sleeping pill I can think of). Then, out of the blue, I wake up at 3:55AM with a runny nose, barely able to breathe and sneezing up a storm to the point I turned the light back on and went "What the hell did I do?" I mean, where do colds come from? I was feeling just fine, dammit! Unable to sleep, I grabbed Duane's book and just kept on reading and sneezing (I'll have to nuke the book a bit before i send it back to library). Couple of hours later I finished it.

What did I think? Before I go further, potential readers out there should understand something about Duane's work. The man is a pulp writer; he writes comic books as well as novels. I grew up on comics and the one thing you can't do when reading stuff like this is expect verisimilitude, you can't read 'em and not love suspending disbelief. Once you get over that hurdle, you're in for a hell of a ride especially where it comes to his Charlie Hardy series (2 more days to go before the third in that series gets downloaded to my Kindle). So, that's my heads-up on that.

Unlike a lot of other reviewers who like his stand-alones and having suffered through The Wheelman which I thought sloppy (see my review here)...this one's a little better for a Swierczynski stand-alone. It starts out like this (Chapter 1, lines 1 - 5):

"I poisoned your drink."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me."
"Um, I don't think I did."
The blonde lifted her cosmopolitan. "Cheers."

Does that grab your attention? Hell yes, it does! This is why I love authors like John locke and Duane Swierczynski. They are quick reads. Their premise on which the novels are based are unusual if not outrageous (ok, ok, this one's not original as we've seen this before in films like D.O.A decades ago but get ready for an altered scenario on this old premise). Right out of the gate, we're thrown into a wildly out of control situation and we're locked into the precise context from the very first lines of the novel. What's not to love about that? Again, unlike "The Wheelman" Duane wraps this one up nicely and ties all the loose ends in a fitting epilogue.

I don't discuss plots for series books...and don't particularly delve into them much in stand-alone reviews. Why spoil all the fun, right? Trust me to say that Duane's plots are unique (one of Duane's trademarks); it moves very fast, and you can't expect much in terms of settings, etc. I mean, it's opening....dialogue, action, dialogue, action...end.

This novel takes place over hours, not days - and subsequently, I read it in a few hours, not days. I was done with it and fell asleep sometime just as dawn crept across the skies outside. I'm giving it a three because I still like the Hardie series better. For pulp, they are more consistent and as a series add considerably to character development...even for pulp.

(less)

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Feb 06, 2012 Steve Dennie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Duane Swierczynski has quite an imagination. His books are unusual, and unpredictable. Such was the case with “The Blonde” (2007).

I previously read two of his other books, “The Wheelman” from 2006 and “Severance Package” from 2008.” “The Blonde” would be in the same league as “Severance Package,” both of them dealing an ordinary guy caught up in the machinations of a super-secret government agency which specializes in assassinations. But whereas “Severance Package” takes place in one building du...more Duane Swierczynski has quite an imagination. His books are unusual, and unpredictable. Such was the case with “The Blonde” (2007).

I previously read two of his other books, “The Wheelman” from 2006 and “Severance Package” from 2008.” “The Blonde” would be in the same league as “Severance Package,” both of them dealing an ordinary guy caught up in the machinations of a super-secret government agency which specializes in assassinations. But whereas “Severance Package” takes place in one building during a span of a couple hours, “The Blonde” ranges from Great Britain to Mexico.

The first line is, “I poisoned your drink.” It’s spoken in a Philadelphia airport bar by The Blonde to Jack Eisley, a journalist passing through. Here’s the deal: she has been injected with nanites (tiny robots) which course through her blood. She must stay within 10 feet of someone at all times. If she doesn’t, the nanites will know, and her head will explode. Slipping poison into Jack’s drink, with the promise that he’ll die in 9 hours unless she gives him the antidote, is her way of keeping someone close.

The nanites trace back to a diabolical scientist named The Operator, who is following her. There’s another US agency involved, and they’ve sent a benevolence killer named Kowalski after her. Then Jack gets infected with the nanites, too–they can be transmitted through saliva, and in a weak moment he kissed the Blonde. So now he has to stay within 10 feet of someone at all times, too.

