"Birthdays may be difficult for me."
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."... read full description
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."... read full description
reviews
May 31, 2008
Michelle
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I read this book because I was hoping it might address what I consider to be some of the major misconceptions existing about adoptees. I was sorely disappointed. Not only does it hold to those misconceptions but I think if a potential adoptive parent were to read this book it would serve only to put unnecessary and intense fear in their heart.
It's premise is that every adoptee is a deeply wounded and permanently damaged individual who will never feel whole. If the adoptee appears More...
It's premise is that every adoptee is a deeply wounded and permanently damaged individual who will never feel whole. If the adoptee appears More...
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Aug 28, 2011
Jenifer
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From the moment I finished the first chapter, I knew there was something I just didn't like about this book. However, wanting to be an informed soon-to-be adoptive mom, I was determined to finish with the hopes that my opinion would change as I learned this author's style. I'm sorry to say that this book left me with the same negative feelings I started it with. This book was full of fear inducing negativity. I believe all of the issues Eldridge brought up can be very real for some adoptees;
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May 31, 2010
Jenny
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I thought this was a good book, and even though I wasn't in love with it, I will probably buy it to have on our shelves on day. Some of these things that I learned I needed to know...I didn't know. Some of it made sense. And some of it was just too weird for me. Weird is the wrong word...rather...foreign, I suppose. I'm not sure about some of the pyschology she has in there. I've talked to a few adoptees that didn't necessarily feel some of this primal loss that she talks about. Later in
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Mar 01, 2010
Jessica
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This book was not exactly what I expected. I had picked it up several times at the book store thinking to myself, no I don't need another book on adoption, but this one looked good. Then to my surprise, my sister-in-law bought it for us. I plowed through it rather quickly. Each chapter is one of these twenty things adopted kids want their parents to know. It starts off with a review of what is at the heart of the problem, from attachment to birthfamilies. Then, the best part in my opinion is
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Oct 18, 2009
Susan
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As a mother to both biological and adopted children, I cannot share this author's dark view that adopted children are victims who suffer an injury that never heals. Her research is extensive, but mostly unscientific and anecdotal in nature. It's clear that this author has much emotional baggage, but as we all know, everyone is different and reacts to what life throws at us in different ways. If I were to take anything away from this book, it would be the importance of acknowledging the grieving
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Mar 08, 2011
Katie
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I am not quite sure how I feel about this book. I think parts of it may be useful to refer back to in the future, if and when certain issues/bumps in the road/difficulties arise- but sometimes it did feel as though the author was suggesting that all or most adopted children would go through the trauma and shock and devastating grief described in the book. In my experience knowing both adopted and adoptees, this is NOT always the case- especially not to the degree described.
I understand the More...
I understand the More...
Sep 18, 2010
Laura
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While I do agree that there is valuable information in this book, I'm having a powerful, negative reaction to it. I think the bottom line is that it seem to focus SO MUCH on the negatives of being an adopted child...all the hurt, anger, grief, loss, etc. etc. that the child experiences, and what potential adoptive parents need to do to help the child grieve the loss of their birth parents properly and move on to a better place in their lives. I don't discount this element, but in this case the
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Jan 20, 2009
Ebookwormy
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I just could not finish this book. I get it, I really do. Adopted children have a unique position in society of having a birth family and an adopted family. Adopted children need to process the loss that brought about their entry into the adopted family. Adopted families need to be respectful of birth parents. I get it. Really, I do.
Positives:
* I am starting to understand the trauma of adoption better. I don't think I would have taken this author's word for it, but reading " More...
Positives:
* I am starting to understand the trauma of adoption better. I don't think I would have taken this author's word for it, but reading " More...
Jul 27, 2011
Cindy
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I heard about this book from my BFF and the title won me over. I had to read this and understand what these twenty things are. I didn't know what to expect. Maybe #12 was 'find out about my biological parents" and #4 was "Know I love you (my adoptive parents) no matter what". I don't know yet if that's what the book says because I cannot read further than chapter two.
continued @ http://blog.yourpointismoot.com/2007/06/...
continued @ http://blog.yourpointismoot.com/2007/06/...
Jun 18, 2010
Patricia
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Good book for preparing adoptive parents to understand the life long impact of adoption. The author has unique perspectives as a woman in her 60s who was adopted as an infant. For the author the impacts have been profound and have deepened with time. Her stated goal in writing this book is to to help parents understand how their children may be feeling even when they seem well adjusted and comfortable with having been adopted.
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Jan 23, 2011
Samantha
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This was a difficult book to read but if I could I would make it required reading for all prospective adoptive parents before they bring their children home and adoptive parents if they have already adopted. It's easy for us to put our heads in the sand but if we ignore the fact that this blissful thing for us is perhaps the most painful thing in our child's life, we are doing an unfathomable disservice to our children.
Jul 25, 2008
smalls
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Very good book. Very insightfull. This is required reading for those of us in Nevada that want to adopt, but it should be required for all adoptive parents.
