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I Suck at Girls
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I Suck at Girls

3.78  ·  Rating Details ·  15,208 Ratings  ·  1,644 Reviews
"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."

Fans of the #1 bestseller 'Sh*t My Dad Says' will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The s
Hardcover, 180 pages
Published 2012 by HarperCollins
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Short, funny anecdotal story on dating -- including a father's perspective.....(or advice?)

I picked up this audio from Hoopla after having recently finished Sh*t My Dad Says and being fairly entertained. The style of the book was similar, but the focus was more on Justin's dating experiences and included some of his father's commentary. Parts of the story were laugh out loud funny -- others made me cringe as I remember some of that awkwardness of the teenage years.

The audio continued on with the
Jan 31, 2017 Anne rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I haven't read Sh*t My Dad Says yet, so I have yet to decide for myself if that one is funnier than this. However, my 16 year old son read this one and loved it, begged me to get Halpern's first book, and then said it was boring & DNF'd it.


I'm thinking that may be because no matter what age a guy is, he can relate to girls and the suckage that follows in their wake.
Sorry, fellas...


If it makes you fellas feel better, we ladies have just as hard a time trying to figure out what the hell to do
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
Find all of my reviews at:

I Suck At Girls is Justin Halpern's sophomore novel, and the inspiration behind the short-lived television show Surviving Jack. I began watching said T.V. show for one reason . . .

Commercial Photography

According to my family we all wanted to watch it because the commercials were so funny and made the show look entertaining, but . . . nope. I just wanted to spend 30 minutes looking at Christopher Meloni.

Turns out the show was pretty funny too . . .

Commercial Photography

It's a
Jason Koivu
Jan 12, 2017 Jason Koivu rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor, autobiography
I actually enjoyed this more than Justin Halpern's famous Shit My Dad Says. Probably I took to it because it speaks to me on a personal level. I was an unfortunate participant in my own version of so many of the embarrassing moments of adolescence described herein. Also, it has a lot of bathroom/locker room humor and part of my brain is still 13.

The book takes you from lil' Justin's first revelations on the concept of sex right up to his proposal of marriage. It felt like more of an autobio than
Nov 16, 2016 Kelli rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audio
Justin Halpern may suck at girls but one thing he does not suck at is choosing a good narrator. The narration here was superb, from the crotchety dad (the undisputed funniest part of the book) to the numerous Saturday Night Live skit-worthy girl voices. High comedy! But without question the best achievement was getting that perfect incredulous tone every time Justin said "What?" The number of times someone said something so out of left field, confusing, or totally inappropriate to Justin through ...more
I guess I must rather enjoy sophomoric humor of this nature, sometimes, as I was laughing hysterically at many of the lines. The one about when one door closes, another opens, almost gave my husband a fit.

So yes, this is reeeeally funny, and the many voices of the talented audio narrator adds a lot as well. The father sounds very curmudgeonly, one of his Little League pals sounds like Eric Cartman, and the teenage girl voices are all amusing, with some sounding like Jimmy Fallon's "Ew" girl. Ver
Nov 17, 2016 Matthew rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is crass but hits close to that cynical home in most boys hearts. I listened to it - which I recommend you do at 1.5x as it made the voices the narrator did much better.

I laughed out loud - nearby motorists probably thought I was crazy. I didn't want to get out of the car when I got home or to work. Because of that, 5 stars all the way!
May 29, 2012 John rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: humorists, Twitter followers
Recommended to John by: Justin Halpern
Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's I Suck at Girls to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.

You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

I Suck at Girls

Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes t

3.5 stars

Justin Halpern's book 'Sh*t My Dad Says' is very funny, so when this memoir was recommended on Goodreads I decided to listen to the audio version. Halpern's anecdotes about incidents in his life - ranging from childhood through early adulthood - are very entertaining. Justin's dad again contributes some priceless bon mots, but most of the yarns focus on the author himself.

I'll give some examples of stories in the book.

Nine-year-old Justin, hearing about sex from a friend, gets worried
After loving the random tweets from Justin Halpern I was ecstatic to read his debut full-length novel. Sh*t My Dad Says was absolutely hilarious and had me laughing profusely. Clearly, I was on board for anything else this man came out with.

Unfortunately it was a pretty huge disappointment as far as what I was anticipating. I Suck at Girls chronicles the authors bad experiences with girls which dates back to his early childhood. Obviously the intention of these stories is humor; however, I ended
Sep 22, 2012 Deb rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
**But he doesn’t suck at writing.**
Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justin’s writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m happy for
Natalie Monroe
"'When you're sweet on a woman, you do crazy shit. It happens. You ain't used to feeling that way about somebody.'

'I feel that way sometimes about Mom,' I said.

'What? No, you don't. Jesus, that's the creepiest goddamn thing you've ever said to me.'

I read that little tidbit on the subway and snorted so loud I alarmed my neighbors. I'm sure by the time I got off, half of them were convinced I was watching porn (because when I wasn't laughing, I was grinning like a deranged clown) or suffering fro
May 23, 2012 Shay rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Basically, this book is about Halpern's (mostly non-existent or solo) love life from his teen years through proposing to his girlfriend. In his first book, Sh*t My Dad Says , his father was the star. The guy with the best and funniest lines. The same is true in I Suck at Girls- he's clearly riding on dad's coat tails.

Like many wives, I'm always trying to get my husband to read more. That's the reason I bought Halpern's first book. It seemed like such a "guy" book. The same is true of this book w
Medeia Sharif
May 15, 2012 Medeia Sharif rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2012
In I SUCK AT GIRLS, Halpern details childhood and adulthood incidents with the opposite sex. As the title promises, there’s plenty of awkwardness, some of it sweet since the author finds the love of his life. I was also glad to see Halpern’s father in the book, with his foul mouth and words of wisdom. It’s a hilarious read and I loved it just as much as Halpern’s first book, SH*T MY DAD SAYS. The saying “truth is stranger than fiction” can be applied to Halpern's work.
May 19, 2012 Holly rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed Justin Halpern's first book S*it My Dad Says and found the humor in that book the be witty, direct and, although very cutting, often very insightful. So, I was eager to read this one.