The book takes us on a wild ride through nighttime Philadelphia. As with Swierczynski’s other books, the plot is unpredictable. You just don’t know where things are headed, though it’s obvious a showdown is in the works.

I was surprised when THE END came after 225 pages, and another 50 pages remained. Those 50 pages were filled with a novella called “The Redhead,” which was a sequel to “The Blonde.” Interesting. “The Redhead” was very good.

I’ve become a big fan of Duane Swierczynski. He has a few other books out there, and a new one coming out in March 2011. I need to track these books down.(less)

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Nov 23, 2011 Kelly Hager rated it 4 of 5 stars

Jack is on his way to Philadelphia to meet his wife's divorce attorney, so he was pretty sure that his life couldn't get much worse. Turns out, it can. He meets a blonde at the airport bar and they're chatting. He thinks it's going pretty well until she tells him that she poisoned him. He's like, "Yeah, sure, hahaha," but turns out she really did. So now he has to find her again. And when he does, the story she tells him? Well, it gets even weirder from there.

This is my fourth of his books (and...more

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Mar 10, 2011 Amanda rated it 3 of 5 stars

The Blonde is a quick read, a fast-paced, farcical, nutty and ultimately irreverent tale written in the crime noir style of pulp fiction. You won't come away from the story hoping for a sequel to experience these characters again, but you'll enjoy the madcap thrill ride while it lasts. The comedic story at times requires a good dose of "suspension of disbelief" although it does have one of the best opening lines I've ever read that is sure to hook readers: "I poisoned your drink."

The plot takes...more The Blonde is a quick read, a fast-paced, farcical, nutty and ultimately irreverent tale written in the crime noir style of pulp fiction. You won't come away from the story hoping for a sequel to experience these characters again, but you'll enjoy the madcap thrill ride while it lasts. The comedic story at times requires a good dose of "suspension of disbelief" although it does have one of the best opening lines I've ever read that is sure to hook readers: "I poisoned your drink."

The plot takes place over the course of one night in Philadelphia, shifting between point-of-view from three characters: scientist Kelly White, journalist Jack Eisley, and covert assassin Mike Kowalski. Kowalski is the most well-rounded of the characters since more of his background is detailed allowing readers to sympathize with him despite his conscienceless profession--which he illustrates throughout the novel as he murders unsuspecting casualties of war who get in his way.

The Blonde, Kelly White is a scientist on the run from The Operator, a villian who co-created The Mary-Kates, micoscopic nanotechnology that replicates itself and lives in human blood. The problem is--the infected victims must remain within 10 feet of another person or the nanos will implode their brain and kill them.

Poor Jack is the dumb shmoe who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and gets unwillingly pulled into the worst night of his life when Kelly announces that she's poisoned him. What follows is a farfetched romp through Philly with Jack trying to remain in close proximity to a city full of strangers while Kelly runs from Kowalski who's been hired to bring her in alive. Their paths cross periodically as Kowalski becomes aware of Jack's infection by Kelly and now must target him as well.

This would make a great beach read, but I doubt it would make the ranks of hardcover fiction. I gave it 3 stars because while the book is enjoyable purely for its fast-pacing, the story is not character-driven enough to make it truly memorable. Charlie Huston is a good alternative for readers preferring more character-driven crime-noir plots. (less)

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Dec 29, 2010 Mark added it

Duane Swierczynski seems to have carved out his own niche of crime stories with a twist. If Expiration Date is time-travel noir, The Blonde is femme fatale sci-fi. Not hardcore sci-fi, mind you. More the Michael Crichton kind, since this story revolves around self-replicating nanobot parasites that live in the blood and can be tracked by satellites. They are also able to somehow sense proximity to other people, which is why the title character has to stay within 10 feet of someone else, otherwis...more

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Jun 01, 2010 Debbi rated it 4 of 5 stars

Following on the heels of THE WHEELMAN, Duane Swierczynski spins the literary equivalent of cotton candy, if such a confection were made with acid. THE BLONDE is a non-stop thrill ride. The kind of reading that goes down so easy the reader will gobble page after page. A story so wild and over-the-top, it feels like a guilty pleasure.

