Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 2

Dec 04, 2012 Jenn(ifer) rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: giggles, gr-friends-recommend, own, read-in-2012, short-shorts, you-should-read-this, my-reviews-that-dont-suck, awesomely-weird

Top ten reasons why you should read this book:

10. It has the coolest cover art I’ve seen all year! Reminds me of that scene in Gravity’s Rainbow with the octopus, you know the scene, right? Ok, wrong crowd.
9. The filler stories aren’t very long. Wait a second, what am I saying? There are no filler stories! Every story in this book is amazing! You will love them all!
8. It answers all of the BIG QUESTIONS! From evolution to heaven to the propagation of the species, this book has it all!
7. There’s...more

36 likes · like · see review

Nov 26, 2012 David Katzman rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Fans of light beach reads about octopus-zombie-maggot sex

Recommended to David by: Arthur Graham

Bizarro. What is it? Where is it? When is it and whycuz it? Who did what now and to whom? And most importantly, where is my bean sprout sandwich? Did I eat it? Will it return to haunt me in the near future?

I will attempt to answer none of these questions in this review. In fact, this review is currently out of order.

~~pkuhdflkjasfkjs~~

Some stuff about this book. It has 15 short stories in it. They are quick to read! Speedy! Fast is an important quality in the book realm. No one likes a book that ove...more

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Oct 04, 2012 Arthur Graham rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

An eclectic mix of weird/bizarre fiction, guaranteed to tickle from your toenails to your temporal lobe, from your meninges to your metatarsals. Elements of horror, sci-fi, and noir serve to imbue this anthology with more crossover appeal than might be expected from most bizarro collections.

THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID by Eirik Gumeny

There simply aren't that many jobs available to boys with octopus heads in today's economy. The world's top porn star finds his true calling in this twisted tale...more

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Feb 21, 2013 Frances rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: reviewed

Miriam posted this totally random photo, the artist is apparently a high school student. I sure hope you guys are not influencing our impressionable yutes with your brain bile.

description

______________

This review will be rated NC-17. I posted this as a comment on Danger
Slater's review and figured I'd add it here since it is a review, after all.

Having recently completed this fine piece of pseudo (albeit tame) pornography, I agree that naming a BEST is hard. All of the stories have a climax. Choosing maste...more

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Dec 28, 2012 Bob Milne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizarre-extreme

Like most short story collections in the Bizarro genre, Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 2 is uneven, but always original. There are tales that are bizarrely told, which are generally my least favourite, and those that are more traditionally told, but about bizarre things, which is where I find the appeal.

The 'hits' for me in this collection included:

The Ballad of Billy the Squid by Eirik Gumeny merges two individually bizarre ideas - a boy with a squid for a head & the fetish oddity of tent...more

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Nov 28, 2012 FabulousRaye rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, books-i-own, ebooks, reviewed

This volume is even stronger and more bizarre then it's predecessor. You'll be disappointed if you're looking for rooster or chicken stories. It contains none!

THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID
Eirick Gumany

A tale of a boy with an entire cephelopod for a head. He has an abusive upbringing, goes from washing cars to shooting porn to becoming a hit-man. Great story to start off with. I really liked it.

I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL)
Douglas Hackle

A man's "love affair" with an unkno...more

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Jan 01, 2013 Danger rated it 5 of 5 stars · (Review from the author)

Shelves: my-fucking-favorites

Full disclosure here: I have a short story in this anthology and every short story I write is pretty much THE GREATEST SHORT STORY EVER WRITTEN so right there, you have one VERY GOOD reason to spend all of your money on this book. And, in keeping with the spirit of full disclosure, this one time, when I was 19, I was at Barnes & Noble and I farted and accidentally pooped in my pants. It was horrible. I ditched my underwear in the trash can in the bathroom and went right to the self-help sect...more Full disclosure here: I have a short story in this anthology and every short story I write is pretty much THE GREATEST SHORT STORY EVER WRITTEN so right there, you have one VERY GOOD reason to spend all of your money on this book. And, in keeping with the spirit of full disclosure, this one time, when I was 19, I was at Barnes & Noble and I farted and accidentally pooped in my pants. It was horrible. I ditched my underwear in the trash can in the bathroom and went right to the self-help section. My life has been a constant uphill battle back to normalcy ever since.