In this book, the author has recently decided to propose to his girlfriend. Having told no one of this plan, he goes to the one person who he knows will tell him, directly, what he thinks. His father doesn't skip a beat, tells him to wait a day and spend that time reflecting on everything he's lear
Jun 02, 2012 Michael rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2012
When Justin Halpern decides the time has come to propose to his girlfriend, Amanda, he takes his father to lunch to discuss the decision and look for some fatherly wisdom and/or advice.

For most of us, this would be fairly normal. But Justin's dad is the dad from S*** My Dad Says. After his father points out that the news shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, he then challenges Justin to take a moment and reflect on his various relationships with women before he makes the momentous move. Justin tak
Aug 27, 2012 Megan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
With some funny moments that got me to chuckle aloud - in public, even - some well-learned (if not terribly profound) insights, and his father's trademarked style of expression, this book has a lot to offer. I'd rate it higher if there was more of it. I finished it in under 2 hours, and it seems like Halpern is intelligent and contemplative enough to come up with more than this. Certainly, he could have told us more about his relationship with Amanda, the woman at whom he finally, apparently, do ...more
Jo Ann
Not quite as humorous as Halpern's first memoir. This one focuses on Justin's love life or lack of one. It's a little on the juvenile side, but still a funny light hearted read. Just wish there had been more of his father's outrageously raw words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure anyone passing by me in the car while listening to this thinks there is something wrong with me. So damn funny.
Leslie  (Basesloaded32)
May 29, 2016 Leslie (Basesloaded32) rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2016
I really enjoyed this maybe even more than S--t My Dad Says. It is kind of a story telling of Justin's struggle with women though the years. I paid 5 bucks for it and I would do it all over again.
Jul 11, 2012 Angelc rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
You may have heard of another book by this author, "S*** My Dad Says." The book started as a Twitter feed, became a best selling book, and then became a tv show staring William Shatner. A lot of this book is more "S*** My Dad Says" but there is a lot about the author's experiences in dating too.

The advice and snippets that the author's dad actually says is awesome. It's so quick witted and funny, and most rings true. However, I think the snippets might be better as actual snippets, such as quick
Nov 05, 2012 KOMET rated it it was amazing
This was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. It begins when the author treats his dad out to lunch and tells him he's decided to marry his girlfriend. His father's response:
"You've been dating her for four years"..."It ain't like you found a parallel f--k-ng universe."

The author's father goes on to advise him to take a day off and reflect on everything he's learned about women, relationships, and himself before coming to a decision. Thereupon the author takes us on a trip throug
Abrar Shafie
Justin is ridiculously funny. and a good writer, obviously. his writing makes the punchline even funnier.

but enough with jokes.
somewhere along the second-last and the last story, i secretly hope that he will find a perfect woman for his sake (and of course he did). And after finished reading it, I smiled and know that what he experienced is probably how most of us will go through (well, except having a bunch of "advises" from his dad).

oh, only 3 stars because i prefer "Shit My Dad Says" than thi
Oct 04, 2016 Chipo rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Initially gave this a 4 because I love Justin's dad since Sh*t my dad says, and it's a good book. But realized a LOT is missing. What caused their big break up with Amanda? How did he resolve it enough to know she's the one? Or maybe that was besides the point of the book but I just wanted the book to be longer.
Still hilarious though
Julianne Stueben
Nov 25, 2015 Julianne Stueben rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I loved Shit My Dad Says and this was also pretty good! This was more stories rather than quotes like the first book but good nonetheless :) glad it ended well too
Mar 06, 2013 Krista rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie Bun
Larry Hoffer
Building on the success of his Twitter feed, best-selling book, and short-lived television series, Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern is back to reflect on his lack of success with women, which he can trace back to an early age. When he takes his father out to lunch to confide that he is planning to propose to his girlfriend of four years, Justin's father replies (as only he can), "You've been dating her for four years. It ain't like you found a parallel f--king universe."

Eventually, his father re
A few years back I read the author's previous book Sh!t My Dad Says and loved it. I thought it was hilarious outrageous, witty and gritty so when I saw that Justin Halpern had a second book out I knew I had to read it.

I Suck at Girls was yet another hilarious book where Justin Halpern dishes on his personal life and is filled with wonderfully sage advice from his father who is in his mid-seventies who tells it like it is whether people want to hear it or not.

In I Suck at Girls we get an even m
Feb 14, 2013 Susan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I was happily surprised with this book, and in fact thought it was much funnier and better written than 'Sh*t My Dad Says'. It shows his gruff old geezer dead actually has a soft heart. When Justin told him he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, he had some great advice."I took a day and I sat and thought about all the things I had learned about myself, and about women, up to that point in my life. Just sat and thought.I may have smoked marijuana as well.Anyway, at the end of the day, I took st ...more
3.5 stars

A humorous account of a man's history of interacting with the female sex. From grade school to adulthood, Justin Halpern agonizes over the mysterious nature of girls. A number of years ago I read Shit My Dad Says and found that book to be hilarious and heartfelt in an unconventional way. In I Suck at Girls, the Dad's sage humor still figures prominently in the book. The book isn't a single story per se but a series of chronological stories exploring Justin's insecurity in talking to gir
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Overrated to the core. 6 67 May 10, 2014 05:36AM  
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I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.
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“Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.” 35 likes
“... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.” 32 likes
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