From the opening line – "I poisoned your drink" – the reader hangs on every word. The line is spoken by the titular woman to Jack Eisley, a man hanging out at an air...more

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Mar 13, 2012 Brandon rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, 2012

While sitting in an airport lounge, Jack Eisley is told by an attractive blonde that she had poisoned his drink. Assuming she is merely flirting and not believing any part of her threats, Jack leaves but eventually suffers unimaginable pain and sickness. Upon meeting back up with her, Jack slowly realizes just how true her threats are..

Swierczynski had stated he wanted to write a sequel to The Wheelman, I suppose this was his idea. While technically linked to the previous book in the sense that...more

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Dec 31, 2010 Johnny rated it 3 of 5 stars

Big, silly fun. An over-the-top premise told within an over-the-top storyline. THE BLONDE is a quick read, but consciously skims along the surface.

While a small effort is made to create more of depth to the characters, the action moves so quickly that the reader can only latch onto the broad strokes. It feels conscious, but limits the connection to any of the characters.

Where the story really dropped the ball for me (and for the most part I went along with it) is that it never really bothers wit...more

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Apr 27, 2009 Kevin rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

I was looking for a quick read to cleanse my palette from the non-fiction, career-building reading binge, and I suppose I found it in The Blonde, Duane Swierczynski's Philadelphia-based paranoia thriller.

Unfortunately, the central premise of Proximity, interesting idea that it is, failed to sustain my interest even to the end of this brief book. Perhaps it could have been stronger if the author had resisted the urge to split the titular blonde and the journalist-protagonist so quickly, and let t...more

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May 20, 2010 Ethan rated it 3 of 5 stars

Fast-paced, gritty noir fiction kind of stuff. The science-fiction theme was surprising and pretty cool, at first, but there were a few things that didn't make much sense, and the book ended without tying up the loose end of an impending armageddon from medical technology gone awry. I mean, you'd think someone would have figured out all the murders by now, or gotten an idea about the bots, or whatever. The logic of how the bots worked didn't seem completely consistent. Just a bit strange.

Overall...more

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Sep 29, 2009 Craig rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

"The NEW Year of Mystery" continues!... After being blown away by Swierczynski's prior effort "The Wheelman", I had very high hopes for "The Blonde"... It certainly wasn't bad, and had many of the same elements that made "The Wheelman" so much fun - fast pace, lots of twists and turns, outlandish characters. But what worked so well in "The Wheelman" felt somewhat forced and contrived in "The Blonde", and I think it's because the central plot in "The Blonde" is so much more outlandish, bordering...more

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Jun 19, 2010 Adam rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: black-comedy, heart-of-darkness, horror-disguised-as-literature, literature-disguised-as-science-fic, noir, spy-vs-spy

Duane Swierczynski in The Blonde comes up with mean slice of revved-up modern Hitchcock thriller. An innocent man gets pulled into situations way beyond his understanding and mayhem and pitch black comedy ensues (with a blonde along for the ride of course). Amoral characters and run amuck nanotechnology keep the action lean and breathless. Pop references like to Jean Patrick Manchette and D.O.A.(the original not the remake) add to the fun . Manchette is a good reference point as he wrote similar...more

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Mar 10, 2008 Christy rated it 5 of 5 stars

This reminded me somewhat of the Julie Kenner Play.Win.Survive trilogy (except not as good!)...

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May 18, 2010 Will Gardner rated it 4 of 5 stars

The Blonde is either a prequel or a sequel to Severance Package, it is never quite clear on the time line, however the novels do seem to interact.

Like Severance Package, this novel opens fast and holds the pace of blood, action, and cloak & dagger intrigue.

Imagine sitting in an airport bar when a very attractive blonde looks over and whispers "I just put poison in your drink". Kind of a lousy way to end a business trip eh?