So when I sat down to review this book, I was originally gonna do that thing where I review each story one by one, giving my thoughts and opinions on each tale individually. But then I had this thought:

Most of the contributors to Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 2 are active members on Goodreads, right? So they’re going to see what I have to say about their work, correct? They're out there as I type, eagerly anticipating what I - one of their professional peers - have to say about the words, characters and plots they've toiled over for hours and hours of their ever-shortening lives. WELL FUCK, MAN! THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE ON ME! For any of you people out there reading this who don’t happen to be the writers of this book let me tell you a horrible truth that binds all of us creative types together – WE ARE ALL GAPING, SOUL-SUCKING BLACK HOLES OF INSECURITY AND WE NEED CONSTANT PRAISE AND ATTENTION OR ELSE WE WITHER AND DIE LIKE THE ILL-FED INSECTS WE ENVISION OURSELVES TO BE! So I know from personal experience that no amount of complimentary words I can craft celebrating the fine authors that make up this anthology will be enough to sate their out-of-control egos. And in my mind I can see them all sitting there at home, the glow of their computer screens casting their faces in pallid blues, their wide and expectant eyes glazing over as they read what I wrote and thinking “IS THIS ALL HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT ME AND MY AMAZING CONTRIBUTION TO THE PANTHEON OF WORLD LITERATURE?” Because that’s what I think. Every. Single. Time. I mean, go ahead and tell me you love me, tell me I’m hilarious, tell me I’m a good writer, interview me for you blog, write a nice review for my book, write a book LONGER than my book about how awesome my book is – AND STILL, it will never be enough. We writers, we can’t help it. It’s part of what keeps compelling us to create.

So what then? What can I say that will help quell that insatiable hunger than lurks in the heart of every artists soul?

Well...

Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 2 is a wonderful collection of frenzied and frenetic stories that encompass pretty much the entire array of human emotions and take you to realities you never thought could exist. All the stories in it are amazing. Some I loved. Some I REALLY loved. And some I even cummed on, which, in my world, is the highest honor a person/book can receive. But here’s the kicker: I’m not going to tell you which of these fantastic tales inspired the seminal drips of my literary love wand. I'm not playing favorites. I'm not choosing a winner - suffice it to say, sperm was spilled. Quite a bit, actually. And listen, Authors of this Anthology, I know that this review might disappoint you. Even right now I know your thinking “Why hasn’t he called out my work as the single shining beacon upon the ocean of words on which it rests?” I apologize for not giving you the ten-billion pats on the back you all so rightly deserve. But know this: I love you all. It is an honor to have my story in a book jam-packed with the brilliant and hilarious lot of you. So thank you all for doing what you do, and please, for the love of god, DON’T EVER STOP DOING IT.

Everyone else, please stop reading this review right now and go buy the fucking book already.(less)

12 likes · like · see review

Feb 18, 2013 NumberLord rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizarro

Another collection of bizarro tales to warp your fragile mind. Let's take a look at the book’s innards.

The Ballad of Billy the Squid - The first line sets the scene: "Scott Plammer had an octopus for a head." Since we're dealing in bizarro, you know that that line means exactly what it says. What does a man with an octopus for a head do with his life? You guessed it: move to Japan and star in tentacle porn videos. And deal his special brand of vengeance upon evil-doers.

I Think I'm in Love (Or, T...more

6 likes · like · see review

Jan 13, 2013 Lea rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizarro, read-2013, reviews

This is chock full of the seriously bizarre! There are a lot of hits and a few misses -- the truly great are five star stories, but there are a couple that aren't as good. I think each reader would probably put different stories in each of those categories -- a lot of these stories will strike a different note with different people.

