Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “AARP the Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused--And Start Standing Up for Yourself” as Want to Read:
Blank-133x176
AARP the Nice Girl Syn...
 
by
Beverly Engel
Rate this book
Clear rating

AARP the Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused--And Start Standing Up for Yourself

3.8 of 5 stars 3.80  ·  rating details  ·  161 ratings  ·  43 reviews
AARP Digital Editions offer you practical tips, proven solutions, and expert guidance. In "The Nice Girl Syndrome," Beverly Engel shows how you can overcome the pressure to please others and feel free to be your true self.Are you too nice for your own good? Do family members manipulate you? Do coworkers take advantage of you? If this sounds familiar, read "The Nice Girl Sy ...more
ebook, 256 pages
Published December 20th 2011 by John Wiley & Sons (first published June 20th 2008)
more details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about AARP the Nice Girl Syndrome, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about AARP the Nice Girl Syndrome

This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Add this book to your favorite list »

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 450)
filter  |  sort: default (?)  |  rating details
Rose
I think the hardest thing about writing this review was figuring out why this book annoyed me so much for the subject matter it addressed. It should've been something I received well given the subject matter and its intents as a self-help book, but the more I read it, the more I ended up reading mixed messages within it.

I tend to pick up self-help/health/wellness guides at random in many different aspects - social wellness, spiritual wellness, physical and emotional wellness among a number of di
...more
Leah
While this book uses extreme examples of what the dangers of being a Nice Girl are (physical, emotional, and sexual abuse), there are many things in it that are useful for women with milder versions of Nice Girl Syndrome. Nice, unfortunately, gets you nowhere. People will prey on you, manipulate you, and take advantage of you if they can, and this book gives some strategies for avoiding that.

A lot of the things in it seem to be common sense and common knowledge, but sometimes it's nice (no pun
...more
Debbie
Beverly Engel is my number one favorite authority on abuse and how to heal from it. This book has helped me to heal from some past experiences. I would recommend it to anyone who keeps finding themselves in abusive relationships.
Gabrielle
Oct 17, 2011 Gabrielle marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
This book gave me insight on issues that I had and it helped me become a stronger woman.
Jenna
A must-read for all of the 'nice' girls out there!
Michaela
Very beneficial, although I don't have these issues as much anymore, I did the exercises and it helped with my other issues, cleared many confusions, helped me to understand my obsessively nice friend and my childhood self. Read with open mind, dont take and twist every word to feel offensive. I came across to some things I didnt agree with, just leave it there, and take what helps you or your loved ones.
Some reviews very discouraging, my opinion is that there are so many helpful things, I woul
...more
Onthebrightside
Sep 29, 2010 Onthebrightside is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
This book was spot on! I am way too nice!
Joy
Jun 15, 2009 Joy rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Joy by: new books @ the library
Love it! It's like therapy!
Wagatwe
Now I am a little embarrassed that I was interested enough in reading this book. My intuition told me that this would be a book that would piss me off, but I did not want to dismiss it without giving it a shot. I am pleased to say my gut feelings were proven only partially right; I surprisingly was still able to get something out of this book. I finished this book with a surprising feeling of validation, empowerment, and eagerness to use the new skills I read in here.

I am indisputably a Nice Gir
...more
Andrea
I liked this book. Although I'm not an extreme as depicted in this book, given the fact that I was raised in an abusive environment with selfish family members and a mysoginist community, I had a lot of trouble growing up. I felt extrememely repressed and literally inside a cage tied with eavy chains to the ground.
Making me feel bad for who I was or what I liked or for standing up for myself, was the central technique applied usually in rainsing girls, not only at home but also in school. I fau
...more
Eugenie
This is an OK book, but the author comes off as defensively reacting to some major hurt from a male. I understand about being assertive and standing up for yourself, but fully half of the book seems to be aimed at males and how they "take advantage" of females in one way or another. This is the impression given in the book and a viewpoint I don't agree with. I think this book could have been more effective if it dealt with a more open range of situations, rather than just domestic relationships. ...more
Xima Kimi
I would recommend this book to the girls who wonder why they keep meeting awful horrible men, and feel like they're being manipulated and used by people around them. Most times, it is hard yes to place a margin between being patient and being ..used. This is for the girls who always reason why people do the awful things they do, why we need to be understanding that everybody is going through some kind of" battle " (there's no such thing in real life. people are respectful because they are respec ...more
Chelsea
This book was pretty decent. I liked a lot of the way the information was organized and presented, and thought that most of it seemed to be fairly accurate and useful.

I sometimes felt a little put off by the author's tone and what seemed at times like unnecessary male-bashing, but overall this book did a really good job of making the points it wanted to make.