Throw in a dose of a mercenary hit-man with a budding conscience and...more

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Sep 11, 2011 Eric_W rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mysteries-and-thrillers

Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for a wild ride of Homeland Security assassins, clean-up men, a beautiful blonde who has to be within ten feet of someone or horrible death ensues, an evil man called “The Operator” (what else), nanotechnology creatures called “Mary Kates,” a Sybian Club, and a normal guy who gets caught in something way over his head.

Fun. Perfect for a cross-country plane ride or waiting for the doctor to be finished with the cute drug salesperson (ever notice how they always g...more

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Jan 22, 2011 Lennet penate rated it 4 of 5 stars

Good, very good. I liked the over all theme. Well this girl/woman (whatever) she legit can't be alone, not because shes afraid but because it she is she'll die, like literally die! Her cells or something can sensor it, so she can't be more than a foot away from another human being, this man whos getting a devorce has the bad luck of running into her. They kiss at one point!! and well he gets the "disease" as well and so they both can't be away from people. ERR!!! i can't say anymore. but lets ju...more

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May 09, 2010 Nicole rated it 1 of 5 stars

This book so far is a cheesy crime? mystery? novel. I'm going to finish it because I want to know what happens but so far I'm not impressed. Why do I insist on trying out genre fiction when I know I often don't like it.
Incredibly crazy original concept. I emphasize crazy more than original. If you can overlook the many typos, and grammar mistakes, not to mention the few story inconsistencies, then this is an EASY dramatic read.
Don't recommend it though. Not that good. Although the quotes about...more

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Jun 06, 2012 Jaron rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Such a promising premise -- unless The Blonde can keep someone within 10 feet of her at all times, she will die. Her blood is infected with valuable, rare, secret nano-sized bugs that sense the presence of other people and keep her alive as long as she is in their company.

The book had a few interesting twists but I was disappointed with a few of them, and the ways that these nanoparticles behaved seemed to change whenever it was convenient for the plot. I am still looking forward to reading mor...more

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Apr 13, 2013 Ru rated it 4 of 5 stars

This "futurized" hard-boiled cat-and-mouse thriller is definitely on point. Any story that makes a direct reference to the TV show "Alias", I'm automatically going to like, let's get that out of the way. But Swierczynski hasn't just written a Dashiel Hammet-style novel in a modern setting - he has taken things like nanotechnology and violent hitmen to make his own place within the same genre.

The way "The Blonde" unfolds, it's almost like peeling back layers to reveal a something new. I don't thi...more

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Jul 28, 2012 Tfitoby rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: black-as-night

There's no two ways about it Blondes have more fun. Yeah I couldn't resist that.

At least if you think exploding heads, pulp fiction references and a race against time not to mention multiple interested parties who don't have being concerned about your well being at the top of their to-do list is more fun they do.

Meet Jack, a loser in an airport bar drinking to get the courage to go sleep in a motel room alone and wake up to meet his wifes divorce lawyer. Meet Kelly, a devastating blonde so despe...more

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Aug 18, 2012 Ryan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I can't decide how much I like this novel. It's been a strange ride. I'm in an odd period for which I have many unfinished books I've started going all the way back to a year ago. This was one I stopped reading with only 26 pages left, which I didn't realize because there is a short story at the end of the book. More on that later. So I finished the last 26 pages and thought, "this ended better than I'd expected." I also felt the urge to flip back and read some of the beginning after which I th...more

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May 22, 2010 Boden Steiner rated it 4 of 5 stars

I'm starting to think that nobody knows how to get pages turning in a crime novel quite like Duane Swierczynski.

Need a hook? Need a ticking clock? Need a conflict?
Page one,line one, "I poisoned your drink."

This is surely enough to get a story moving, but while most writers would allow that premise to coast, Swierczynski just uses it as a jump start before flooring it. Sequence by sequence, scene by scene, the conflicts get boosted, jacked, and blasted. The characters are continually cornered a...more

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view all 6 comments

Boden Steiner Yeah, Paul, a very cool story. It's always good to find out an author is personable outside of their work.

As a side note, just discovered yesterday th...more
23. Mai, 17:34 Uhr

Paul Eckert Colin wrote: "Nice comment, Paul. Which Swierczynski (thank you, copy and paste) would you recommend?"