There were a few real stand outs for me:

Douglas Hackle's peculiar and haunting "I Think I'm In Love (Or The Stranger In The Stall) -- initially I wasn't sure if I lik...more

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Oct 02, 2012 Etienne DeForest rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: bizarro-press

When I first saw the cover to this book I saw a girl standing in front of a circle with a squid on her face. Then I read the first story, and I saw a Japanese girl with a load on her face. (You’re just going to have to trust me on this.)

Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.

A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by...more When I first saw the cover to this book I saw a girl standing in front of a circle with a squid on her face. Then I read the first story, and I saw a Japanese girl with a load on her face. (You’re just going to have to trust me on this.)

Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.

A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee

McNee wrote the first story in Tall Tales 1. Everybody who reviewed the first one agrees, the man can write a story. Anyways, he returns us to the city of Grudge, a Diesel-Punkish world where shady clockwork characters rule, and good guys are hard to find. It reminds me of Sin City with robots. It’s good, not as amazing as his first story, but still REALLY good.

I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle

Holy crap is this funny. I don’t know how Douglas managed to get Eddie Money to do the soundtrack to this story, but I’m glad he did because it rocks. If you’ve ever wondered how sexy the guy in the stall next to you dropping a deuce is, this is the story for you.

THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater

We all know having sexual relations with a phone is dangerous, well…. It’s like using shampoo to jerk off, you think it’s going to be awesome, but the consequences are painful. Only, having sex with a phone can turn deadly…

LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol

HILARIOUS!!! This story is sooooooo funny. I don’t even know if it was good or not because I was laughing hysterically the whole time. And the title, man that has got to be the best title for a story EVER! Granted, I have the maturity level of a 12 year old so….

**These are not necessarily the stories I thought were the BEST, I tend to gravitate towards humor, so these were the ones I LIKED the most. I’m sure my top 5 is going to be different than your top 5, but you’ll have to read Tall Tales 2 to find out.**
(less)

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Dec 30, 2012 Scott Emerson rated it 3 of 5 stars

Not satisfied with its first offering of the weird and irreverent, TALL TALES WITH SHORT COCKS returns with a sloppy, slimy vengeance. Bizarro Press’ second anthology assembles 15 oddball tales chock-full of strange humor, off-the-wall imagery, and singularly bizarre concepts.

Like many multi-author collections (especially in the bizarro genre), the results are mixed, but TTaSC2’s hit-to-miss ratio is commendably solid. Highlights include Eirik Gumeny’s “The Ballad of Billy the Squid” (chroniclin...more

10 likes · like · see review

Jun 09, 2013 Gregor Xane rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

This is an anthology. I always have trouble with anthologies. I rarely read every story. But I did this time around, which, I guess, is a good sign. I liked some stories more than others, of course. Some were rather good; one was really hard to get through; most were fairly entertaining reads. Some readers might have a problem with the content: scatological, experimental, absurdist, hyper-violent, sexually perverse, and intentionally offensive and juvenile. I’m not one to be bothered by such thi...more

2 likes · like · see review

Jun 01, 2013 Byron 'Giggsy' Paul rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizzaro

Vol 2 is certainly stronger on the whole than Vol 1, and also a better introduction for a new reader to bizarro. Some stories would fit well in a non-bizarro anthology, and a few were weird but seemed a little pointless. There were stories with some less than human sexual experiences to make us rethink our bland fetishes, stories warning us of our dependence on iPhones and illegal digital downloads, and the most disturbing story I've ever read: Douglas Hackle's I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRAN...more

3 likes · like · see review

Nov 26, 2012 Etienne DeForest rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizarro-press, rooster-republic-press, bizarro, kindle-lendable

When I first saw the cover to this book I saw a girl standing in front of a circle with a squid on her face. Then I read the first story, and I saw a Japanese girl with a load on her face. (You’re just going to have to trust me on this.)

Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.

A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by...more When I first saw the cover to this book I saw a girl standing in front of a circle with a squid on her face. Then I read the first story, and I saw a Japanese girl with a load on her face. (You’re just going to have to trust me on this.)

Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.

A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee

McNee wrote the first story in Tall Tales 1. Everybody who reviewed the first one agrees, the man can write a story. Anyways, he returns us to the city of Grudge, a Diesel-Punkish world where shady clockwork characters rule, and good guys are hard to find. It reminds me of Sin City with robots. It’s good, not as amazing as his first story, but still REALLY good.

I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle

Holy crap is this funny. I don’t know how Douglas managed to get Eddie Money to do the soundtrack to this story, but I’m glad he did because it rocks. If you’ve ever wondered how sexy the guy in the stall next to you dropping a deuce is, this is the story for you.

THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater

We all know having sexual relations with a phone is dangerous, well…. It’s like using shampoo to jerk off, you think it’s going to be awesome, but the consequences are painful. Only, having sex with a phone can turn deadly…

LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol

HILARIOUS!!! This story is sooooooo funny. I don’t even know if it was good or not because I was laughing hysterically the whole time. And the title, man that has got to be the best title for a story EVER! Granted, I have the maturity level of a 12 year old so….

**These are not necessarily the stories I thought were the BEST, I tend to gravitate towards humor, so these were the ones I LIKED the most. I’m sure my top 5 is going to be different than your top 5, but you’ll have to read Tall Tales 2 to find out.**(less)

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Dec 02, 2012 Donald Armfield rated it 5 of 5 stars · (Review from the author)

Shelves: bizarro, short-stories, author, own, rooster-republic

I have a short story in this anthology. To All of the other authors in this book. I think we made a kickass book. And like Danger Slater said "Long Live The Cock" Here are my ratings for all the stories. Mine gets 5 Stars because I am a bias prick.

The Ballad of Billy The Squid porno star, to many man rods for me. 3 STARS

Douglas Hackle's Bathroom stall love story (kinda) is another reason why I don't use public restrooms. 4 STARS

A Hand walks into a Bar title sounds like the start of a joke. If bo...more

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Jun 02, 2013 David rated it 5 of 5 stars

I'm loving this series of books more each volume I check out. I've run out for the moment, so there is no more until whenever the fourth volume comes out. Even after three volumes, I'm not seeing anything repetitive. Each story is a creature all it's own, yet the series has a cohesive feel. There is just something free and vital about this kind of writing, and this volume (as well as the whole series) makes excellent use of that. I'm not sure I could pick a favorite, or even a favorite volume in...more

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Jan 23, 2013 Joe Jablonski rated it 4 of 5 stars

Worth the price. There were few stories I didn't make very far into, which might have turned out to been fine tales had I not such a short attention span, but overall, a very good read. The highlights for me were: I think I'm love by Douglas Hackle, the Apple of my iPhone by Danger Slater, and Cycle of Life by James Steele.

3 likes · like · see review

Jun 06, 2013 Korin marked it as to-read

Jun 03, 2013 Melanie Catchpole marked it as to-read

May 27, 2013 Elise marked it as to-read

May 27, 2013 K.M. marked it as to-read

May 15, 2013 Nikola Djokic marked it as to-read

May 10, 2013 Rand marked it as to-read

May 03, 2013 Susan marked it as to-read

Apr 24, 2013 Jeremy Dick marked it as to-read

Apr 23, 2013 Drez marked it as to-read

Apr 21, 2013 Lara Biyuts marked it as to-read

Apr 11, 2013 Joseph-Daniel Peter Paul Abondius marked it as to-read

Apr 05, 2013 Barbara marked it as to-read

Shelves: horror-splatterpunk-bizarro-fiction

Apr 02, 2013 Sarah marked it as to-read

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