I think this is a good book for many women to read, as it helps point out a lot of cultural ways in which women are taught to be submissive
...more
Sandy
Jun 08, 2010 Sandy rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Sandy by: Mary Smart
Excellent read, but I wish it was addressed to men also - entitled, The Nice Person Syndrome. Easy reading with practical exercises to move out of being compliant and manipulated into being essentially who you are: strong, confident, competent and courageous.
Cyndi
Oct 24, 2008 Cyndi rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Women
Shelves: psychology
I think this book should be required reading for all women. It is direct and concise and easy to read so even people who don't like to read much will not have a difficult time getting through it. If I had a daughter, I would ABSOLUTELY insist that she read this book.
Gail Miller
I am so excited to learn so much about why at 54 I cannot break being the nice girl when situations happen where I don't feel like being nice. Learning about what type of style you have good and bad of communicating in certain situations, what all is behind becoming nice, what beliefs you have that are so hard to break and are false. I think the most important thing that will help me is learning that fear is behind all "nice" reactions, is so important to learning more about what fear patterns a ...more
Beth
Why do I keep reading self help books? All they ever do is make me mad.
Roxanne
Before reading this I knew I was nice but not that I had the nice girl syndrome...which according to this book I have quite a severe version of. Once I was diagnosed it was time to learn how to do something about it. I could relate to a very large proportion of this book, however, as extreme niceness is a massive part of my personality I thought there's no way I could change it. I discovered it's not to change a person from being nice it's to give a nice girl some backbone... something that I do ...more
Rebecca Johnson
Okay, so first things first, I am not a nice girl. I know a few and I may have been one at some point...but along the way I have had the privilege of having very strong women role models and they have paved the way. I have also had the benefit of having male mentors who have a very good grasp on women and how to leverage their individual and unique strengths. With that said, this book did have some great tips and suggestions and could certainly serve as a refresher on how to be an effective comm ...more
Olwen
Reading this book was rather like sitting down with an older, wiser and more experienced woman, being taken by the hand and told ‘now my dear, it’s like this….’ The author’s long and rich experience in counselling women (and with her own life experiences) has qualified her to really describe how women can so easily disempower themselves; and how to remedy the situation if you feel you fit into one of the ‘nice girl’ types she describes.

I wish I had had this book in my early teens – it could hav
...more
Amy
This book has a set of effective suggestions for the so very many of us who hold ourselves to a higher standard than all of those around us, and who are, therefore, often used by others.

Beverly Engel uses examples of women who were abused and offers suggestions for how to escape from or avoid an abusive situation (all the while without blaming those who are abused for the actions of the abusers), and how to become more empowered. The book offers suggested affirmations and ways to feel and intern
...more
Roberta
I appreciated a lot of the advice but felt there was to much male bashing in it. If you can weed through this and enjoy the other content I think you will benefit from the knowledge within this book.
Meghan
Saying "I don't mean to victim blame but..." doesn't cut it. I also found the tone condescending and I was more pissed off than inspired reading this book.
Ann Busbey
I saw so much of myself in this book, although I have never been physically abused. Being raised an Italian Catholic female, I was taught to be selfless and to serve the needs of others. This has not served me well and I'm working hard at overcoming my "natural" tendencies. My challenge - don't let the pendulum swing too far in the other direction.

While I didn't agree with everything, this book has some useful exercises and advice for making changes and for not feeling guilty about standing up
...more
Mandi
Great book with much helpful advice on how to stop putting everyone else's needs before your own and stop accepting sorry's over and over again from people that don't deserve to be in one's life. A great read for anyone who needs some motivation to start a new and leave behind what no longer serves their soul.
Becky
An eye opener for me! worth the read
Melissa
This is a good self-help book for any lady who has been abused or trampled upon in relationships. I even found the advice helpful for women who are too nice and giving in relationships period. It goes from figuring out where this niceness comes from to remedying it to friends and family. I really appreciated the book being a social worker as it helped me become more assertive.
Jill Smith
Sep 15, 2014 Jill Smith is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
this book will be on the currently reading as I'm reading it in between other books
Tara Calaby
This ties in quite well with a lot of DBT/Borderline stuff, and I felt like it was quite good to read as a way of reiterating some of the DBT content. It's definitely told from a feminist point of view, which is good, but rape and/or abuse survivors might be triggered by some of the content.
Lindaanne
As a recovering nice girl this book really hit home. Through case studies and down to earth prose the author explains how being a nice girl can lead to heartache, depression and downright abuse. I found the book inspiring and full of practical advice and wisdom.
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 14 15 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
  • Releasing the Imagination: Essays on Education, the Arts, and Social Change
  • You Majored in What?: Mapping Your Path From Chaos to Career
  • Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry
  • ART/WORK: Everything You Need to Know (and Do) As You Pursue Your Art Career
  • The Career Guide for Creative and Unconventional People
  • Instead of Education: Ways to Help People Do Things Better
  • The Modern Girl's Guide to Sticky Situations
  • Differentiated Classroom: Responding to the Need of All Learners
  • Doing School: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed-Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students
  • I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors
  • Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling
  • Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Inner Wholeness Using Ifs, a New, Cutting-Edge Therapy
  • Ghosts from the Nursery: Tracing the Roots of Violence - New and Revised Edition
  • The Anti 9 to 5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube
  • How to Survive and Prosper as an Artist: Selling Yourself Without Selling Your Soul
  • The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius(tm)
  • Why Not Socialism?
  • Make Just One Change: Teach Students to Ask Their Own Questions
The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself - Seven Empowering Strategies for Better Relationships The Parenthood Decision

Share This Book