Glean what you can out of it. A few times she does say not all adoptive children will struggle with these issues, but it is helpful for those who do. You just never know. Unfortunately, there is so much in the book about the struggles, that you just forget that she says not all adopted children will experience these issues. More...
Glean what you can out of it. A few times she does say not all adoptive children will struggle with these issues, but it is helpful for those who do. You just never know. Unfortunately, there is so much in the book about the struggles, that you just forget that she says not all adopted children will experience these issues. More...
Aug 23, 2010
Emily
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This book is a bit terrifying! An advocate of the primal wound theory of adoption... (that all adopted children have a primal wound from the loss of their birthmother), Eldridge presents a list of feelings and situations that could be important to an adopted child. She emphasizes that not every child will experience all of them, they are just things to look out for.
Most of the book revolves around the "hidden loss" of the adoptee. The author advocates for being very open More...
Most of the book revolves around the "hidden loss" of the adoptee. The author advocates for being very open More...
Jan 26, 2009
Sarah
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I think I learned a few things from it, but it seemed heavily weighted towards the "primal wound" theory and seemed to assume that every adopted child must necessarily have big time issues. It will be interesting to see if my perspective changes as my kids grow up and start wrestling with their identities.
Jun 17, 2010
Lisa
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A lot of good information about dealing with adoption loss, but possibly a bit too much on the negative side. Until we go through it ourselves, I don't know how accurate it was. It will be very helpful information if our child/children are dealing with the problems listed in the book, but I have enjoyed the books that present both the good and bad sides of adoption more.
Oct 04, 2011
Allie
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This book had a lot of good suggestions for adoptive parents, and also a lot that I didn't agree with. Some things in here went against common sense. Overall, it's worth at least a cursory read to pull out the nuggets of wisdom and think about some issues that you might not have thought of before.
Dec 18, 2010
Julie
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This was not my favorite adoption - it made it sound like every adopted child would go through agonizing issues, which I don't believe is true. I do want to be prepared for what my children may face as adoptees, but I think we don't need to paint them all with a picture of doom and gloom.
Feb 17, 2009
Melissa
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The rating on this was hard. It had a lot of good information, but seemed to be written from the perspective of a very bitter adoptee. It was quite negative. But I did learn a lot from it. I am learning that adopted children have A LOT of ANGST, quite though it may be.
Sep 17, 2009
Amy
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Good book, if a bit god-heavy (though that is the author's stated approach to life). It addresses the information in a way that is affirming, for me as an adoptee, while addressing how adoptive parents may need to think to understand their children.
Apr 14, 2009
Jamie
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I am adopted. I have lived this life. I think that the author makes very good points and anyone considering adoption should read this book. However, I don't think that every adopted child has all of these issues. I think that the author is going over board, and she is blaming every issue she ever had on the fact that she was adopted as an infant and knew about it. I was in the same position and I realize as a grown adult that not everything stemmed from my adoption. I really think that the only
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Nov 23, 2009
Darcie
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I found this book to be written from a bitter perspective. The author is an adoptee herself and she didn't seem to have the best experience. It was really hard to get through and to have keep a positive attitude as well.
Apr 09, 2010
Erika
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I was saddened by the struggles mention by adoptees in this book, however most were related to not being open and honest about where/how they came into their families. Some good "other side" advice in here, however.
May 16, 2011
Sheryl
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Definitively a must read for Adoptive Parents. She gives a lot of insight and direction on how to handle some tough stuff. If you have adopted or planning to this is worth a read.
Oct 05, 2010
Lisa
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I've read and re-read to remind myself that an adopted child views and thinks differently than the adopted parents. A must for your night stand and a book you will always refer to.
Oct 10, 2009
Joanna
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The author was adopted, and is clearly still upset about it. The book has a lot of good things to consider, but is kind of negative and discouraging for prospective adoptive parents.
Nov 30, 2010
Jennifer
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This book is helpful for anyone planning on adopting. I could relate to a lot of the statements made.
I don't think it should be limited to just adoptive parents. I think grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. should all peruse this book.
I don't think it should be limited to just adoptive parents. I think grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. should all peruse this book.
Dec 27, 2009
Gregory
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Essential reading for every adoptive parent. Pastors should also read it, in order to minister more effectively to adopted children.
Dec 04, 2008
Jenny
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Anyone in the adoption "extended network" should read this. Informative, full of stories with a broad range of experiences.
Feb 26, 2009
Anji
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I read this book thinking it would be helpful but it only left me frustrated and a little bugged. Way too psychoanalytical. The whole "empowereing the child to gain a sense of mastery over the choas and woundedness from her past" and "help them over their sense of guilt and shame." What? I really hope not all adopted children feel this way. I think I will just go back to doing what I have been doing. It seems to be working so far.
Jun 25, 2008
azn-choi
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"I love you" means something very special and very concrete. It means that I surround you with the feeling that allows you-perhaps requires you-to be everything you really are as a human being at that moment. When my love is fullest, you are most fully you. You may be good, or bad, or both; tender or angry, or both; but you are you, which is the very most I could ever ask or expect. And so I experience you in all your beauty and all your ugliness. But you, not what I expect, or want, o
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