Hard to pick...I've only read The Blonde and Sev...more
23. Mai, 18:37 Uhr

Nov 23, 2011 Jonathan rated it 5 of 5 stars

[re-posted from my old blog]

Woo wee, that was a fun, fast, furious ride! I just finished up "The Blonde" by Duane Swierczynski, after just starting it a couple of days ago. Yeah, it is short but it is also in that "nearly impossible to put down" category. You just have to see what happens next. I think I'll have to pick up his debut novel, The Wheelman. I mean, you have to have high hopes for a mystery thriller that starts out:

"I poisoned your drink,"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Um, I don't t...more

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Aug 25, 2008 Gary rated it 5 of 5 stars

Warning: Do Not Open This Book...

...unless you've no plans for the rest of the day.

Trust me - this is about as good as modern pulp crime fiction gets - a frantic, dark, and cynical half day romp through a Philadelphia night that combines the lean, no nonsense tough guy style of the classic masters of crime with a neat pop science fiction twist. This is the bizarre offspring of Raymond Chandler, were he writing for the iPod generation, and Michael Crichton, without the tedious baggage of scientif...more

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Mar 28, 2008 Jamal rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The Blonde, an apparent attempt to transcend the tropes of the hard-boiled crime novel by indulging in the clichés of the genre is at the same time so bold it borders on satire and too timid to be satirical.

The femme fatale's motivations were only somewhat non-standard because of the existence of nano-bots, otherwise she's just another lusty sex kitten using her body to further her aims. I.e. just another femme fatale. The list of familiar crime elements is extensive, including jurisdictional fi...more

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Oct 17, 2007 Alex rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: fans of the movie "Speed"

This book is the second by a young up & coming (formerly)crime novelist. Like a great many second novels this one falls into the "sophmore slump" trap. The Blonde has a couple of very compelling characters which keep it from being a total pile of crap- but mostly it suffers from one the dumbest sci-fi premises ever concocted. And this is from a reader who loves sci-fi.
Remember in "Speed" how the bus would blow if it went slower than 55? Well - in this book the nanobot infected protagonists...more

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Mar 24, 2013 Michael rated it 3 of 5 stars

Reminded me of Crooked Little Vein by Ellis but not quite as disturbing or graphic. While it nearly stretches the limits of credulity it managed to never cross the line to 'oh come on!'. There were a number of sequences that had me laugh out loud to the point of getting looks from folks sitting near by - "I'm nearsighted." Priceless.

If you are looking for an entertaining, escapist book you can read in a matter of hours and enjoy books by Michael Connelly or John D McDonald then you will not be d...more

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Apr 14, 2009 Aleta rated it 4 of 5 stars

I read "Severence Package" from this author and really enjoyed it. So I thought I would give this one a shot. The story is interesting but like "Severence Package" you're kinda like 'isn't it over yet?' It reminded me of a "Die Hard" movie where you keep thinking he's got to be dead or he can't get back up but sure enough, here he comes with bloody feet! I'm going to read the rest of his books just because Duane has proved that he has a great imagination and does pretty good at developing his ch...more

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Aug 09, 2010 Jason Abay-abay rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

If you are going on a trip that has a 4+ hour flight then you should definitely pick this book up! I started at 10pm just to get some reading in before I went to bed and I didn't stop reading until I had finished it at 2am. The action took off on page 1 line 1 and it never let up. So if your a fan of action\thriller plot lines then this is the one for you. What would you do to keep someone/anyone always 10 feet away from you and if they were to leave that area your head would explode?

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Mar 25, 2010 galleycat rated it 4 of 5 stars

Two-hundred-fifteen rapid-fire pages of non-stop, action-packed storytelling. Yeah, OK, over the top at times, but in a good way ... like one of those thrills-a-minute, out-of-the-fire-into-the-frying-pan scenes in an Indiana Jones movie ... and even if that's not your thing, man oh man, you certainly can't say it's not at least endlessly entertaining, with a big fat capital 'E.'

Nice twisty ending with an unexpected, smile-inducing poignant moment.

This is my first Swierczynski novel. Won't be my...more

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